Picked up a white chip
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Hi Cath,
Your post is heartfelt and sad, and yet there is so much hope.
When I was reading your post, I know how lost you feel. I was there too, and I never want to go back to that place. But, you are here, you're seeking support and you can turn things around. As others have said, it is never too late.
Your post is heartfelt and sad, and yet there is so much hope.
When I was reading your post, I know how lost you feel. I was there too, and I never want to go back to that place. But, you are here, you're seeking support and you can turn things around. As others have said, it is never too late.
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Ago---I'm so ready now, much more than you know. I want what they have.
ETA: Thank you to everybody. I'm especially interested in the posts from those of us who have depression hand in hand with the alcoholism. That has always been the case for me. I think it has made it easier to push the substance abuse aside and pretend the depression was the real and only problem, but I know that it is not true.
I want to become a person I can be proud of, somebody who has integrity again. I don't want to be a victim or a manipulator or an emotional vampire. I want to stand next to any other person and feel just as good about myself.
I'm just trying to pray the rest of it like the housing and my children and my job will all fall into place if I keep doing the work in the program. There has to be a miracle for me as much as anyone. I just have to remember that it may not be the exact one I wanted. Work, pray, meetings and that's it.
:praying
ETA: Thank you to everybody. I'm especially interested in the posts from those of us who have depression hand in hand with the alcoholism. That has always been the case for me. I think it has made it easier to push the substance abuse aside and pretend the depression was the real and only problem, but I know that it is not true.
I want to become a person I can be proud of, somebody who has integrity again. I don't want to be a victim or a manipulator or an emotional vampire. I want to stand next to any other person and feel just as good about myself.
I'm just trying to pray the rest of it like the housing and my children and my job will all fall into place if I keep doing the work in the program. There has to be a miracle for me as much as anyone. I just have to remember that it may not be the exact one I wanted. Work, pray, meetings and that's it.
:praying
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
Cath, when I was 16 my mother had to go into rehab and I went to live interstate. Mum was sick and she needed help. It was absolutely the best thing she could have done for me. I had stability in my home environment and she had the space, time and support to recover. She wrote to me every week; little cards, poems and thoughts. Mum is back on her feet and kicking butt as a Masters student, and we now have a loving and close relationship.
Your daughter will thank you one day.
As for depression, it's a tough one but can be managed. I have major depression and alcohol just makes it worse. I used to kid myself that it was taking away my pain, but in reality it just adds to it.
Your daughter will thank you one day.
As for depression, it's a tough one but can be managed. I have major depression and alcohol just makes it worse. I used to kid myself that it was taking away my pain, but in reality it just adds to it.
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Just posted this in "Friends and Family." Thankfully, I am still sober since Thursday...
************************************************** *******
Just got back from church. The service was beautiful, but afterwards I felt like I didn't even want to ask for their help anymore. I didn't feel worthy or that I should be begging for help when I got myself here in the first place through my own bad choices.
As I was leaving I saw the pastor I had spoken with before, and he introduced me to the person in charge of the benevolence. He and I sat down and I told him how I was feeling and that I had prayed for guidance during the service to be able to explain myself. We talked about half an hour anyway, and the church is going to give me everything I needed plus some more. I just have to work there for the next few weeks to pay it back in the office and cleaning and day care, which I am more than happy to do. I really couldn't believe how I had been blessed.
Of course, once I got to my car there were 3 messages from AH telling me how he had gone out partying all night and what a f**king great time he had, etc., etc. He sounded like he was still under the influence for that matter. I have to admit it did hurt to hear that and took away some of the peace I was feeling at the moment, but I'm just trying to breathe now and make sense of everything.
Trying to hang on to steps 1-3......I can't, God can, I will let him.
************************************************** *******
Just got back from church. The service was beautiful, but afterwards I felt like I didn't even want to ask for their help anymore. I didn't feel worthy or that I should be begging for help when I got myself here in the first place through my own bad choices.
As I was leaving I saw the pastor I had spoken with before, and he introduced me to the person in charge of the benevolence. He and I sat down and I told him how I was feeling and that I had prayed for guidance during the service to be able to explain myself. We talked about half an hour anyway, and the church is going to give me everything I needed plus some more. I just have to work there for the next few weeks to pay it back in the office and cleaning and day care, which I am more than happy to do. I really couldn't believe how I had been blessed.
Of course, once I got to my car there were 3 messages from AH telling me how he had gone out partying all night and what a f**king great time he had, etc., etc. He sounded like he was still under the influence for that matter. I have to admit it did hurt to hear that and took away some of the peace I was feeling at the moment, but I'm just trying to breathe now and make sense of everything.
Trying to hang on to steps 1-3......I can't, God can, I will let him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
this is great news cath,,,,wow! the little job you have got and how the church is going to help,,yes God is,,as for the AH,i would change my number,easier said than done maybe,but,you have to continue on the path you are on and he is of no help to you whatsoever.things are working already cath,dont let him put a spanner in the works.think about what is best for you and your little one.thats a sober sane mommy.:ghug3
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