Is this all there is???
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Sometimes, that's what helps me the most, least. Sharing with someone else. Lightening my load, so to speak. I remember when I was 10 months sober the first time around and I was in the grips of a deep depression.
Connecting with my HP wasn't going to save me. I was desperate, believe me, but still I wanted to kill myself. The thought of living just one more day became intolerable. But - I hung on, much as you are. As you know, I had a major setback recently where I went into the psych ward to get my meds adjusted. I can feel them taking hold and I feel good again. Twice, in sobriety, I stopped taking my meds. I listened to well-meaning folk who suggested that I didn't need them now that I was sober.
There is a reason I have a doctor, and she is the only person besides me who gets to decide what meds I take.
I'll tell you this, though. If it weren't for AA, I wouldn't be sober today, and if I weren't sober today, I wouldn't have the awareness of what meds I need to feel on par.
Working the steps, helping others, and building a solid support network all helped me greatly. You can do this, and it quite possibly CAN get better for you. But only if you stay sober.
Connecting with my HP wasn't going to save me. I was desperate, believe me, but still I wanted to kill myself. The thought of living just one more day became intolerable. But - I hung on, much as you are. As you know, I had a major setback recently where I went into the psych ward to get my meds adjusted. I can feel them taking hold and I feel good again. Twice, in sobriety, I stopped taking my meds. I listened to well-meaning folk who suggested that I didn't need them now that I was sober.
There is a reason I have a doctor, and she is the only person besides me who gets to decide what meds I take.
I'll tell you this, though. If it weren't for AA, I wouldn't be sober today, and if I weren't sober today, I wouldn't have the awareness of what meds I need to feel on par.
Working the steps, helping others, and building a solid support network all helped me greatly. You can do this, and it quite possibly CAN get better for you. But only if you stay sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: California
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Rowan 
Sometimes, that's what helps me the most, least. Sharing with someone else. Lightening my load, so to speak. I remember when I was 10 months sober the first time around and I was in the grips of a deep depression.
Connecting with my HP wasn't going to save me. I was desperate, believe me, but still I wanted to kill myself. The thought of living just one more day became intolerable. But - I hung on, much as you are. As you know, I had a major setback recently where I went into the psych ward to get my meds adjusted. I can feel them taking hold and I feel good again. Twice, in sobriety, I stopped taking my meds. I listened to well-meaning folk who suggested that I didn't need them now that I was sober.
There is a reason I have a doctor, and she is the only person besides me who gets to decide what meds I take.
I'll tell you this, though. If it weren't for AA, I wouldn't be sober today, and if I weren't sober today, I wouldn't have the awareness of what meds I need to feel on par.
Working the steps, helping others, and building a solid support network all helped me greatly. You can do this, and it quite possibly CAN get better for you. But only if you stay sober.
Connecting with my HP wasn't going to save me. I was desperate, believe me, but still I wanted to kill myself. The thought of living just one more day became intolerable. But - I hung on, much as you are. As you know, I had a major setback recently where I went into the psych ward to get my meds adjusted. I can feel them taking hold and I feel good again. Twice, in sobriety, I stopped taking my meds. I listened to well-meaning folk who suggested that I didn't need them now that I was sober.
There is a reason I have a doctor, and she is the only person besides me who gets to decide what meds I take.
I'll tell you this, though. If it weren't for AA, I wouldn't be sober today, and if I weren't sober today, I wouldn't have the awareness of what meds I need to feel on par.
Working the steps, helping others, and building a solid support network all helped me greatly. You can do this, and it quite possibly CAN get better for you. But only if you stay sober.
Just curious - what happens when you go into a psych ward? I'm trying to figure out where to start - psych ward or detox. I drink because I'm depressed and I can't get un-depressed (in part) because I'm drinking. Rock & hard place kind of situation...
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
I'm sorry you're suffering so much - depression can be very hard to deal with.Have you considered using other recovery tools, along with AA? Some of the cognitive-based programmes are very effective in helping with depression.
Though many people seem to have spiritual revelations etc, in my personal experience, finding purpose in life is an active process - one needs to come up with answers. And the answers don't necessarily have to be grand; what you mentioned about your dogs seems perfectly meaningful. The answers can change over time, too.
Sending you lots of hugs,
M.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Originally Posted by CALYNN
Just curious - what happens when you go into a psych ward? I'm trying to figure out where to start - psych ward or detox. I drink because I'm depressed and I can't get un-depressed (in part) because I'm drinking. Rock & hard place kind of situation...
