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Hey I'm new. addiction problem

Old 11-17-2009, 10:16 AM
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Hey I'm new. Addiction problem is destroying me

some of you may know me from the chat room i was in the other day..
Sorry this is long. Any comments, advice, experience, etc would be greatly appreciated.

I've been addicted to pot for about 5 years. It's really insane how addicted I became to this "mild" drug and I feel really lame that I put so much energy to get it and that I can't function without getting high. I would also like to add that about the last 3 years I became addicted to smoking blunts.

This addiction really has ruined me. I'm in college now and I seem to have social anxiety issues. I had a girlfriend all throughout high school until we broke up soon after graduating. During high school, we smoked every single day and got high together constantly. Now, in college I'm always around a lot of friends, yet my social anxiety, addiction, and shyness, has prevented me from getting a girlfriend (a GF is what i really want). I'm aware that I need to quit to get my life straight.. but I just can't stop smoking. It's an endless circle of being depressed, and smoking.

Ok here's the worst part. I managed to go these 5 years only smoking pot and refraining from other drugs.. until 4 days ago I tried cocaine. I know this was a horrible, stupid decision on my part, especially since I knew that pot alone was ruining me. I've never felt such an immediate and strong addiction until I did coke. For the past 72 hours I've been scoring and doing coke. As I coming down off coke I get really sad that there's no more coke to do, so I'm always looking for more. And I love to smoke blunts right after doing coke.

I don't understand why i have addictions problem way worse than mostly everybody i know. People even notice how I fiend and constantly am looking to get high. People do a lot of drugs around me but they are not nearly as addicted as me.

I consider myself a very intelligent student and my goal is to get into a medical school. I know i have the potential to do this if I can just focus on school work instead of getting high. I pull off straight A's when I want to.. but for the past couple of weeks my blunt addiction got to it's worse point and i just stopped caring about my classes. I used to be able to get high and do well in school but now it's just all about getting high. And of course the coke the past few days has only made the problem 100000x worse. I'm really worried that I ruined my chances of getting into medical school this semester.

I don't know what to do. I've tried to go days without getting high hundreds of times, but I always fail and end up getting high. I always have this "one last time" mentality and want to get completely wasted one time before quitting.. I never actually quit though! I feel pathetic that I can't overcome this mental addiction. Right now in my mind I'm going back and forth between "Nooo don't do coke today. Be sober today " and "Ok today's your last day high .. get money together for coke and a blunt".

I'm aware that I have to stop using drugs asap.. I just never accomplish this. My addiction has been ruining me financially, socially, and is destroying me for a long time. It's so bad now which is why I found and joined this forum.

Last edited by YoungJohn; 11-17-2009 at 10:35 AM.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:34 AM
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I started out just like you. All weed all the time. Then went to coke. Now I am a 34 yr old crack addict living at home with **** to my name.
I have been to jail, almost killed many times, done things so disgusting and horrible to get drugs.
You need to get out while you can. Weed is one thing. And thats bad enough. But your playing with **** that will take your very soul now.
I suggest you get some help and fast. I wish I knew enough to want to stop when I first started using harder drugs. It only got worse and it happened so fast. I couldnt even tell you where 16 yrs of life has gone besides in the streets being a comeplete mess.
I hope you stop and find help. Any help. You do not want to go that path.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:45 AM
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thanks for your post Alysha. You're right i will go down a horrible path if i continue with harder drugs.

well this sucks
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:23 AM
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Hi John,

I'm glad you recognize that you have a problem and that you are seeking support.

It would be a good idea to talk to your dr about your drug use. My advice is to change your routines and daily habits. Stay away from people and place that you associate with the pot. Go home from school or work a different way. Plan to be out of the house if you smoked at home. Call a friend, get some exercise, do anything you can to distract yourself, even for a few minutes.
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Old 11-17-2009, 12:30 PM
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Hi John, and welcome to SR! My doc was alcohol, but I wanted to say hi. Good for you that you are aware that you have a problem. Is there a possibility for you to get drug counselling at your college? Anna's suggestion to talk to your dr can also be a good starting point.
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Old 11-17-2009, 03:27 PM
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Hi Young John

I agree with everyone else here - talk with your Dr and a counsellor - every college with be familiar with this problem.

Think about some other face to face support groups too - NA, Smart whatever. There's a resource list in the stickies in our substance abuse forum

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html

Welcome to SR
D
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:23 PM
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thank you all for the advice.

I think i'm gonna do some sort of counseling and NA maybe. Idk. I'm still a suffering addict right now and I'm getting worse since the time I made this thread. Am I just an idiot? i am an idiot. I know the problem and the choices I need to make to save myself yet i just continue in this path of self destruction.

