lauraandersen4

Hey... I'm new to the forum but not really sure if it is for me. I truly don't consider myself an alcoholic. I have always liked wine and that's it. My brother supplies me with a case for free every time I visit my home town. I won't go into anything past the last few years... but stay in the present.

Since dental school started 3 years ago, I have been drinking more heavily. It started out once in a while and I would end up binging with friends only when I went out and never if I was driving. When clinic started, I found myself stressed and drinking every night (3-4 glasses of wine) to relax. I'm to the point where I think about it at school, but I never drink at school. I'm never late, I have control.

I can't wait to get home to have a drink...but it isn't because I need it, it's because I LIKE IT. I like the feeling. It relaxes me. This has been about 6 months now and after repeated times of my friend (online) telling me arguments I had with her that I didn't always fully remember (but parts I did) but that were very very bad, angry and disrespectful. She has cancer and doesn't deserve that. She thinks I have a problem that I don't see. My husband points out that he is used to me drinking at night... I stay coherent though... and that he will lock the door at night etc so I dont forget because I have been drinking. It is insulting but not really impacting my marriage or anything. Sometimes I just have a glass or 2 before he gets home. I'm fully functional and I don't have to have it, I just LIKE it...I never pass out or get so drunk I can't stand etc... but I think about it a lot when I'm not having it ...can't stand the feeling after I'm done when it is wearing off.

My life is not being harmed neither emotionally nor in my relationships. I think I should cut down because no one should have to deal with my crap... but I like wine and am afraid that I may be miserable without it in my life. What do you think?

Thanks -- K

least

Is your wine drinking a problem FOR YOU? Never mind what others say or do, is it a problem for you?? Be honest with yourself. It's hard to see a lifetime without drinking, but why don't you just take it one day at a time? Go without wine for a day, then two, then... and see what happens. Sounds like it may be problematic, if your husband is locking doors after you start drinking...

Would quitting drinking make your life easier or better? One little thing... "normal" drinkers don't come to a recovery site with questions. When I started to question my drinking habits... I knew I had a problem.

Welcome to SR!

Thentram

Hi Laura,

Welcome! I can very much relate to your experience. 2 years ago I would say the following: I tend to drink in the evenings, nearly every evening. I plan for it during the day and get very anxious in the evening if something comes up to prevent it. I too have had conversations that I do not remember. My wife has never mentioned any issues she's had with my drinking.

In the past year I have progressed to where not remembering conversations have turned into full blackouts (can't remember anything from a certain point in the evening on). I have also hid my consumption from my wife and did the majority of my drinking after she went to bed. For the first time in my life I've had nights where I truly did not have any urge to drink but started drinking anyway.

When I joined SR 2 years ago I considered myself an alcoholic then. The progression has just served as further proof.

If you think alcohol is causing some problems in your life this is a great place to get support. It sounds like the only problem you have is other people's reaction to your drinking. You say that perhaps you should cut down to the point where your friend does not have to deal with the "crap". This sounds like an excellent place to start, maybe try that and stick around here and let us know how it goes?

Again, welcome and all best wishes!

smacked

I liked it too... too much.

Moderate drinking for women is 1 glass (or shot or beer..w/e) per day.

Try that for a while, it might answer some questions for you about the help you might need (or might not)

Either way, welcome!

tommyk

1.) "My life is not being harmed neither emotionally nor in my relationships."

2.) "...telling me arguments I had with her that I didn't always fully remember (but parts I did) but that were very very bad, angry and disrespectful. She has cancer and doesn't deserve that."

One of the above statements is false... because they cannot both be true, right?

Keep coming back.

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to the SR community.
Please feel free to keep coming back no matter what.

What i think is unimportant as it would just be an opinion
based on my perception of what you have shared.


Personaly, i am always willing to go to any length to stay clean & sober. That has helped me to discover HOW IT WORKS and to rely on a power greater than myself to help me recover. Today i am living a way of life that has been made possible by the God of my understanding through working the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.
It isn't so much as where i have come from, it's where i am going that matters most to me.

keithj

I love this idea. It's not one of the Big Book tests, but it's a pretty good way to tell if you have that craving thing that separates alcoholics from normal drinkers. I usually recommend two drinks a day, no more no less, every day for a month. You can learn whether or not you can control your drinking and how you feel about that.

Anna

I liked drinking wine too, and for awhile I thought I had complete control. Of course, I crossed that invisible line, and once that is done, there is no going back. You think about drinking often, you feel bad when the buzz is wearing off and you're drinking more to deal with the stress of school. Of course, it's up to you to decide if you're an alcoholic, but to me it sounds like you are in denail. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse, unless you stop.

Freeport

Lots of great posts here, as usual. Thentram's sentiments reflect my own and possibly the same stage I've found myself in the past year.

Laura, when I'm not drinking, I know I'm a much better, more patient person around the house with my wife and kids because I'm not anticipating that first drink. I'm no longer carving out time for booze because I have better things to do.

Per Anna, this is a progressive disease and it can accelerate quickly and suddenly. You might be at that point. I think you need to seriously evaluate your drinking. It's good you've come to SR.

CarolD

Hmm....
I suggest you Google for info on blackouts and alcohol.
That is beginning to happen to you.

And..... Welcome....

shelly009

Welcome!! I am new here too, its a great place for questions and support.