Alcohol, in large quantities can act as a depressant. Not everybody knows this - I didn't.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: California
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Rowan
I had been sober for nearly three years when I went to the psych ward. I went there because of a med change that left me suicidal and unstable. It is not necessarily the right place to detox. Detox centers are more what you are looking for, I suspect. Also, you may or may not suffer from depression; until you get a period of sobriety, you won't really know.
Alcohol, in large quantities can act as a depressant. Not everybody knows this - I didn't.
Alcohol, in large quantities can act as a depressant. Not everybody knows this - I didn't.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Depression meds take a while to kick in.
You know how you feel about your dogs?
Well... I kind of have that feeling about other alcoholic/addicts at meetings, my sponsees, and newcomers. It is like, "If I am not there to carry the message, they might not get the message....", and that KEEPS ME GOING... it GIVES ME A REASON to press onward.
Getting out of myself, and into the lives of others, has made all the difference regarding my own depression.
I belong, I have purpose, people want me around. Unreal.... but TRUE...!!!
You know how you feel about your dogs?
Well... I kind of have that feeling about other alcoholic/addicts at meetings, my sponsees, and newcomers. It is like, "If I am not there to carry the message, they might not get the message....", and that KEEPS ME GOING... it GIVES ME A REASON to press onward.
Getting out of myself, and into the lives of others, has made all the difference regarding my own depression.
I belong, I have purpose, people want me around. Unreal.... but TRUE...!!!
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I have a sponsor and am working the steps, but am only on step three. I was told not to hurry up and do them too fast, but how long can I stand to be unhappy miserable and chained before I do more steps and start feeling happy joyous and free? I don't know how much more of this I can stand.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Least,
No one is happy, joyous and free all the time. My goal, when I began recovery was to find peace in my life. I was desperate for peace. My life had been full of drama and discontent, so peace was what I wanted. And, I found it.
You're doing great and I hope you can be patient with yourself.
No one is happy, joyous and free all the time. My goal, when I began recovery was to find peace in my life. I was desperate for peace. My life had been full of drama and discontent, so peace was what I wanted. And, I found it.
You're doing great and I hope you can be patient with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by least
I was told not to hurry up and do them too fast, but how long can I stand to be unhappy miserable and chained before I do more steps and start feeling happy joyous and free?
In my opinion, the time between quitting drinking and getting relief from the steps is the most uncomfortable time for an alcoholic. But, by having that Step 1 experience, you know that return to that state is no longer an option. It's off the table.
Can you give up the expectation of being happy joyous and free? Can you give up getting what you want or what you think you need? You have no choice now. Can't be in Step 1, so you must have 'something else'. The something else is what the rest of the steps are all about.
One thing I did and suggest guys I work with also do, is do something every day for our sobriety. If you are in Step 3, there ought to some specific directions that you are doing on a daily basis. Sitting and waiting is not progress.
And when all else fails, I said the 3rd Step prayer many times per day when I was in that spot, least. Many many times per day whenever I felt like my head was going to explode.
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Do you mean the serenity prayer? Cause in my 12 and 12 book the only prayer I found under step three was the one at the very end of the chapter, the serenity prayer. Yeah, I say that a lot these days. Especially the first part... the things I can't change.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. It means a lot to me and it helps.:ghug3
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. It means a lot to me and it helps.:ghug3
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I really dont have anything to add that would be helpful. I have felt like that and still do at times.
It comes and goes for me. But I guess the way I look at it is it does go eventually.
Like someone else said already. Life is going to be like this at times.
I have no idea what one would do beside just ride it out like I do.
But I want you to know I am thinking of you and your not alone. I really hope that you start to feel better soon.
It comes and goes for me. But I guess the way I look at it is it does go eventually.
Like someone else said already. Life is going to be like this at times.
I have no idea what one would do beside just ride it out like I do.
But I want you to know I am thinking of you and your not alone. I really hope that you start to feel better soon.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
least, I have a friend who's got a situation kind of like yours. She's struggling to make ends meet, has her daughter living there with her grandson, has another daughter who's got four kids and cancer who depends on her, is going through a divorce.... etc. She's still sober (she relapsed three years ago after five years sobriety -- trying to handle much of the same thing alone), but she's very depressed and stressed.
I heard a lead from Founder's Day -- a guy named Scott who talked about discussing life's problems using the word today. What can be done today to work towards a solution? Are there boundaries within your home that need to be set to bring you closer to a state of sanity? Can you discuss them with your sponsor -- in terms of what you can do today?
Sweetie, there are very few guarantees in sobriety, though there's one I think all here will assure you of - that no matter how hard it is now, drinking will only make it worse. The price of a few hours' relief is, for most of us, much, much too high.
