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Crawling Back

Old 02-02-2010, 08:13 AM
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Crawling Back

Feel so ashamed coming back here. Although I never made it more than a few days sober, I was still trying. Then I gave up. So over the last year I started smoking weed again (over a year without), drinking every night, living through my hellish hangovers and slipping deep into debt as the US economy tanked.

I have an amazing 10 month old son and devoted wife who have no idea how much I drink and how much I owe.

I feel like the character from 'Crime and Punishment' telling lie after lie and crushing myself with shame and guilt.

I didn't drink or smoke yesterday but I did take Xanax. My hole is deep, my rope is thin and I feel all alone.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:21 AM
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SoBearish,

Although I am very early on in my recovery, thanks so much for coming back and thanks so much for being so transparant in your post.

I, too, have young kids and a very loving, supportive wife. You taking this first step is huge and I can't thank you enough for being here.

FWIW, some of the most devoted, sober members I've met in AA had numerous relapses before they got sober. This is not to justify relapsing but just to remind you that there is HOPE and you NEVER have to take another drink or smoke weed ever again.

As a last note, there are many, many non-addictive medications that can help you in your recovery. I would just urge you to see your doctor or a psychiatrist that specializes in substance abuse recovery as it has really helped me.

Thanks for being here and I wish you all the best.

RacerX
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:26 AM
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Hi. I don't think I was here when you were, but still welcome back.
Don't be ashamed, be proud. Many probably stay away because they feel ashamed and won't try and recover again. You do!
If the Xanax has been prescribed, then maybe an open talk with your doctor is due. You might need it for your recovery, but only he/she can decide.
I haven't got much advise on your debt situation (I have my own ), but you know your wife best on how she will react. I think it's always a good idea to be honest, especially when it will take more than just you to fix it. Good luck and let us know how you are keeping.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:30 AM
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Welcome back! Keep trying. It is possible to get and stay sober. Take it one day at a time. Just don't drink today. Repeat tomorrow. Seek help in quitting anywhere you can get it: here, AA, another recovery program - anywhere you can find it. You can do this. Start today.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:33 AM
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I know it may seem like your problems are insurmountable right now, but many of us have found that by getting sober and working a program of recovery, we became able to manage our finances and get our lives back on track. Welcome back
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Old 02-02-2010, 09:46 AM
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Don't resist, allow
 
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Hi and welcome back. There is nothing to be ashamed off, we've been there. You are not alone.

Are you thinking of going to AA this time?
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Old 02-02-2010, 01:47 PM
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Welcome back SoBearish

The first step to finding the way out is...to stop. Then find support to stay stopped.
It needn't be any more complicated than that for now

D
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:04 PM
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Gee.....get off the floor.....and out the door
time to quit drinking and drugging.....

It's obvious that ever you did before to stop did not click.
Many of us had to keep trying before we were sucessful.

Blessings to you and your family
Welcome back to SR
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:12 PM
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Hi SoBearish - great to see you here once again. It sounds like you are through poisoning yourself & are now ready for a new life. I know you can do it, because I finally did after over 25 yrs. of almost daily drinking. Please keep posting & let us know how you are.
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