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Old 11-20-2009, 12:06 PM
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Weekend

So another weekend is here. As a few of you may remember I have struggled the last couple of weekends but this has enabled me to get more strength and just get things more straight in my head (quite a difficult thing!lol)

Seeing the struggle through and sharing about it, both on SR and at AA meetings, has enabled me to greater understand. I am pretty sure that I will be much better this weekend as I am totally resolute and gratefull that drinking ain't an option for this alcoholic. I feel proud that I am sober for 4.5 months and am totally aware that drinking would have done absolutely nothing for my life but to make it even more f*cked up than what it had become.

I am still really living one day at a time and not being able to really comprehend striking up any "outside" relationships. Though i may appear quite confident and for some moments I have much confident, I am still quite insecure and shy in my own skin and these uncomfortable feelings I have to deal with as part of my recovery. I used to use my binges to escape these feelings of uncomfort but when the binge was over they would be worse and I would be living for my next escape again.

I think I am slowly getting there one day at a time and I hope that as long as I remain sober then gradually my life will take shape and my confidence/self-love will gradually start to increase.

I am off to my Friday night AA meeting now as i find Friday night and Saturday nights particularly difficult and I can start projecting my thoughts badly about what others are doing and what I'm not doing.

Thanks for letting me share....

peace xxx
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:23 PM
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It sounds like you have a good plan!
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:25 PM
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Neo, glad to hear your doing fine. Keep up the good work!!!
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:29 PM
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awesome Neo!


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Old 11-21-2009, 01:38 PM
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A lot better than I was the last 2 weeks. Man, my mind was all over the place. I am not projecting all of my thoughts at 100 miles per hour tonight.

The AA meetings have helped me to really get my head together and abolish all of the ridiculous thoughts that my alcoholic voice was yeloling at me the last few weekends. I do not feel tortured or anything tonight about my identity or whatever and quite the opposite actually; I am embracing and proud to be a sober alcoholic in recovery.

Listening to G N' R at the moment "Appetite for Destruction" without feeling like a sellout tonight!! haha.

peace and Love xxx
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