I'm not so sure about lingering over the steps. I've taken women through the first three steps in an afternoon and sent them home to begin writing the 4th. None of us do them perfectly, which is just fine because we get to practice them every day. The first three steps helped me develop a relationship with a god of my own understanding; the housecleaning steps set me free, helped me to see those areas of my life where I caused my own misery; the maintenance steps helped me to see where I needed to deal with my own stuff and how not to carry around the stuff of others; and the twelfth step helped me live in the real world, not just the one between my ears.
I'll keep you in my prayers, least. Don't drink, even if your ass falls off, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Early sobriety is seldom a joy ride, but it does get better.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I heard a lead from Founder's Day -- a guy named Scott who talked about discussing life's problems using the word today. What can be done today to work towards a solution? Are there boundaries within your home that need to be set to bring you closer to a state of sanity? Can you discuss them with your sponsor -- in terms of what you can do today?
Sweetie, there are very few guarantees in sobriety, though there's one I think all here will assure you of - that no matter how hard it is now, drinking will only make it worse. The price of a few hours' relief is, for most of us, much, much too high.
I'm not so sure about lingering over the steps. I've taken women through the first three steps in an afternoon and sent them home to begin writing the 4th. None of us do them perfectly, which is just fine because we get to practice them every day. The first three steps helped me develop a relationship with a god of my own understanding; the housecleaning steps set me free, helped me to see those areas of my life where I caused my own misery; the maintenance steps helped me to see where I needed to deal with my own stuff and how not to carry around the stuff of others; and the twelfth step helped me live in the real world, not just the one between my ears.
I'll keep you in my prayers, least. Don't drink, even if your ass falls off, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Early sobriety is seldom a joy ride, but it does get better.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by least
Do you mean the serenity prayer? Cause in my 12 and 12 book the only prayer I found under step three was the one at the very end of the chapter, the serenity prayer. Yeah, I say that a lot these days. Especially the first part... the things I can't change.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. It means a lot to me and it helps.:ghug3
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. It means a lot to me and it helps.:ghug3
And the BB reference page #'s...
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm with Chiy. You've got some great responses here, and in mental health - you're part of the gang - you're loved here.
That can't be bad
I hope things get better soon.
I spent years being able to make things happen, after a fashion - tired, angry, stressed, bored? drink. Pass out, repeat.
When that no longer worked, and I had to wait...and deal with stuff?
That was the rough part for me too.
But it got better - not overnight - but it got better.
I think Sugahs on the money with what can I do today - cos there's always something.
hang in there S
D
That can't be bad
I hope things get better soon.
I spent years being able to make things happen, after a fashion - tired, angry, stressed, bored? drink. Pass out, repeat.
When that no longer worked, and I had to wait...and deal with stuff?
That was the rough part for me too.
But it got better - not overnight - but it got better.
I think Sugahs on the money with what can I do today - cos there's always something.
hang in there S
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: cheshire, uk
Posts: 14
hey least
from one dog lover to another i feel for you. have you ever thought that your dogs are your higher power? higher power is different for everyone. maybe your dogs are yours.
if i have half an idea of how much you love them dogs then maybe you both need each other.
i love your tag by the way
dandare
from one dog lover to another i feel for you. have you ever thought that your dogs are your higher power? higher power is different for everyone. maybe your dogs are yours.
if i have half an idea of how much you love them dogs then maybe you both need each other.
i love your tag by the way
dandare
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by least
Cause in my 12 and 12 book the only prayer I found under step three was the one at the very end of the chapter, the serenity prayer.
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Actually my bookmark in the bb is on page 60. I like what Sugah said about getting on with the steps. Since I really do love my dogs more than myself they could easily be my higher power. Cause they love me unconditionally.
My eldest daughter called me today, concerned, and begged me to do what I'd done (also at her suggestion) years ago: get on my bony knees and beg God to help me. I did that years ago when I was quite suicidal and it worked. So I got on my knees and asked him to please give me the peace that passes all understanding.
I am feeling a bit less stressed right now. Can't describe it, just don't feel so hopeless. Will try to get some rest tonight and maybe feel better tomorrow. Tomorrow will be seeing counselor so that will help too.
Thank you all for your love and support and experience. It helps.
My eldest daughter called me today, concerned, and begged me to do what I'd done (also at her suggestion) years ago: get on my bony knees and beg God to help me. I did that years ago when I was quite suicidal and it worked. So I got on my knees and asked him to please give me the peace that passes all understanding.
I am feeling a bit less stressed right now. Can't describe it, just don't feel so hopeless. Will try to get some rest tonight and maybe feel better tomorrow. Tomorrow will be seeing counselor so that will help too.
