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In one hour I have to look it in the eye...need advice.

Old 11-01-2009, 10:49 AM
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"I think I can. I think I can"
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In one hour I have to look it in the eye...need advice.

We have a birthday party to go to. It is a kids party but the adults all stand around and drink. I know there will be alcohol there. A whole bar set up. Help yourself style. No one really knows how much the other is drinking. I thought about not going. That would mean my littlest guy would have to stay home too. My husband couldn't have all 3 there alone. I think I will go because this will not be the last time. I am going to be faced with this my whole life. I am nervous. I will be offered a drink and probably be looked at funny or questioned if I say "No, Thanks!" I've always drank with this couple, especially at parties. I think I can handle it. I think I can talk myself through it. I think it will be harder then I imagine.

I feel I have been getting weaker. Really questioning whether or not I have a BIG problem. I bet I can just have one or two at the party and be done. Start fresh tomorrow. Like everyone else does....can I? I am not ready to challenge myself that way yet but I want to see if I can drink normally. Please advise and since I know you will say "don't drink today" what do I tell my brain who will be telling me everything but "don't drink" at this party. Maybe I should take my little guy to the bookstore and get the big book instead. In the beginning is it better to avoid situations with alcohol or torture yourself so you can grow? Thanks!

Jo
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by dojoro View Post
Maybe I should take my little guy to the bookstore and get the big book instead.
Hey, there's a plan! We also sell them at meeting, much cheaper than you'll find in a bookstore.

Peace & Love,
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:59 AM
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Just tell that that "I'm not drinking today, thanks." No other explanation is necessary. I know it is hard, but you can do it. Just think about how good you will feel afterwards when you have made it through without drinking.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:03 AM
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Well Jo. I wouldn't go, but that's just me. I am sober since May of 2008 and if the party is centered around drinking I still won't go. Not because I can't handle it but its boring to me if all its about is people drinking. In the beginning of my sobriety I wouldn't have been able to stay sober. I'm not sure I understand why your son can't go with your husband. Does he ever take the 3 kids any where without you or are you always there with him?

I can tell you my son that is 6 years old would rather have a sober mommy then go to a party. I would even have him tell you himself if I could.

My two cents.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:04 AM
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Well I don't have kids.. and now I think having been sober for a while, sometimes I read about these type of 'events' that seem like challenges, and can't imagine why it would make sense to drink in that environment in the first place (a kids party). And then of course I remember the fact that it was critically inappropriate for me to wake up shaking at 6am and slam a few shots of vodka before engaging in ANY part of my life. Crazy how we associate things that to the 'outside' (of the alcoholism) world would seem crazy to think of drinking, as things that are our biggest temptation.

All that to say, if you HAVE to go bring something with you to drink.. not sure why it helps, but for me it always has! "want a drink?" "no thanks, got one.." amazing how little people really care about what we sip on..
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:04 AM
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You are medically not supposed to be drinking, right? Aren't you testing for liver enzymes? If someone offers you a drink, you can justifiably say no, without giving anything up, and also even have the right to get pissy with people if they keep pushing it on you.

Go to the store and buy yourself some "special" kind of drink, like those fancy fizzy lemonades from France or some Fresca and cranberry juice, so you have something "special" to drink at the party that is non-alcoholic. Or don't go. But don't give in to peer pressure.

Stay strong!
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:05 AM
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Presumably you are driving there and back or your spouse is. You can always pull the I never drink and get behind the wheel card. (Which should ALWAYS be the case, right?) After my DUI several years ago, I came to the realization that no matter what the cost of a cab was, it would ALWAYS be cheaper than a DUI. You don't have to be over the legal limit to get a DUI as I'm sure you know. Good luck! Let us know how it went.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:16 AM
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My husband has NEVER taken all 3 boys anywhere. Partly because I won't let him partly because I think he knows it is just way to hard. He engages in canversation and they roam and wander. I don't feel I could trust him to keep an eye out but he probably could. That is probably another forum somewhere.

My husband will drive he hardly ever drinks. That was one of the best part about going to these kind of things free booze, kids are there and happy free food...no worries! Not everyone will be drinking. I can definitely distract myself by I don't know interacting with my own kids. Something I don't really do in these situations...well with both hands anyway.

I am more and more tempted to go to a meeting but I am still so nervous to walk in the door. Sooo nervous to see someone I know. I checked into them and it seems all the beginners are open meetings. I don't like that idea. I wish there was a way I could go and listen and see it without being seen. After I saw what goes on I would feel better about going. I even thought about driving to one not near my town.

Party starts in 45 minutes. Not sure what to do yet.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:19 AM
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Find a meeting in the next town? And make an adventure of it!
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:43 AM
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You can get through it, Jo. You'll feel awesome when you do! I went to a party Friday night (at a bar) and it was a bit weird at first, but after awhile your sights are set on leaving soon as it's almost over anyway and by then there's no point. That's how my first party went anyway. I was really proud of myself for getting through it...far outweighed the pleasure I would have gotten from the fleeting drunk feeling, not to mention the guilt and disappointment that would have followed.

You can always use the "I'm not feeling 100%" excuse to not drink, too. That was gonna be my response if anyone asked, but no one did!
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:45 AM
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I have been in those situations too...I would go and say that its my turn to be the DD so the hubby can kick back a few for a change or I would say Im on antibiotics and can't mix alcohol with them. Or in my case with the pancreatitis I would say that my stomach has been hurting me..which it usually is. But meanwhile I would have this itchy feeling of wanting a drink while watching everyone else drink.

You could even make it a special day for you and your youngest one..just the two of you, instead of going to the party.What child does not like a special day with mommy without the other kids?

I think you got a couple good options, only you know yourself well enough to know if you think you would take a drink. If its too tempting don't go.

I like pennylanes idea of getting your self something special to drink if you go. I would usually grab a diet pepsi or something like that..but something fancy would be neat and maybe make it a bit of a better time for you.

Good luck!
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