I am so scared and I don't know what to do????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I am so scared and I don't know what to do????
I have worked so hard at holding my head up, struggling to get my bills paid, went to court this past week and as of "Immediately" I owe my X $444.75 a month that I absolutely do not have.
I am stressed beyond belief, I am devastated and I'm either going to 1. Get evicted. 2. Go to jail or 3. Both.
I have an attorney through the Legal Aid Society who I told that the X will not be satisfied until I am living in a box under a bridge.
This is what being sober, doing the right thing, cheerleading myself has gotten me.
I am so broke, I am and HAVE BEEN looking for a part time job on top of my full time job and I even told the court that. I was homeless for over a year. Who the hell gets out of that situation and can afford........???????
I want to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself in it. I want to wake up and find out this is all a bad nightmare.
I had a friend's husband call me tonight because his wife went out and relapsed. How the f-ing hell can I feel bad about it? I have seen so many people get state help, help from Center from Family Services, DCF and look at me? I'm about to lose everything I have worked so hard for.
Dear God, I seriously don't know what to do.........I feel so defeated and kicked when I was already down and still struggling to at least get to a point where I wasn't waking up stressed just over my meager income.
I feel completely desperate and defeated.
I am stressed beyond belief, I am devastated and I'm either going to 1. Get evicted. 2. Go to jail or 3. Both.
I have an attorney through the Legal Aid Society who I told that the X will not be satisfied until I am living in a box under a bridge.
This is what being sober, doing the right thing, cheerleading myself has gotten me.
I am so broke, I am and HAVE BEEN looking for a part time job on top of my full time job and I even told the court that. I was homeless for over a year. Who the hell gets out of that situation and can afford........???????
I want to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself in it. I want to wake up and find out this is all a bad nightmare.
I had a friend's husband call me tonight because his wife went out and relapsed. How the f-ing hell can I feel bad about it? I have seen so many people get state help, help from Center from Family Services, DCF and look at me? I'm about to lose everything I have worked so hard for.
Dear God, I seriously don't know what to do.........I feel so defeated and kicked when I was already down and still struggling to at least get to a point where I wasn't waking up stressed just over my meager income.
I feel completely desperate and defeated.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm really sorry VB.
SR amazes me tho - so many people facing so many things - and somehow we always get through.
I know you will too - but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers C
big hugs
D
SR amazes me tho - so many people facing so many things - and somehow we always get through.
I know you will too - but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers C
big hugs
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Dear Vegibean, (((((((((((((My Largest Big HUGS))))))))))))))
O my word! I am so so sorry to hear this and your such a special and good person too! I don't even know what to say but wanted to send you my best hugs and love! I will pray for you. This is just so unfair.
Love and hugs, Pancake XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO
O my word! I am so so sorry to hear this and your such a special and good person too! I don't even know what to say but wanted to send you my best hugs and love! I will pray for you. This is just so unfair.
Love and hugs, Pancake XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO
I'm putting you in my prayers Veg.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((vegibean))))) Big hugs! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't believe there's no kind of aid out there for you. Let me give it some thought. I don't know what services are in your area. My sister is homeless and we are trying to get her some help here. She's unemployable at this point. I know you were very connected to your rehab center. Any advice or help there?
You're in my thoughts.
Much love,
Lenina
You're in my thoughts.
Much love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
My heart goes out to you, but I don't believe that sobriety and doing the right thing got you where you are, its likely the things that came before that take root when you least need, want or deserve the fallout. But you have sobriety. I don't know what will happen to you, Idon't know what will happen to me. My job is being cut back and I owe like $20,000 to the hospital for my 21 day stay in Hotel Heaven. I hardly have the money to get my truck fixed up--but by God I've got my sobriety and I'm not about togive that up because being a drunk ain't going to fix what's broke but being sober just might though I don't see it yet.
CRY OUT IN YOUR WEAKNESS
A dragon was pulling a bear into its terrible mouth
A courageous man went and rescued the bear.
There are such helpers in the world, who rush to save
anyone who cries out. Like mercy itself,
they run toward the screaming.
And they can’t be bought off.
If you were to ask one of those, “Why did you come
so quickly?” he or she would say, “Because I heard your helplessness.”
Where lowland is,
that’s where water goes. All medicine wants is pain to cure.
And don’t just ask for one mercy.
Let them flood in. Let the sky open under your feet.
Take the cotton out of your ears, the cotton
of consolations, so you can hear the sphere-music.
Push the hair out of your eyes.
Blow the phlegm from your nose,
and from your brain.
Let the wind breeze through.
Leave no residue in yourself from that bilious fever.
Take the cure for impotence,
that your manhood may shoot forth,
and a hundred new beings come of your coming.
Tear the binding from around the foot
of your soul, and let it race around the track
in front of the crowd. Loosen the knot of greed
so tight on your neck. Accept your new good luck.