Thank you all for your love and support and experience. It helps.
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by dandare
hey least
from one dog lover to another i feel for you. have you ever thought that your dogs are your higher power? higher power is different for everyone. maybe your dogs are yours.
if i have half an idea of how much you love them dogs then maybe you both need each other.
i love your tag by the way
dandare
from one dog lover to another i feel for you. have you ever thought that your dogs are your higher power? higher power is different for everyone. maybe your dogs are yours.
if i have half an idea of how much you love them dogs then maybe you both need each other.
i love your tag by the way
dandare
You don't know how much this means to me... but then, maybe you do. Thank you.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Least, first of all I just wanted to say I can totally relate with where you are. You have already gotten a lot of great advice in this thread, and it seems like you have tried some of it already and had some success with it, as you seem to be feeling a bit better.
As far as meds go...yes unfortunately it can take a couple of weeks for them to be effective, and even when they are it's not like you will suddenly have this cloud lifted and everything will be perfect. However, if that does happen, please let me know what meds you are on so I can get some!!!
Seriously, I too struggle with depression and anxiety and alcohol as well. Some of it is chemical, some circumstantial, and some psychological. I think it is important to look at all three areas. You are working on the chemical with your doctor and your continued abstainance from alcohol. To some degree, you are working on the psychological with working the Steps and with your sponsor, but have you considered working with a theripist? I would highly recommend one who is familiar with depression, anxiety AND substance abuse. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person, but when you do it can be life changing. Third circumstantial. Get out and get some exercise. Take your dogs to the park and run with them. If you don't have the energy for that, take them for a ride in the car and watch the joy on their faces as they stick their heads out the window. (Don't know why dogs love that so much, but they all seem to!!! I can be going 55 mph down the highway when it's 5 degrees and my Golden will hang his head out till I'd think it'd fall off!!) Get out and do something. Take some action. Stick with the meetings, if nothing else socialization is good for depression.
That's about all I've got, I just wanted to include Angels quote here because I have found it to be so true. I've always said I am a devout agnostic, very stubbornly so!! But there have been too many coincidents (sp) in my life to just "write off" to that. I still don't know what or who god is, or even if he exists. I tend to believe in more of a yin/yang kinda thing where the good balances the bad. Where I feel god, is in my gut, like a "gut feeling". I usually "know" the "right" thing to do. I don't always choose to do it because it is not always what I "want". However I find that usually when I go against my gut, things end up being messed up. If I "Let go, let God", as they say in the rooms, things have a tendency to work out. Not necessarily the way I planned, but usually for the best, in hindsight. Hang in there, this too shall pass. (For a non-AA'er I sure have the slogans down!!!
) Take care
As far as meds go...yes unfortunately it can take a couple of weeks for them to be effective, and even when they are it's not like you will suddenly have this cloud lifted and everything will be perfect. However, if that does happen, please let me know what meds you are on so I can get some!!!
Seriously, I too struggle with depression and anxiety and alcohol as well. Some of it is chemical, some circumstantial, and some psychological. I think it is important to look at all three areas. You are working on the chemical with your doctor and your continued abstainance from alcohol. To some degree, you are working on the psychological with working the Steps and with your sponsor, but have you considered working with a theripist? I would highly recommend one who is familiar with depression, anxiety AND substance abuse. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person, but when you do it can be life changing. Third circumstantial. Get out and get some exercise. Take your dogs to the park and run with them. If you don't have the energy for that, take them for a ride in the car and watch the joy on their faces as they stick their heads out the window. (Don't know why dogs love that so much, but they all seem to!!! I can be going 55 mph down the highway when it's 5 degrees and my Golden will hang his head out till I'd think it'd fall off!!) Get out and do something. Take some action. Stick with the meetings, if nothing else socialization is good for depression.
Originally Posted by Angel1
I believe there is a life agenda set out for us...but it's on its own time-table, not ours. I also believe that the positive changes in our lives happen gradually, subtlety, and in a soft whispered voice. It's only after putting a good block of time between our old ways & what we are now, that we can see the changes that have occurred. When we find ourselves in these so called "envelopes" of what we perceive as a state of limbo... try to do some gentle actions to steer yourself in a more positive direction... like reading positive oriented material, taking walks in nature, exercising the body, volunteering, eating healthy... anything that you find enjoyable and that gets you see glimpses of what a beautiful gift life really is.
The wonderment of life is all around us...we only need to open our eyes and look at the world like a child again to see the magic that surrounds us each & every day
The wonderment of life is all around us...we only need to open our eyes and look at the world like a child again to see the magic that surrounds us each & every day
) Take care
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