Matters of the Heart(positively non-medical)

Old 01-15-2010, 04:34 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,652
Hi Robobrain and Rdav74
Welcome to you both

I think loneliness is a thing alot of us have to face in recovery. My entire social circle was made up of hard core drinkers - I made the choice to leave that group for my health and my recovery.

I think too that the physical process of recovering from years of addiction can play havoc with our emotions. What we're feeling may not be entirely what we're feeling...Check out PAWs.

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma

I was lucky like Anna - I literally stumbled in here, and helping people helped me.

It gave meaning back to my life and stopped me from obsessing about myself, which is something I did for many years.

I was lonely for a lot of years - for me a lot of that was me isolating myself. I see now the benefits in reaching out.

That was my solution - I hope both of you can find yours.

I'm not in AA, but I happen to agree with the idea that newly recovered people shouldn't rush headlong into new relationships - I know for myself I had NO idea who I was in the beginning, and who I thought I was changed from week to week.

I thought then, and I still think now, to bring someone else into that rollercoaster ride is kinda unfair.

I needed that alone time (which is different from being lonely) to heal and to start knowing myself...otherwise I might be using someone else as a alternative to getting to my deeper issues, in the same way I used drugs.

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Old 01-15-2010, 06:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
and helping people helped me. It gave meaning back to my life and stopped me from obsessing about myself, D
Thank You Dee. Oh the dreadful "Bondage of Self"..

In the noon meeting today this guy said "My life is boring. It's like watching the same movie over and over again. All day. Every day. Guess who the main character is?"
Sadly, I almost fell out of my chair laughing in relation...

It's like a success tip Dale Carnegie gives in one of his books:
"Take a genuine and sincere interest in other people..."
Other people? Are you joking? Do you know how hard this is for a guy like me to do? Do you even know how much pain I have to endure before my self-centered mind even considers this idea?
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Old 01-15-2010, 08:45 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Location: Serene In Dixie
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robobrain...Welcome ..

Have you considered doing volunteer work?
That's a good way to meet people be of service
and get more social too.

You could take public transportation
as you can't drive just now...

I also found an AA group with mostly singles
in early sobreity We did all sorts of
things other than meetings.
D.C. did have public transportation too.

Hope you find your answers....

Last edited by CarolD; 01-15-2010 at 09:00 PM.
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Old 03-15-2010, 03:50 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Saint Louis
Posts: 10
Thanks to everyone

For sharing your experience, strength, and hope.

Things are quite a bit better for me now, although I'm still single, the promises are happening in my life, and things feel so much better.

More specifically to Carol, (and everyone that suggested community service/public transit) helping others has helped me, and I do find that taking a sincere interest in someone else usually pulls me out of the committee in my head.

As for the Public Transit, there really isn't much of that around me, but I've been getting to meetings with a little help from my friends, getting to work, other than that it's still a work in progress, but I'm sure if I'm meant to be someplace, I will be there.

Thanks again,

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Old 03-15-2010, 04:10 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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good to see you again robobrain

I'm so glad things are moving in the right direction for you
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Old 03-15-2010, 04:37 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 88
becoming sober is a whole life change & you're probably very unfamiliar with it. most of us have seen friends & acquaintances drop like flies. do you have family? any friends who support you?

"Take a genuine and sincere interest in other people..."

good advice. for me, since i quit drinking, it is & has been very fulfilling to leave my own little world at least for awhile & put my focus on trying to help others. "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."

i get so lonely i start feeling sorry for myself. then i remember that for all the hardships, this is still the life that God has called me to, and while sometimes it can seem almost TOO desolate & isolated, despairing over it is only saying that i dont want it. rather than focusing my energy on self pity, i instead try to redirect it toward improving myself, so that i can improve the good, healthy relationships i do still have & the lives of those around me which i touch, inevitably
“Only a life lived for others is worth living”.

im trying to learn how to replace the false & temporary fulfillment of partying ways & partying friends with a new & very different kind of relationship with the remaining people around me, and it takes more effort on my part but is definitely more worthwhile. for me also its been a long, slow, difficult process, which sometimes overwhelms me but its getting better all the time......

i hope this makes sense & helps
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