Some advice?

Old 10-07-2009, 05:59 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
Some advice?

Alright, yay me I have 30 days today, however...

I have a situation. This upcoming weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada. I will be spending it with my in laws, usually its a big party. For the first time this summer all the ladies including myself got together for a weekend and drank each evening, was some drunken bonding I suppose.

The girls are expecting round 2.

I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. I want to be able to spend the holiday with them and keep my sobriety. I would be lying if I told you that i didnt want to drink with them. I do, the alcoholic in me is screaming..JUST THIS WEEKEND, everyone relapses I could start again.....finding ways to rationalize it...

My alcoholism was like many of you a well kept secret from others. I'm not comfortable telling my in laws that im an alcoholic.

So im debating lying and coming up with an excuse as to why I cant drink, until im stronger and can deal better? Does that make any sense??

I dont know....I've been hvaing some acid reflux issues that ive mentioned to them recently, thought about telling them im taking medication for it that I cant drink with? So should I tell a lie to try and maintain my sobriety? I'll be honest I'm not sure I'm strong enough unless I have some sort of plan. Im afraid im gonna blow it.
Carrie36 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:05 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Anna's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,986

Good for you for your 30 days sober.

For me, I did not want to tell people around me, that I had stopped drinking. I felt that it was an intensely personal decision. I tried lying, making up excuses, a couple of times when I was out at dinner with people who were drinking, and I hated it. I recognized that for me, honesty in sobriety was hugely important. I decided that 'No, thanks', was sufficient.

I agree that having a plan is a good idea. Can you avoid the girls drinking part of the weekend and maybe help with dinner preparations, or something like that? Could you excuse yourself and go for a walk?
Anna is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:12 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
Well the walk thing might seem really strange to them as we live only a couple streets away from my in laws, and I have all 4 of my kids with me. I am going to try to avoid the girls drinking part although that could encompass the entire I have my husbands support which is wonderful, he understands that I'm struggling with theis and would gladly help me in any way I was comfortable. I feel I need to go, its not my kids fault that im an alcoholic, I want them to enjoy visiting with family they dont get to see often.
Carrie36 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:18 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
bananagrrrl's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
I would tell them the medication story just to get through it. Later on you can be honest in whatever way makes you the most comfortable.
bananagrrrl is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:24 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
least's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 82,924
Blog Entries: 32
Tell them whatever makes you comfortable about not drinking with them. It's YOUR sobriety, after all, and you have no obligation to 'confess' all to them. Be strong and don't cave in to the addict voice. You CAN stay sober.
least is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:31 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
Thank you, it scares the hell out of me that I had myself almost convinced that 'bah, I'll just drink with them' its easier.

I think I'm going to use my excuse this weekend about medication and limit our time there.

Anyone know of medication one might take for digestion probs that cant be mixed with alcohol perhaps?? LOL
Carrie36 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:35 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
bananagrrrl's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Originally Posted by Carrie36 View Post
Thank you, it scares the hell out of me that I had myself almost convinced that 'bah, I'll just drink with them' its easier.

I think I'm going to use my excuse this weekend about medication and limit our time there.

Anyone know of medication one might take for digestion probs that cant be mixed with alcohol perhaps?? LOL

Tell them your doctor said not to drink on the meds.

I can't imagine that alcohol enhances the effects of any medication.

Good luck!
bananagrrrl is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:41 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Boomslang's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 27
If you don't feel like now is the time to tell them, then fine, give them some reason you can't partake (I like the medication one), and get through the weekend. I was in a similar situation and just figured "Well, if anyone asks I'm just going to be straight up with them, it's time to stop hiding this." Weird thing was NO ONE asked! I think the most important thing is to be ready for it and do what you feel you have to do to not drink.
"Everyone relapses..." be careful with that one. No one WANTS to, trust me, it's no fun feeling like you messed up and let yourself down and now you have to start from the beginning again.
You can do it. Good luck.
Boomslang is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:50 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
vegibean's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,649
Tell them you're on a new health kick! That IS NOT lying.

