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Old 09-26-2009, 07:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Making up for my misdeeds


So, about a year ago when I was well into active addiction, we had a house fire. As if I needed any more "excuses" to use, right? Well, needless to say, this event sent me deeper into my depression (especially since we lost a dog in the fire) and I started using more and more. Instead of being there for my family and giving them comfort and being strong for them, I became distant and suicidal at times....I tried to o.d. on many different substances. Anyhow, one day I get an insurance check in the mail for $6,000 to cover the cost of new windows. I hid the check from my wife and spent almost all of that money on drugs. Since I got out of inpatient, I have been staying with my parents, while trying to work things out with my wife and gain back her trust. I have spent the last two weeks actually repairing those windows that should have been fixed a while ago had I not spent the money on getting high. It felt really good to make things right like that. It was hard work, and I spent hours each day up on a ladder (I hate ladders!) but you want to talk about a high.....what a great feeling it was to have accomplished fixing those windows, I am proud of the job I did, they look great, and my family doesn't have to live in a house that looks condemned because the windows are no longer boarded up. I just wanted to share this story with everyone because I feel really good about it, and I hope it will help someone else to realize that in time we can pick up the pieces and make things right with those we have hurt.....and it will feel awesome when you do!
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR....and best wishes in your recovery. Picking up those pieces is hard work, but so worth it.
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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to SR, and great job fixing up the windows
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I think that early sobriety gives us a new perspective on the problems we caused when we were drinking. And, facing those problems is very hard. But, you have the right idea. Focus on something and do what you can to repair it.
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Old 09-26-2009, 01:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!! While we can't change our past, as Anna said we can do our best to repair things and we can also do our best to make sure our future consequences will be good ones by staying clean and sober.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 09-26-2009, 01:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi again pistolgrip
I agree - it's great to find something tangible to work on to make some kind of amends...and you're right - we can pick up the pieces.

D
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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A living amends can be the most illustrative form of sincerity.
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm glad you shared that, Pistol. It reminded me of the chaos we create for ourselves with our addiction. To try and untangle the mess is sometimes so defeating - but it can be done, and you're doing it.

I'm sorry you lost your dog in the fire. I was always very good at trying to drink away my emotions & pain. We have to allow ourselves to feel or we aren't living. It took me so long to learn that lesson. It's great that you're feeling good about what you accomplished. There'll be many more good days like this where you make things right in your world.
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Great share. I know it is an amazing feeling to go from being a total and complete liability to your loved ones. To being a productive contributing member of the family.
Man..The things I would put my grams through. Always taking more and more. Not just her but many others. I have felt like the lowest POS so many times. And yet the drugs still won all that over.
Now, and especially this attempt at recovery has been absolutely phenominal. I never wanted anything more than to make my gram proud of me. To be able to do things for her. To stop depending on her and sucking the life out of her.
I am growing into a responsible adult, taking care of bills and doing things, even the little things for her. It feels good to tell her "Dont worry about it. I will take care of it." And know I can and will.
I havent seen my gram without worry ever in my life. Until lately.
I am proving myself to her more and more everyday. And the rest of my family as well.
I am becoming a person that they can rely on and not have to worry about if I will come through or not.
Feeling like that is the best feeling in the world.
Just keep doing the right thing. Keep showing with your actions that you are making those changes and in time, trust will come back to you.
Your a good person and you have alot to be grateful for. I know it all will be as it should if you stay the course.
Great job there buddy.
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