Partners & Getting Clean

Old 12-23-2009, 08:44 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland OR
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Partners & Getting Clean

Good Evening SRC & Friends...=0)

So yet again I am here to ask for all for your experiences & support

My partner of 7 years has been clean for the good part of 6 years from a Cocaine addiction which he totally hid from me the 1st year of our relationship - He was a heavy user & would sneak off to the bathroom & I had no experience with the drug so I am sure it was that MUCH easier to keep me in the dark - Well when I did discover the "problem" I put it to him point blank " My father was an addict & Cocaine was his DOC & I do NOT want to be with anyone who wants to lead that sort of life" (I at the time was not using nor abusing any substances) - He made the decision to get clean and went through terrible withdrawals for a couple days, Which I nursed him through the whole process & he has been clean ever since.

And I never made him feel like less of a person for it either.

Well now that I have been through my journey with abusing opiates & currently getting & staying clean, Yes I did things that strained our relationship, which I have acknowledged, accepted responsibility for & apologized immensely for almost to a fault & yet he has issued me this "life sentence" - instead of talking to me or asking me how things are going he just simply ignores me & its not for the lack of trying on my part - I don't know what to do - I get he is angry, frustrated & pissed but at some point it's like you have Just get over it or cut it loose - I feel almost like he looks at me as a "weak person" for even letting myself get to the point I was at -

So my question is - What experiences did you have with a partner or spouse after getting clean ?
Did you find that once you were clean that things were just too damaged to fix ?

And as I am sure many will say he should go to a meeting for "Loved" ones of addicts to understand the disease and what not - but he wont go, he works in an amazing hospital in town & he would fear being seen at one of these meetings & he would be marked with the "scarlet" letter & tarnish his "outstanding" reputation if anyone were to find out his GF was a recovering addict

Thank You for Your support in Advance
I hope everyone is doing well - <3 TC
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:53 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,558
hi TC

I'm very lucky with my partner, but I know many members here have partners who support them less than they would like, so you're not alone, and SR is always great for support - but you know that already.

I met my partner after I got sober, but I'd destroyed relationships before that. I just focused on what I knew I needed to do for me, I let my actions be my apology - at least in the ex now talks with me again and has forgiven me...I doubt the other ever will. That's something I have to live with, but I know I've done my best.

Do your best - and I firmly believe things will turn out the way they're meant to.

Stay focused on what you need to do, a day at a time, and see where the journey takes you

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Old 12-23-2009, 09:06 PM
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I would remind him that you stood by him and supported him during his addiction and you would appreciate he do the same. I agree with Dee, let your actions of being clean show you are sorry for what you put him through.As long as you are taking responsibility for your actions of why things may be somewhat damaged he should take responsibilty for his shortcomngs in your relationship. As long as you can both do that I see no reason why things shouldn't get better with the 2 of you. You've been doing really good so I hope he can appreciate that.
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