Pelican

You absolutely are one of my favorite SR cheerleaders.

I'm so sorry you are struggling at this time. We care about you and appreciate you exactly as you are.

(((hugs))) and positive thoughts to you!!!

Anna

I am SO sorry you are going through this Vegibean!

Hugs and prayers for your peace.

Waterman

I wish I knew why getting sober seems to coincide with a bunch of other crap, and it is easy to blame the sobriety, because our problems seem to "ride on the coat-tails" of it. Lord knows, Just when I think I'm doing great, I have a bad day. You are in a trying time, but you will be rewarded for your pain. Hang in there!!

tommyk

There's only one thing I know for sure:

Alcohol & drugs will only make the existing problems WORSE...

... there is NO solution involving alcohol and/or drugs.

Rowan

I'm sorry for your struggles, Caitlin, but I'm glad to see you reaching out and seeking help and comfort - rather than reaching for the bottle. It's during these bleak times that I believe we do the most growing. I hope you are able to find part-time work in order to help your financial situation. Hang in there, my recovery sister.

vegibean

tommy, my life this past year has been an incredible struggle, this is the topper. If I was going to pick up over my "problems", I would have done it a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnng time ago.

Freeport

When I get down, Vegi, I say to myself: "At least I'm sober." Don't let go of that, man. You're going to get through this and you'll be kicking a$$ and taking names before you're through. We all believe in you here at SR. Hang in there. You're an inspiration to us.

coffeenut

When I first started reading this post I was horrified for you! And by the end I'm almost bawling....look at how strong you have become! You aren't going to let ANYTHING (even a nasty X) convince you to pick up again. I am in awe of you, right now.

You know, being strong and staying strong...is Really gonna drive the x nuts, don't you think?! That's not nice, but I hope it's true.

Excellent advice in your thread, Vegi. Wow....just goes to show how powerful this forum is.

Have a good day....I hope you stick close and let us know how you are doing.

Horselover

You can add me to the list of people praying for you Vegi. Starting today. Power of prayer really has worked in my life and there is power when there is more then one praying. I had a church praying for my stepdad when he was in coma and the doctors had given up on him. A miracle happened and the man is working a part-time job as a greeter at Walmart today. Miracles happen everyday and it can happen for you.

You are definitely an inspiration in your recovery journey. I don't think there is one person here who hasn't thrown up their arms and said, "I don't get it. I am doing what I should in recovery and yet, life is still so hard." It is hard at times, but it is so much better when we solve these problems with out the blurred effects of our addiction.

I will wave my magic wand and prayer hard for you for the next few days. I know you will have good things happen in your life Vegi. Hugs - Sarah

four812

hi Caitlin

i know nothing about you and your life and your current recovery, except that i read the pain you described that is overwheilming you right now. i felt it and i feel for you

i don't really know what to suggest and sometimes it's better to be heard than all of the advise that comes when our own 'discomfort' makes other people uncomfortable with the discomfort that is within them

I can relate to your pain because i am in pain...NOW....not the financial pain like you described, but the circus of my mind thinking that just keeps going on and on throughout the day and night even. sometimes there's a little oasis from the pain and that sure is nice when it comes. I guess we just keep plugging away as best we can?

i don't know. thanks

may peace be in and around you today

keithj

I would guess that this is what your time not being sober has gotten you. And I'm not trying to kick you when you're dowm.

When I was facing similar circumstances, jail was imminent, my divorce was in its last few months, I was in debt, and I was a couple months sober, I felt like my head was going to explode. Literally. Pop right off my body.

It was like my brain had ceased to function except to swirl around the feelings of panic and despair. The only thing I could actively do was say the 3rd step prayer. Dozens of times each day. Refocus and continue as best I could. 10 minutes go by, I'm spun out again. 3rd step prayer again. I accepted my fate. I give up.

It sucks being where you are, but you can absolutely get through it. None of it really matters. Staying sober does. So do the next thing on the path of recovery.

Lenina

VB,

I don't know if this is possible but can your lawyer at Legal Aid ask for a differen't payment plan? You'd have to bring in receipts from your rent, your other obligations and maybe have a letter from the rehab center about how hard you're working in recovery? Maybe your sponsor could go to court with you?

I can't understand how the court can order you pay an amount each month that will put you on the streets or force you into a womens shelter. Did your lawyer make clear to the court your income? It's not like you're asked to be excused from the debt, just needing a payment schedule you can actually meet.

Please consult with the lawyer again. And anyone from your treatment center who might be able to offer better advice. And do keep up updated.

Love,

Lenina

vegibean

Lenina, that is exactly my plan. I've left a msg. for my attorney and am waiting for Monday for the clinical team to be in the office to talk to them. So far, those that I've talked to that know what my situation has been like, know what I've been doing as far as my efforts go are just as floored as I am.

I did not ask to be excused however I did ask for some mercy as I am truly struggling.

The feelings suck. I haven't felt this much dispair since I was drinking. To me, that's sad.

Dee74

I'm sorry Caitlin. It just sucks.