I too was/am much like you... only drinking at night but thinking about it during the day. I rarely blacked out or did anything stupid and really thought it didnt have much of an impact on my family and friends (but I often drank alone and later at night). I was feeling really guilty and hated myself for all my broken promises. In the end I can see that being mad at myself for my lack of control and hiding my problem made me a pretty miserable person to be around sometimes... so I was in fact impacting many people in my life, especially when I tried to blame them for everything (mostly hubby)

I am a believer in the fact that most of us know whats best for ourselves. It took me a few years of feeling stupid and guilty, wondering if I had a problem. Now I know not only that I did/do have a problem but that it is only going to get worse if I dont do something about it.

I am glad I decided to do something about it before it got to be too much to control. If you think you have a problem, you are better off addressing it now before it gets out of hand. It only gets bumpier the farther down the alcohol path you go.

Stick around!! Its great to meet you!

jamdls

Hi Laura, welcome to SR. Whether or not you are an alcoholic only you would know, but I think just having a problem with controlling your drinking is a good reason to be here. I used to love my wine, and I live alone so I figured my drinking didn't bother anyone, what I did in the privacy of my home was my business. My life was not out of control I had and have a great job, own my home, pay all my bills, etc. I don't think I was technically an "alcoholic" but I certainly had a drinking problem and I finally had to accept that I am not capable of just having an occassional glass of wine I want the whole bottle and then some. I haven 't had a drink in nearly 2 years and I love the fact that I no longer NEED it. SR is a great place for to get and receive support from others who share the same struggles.

Judy

Dee74

Hi Laura

Theres been some great advice here. Noone here can decide for you whether you are an alcoholic or not - there are a number of red flags in yr post tho, as other ppl have suggested.

I wasn't sure if I was alcoholic when I got here either - and I drank all day every day.

I did a lot of reading here and it didn't take me long to realise my obvious problem - denial can be a huge obstacle to action, so read some posts, see if you recognise some commonalities or not, and hopefully you can make up your own mind

Welcome to SR.
D

Oatmeal

Lots of good advice given here. I think the fact that you took the time and made the effort to post here says alot. If you're questioning whether you have a problem, then there probably is one.

tyler

First of all, welcome to SR!! It's a great place to get support, advice, ask questions and get a variety of responses.

Only you can decide if you have a problem or not, and if you do, do you want to do anything to change it. I think you've gotten some good advice here already.

A few things about your post stood out for me. You repeatedly say that you love wine, but it doesn't sound like it's the wine you love as much as the buzz. That is a danger sign. I love port wine, and I'm not talking about the $5 a bottle hooch at the liquer store. A good 20-30 year tawney, maybe a Taylor or Fonsecca. I had several very expensive bottles, a couple hundered each. I knew I had a problem when, not being able to get out to the liquer store to buy some cheap hooch, I took it upon myself to empty one of those bottles on my own. See, it wasn't the port I loved anymore, it was the buzz.

It also sounds like your drinking is progressing. You think about it as school. Other's are noticing it and pointing it out to you. Again, danger sign. As Carol pointed out your drinking does not fall into the "moderate" catagory. You may consider it moderate, but doctors and professionals don't.

Do you have a problem? Again, only you can decide that one, but I think deep down, if you are honest with yourself, part of you is thinking that you do. As someone else mentioned, no one gets to this site, and posts a question about themselves on accident. Hopefully you won't have to go through the drama and heartache many of us have put ourselves and those we love through.

I think the suggestion of trying moderation (1 glass of wine a night) is a good idea. If it is truely the wine and not the buzz you love it should be no problem. People who don't have drinking problems don't have to "try" not to drink, they just don't do it if they don't want to. Hope you stick around. Take care and welcome again!!

Gypsy Feet

I admit I am a little jealous of both Laura and Shelly. I only drank at night. I never woke up late, or drove while intoxicated, I hardly ever had hang overs. Friends tell me now that they noticed the last 4-5 months of my drinking I had been hitting it a little heavier than usually, but to this day none of them think I had a problem.

Then came the night that all of my friends and family were over and I had too many jello shots. The next morning it was up to my daughter to tell me all of the hideous things I had done the night before. Things I would have never in a million years done sober.

You two gals have a chance to quit before that happens. I try not to have regrets, but it probably would have been better for my kid if I had come here a month earlier.

Good luck.

shelly009

Thanks Lisa, it means more than you know to hear you experience. I have 2 kids who are old enough to know whats going on. I have done my fair share of stupid things while drunk but I am happy to say that up until this point I really dont think they have seen too much... except me being tired, grouchy and hungover sometimes.

I know it is/was only a matter of time, I had an alcoholic mother and father growing up. I dont want my kids to experience ANY of what I did.

lauraandersen4

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have already learned a lot from the people who responded on here, and I wish you all the best on your quest to move past alcohol.

One question I unfortunately already know the answer to is that one drink is not enough. It never is. I can't remember the last time I had only one. I consider it pointless to drink any amount that I won't get a buzz off of. I started looking into this also because I was so giddy (this time) from wine at my mother and father in laws that I drank nearly the entire bottle... and they had company...this was about 3 months ago. I didn't make a fool out of myself, I don't think, but I still think they noticed and I was in the company of a recovering alcoholic. How shoddy of me. Thanks everyone. Good luck.

1_day@_a_time

people generally don't find themselves at this website of they don't have a problem.

somethings not quite right.........

Astro

Laura, glad you're here, I really can't add anything more useful than what's already been shared.

I hang around with a lot of old-timers in AA, they tend to come up with some pretty comical, but also very real, bits of wisdom. This is one of my favorites:

I didn't wake up one morning and think that my life was so good that I'd top it off with a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (and posting on a recovery website)

It just happened that way. No regrets though.