Keith, you hit the nail on the head my man... described me to a tee... I have my motivation but when my new found sobriety kind of wears off I justify drinking any number of ways then I am right back at it... getting smashed.. Then I am devastated and regretting my decision and it takes a few months to get the motivation to stop again... several years I have been doing this. Been sober for 2 months in a row, that is my record.
I am going to look into AA's big book. Last night the urge hit me real hard... I started telling myself. I have been doing well, I dont work tomorrow, I can use alcohol responsibly... My wife (God Bless Her) and I talked and I was diverted from drinking.
I may go to an AA meeting as well. I have never been to one and am extremely nervous. I would have to travel out of town as well... this is because of personal reasons I dont want to get into here
Can you give me a brief rundown of the change you went through that actually broke your cycle.
I actually feel that I can control my drinking enough that I will never hit a true bottom... I will just continue to slowly kill myself and never truely be happy..