All of my friends have known about my alcoholism so nothing has ever been a secret with any of my drinking friends or family. I have about two years now and if and when I am around them, I bring my own beverage and usually don't stay long but they are also very, very proud of me.

Good luck on your holiday.
vegibean is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:59 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Well, I'm on my way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 276
Blog Entries: 1
My counselor brought up the upcoming holidays with me yesterday. I'll be in an environment where there is alcohol. Fortunately, my hostess knows about my condition, so that helps. I can understand not being ready to 'fess up.

Maybe you could make a pact with your husband, a panic signal or something, so that if you start to feel overwhelmed or sorely tempted he can "rescue" you.

Good luck. Much sober happiness and fun to you
mariechi is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 07:39 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Follow Directions!
Tazman53's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Carrie the truth set me free from the bonds of alcoholism, I am a rather tell it like it is guy so I found the easiest way to tell folks I was not drinking was to simply say, "No thanks, not drinking today." If it was family or close friend they were darn glad to hear that in my case, I was at the point where I was a known drunk to every one who knew me and had been for quit some time.

I personally have found myself to be quite allergic to alcohol in an odd kind of way, if I drink I turn into an instant idiot!!!

Perhaps you could simply tell them you have developed an allergy to alcohol and had to stop.

That would not be a lie would it?

I will be honest with you though, as I already said, the truth will set you free, why not just say "No thanks, I quit drinking, I do not like the person I become when I drink." There is no reason you really need to tell them that you are an alcoholic, but for me today I could care less who knows I am an alcoholic..... why? Because I am in recovery.
Tazman53 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 12:55 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 184,664
Blog Entries: 1
Some great advice here Carrie
If you need to remember why you're not drinking, read some old posts.

Use what ever cover story makes you comfortable. I personally don't think it requires anything more than 'no thanks I'm not drinking today'

Go in committed - carry a soda, and have an escape plan ready

This weekend is nothing compared to the rest of your life.
This is your well being, not your friends

Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 02:26 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Cause no harm
Creekryder's Avatar
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Blog Entries: 21
I agree 100% with Taz. I know one of the problems I had with alcohol was lying about it. Lying about the amount I was drinking, about not going to drink anything while I was driving, about going to the fire station when I was really going to the store to buy more booze. And the hiding bottles and stashing beer caches where no one else would find them. This all points to being dishonest...with everyone around you and most of all to yourself. When alcohol makes you perform this way, then I feel honesty must replace the latter. I do understand the plight of going to a party and wanting to keep sober, but thinking it would be easier to drink "just tonight" and hop back on the wagon the next day, my dear friends, is another dishonest move, for we all know what a dangerous thing that is. To pick the bottle back up is leaving yourself W I D E open for a serious relapse. And sometimes those relapses are not so easy to shake the next time around. I personally had a hell of a time returning to sobriety after the seven-month hiatus I took from it. And I am still, after writing all these words and sharing thoughts, a mere five minutes away from throwing it away and drinking what I know destroys me. My only salvation is the voice of reason inside me that has that five minutes to convince the chronically sick, addicted Padraic not to do it. Just as that voice cries out within me for a drink, the other must cry louder the reasons not to do so. That is the battle to which I so often refer. And I see no end to that fight. I believe it will get easier to ignore the urge and to set it mentally aside much quicker. But the Siren will always be there—waiting for the moment when weakness erodes our resolve and leaves us vulnerable to her song—and to whom we must keep constant vigilance. To remain honest to ourselves and others gives us strength to maintain our decision to escape our addictions. Don't lose it. A white lie or a black lie, it is still untruth. And to not embrace truth can allow us to lose a little faith in ourselves.
As I have rambled again, IMHO don't give the phony medication scenario, remember when your parents told you if you tell one lie, you end up telling a hundred by the time its over? True? I am not saying you need to walk in the party and blurt, "Hi, I'm Carrie and I am a raving alcoholic!!!!!" Use Taz's excuses, or be creative on your own, only use truth in your reasons. That way your in the clear, no deceptions, no cover-ups, and best of all, it's easier to remember what you said when it is the truth.

