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Old 09-21-2009, 10:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Partially new here.


I've been here before, and relapsed since then. I wrote out a whole post about it and the forum ate it lol.

It's ending. I quit taking painkillers 9/19/09. Tomorrow I have an appointment to begin a suboxone treatment, I feel it's the only way I'll control myself around pills. I can't. People make fun and call me a Pilla Monster, but I'm too old for this addiction crap.

Glad to be back, and hope to participate much more.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome back. All the best with the sub treatment.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome back! Glad you are here.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome back ZeroNow.

Best of luck with the subs, I look forward to reading about your journey.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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welcome back Zero Nowhere

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Old 09-21-2009, 11:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Sounds like an excellent plan....
Hope it works out to your benefit.
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Old 09-22-2009, 03:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfchild View Post
Good morning, I can't sleep so I'm hangin around here and doing some reading. Thanks for the warm welcome and support.
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:29 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR ZeroNowhere

Hope the treatment is successful
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:35 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well, I feel like posting the big one again.

I was introduced to painkillers when my mom died of Cancer. She told me to get her bag of meds out of the house. She worked with an addict who would come get em. Looking back I should have let her. She tore my mom's house apart. My mom said we might need some of them for the funeral anyway, meaning an ativan or something the day of the funeral. I kept that bag, she had everything in there, and I took em all. I somehow managed to get out of that one.

In Dec '05 I went to the ER with horrible back pains. The doctor did an x-ray and asked if I'd been in an accident. I got an MRI and it turned out I had heriated disks. Well no wonder it hurt. So I was prescribed through the past few years nonstop. Starting with the lower dose going up to a high dose of hydrocodone. I started no being able to leave the pills alone. My husband would put the pharmacy bag on the table and I'd pour a handful in my mouth and stash some for later. If I saw em out, same. Husband tried locking em up, I figured the combination. I went on like that for the past three years, taking up to 15 a day, everyday. I ate em till I was sick, didn't care.

Finally I talked to a friend who's a fellow addict and as we talked they made sense. Only fellow addicts do, been there done that. It really touched me, and decided not to abuse the hydrocodone again. Going on my 3rd day being opiate free. Can't wait to get to this doctor and have the recovery begin.
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:36 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome back to SR ZeroNowhere, follow the doctors suggestions in regards to this, all of them.
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Old 09-26-2009, 03:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome back to SR ZeroNowhere, follow the doctors suggestions in regards to this, all of them.
Thanks. I am following the doctors instructions by the letter. This treatment program I've entered into, is my last hope. I cannot risk being kicked out of treatment for a dumb mistake.

That's why I picked the doctor I did. At first I was thinking, jeez, I'll just go to this doctor till the other one opens up for new patients, he's ridiculous strict! Why? Because I wanted to use pot. But after thinking further upon it, the strictness of my doctors treatment is going to keep me honest, and to truly get better, I shouldn't be using any mind altering substances. He has me on random urine tests. And they test for everything, including marijuana. I can't take ANYTHING except for my Suboxones, and my Effexor. If I come up dirty, I'm out. If they test and there isn't Suboxone in my system, I'm out. It's like being on probation, but instead of going to jail because I've slipped up...I'd be going back to my old lifestyle, which was probably just as bad as jail.

And yeah, I've ended up in jail before because I got so angry my husband wouldn't get me a fix, we got into a physical fight, and I was rightfully arrested. You'd think that would have been my bottom, but it wasn't. Well, it probably was my bottom, but I didn't choose to start trying to crawl back upwards until a week ago.

In short, I don't want to do all this work recovering, only to have to do it all over again, ever again. I've submitted myself to treatment, and thats that.
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Old 09-26-2009, 03:47 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi,

We do understand how difficult it is and there's lots of support here, so keep posting.
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