traderjane

Least and Calynn, I read through this thread and was a little sad. I have never suffered from depression, so I'm afraid I'm not much help to you there. The wisdom on these boards is amazing, so I know you are in good hands when it comes to advice.

I did want to mention that I think it's always a good idea to lean on your pets in tough times. I know that sounds kind of wacky, but when I drank heavily, I did get really down a lot and found a LOT of comfort in my 11 month old cockapoo puppy. Talk about loyal. He sleeps beside me every night, would always wake up every time I did (to run to the bathroom to vomit after a drinking session), would snuggle next to me to help me back to sleep ... and when I was hungover, he would lie right next to me on the couch and be my companion until I felt better. I am forever grateful to him. He is with me in the good times and the bad.

I am doing better now in the drinking (or non-drinking, that is) department. Today when I came home from work, he licked my face about 10 times, wagged his tail profusely, then sat on my lap to get some extra love and attention. He knows I can't get up once he sits on my lap, so that was very smart of him. I can't even believe what a wonderful creature he is and I KNOW you feel that way about your dogs (and cats!) Enjoy them and take in the support they give you. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you both and I'm thinking of you.

Laura

nogard

I feel for you least. You have some great advice here and you seem to be doing the right things. Its great you are working teh steps, when are you startung step 4? 4 to 9 really changed my life.

I am in a big hole right now and have been here for a year but my expereince tells me that it will get better so long as I do what I need to do on a phyical and spiritual level day by day.

Our Higher Power has only love for us, its our self will and the ingrained behaviours that cause us so much pain.

Spend more time with others in recovery and seek out someone that needs the hand of recovery.

Kevinxx

Hevyn

Least, I am so glad you decided to start a thread about this. I hope it helps to unburden you a bit from what you've been holding inside.

I can't say I've ever felt the sort of hopelessness that you describe, but if I did I'd be desperate for some relief from it. I hope the meds will kick in and do their job, but if they don't, I hope your doctor will try a different approach. There just has to be something better for you than dragging yourself through each day, just putting in time.

I will be praying (to whatever God there may be) that you find a solution to this misery. We all care about you - you have many friends here who understand just how you feel. Love, Joanie

sfgirl

I have struggled with feeling slightly miserable for most of the last few years. While I was drinking it was compounded by this extreme sense of an inner void— that something was missing. In sobriety that void has slowly been filled. However, feeling miserable, depressed is something that I still feel often. I am 10 months sober.

This is not to discourage you. This also is not to deter you from pursuing pharmacological solutions to depressive feelings. However, while I read your posts in this thread the thing that struck me is that you were waiting to feel better, you were waiting in a sense for the steps to make you feel better or the medicine to make you feel better. It also seemed like if that didn't happen, if you don't start feeling better then you would consider relapse. I know that thought pattern well of waiting for something to happen, to try to fix everything that is wrong, of looking towards both the future and the external to give you happiness. What I have learned in recovery, and it helps me immensely even with depressive feelings, is that if I stay in the present moment, if I am content and enjoy or accept fully all that I have in the present moment without this complete concern for future fulfillment that a lot of the suffering vanishes. I have a feeling that what I just wrote makes no sense. This is because I am very poor at writing spiritual principals. If you take something like the AA principal of "One day at a time" and interpret it beyond just drinking, to think about it as a spiritual principal, for you to take your life and the whole experience of your life one day at time, sounds simple but it is in fact so dang hard, it will make everything easier.

The thing is recovery is a slow process. It is not overnight. A lot of it is about learning to tolerate bad feelings. It does get better. It just isn't all that quick. So there are two things you can do as I see it. You can try to scheme how to hasten the journey to the sunny side of the street. The problem with this method is that there are no guarantees. Unfortunately, it is unclear if there actually is a sunny side of the street. My guess is that there is, for you and for me. Yours might be much closer than mine. However, if you make your success dependent upon reaching it then you set yourself up for a chance at failure. The other option is to learn how to tolerate and enjoy the journey, ODAAT. This really has no downside. I have been sad a lot— but I have learned to tolerate it because I see it in the moment. This does not mean that I deny myself self-care. I see a psychiatrist. I take meds. I see a therapist. I do mediation. I do so many different things. I am just not married to the results. And through this my life actually has gotten better. One day at a time. It just may not have gotten better in the way that I would have thought.

I might look into buddhist meditation to supplement the 12-steps. Also I would try to take the 12-steps as a journey rather than a means to a destination. A good book you might want to check out is Kevin Griffin's One Breath at a Time or Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path ... - Google Books

monkey1

Least, I don't have anything of value to add to the great responses you've already received. But I did want to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending my best thoughts to you in hoping that you are feeling better soon. :hug

IO Storm

Whatever works, and whatever helps..keep doing that, dear Least.

rider

(((((Least)))))) sending you a large Texas hug, and one for your (((((dogs))))) too. I am glad they comfort you. I love my dog.

I am sorry you are feeling so down. As others have said, talk to your Dr. again and discuss your meds. Wish I was closer, I'd bring my dog and we could all go for a very long walk and have a walk and talk.