Give your weakness
to one who helps.
Crying out loud and weeping are great resources.
A nursing mother, all she does
is wait to hear her child.
Just a little beginning-whimper,
and she’s there.
God created the child, that is, your wanting,
so that it might cry out, so that milk might come.
Cry out! Don’t be stolid and silent
with your pain. Lament! And let the milk
of loving flow into you.
The hard rain and wind
are ways the cloud has
to take care of us.
Be patient.
Respond to every call
that excites your spirit.
are those that make you fearful
and sad, that degrade you
back toward disease and death.
RUMI
CRY OUT IN YOUR WEAKNESS
A dragon was pulling a bear into its terrible mouth
A courageous man went and rescued the bear.
There are such helpers in the world, who rush to save
anyone who cries out. Like mercy itself,
they run toward the screaming.
And they can’t be bought off.
If you were to ask one of those, “Why did you come
so quickly?” he or she would say, “Because I heard your helplessness.”
Where lowland is,
that’s where water goes. All medicine wants is pain to cure.
And don’t just ask for one mercy.
Let them flood in. Let the sky open under your feet.
Take the cotton out of your ears, the cotton
of consolations, so you can hear the sphere-music.
Push the hair out of your eyes.
Blow the phlegm from your nose,
and from your brain.
Let the wind breeze through.
Leave no residue in yourself from that bilious fever.
Take the cure for impotence,
that your manhood may shoot forth,
and a hundred new beings come of your coming.
Tear the binding from around the foot
of your soul, and let it race around the track
in front of the crowd. Loosen the knot of greed
so tight on your neck. Accept your new good luck.
Give your weakness
to one who helps.
Crying out loud and weeping are great resources.
A nursing mother, all she does
is wait to hear her child.
Just a little beginning-whimper,
and she’s there.
God created the child, that is, your wanting,
so that it might cry out, so that milk might come.
Cry out! Don’t be stolid and silent
with your pain. Lament! And let the milk
of loving flow into you.
The hard rain and wind
are ways the cloud has
to take care of us.
Be patient.
Respond to every call
that excites your spirit.
are those that make you fearful
and sad, that degrade you
back toward disease and death.
RUMI
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Sorry to hear that VB. I dont have any advice. But I hope you hang in there.
I know Palm Beach County sucks in helping people that really need it. I got more help when I didnt give a crap and cared about nothing except being int he streets of Lake Worth and stayign high than when I actually wanted to do something with myself.
I remember sitting in a hotel on 45th street one night with so much crack I didnt know what to do with myself. I totally had a meltdown and picked up the phone and called every rehab and social services number I could find. No one would help me. No ONe!! Not even CARP. I was crying hystericly and they didnt care.
That was the very first time I felt beat down by the system.
But you know. When I finally snapped out of it. I got my head together a little and just kept trying on my own.
I didnt ever get any help. But I didnt give up either. If I had. I would have been dead in a canal somewhere a long time ago.
Just do what you can and keep doing the right thing.
In my experience. Just the act of doing the right thing has never let me down.
Good things happen for good people. It may take more time than you would like. But it will when you think you cant go on any more.
I wish I had more to offer you. I am thinking of you.
I know Palm Beach County sucks in helping people that really need it. I got more help when I didnt give a crap and cared about nothing except being int he streets of Lake Worth and stayign high than when I actually wanted to do something with myself.
I remember sitting in a hotel on 45th street one night with so much crack I didnt know what to do with myself. I totally had a meltdown and picked up the phone and called every rehab and social services number I could find. No one would help me. No ONe!! Not even CARP. I was crying hystericly and they didnt care.
That was the very first time I felt beat down by the system.
But you know. When I finally snapped out of it. I got my head together a little and just kept trying on my own.
I didnt ever get any help. But I didnt give up either. If I had. I would have been dead in a canal somewhere a long time ago.
Just do what you can and keep doing the right thing.
In my experience. Just the act of doing the right thing has never let me down.
Good things happen for good people. It may take more time than you would like. But it will when you think you cant go on any more.
I wish I had more to offer you. I am thinking of you.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
This is what being sober, doing the right thing, cheerleading myself has gotten me.
You have accomplished so much and I can't help but think that you will find a way to get through this. You're a fighter.
There has got to be some options.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 65
I am sorry and feel your pain. I am feeling some pain similar. It is so damn hard to have a lack of money. It is not that we need riches, or have to win the lottery. I just want to make it from day to day, week to week. I know that is what you are crying out for. Me too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I am so sorry Vegi.I wish I had money-I'd send you some in a heartbeat. Sometimes we just keep doing the right thing and it seems to be for nothing.I understand.I know it sounds pathetic but I am thinking of you and praying something good happens for you.
Jules xox
Jules xox
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((VB)) - I'm sorry you're going through this.
