i want to tell my father about my problem...
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Sara, there are no magic pills, no quick fixes or cures, no easy remedies, etc. Recovery takes hard work and dedication, and a willingness to listen, to take suggestions, follow instructions, and do the work required to stay clean and sober. We share what works for us.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Sara, you showed back up on SR four days ago and posted i used to come to this site last summer, and then i got banned... i really want to come back if you will let me, i'll take it seriously this time..... so I think we're doing what we can to support you by sharing our experience and making some suggestions. Are you sure you're ready to take recovery seriously?
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
If you don't want to quit, Sara, than you probably won't. Sure, a health scare or some "trainwreck" (DUI, arrest, etc.) might stop you for a while, but you won't recover, you just won't drink/drug. Huge difference.
My brother started drinking when he was 12. He's now 45. He's been in and out of AA, rehab, councelling, psych wards, and he's still drinking. He's thrown away his family, his job, his home, his car, his health....just to keep on drinking, because he doesn't want to stop.
Nothing is going to work - no recovery group, no support group, no rehab, no outpatient, no NOTHING, until you want to be sober more than you want to be messed up. Simple, but not easy.
No one can tell you "how to want" sobriety. That's all on you. After you decide you want it, than any number of solutions will help.
I don't know why you are against support groups, but wouldn't "holding hands and praying", as you put it, be better than nothing, even if it's not enough????
Good luck
Jomey
My brother started drinking when he was 12. He's now 45. He's been in and out of AA, rehab, councelling, psych wards, and he's still drinking. He's thrown away his family, his job, his home, his car, his health....just to keep on drinking, because he doesn't want to stop.
Nothing is going to work - no recovery group, no support group, no rehab, no outpatient, no NOTHING, until you want to be sober more than you want to be messed up. Simple, but not easy.
No one can tell you "how to want" sobriety. That's all on you. After you decide you want it, than any number of solutions will help.
I don't know why you are against support groups, but wouldn't "holding hands and praying", as you put it, be better than nothing, even if it's not enough????
Good luck
Jomey
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Austin, tx
Posts: 2
Sara, it sounds like you're in a rough place right now. I can safely say that a lot of us have been there. Everything may seem really unmanageable and overwhelming, so I'll keep my comments brief.
Don't worry about AA right now(unless treatment isn't an option, then go to AA), just do whatever is necessary to get professional help if at all possible.
1) Call your dad. Tell him you need help and want to go to rehab.
2) Presuming he says he will support you, call a treatment facility and ask about admission. They will guide you through the rest of the process from there.
Good luck, and feel free to PM with any more questions. (I work at a rehab in Texas, but I imagine things are pretty similar in Canada)
Don't worry about AA right now(unless treatment isn't an option, then go to AA), just do whatever is necessary to get professional help if at all possible.
1) Call your dad. Tell him you need help and want to go to rehab.
2) Presuming he says he will support you, call a treatment facility and ask about admission. They will guide you through the rest of the process from there.
Good luck, and feel free to PM with any more questions. (I work at a rehab in Texas, but I imagine things are pretty similar in Canada)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: toronto, canada
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by skroomadoom 
What do you mean by you need to but you don't want to? Why do you need to quit? Why do you want to keep drinking/drugging?
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I hear you man.
You will be done when your done ya know? I guess untill you gain 100% acceptance that you are an alcoholic/addict then you ain't gonna be able to stay stopped but you can only really gain that acceptance by getting to your own personal bottom where you cannot take the pain anymore and say I just can't keep doing this anymore. You will know when you hit that point and it's important to act upon it when it comes ie- getting into AA/SR or whatever to keep sober.
It is risky though as the YETS are always around that corner and it is down to fate as to whether something happens which is irreversible i.e- When I lost my driving license through drink-driving I could have quite easily have killed myself or an innocent person. I can barely remeber driving and I crashed my car. If someone was on either side of the road I would have killed them. For that I am gratefull that no-one got hurt but they could quite easily have done. Similarly I could have quite easily got killed in my 100's blackouts etcetc. Tis a risky game we play but one that ultimately has to be played through to reach the point of acceptance of ones alclholism/addiction.
All the best Skroomadoom
You will be done when your done ya know? I guess untill you gain 100% acceptance that you are an alcoholic/addict then you ain't gonna be able to stay stopped but you can only really gain that acceptance by getting to your own personal bottom where you cannot take the pain anymore and say I just can't keep doing this anymore. You will know when you hit that point and it's important to act upon it when it comes ie- getting into AA/SR or whatever to keep sober.
It is risky though as the YETS are always around that corner and it is down to fate as to whether something happens which is irreversible i.e- When I lost my driving license through drink-driving I could have quite easily have killed myself or an innocent person. I can barely remeber driving and I crashed my car. If someone was on either side of the road I would have killed them. For that I am gratefull that no-one got hurt but they could quite easily have done. Similarly I could have quite easily got killed in my 100's blackouts etcetc. Tis a risky game we play but one that ultimately has to be played through to reach the point of acceptance of ones alclholism/addiction.