Blessings to you and be proud of what you are doing.

PS. Wish me luck, as I am going to a party this weekend and will be subjected to similar obstacles as you. Let's share notes next week to see how it fared for both of us. OK?
Until later...

Creekryder is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 04:30 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
smacked's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Blog Entries: 1
Well if you're gonna have your kids with you, that alone should be a great reason not to drink.. and not even an excuse! NOT everyone relapses, that is a false belief so wipe it out of your head now

It was no one's business why I stopped drinking, and I found that as much as I thought they would care about it, they couldn't care less. I also said I was trying to live healthier, and that stopping drinking was high on my list of changes I had made..That was the truth.. I'm not a liar, and I don't make excuses for things I do. The truth works best in most situations, I feel. no one seemed to argue with me wanting to be healthy, and if they would have, they surely didn't give a sh!t about me or my wellbeing!
smacked is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 05:11 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
The New Me starting 1/11/09
NewMe11109's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
I dreaded my first heavy drinking party after I stopped drinking. It was a "bar night" with a lot of the people that I did heavy drinking with previously (and I had to go because it was to celebrate the life of one of them who had died).

But, what I found was that if I could get through the first hour of the party, it got easier and easier. So, if you are struggling, just focus on not drinking for the next 15 minutes - and then the next 15 - and so on. It actually gets pretty funny to see how silly the drunk people get. Keep your glass filled with soda and enjoy the conversations.

And surprisingly, I had a great time at the end (and no hang-over in the morning).
NewMe11109 is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 05:52 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Blog Entries: 3
"I think I am allergic to alcohol" worked for me, followed usually by some sort of joke

whenever I drink I break out in handcuffs

the last time I drank I woke up with a Sasquatch so I'm taking a little break

or something along those lines

It soon gets easier, I just learned to set a boundary and keep it, not try to explain it or defend it, that made it worse, just "I'm sorry, I can't join you tonight" I found if I tried to explain my alcoholism to people I drank with they got incredibly threatened and then we'd argue, so I learned to just be low key about it until I learned how to navigate these situations a little more skillfully.

Also, something of CRITICAL importance, is bring my own ride/car in order to make an escape if necessary, I found family affairs to be nearly intolerable in early sobriety
Ago is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 05:59 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I think you're worried about it....and thinking about it a lot more than they ever will. A simple No Thanks.....will probably do it. Go with the moment....but just know that you WILL stay sober.

Your kids are so lucky to have a mom that cares enough about stop being a drunk. Congrats on your sober time!
coffeenut is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:38 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Mattcake's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Blog Entries: 9
Congrats on 30 days, Carrie

I think it's great that you're planning ahead of time - these situations can be risky. Remember that the choice to say "no" is ultimately up to you And consciously remind yourself of your reasons for making that decision.

When I'm in similar situations, I just say "no thanks". If anyone asks me why, I tell them the truth: I don't drink anymore. Like Smacked said, I've found that most people couldn't care less - in fact, they're usually quite happy, as one less drinker means more booze for them :/ There's really no need to launch into lengthy explanations if you don't feel up to it at this point.
Mattcake is offline  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:55 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
TheSunAlsoRises's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Congrats on 30 days! Yeah well I would say just be really certain when you say whatever you choose to say. Not rude or forceful of course. But I find if I say No thanks I don't drink anymore (my line of choice) like its just gospel truth very very rarely does anyone question it. If they do I know that they feel uncomfortable with their alcohol use. Their problem not mine. Stay strong.
TheSunAlsoRises is offline  
Old 10-08-2009, 05:33 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their advice and comments. I understand what you mean about using a dishonest lie to cover up my desire to quit drinking. As strong as my desire is to quit my desire to just let it go this weekend is there too, and im so frustrated. So this is what it means to be an alcoholic. I feel really pathetic right now, scared im going to do the wrong thing.
Carrie36 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:13 AM.