I totally understand the sense of panic you're feeling, wondering where the he!! the money is going to come from, and I'm working 2 jobs, 6 days a week.
All I can tell you is, every time I've been frantic, worried about a bill or something I needed to pay, stressed about where the money was going to come from, it's always, always worked out. This has happened enough that I rarely get stressed out any more, and that's huge progress for me.
I have a "chat" with my HP - "I'll keep doing what I need to do, but I could use a little HELP here" and then I let it go". I wait tables at one of my jobs, and there have been nights I make exactly what I need.
Sending you many hugs and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand the sense of panic you're feeling, wondering where the he!! the money is going to come from, and I'm working 2 jobs, 6 days a week.
All I can tell you is, every time I've been frantic, worried about a bill or something I needed to pay, stressed about where the money was going to come from, it's always, always worked out. This has happened enough that I rarely get stressed out any more, and that's huge progress for me.
I have a "chat" with my HP - "I'll keep doing what I need to do, but I could use a little HELP here
" and then I let it go". I wait tables at one of my jobs, and there have been nights I make exactly what I need. Sending you many hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Thank you everyone for your support which I will absolutely take that with nothing else.
My head is going, I'm trying to figure this out for myself. I know there has to be an answer. I'm just incredibly depressed, hurt, angry, all of those wonderful emotions right now.
I haven't gotten diddly for sleep either..........grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! Coffee is brewing and I'm going to keep meditating, thinking and call some of my sober friends. Heh, I'll let them sleep a little more though, HA!!!
I have to tell you all also, I feel so totally alone right now. This place is a God send. So glad I found this site.
My head is going, I'm trying to figure this out for myself. I know there has to be an answer. I'm just incredibly depressed, hurt, angry, all of those wonderful emotions right now.
I haven't gotten diddly for sleep either..........grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! Coffee is brewing and I'm going to keep meditating, thinking and call some of my sober friends. Heh, I'll let them sleep a little more though, HA!!!
I have to tell you all also, I feel so totally alone right now. This place is a God send. So glad I found this site.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Originally Posted by Lenina 
((((vegibean))))) Big hugs! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't believe there's no kind of aid out there for you. Let me give it some thought. I don't know what services are in your area. My sister is homeless and we are trying to get her some help here. She's unemployable at this point. I know you were very connected to your rehab center. Any advice or help there?
You're in my thoughts.
Much love,
Lenina
You're in my thoughts.
Much love,
Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Originally Posted by chiynita
Sorry to hear that VB. I dont have any advice. But I hope you hang in there.
I know Palm Beach County sucks in helping people that really need it. I got more help when I didnt give a crap and cared about nothing except being int he streets of Lake Worth and stayign high than when I actually wanted to do something with myself.
I remember sitting in a hotel on 45th street one night with so much crack I didnt know what to do with myself. I totally had a meltdown and picked up the phone and called every rehab and social services number I could find. No one would help me. No ONe!! Not even CARP. I was crying hystericly and they didnt care.
That was the very first time I felt beat down by the system.
But you know. When I finally snapped out of it. I got my head together a little and just kept trying on my own.
I didnt ever get any help. But I didnt give up either. If I had. I would have been dead in a canal somewhere a long time ago.
Just do what you can and keep doing the right thing.
In my experience. Just the act of doing the right thing has never let me down.
Good things happen for good people. It may take more time than you would like. But it will when you think you cant go on any more.
I wish I had more to offer you. I am thinking of you.
I know Palm Beach County sucks in helping people that really need it. I got more help when I didnt give a crap and cared about nothing except being int he streets of Lake Worth and stayign high than when I actually wanted to do something with myself.
I remember sitting in a hotel on 45th street one night with so much crack I didnt know what to do with myself. I totally had a meltdown and picked up the phone and called every rehab and social services number I could find. No one would help me. No ONe!! Not even CARP. I was crying hystericly and they didnt care.
That was the very first time I felt beat down by the system.
But you know. When I finally snapped out of it. I got my head together a little and just kept trying on my own.
I didnt ever get any help. But I didnt give up either. If I had. I would have been dead in a canal somewhere a long time ago.
Just do what you can and keep doing the right thing.
In my experience. Just the act of doing the right thing has never let me down.
Good things happen for good people. It may take more time than you would like. But it will when you think you cant go on any more.
I wish I had more to offer you. I am thinking of you.
Chiy, everything you just said, YEP!!!!!! And that's just where I'm at. I'm doing too good to receive any kind of help/assistance and I was just thinking to myself last night that had I actually been to jail or committed a crime, I would have gotten help right out of the gate. Saw it all the time at the treatment center I was at. Saw girls go get housing for $60 a month, cash assistance, child care, schooling..........here I am struggling and stressing.
I'm so glad you posted. I know you've been through a lot but since you've been in my "neck of the woods" your relating just did WONDERS for me Girl!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! :ghug
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