To those who brought up drug counseling at my college.. I'm sure they have this at the Health Center of my college. Idk if i wanna do this at my college though I'm ashamed and don't want people who I go to school with to know about it (if it's group therapy or wwhatever idk)

But yeah.. I told my dad about using cocaine and he was really devastated. He's very understanding about the marijuana problem. He doesn't object to smoking pot because it's mild. He never saw that even the mildest drug was destroying me and possibly leading me to coke. I told him I was definitely stopping cocaine.. which was A LIE cause i have been still using it. But my parents know that I need help now. I just haven't been honest to them about how addicted I am to coke. I feel like crap.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:30 PM
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Hi John
For me the best thing to do was be honest. Not only did lying not get me any help, but I felt so bad and so weak and so disgusted in myself that lying just compounded those feelings.

You're not weak or evil or depraved...you're addicted - there is a difference.

I can't tell you what to say to your dad, but my advice is to put your pride aside and see one of those counsellors as one of your first steps. They may help you work some stuff out in that regard.

Do something. Nothing changes if nothing changes John.

D
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:31 PM
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Go to an NA meeting. NA meetings kick ass. Just go. You will meet a ton of people just like you there. There are burners who go to aa, don't worry!!!
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi John
For me the best thing to do was be honest. Not only did lying not get me any help, but I felt so bad and so weak and so disgusted in myself that lying just compounded those feelings.

You're not weak or evil or depraved...you're addicted - there is a difference.

I can't tell you what to say to your dad, but my advice is to put your pride aside and see one of those counsellors as one of your first steps. They may help you work some stuff out in that regard.

Do something. Nothing changes if nothing changes John.

D
Thank you Dee this post really opened up to me. Since you mentioned "putting my pride aside" .. that's very relevant to my problem because this whole counseling thing weirds me out. I don't want to be a person who needs professional help. But.. you're right.. nothing changes if nothing changes.

I've heard people say you can't quit until you are truly ready to quit.. My brain is like divided into two.. wanting to quit so bad and then wanting to party that "one last time". So maybe i'm not "ready" to quit? I think I need to relucantly push myself into this counseling.

And fenster67 i seriously might go to NA tonight I just don't have a car because it broke recently. It will be fixed soon.. but in the mean time if i can't find a ride i know there are NA chat rooms available. Are they effective?
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Old 11-19-2009, 07:56 PM
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Hey John, recovering pothead here. Pretty much a 24/7 smoker for over 20 years. Ove 7 months clean right now. So many people discount pot as being a "problem" as it is considered a "mild" drug. I guess the comparision I make is with alcohol. For most people alcohol is a "mild" drug, but read the pages here at SR and they are filled with folks who have had their health and lives completely ruined by this so called "mild" drug, that is completely socially acceptable.

You can't discount what it is doing to your life. I've been seeing more and more people come here with pot problems. When I first joined, years ago, I felt like I was the only one. I probably wasn't, but it sure seemed that way. Pot is a drug, like any other drug. It can be addicitve, and it can become a problem in your life. It is good that you are choosing to activally do something about your problem and that you recognise it is a problem. That is the first stip towards putting it behind you.

Welcome to SR, it's a great place for support and wisdom. Hope you stick around. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, done that and has the T-shirt to prove it in regards to pot addiction, shoot me a PM sometime. It took me to rehab a couple of times, the mental ward a couple of times, divorced, and so on and so on. It can get a lot worse for you if you keep on the path you are on. Take care
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Old 11-19-2009, 07:58 PM
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Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 11-19-2009, 08:18 PM
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My brain is like divided into two.. wanting to quit so bad and then wanting to party that "one last time". So maybe i'm not "ready" to quit? I think I need to relucantly push myself into this counseling.
That was me, John - I didn't do anything seriously about stopping until I nearly pushed the envelope too far...

I don't do the 'scaring straight' thing, but I really wish I'd known where I was gonna end up...act now John.

D
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:11 AM
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Welcome to SR

I also am in college, also finally broke down and went to the Health Center... they gave me the number of a teacher here who runs a AA meeting on campus. It's not group counseling per se, and it's held in one of the academic departments--nothing on the door or anything to indicate the nature of the meeting.

I started out young, flipped from one drug to another as they became available... played with cocaine when I was younger. It will take you to your knees faster than you ever thought... I didn't go as far as I might, but I went far enough--turns out I just didn't like it as much as drinking. If you like it that much, like you say, that's the bad sign right there.

Take care, try what they suggest up here--NA, etc--and don't be afraid of the Health Center. They are bound by HIPPA like anybody else (assuming you are in NJ) and can't say anything anyways--to anybody--about the nature of your treatment.

Take care,
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