But you have a lot of friends here - you're not alone.
Lean on us

D

Lenina

VB,

Great! You have a plan! Now it's into action. You are taking responsibility so the court should not create another social problem by the over-reaching from the X. In these hard times I would think the court might take an enlightened stance if the facts are well-presented.

This weekend, get your receipts and pay stubs organized. Know that you are moving forward. Know you have the support here and with your rehab center and recovery program! You are not alone.

You've been an inspiration for me and others, as they have kindly posted to you.

Much love,

Lenina

mikefreak

Just wondering, VB-won't the b******s let you pay your $444.75 in payments? Hang on for dear life, bro...............

lifechanging

I am in a similar situation but I don't have an x asking 4 money . I contacted family. It is very hard to do but it was my last option. Can u do that? I am new on the site but it was my lifesaver a month ago. I was so bad I counldn't even type. Just so u know u r in my prayers.

LosingmyMisery

Don't give up, keep working on a solution. I have walked the same financial path. I was unemployed and so far in debt, trying to make ends meet, I would lay in bed at night and the panic would paralyze me. It took time, but I have since found a job, been there some time now. I thought I had ruined my chances of find employment due to my reputation. I now have been there over 4 years. I'm still amazed that the time has gone by so quickly. I'm very happy there.

However, the debt collectors found me, harassed me, took me to court, several times, and garnished my wages. I managed to pay off one of two mortgages at the same time. I recently filed bankruptcy and my debts have been released. I did it on my own, without a lawyer, and saved a bundle of money I didn't have. I had to clean up the wreckage of my past. I thought it impossible, but I have done it. Money is tight, but I have come far and gained experience no money could buy.

The only way I achieved a second chance and meeting goals was by staying sober. In my darkest moments, I knew the orly way to move forward was to not pick up. Drinking got me in this huge mess. You already know that, but try to take it one day at a time. Todays problems are soon forgotten and a new one will take its place. That is how life is, exhausting at times.

I have found with sobriety there is a solution for everything. Money, or lack there of is the worst struggle and stress. The fact of the matter is, it is only money. It can not take away what I have learned and overcome through sobriety. To me, that knowledge and strength is priceless. Things always have a way of working themselves out. Even when you feel all options are exhausted. Have faith, and out of the blue the solution will fall into your lap.

Believe it and it will happen. Stay strong and I wish you the best of luck. I just wanted to share to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I traveled that tunnel. It was long and dark, but I kept trudging, tired and weary, but finally reached the end. So can you. Faith and hope...

vegibean

That sounds so familiar. Sounds a lot like what I'm going through right now. I do believe you and I believe you're right. It is why I am still hanging on. I have total faith in myself. I'm just hoping that in all of this I don't lose my @ss.

I haven't felt this horrible since back in the day when I was drunk out of my mind wondering "what am I going to do?" It REALLY sucks having that feeling while I'm sober and sincerely striving, trying, doing, perusing to keep doing the absolute best I can.

Your post is certainly motivational and adds to what I already know. Thank you!

LosingmyMisery

There is something wrong with our system if paying back debt will put us out in the street cold, tired,and hungry. I know I owe the debt. I know I screwed up, but I am doing the best I can. Why do they figure gross income when we don't get gross income? What do they want us to cut out when they figure out payment plans? Sure, I could cut back a little, but those payment plans are very unrealistic and cold hearted.

I went to court to negotiate a payment plan with one debtor. I knew I was there to give all information to garnish my wages. I offered a payment of 150.00 dollars a month. I could afford that. There is nothing wrong with that. He took the offer and brought it to his company. I received a letter stating that they refused the amount, they would settle for nothing less than 350.00 a month. I sent the a check for 150.00 and they cashed it. When my checks started being garnished, they took out 460.00 a month. Hey, wait a minute, what happened to the 350.00 that you originally stated?

Keep fighting it. Have you tried debt companies? You most likely have. They can be helpful, but you still have to be careful with them. Keep working with your lawyer and other agencies and hopefully a more viable solution will show itself. Stand strong and state your case. You can't go deeper into depth trying to take care of old debt. You still have to pay bills, eat, etc.

There is a lot of game playing going on. I would be taken to court and the creditor wouldn't show. They had changed the court date and I wouldn't get the change notice until after the fact, after driving 2 hours round trip trip to attend court. They did this 3 times. I tried to contact them by mail to set up a payment plan and they never took the time to get back to me.

The company that garnished my wages, I did some research on the internet about them. They were ruthless. There were many complaints about trying to work wit them, but they wouldn't return calls or work with people who were making the effort to do the right thing. One poor woman was pregnant with a little one at home and they refused to work with her. She was at her wits end not knowing how she was going to pay back the money at the rate they wanted. They really don't want to work with you, they want to get at you. I think it is a shame. We owe the money, but you can't get blood from a turnip.

It is hard, but you will get through this. You aren't alone and you will gain strength and knowledge from the experience. Take deep breaths and do research, research, to find solutions. There are a lot of people on the boards who can help with useful advice. Good luck and even though the solution seems far away, you will get there.