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Old 10-21-2009, 04:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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My new beginning


Hi Everyone,

Today is my first day of sobriety, after many of what I would like to call "practice runs". I am really anxious about what my first day will bring as I fear that I will get through the day and once the evening comes I am afraid that I may slip and say, " One drink won't hurt. I can stop after one drink." And find myself driving to get that fix. But I am determined to make it work and to start a new life for myself.

Not really sure when the drinking really started or why it started. I was one of those people who when they went out was the designated driver. If I drank I only had one. I think the reason I was like that was my father is an alcoholic and there is a long line of alcohol abuse in my family, and I was bound and determined not to go that path, but to break the cycle. Well, that didn't go as planned.

It started out as one drink a night, then it moved to two, then a half a bottle of wine a night, then to the point that I was finishing two bottles a night. This has gone on for the past 4 years. I have tried to stop, but would only stop for about a week. Then something would trigger the need for it, not really sure what it was but I would find myself at the store getting a bottle saying "Only one drink, that's all I need." And that one drink turned into the whole bottle. I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking, "What the Hell did I just Do?" Followed by the extreme guilt of drinking and saying to myself, "That's it I am not drinking anymore." Promising myself that this was the day that i was going to change. Each day I let myself down by following that path. And telling myself that I am still in control of my drinking and that I can do with just one. Well, as you would know that one turned into two and so on.

I guess what makes me want it more than ever is that I have let down not only my husband and my kids each time that I have told them I would stop, but I have let down myself. I know that there is life outside of the bottle and I want it more than ever.

This is the first time outside of my immediate family that I have admitted that I am an alcoholic. I know that this is a tiny step in many that I will be taking, but I feel that I have accomplished alot just now.
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Old 10-21-2009, 04:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I was in that awful vicious cycle for a long time too. The guilt of drinking would cause me to return to drinking to try to feel better for just a few moments. Thankfully I was able to get out of the rut and recover. And, you can do that too.

In the early days, it helped me a lot to change my daily routines, so since I would normally drink in the evenings, I started going out after supper and taking a long walk. I hope you keep reading and posting.
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Old 10-21-2009, 04:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR serenelife, I like your moniker btw, is not a serene life what we all really seek in the long run?

Now here is a suggestion, take some action and go to Alcoholics Anonymous : How to Find A.A. Meetings and locate an AA meeting for every night of the week and write them down. Take that list and put it in your car. Now next time you find your self heading out to get some wine, grab that list and go to an AA meeting instead!!! I have never seen wine on sale at an AA meeting! LOL

An even better idea is to call the AA hotline in your area and ask questions. The person who you speak to will be a recovering alcoholic, as a result if you told them just what you told us they would know exactly what that is like.

Not sure of the ages of your kids, but if they are in school you may find some ladies only meetings to go to during the day or if your husband is willing to babysit perhaps at night as well.

I would imagine your husband would be more then willing to babysit.

We are all here to support each other and offer our own experience, strength and hope to each other. Please ask questions, we will be more then happy to answer them.
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Old 10-21-2009, 05:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision to live a sober life. Take it one day at a time and just don't drink today. Repeat tomorrow. And come here often for support and suggestions. And give AA a try. You might like it.

:ghug3
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Old 10-21-2009, 05:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Today would probably be a bad day for me to give you advise, so I won't. I just wanted to let you know that there are many of us who have been there, are still there in fact and you made a good decision in joining SR. Welcome!
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Old 10-21-2009, 08:18 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 10-21-2009, 01:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi serenelife,

I hope your first day is going ok. I remember thinking I could never make a day either, but it is possible - and you're not alone

keep us updated, yeah?
welcome

D
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you for the welcome and the suggestions. I have checked out AA meetings in my area and plan on going in the next couple of days.
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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heya serene,

welcome and good luck on day 1....

guess we're in the same rocky boat, day 1 here too...
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Old 10-22-2009, 03:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I have checked out AA meetings in my area and plan on going in the next couple of days.
Why wait a couple of days? The absolute toughest days are the early ones, why not go and talk to some folks who have made it through the early days successfully, I bet they will be more then happy to have you there and help you out.
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Old 10-22-2009, 03:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You can do it!

Hi,

I was in the exact same place you are exactly 8 days ago and I made it through that night. It is hard to change our behaviors and what we use to cope, but you can do it! I know this sounds trite, but keeping as busy as possible does really help keep your mind off the alcohol. Good luck!

Dawn
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Old 10-22-2009, 03:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Good job serenelife! Please keep coming back. I know now that someone will always be here to help if you only ask. Getting your "secret" out in the open is a giant step towards dealing with your addiction. John in Oklahoma
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Old 10-22-2009, 03:51 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
Why wait a couple of days? The absolute toughest days are the early ones, why not go and talk to some folks who have made it through the early days successfully, I bet they will be more then happy to have you there and help you out.
I thought about that too. I found one that I am going to check out tonight.
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Old 10-22-2009, 04:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome and not that I necessarily got the right, but I'd suggest you try out AA/whatever etc ASAP: don't let the complacency of quitting get to you first...

I'm not out to promote any particular program, I just am the result of that complacency issue...

But welcome, either which/any which way...

TB.
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