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Old 01-14-2010, 09:30 AM
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Hello...

New guy here on the forum. I decided 2010 I was going to turn over a new leaf in my life. I want to be sober the entire year. I have struggled with drinking ever since I was in my late teens. I am now 30 years old. I control my drinking ok during my work week, but on my days off of work I am downing beers and binge drinking to get drunk.

Now it feels like any free day I have that I dont work I need to get drunk...

Anyway 14 days sober... and having some cravings and thoughts... decided to join in here, talk with others and get some support..

Take care
Bear
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Old 01-14-2010, 09:34 AM
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Congrats! For being 14 days sober and having personal insight. I didn't get it myself until 35. The last five years being a train wreck. I hope you're able to do 90 in 90 (ninety meetings in ninety days). You've found your family. all 2,865,236 of them ;-)
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Old 01-14-2010, 09:52 AM
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I can relate, Bear. This was me for many years before my alcoholism really got out of hand. I'd make a decision every year (or month or week or day as it progressed). And I believed it also. Thought this time would be different. Thought I'd finally had a sufficient wake up call.

The problem for me was, I couldn't manage that decision. I could decide all I wanted, but until I became willing (through desperation) to follow that decision with action, nothing much changed for me. That mental obsession was there, and the new found joy of short term sobriety wore off. Life started sucking and a drink started making sense.

AA's Big Book talks about alcoholics repeating that cycle over and over again. And unless I could experience an entire psychic change like it talks about, I was doomed to keep repeating it. That was exactly my experience. Over and over.

When I couldn't go on like that, when I could no longer believe the lie, when I was hopeless, I got willing to take the necessary actions to have that psychic change.

I haven't had a drink since then, and my life has been fulfilled beyond my expectations.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:19 AM
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Keith, you hit the nail on the head my man... described me to a tee... I have my motivation but when my new found sobriety kind of wears off I justify drinking any number of ways then I am right back at it... getting smashed.. Then I am devastated and regretting my decision and it takes a few months to get the motivation to stop again... several years I have been doing this. Been sober for 2 months in a row, that is my record.

I am going to look into AA's big book. Last night the urge hit me real hard... I started telling myself. I have been doing well, I dont work tomorrow, I can use alcohol responsibly... My wife (God Bless Her) and I talked and I was diverted from drinking.

I may go to an AA meeting as well. I have never been to one and am extremely nervous. I would have to travel out of town as well... this is because of personal reasons I dont want to get into here

Can you give me a brief rundown of the change you went through that actually broke your cycle.

I actually feel that I can control my drinking enough that I will never hit a true bottom... I will just continue to slowly kill myself and never truely be happy..
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Old 01-14-2010, 11:32 AM
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Hi Bear and welcome. Congratulations on getting sober. AA is a good way to staying sober. Everyone who goes to a first meeting is nervous....and if it has to be out of town, then there is nothing wrong with that.

Keep in touch.
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Old 01-14-2010, 11:47 AM
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Welcome bear

Congratulations on the 2 weeks... it's not easy I know. Keep going forward, keep coming here.


Take care,
TB
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Old 01-14-2010, 12:27 PM
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Well, Bear, the BB describes that cycle of sober for a short time/drunk again, like this, based on the observations of a doctor at a fancy detox center.

Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed
After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
And then later that book asks the questions:

Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
So I ask myself, why do I behave like that? I had enough experience with drinking, and my abnormal tendency to not control how much I drank, to know almost exactly what the consequences of my drinking would be. I decided those consequences could not be tolerated. I couldn't live with those consequences. But, I kept picking up that first drink. And those consequences kept happening.

Why would I do that? I know what's going to happen. I'm not an idiot. I've got willpower in other regards. Why would I do that knowing full well what happens to me?

Originally Posted by AA BB, 1st
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
Am I really powerless? All I had to do was try not to drink and see how that made me feel. I was restless, irritable, and discontent until I could drink again. And then I'd pick up. So, yes, I'm powerless. The book goes on to tell me

Originally Posted by AA BB, 1st
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
So, Bear, the BB is a set of specific, precise directions for getting that power in your life that will solve your problem. It's a manual for having a complete psychic change. Without that change, I'm doomed to keep repeating the insanity of the first drink.

At a good meeting, you can identify with others who have been caught in that cycle. It will sound true to you because it's very similar to your own experience. It will resonate. And, hopefully, at a good meeting, you will hear how others broke out of that cycle. How they overcame it by having a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 Steps.

For me personally, I started on the path to being recovered by a moment of clear realization that all of the consequences I was experiencing were not sufficient to make me stop drinking. It didn't matter exactly what those consequences were. Mine were fairly rough (legal, financial, marital). Others were not as bad. Some were worse. The truth hit me, though, that those consequences would never sober me up.

I knew without doubt what would happen if I kept drinkng, and I knew I would keep drinking. I was screwed. Life sucked to the point of being unlivable, and there was zero prospect for it ever getting better. So I asked a guy who had recovered from the same thing to show me how to follow the directions in that BB. I took the steps and I recovered. Booze hasn't been a problem for me for quite some time now.

So the rundown was surrender, and step by step with a guy who had been through it himself. Nothing special in the action. Miraculous in the result.
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Old 01-14-2010, 01:08 PM
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Good stuff Keith,

Gave me a lot to think about ...

Thank you very much...
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Old 01-14-2010, 01:13 PM
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Bear, have you tried to quit (rather: have you decided to not drink again) before?

What is your experience with saying you aren't going to drink and either sticking with it (as you have for 2 weeks) or changing your mind?
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Old 01-14-2010, 01:17 PM
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Hi Bear, welcome to SR this is a great place to get support 24/7 and just chat about what you're going through. Congrats on 14 days. I found reading the BB and truly being honest w/myself and practicing the steps to be a God send. Don't drink and keep posting.
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Old 01-14-2010, 01:35 PM
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Welcome! Glad you are here. Congrats on 14 days!
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:06 PM
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Welcome to SR Bear64

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Old 01-14-2010, 03:46 PM
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Bear,

Congratulation on 14 days and reaching out for support. Glad to see your focused on the "not drinking" part of the problem.

I've been sober a few years. But I did not get sober my first year in recovery. It took me a year to become convinced of what kiethj has so eloquently summarized for you above.

The disease would tell me:
OK I believe that might be the case for some.
OK some of it may be true for me.
OK but I still have some control over it.
OK but "what if", and "yeah but", and "......."

Today I know my alcoholism can put up one hell of a convincing fight in it's own self-preservation. But I wish I would have read what he states above much more often. It surely would have helped even the battlefield.
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