All the best Skroomadoom
Last edited by NEOMARXIST; 12-15-2009 at 02:48 PM. Reason: This reply is in response to Skroomadooms post.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Austin, tx
Posts: 2
Thank you for the warm welcome.
Sara, while you say you don't want to quit drinking, it sounds like you know you need to, and want it in that respect. I didn't want to quit either, it was my solution to life. By going to treatment and learning about recovery, which for me involved the 12 steps, I found another solution that was much better and less problematic. It's difficult to do this on your own, and rehab can make it much easier.
The sooner you get into rehab, the sooner you can start sorting out all your problems in a safe environment. People who work in that industry are some of the kindest, gentlest people out there, and will make it as comfortable as they can for you.
If you want to go, call someone and ask for help. It can get so much better you wouldn't believe it.
(Someone please tell me if I am violating a forum rule by encouraging treatment, if that constitutes "medical advice". I only push it because she had expressed interest in it.)
Sara, while you say you don't want to quit drinking, it sounds like you know you need to, and want it in that respect. I didn't want to quit either, it was my solution to life. By going to treatment and learning about recovery, which for me involved the 12 steps, I found another solution that was much better and less problematic. It's difficult to do this on your own, and rehab can make it much easier.
The sooner you get into rehab, the sooner you can start sorting out all your problems in a safe environment. People who work in that industry are some of the kindest, gentlest people out there, and will make it as comfortable as they can for you.
If you want to go, call someone and ask for help. It can get so much better you wouldn't believe it.
(Someone please tell me if I am violating a forum rule by encouraging treatment, if that constitutes "medical advice". I only push it because she had expressed interest in it.)
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Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Armed, here are "The Rules" http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ting-tips.html
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by sara19
but i dont know how... we're not really that close, although i'm closer to my father than my mother, i dont talk to her at all.. he's around sometimes and i do talk to him, but he pretty much lives in a different country.. i think he does care about me, but he mostly just throws money at me (and he has a lot of money).. like he bought me a car, he bought a house here in toronto so that i would have somewhere to live, he pays most of my bills, he paid for me to go to university, even though i dropped out almost right away, and he says he will pay again when i decide to go back... ive been on this forum talking about going to rehab.. and if i do that im most likely going to have to ask my father to pay for that too... but i dont want to just ask him for money this time... i actually want a parent that cares about me.. and i dont know how to bring that up.. and i'm kinda afraid of being disappointed.. i know some of you are parents, can you give me some advice on what to do?
The sad fact is that I still don't get girls. You're all just so busy. And what's with all the talking? I couldn't talk that much if I was trying to talk my way out of a firing squad. Last month daughter 2 had her water heater go out in her house. I happened to be there and was able to buy it for her. It wasn't about throwing money at her, it's just that she is all grown up now and doesn't seem to need me that much anymore,.... it was just nice to take care of my little girl once more.
If you want to improve your relationship with your dad, tell your dad you want to spend some time with him and then do it. It will mean the world to him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 26
Sara, I hate to say this, but you need to hit bottom first. I'll be here when that happens, but if you don't want to quit (hell, who of us wanted to quit... we knew we had to or were forced to, but not many of us wanted to quit), I'm not sure there is much we can do for you. As the only requirement to AA states, you must have a willingness to want to quit. If you decide you have that willingness, PM me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Sara, I've told you this before and I'll say it one more time. You can't get sober unless you really want to and are willing to do anything to get sober. You seem to be at the stage where you want to want to (maybe). That's not gonna do it. Sorry. But when you decide that you really want sobriety and all the good things that come with it, then you can ask your father for help. My daughters are a bit older than you but if any of them came to me for help I wouldn't hesitate to do it. I suggest that when you make the decision to recover from this disease of alcoholism,you talk to your Dad face to face. Explain to him that you're an alcoholic and addict and need help. You need to enter a treatment center and would he help you by paying for it. It's that simple.
Sara, your life is at stake here. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease. It cannot be cured, but it can be treated. If you don't stop drinking,then it will get worse as time goes by. You'll either be put into an insane asylum with a nasty thing called Wernikie-Karsekoff`Syndrome or you die an early, painful death. You need to stop with the pity party and start doing something positive. Everyone here has ofered suggestions as to what you should do and you respond with a "Yes, but". If you're not ready to quit, then keep on doing what you're doing. As I've told you many times, it's your choice.
Sara, your life is at stake here. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease. It cannot be cured, but it can be treated. If you don't stop drinking,then it will get worse as time goes by. You'll either be put into an insane asylum with a nasty thing called Wernikie-Karsekoff`Syndrome or you die an early, painful death. You need to stop with the pity party and start doing something positive. Everyone here has ofered suggestions as to what you should do and you respond with a "Yes, but". If you're not ready to quit, then keep on doing what you're doing. As I've told you many times, it's your choice.
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