Dee74

For me it was important to realise addiction did not equal weakness. I am not a weak man, but I was an addicted one.

There doesn't have to be shame in having been an active alcoholic - but it may take time to get to that point - it is uncomfortable - and thats ok...we've all been there.

In the end, you have to look forward not back, Clayton.

The past is a closed door no matter how regrettable it might be - I focus on the now and the strides I've made in recovery.

I'm not in AA but I've made my own amends these past two years by my conduct and my behaviour and my life as it is now, not as it was then

D

SurviveIt

First of all, welcome! I hope this place helps you get sober. It's helped me, though I'm just a pup with under a month of sobriety.

You said you were depressed, hungover, suicidal. How fun is that? So far, life is a lot more fun for me without alcohol.

1_day@_a_time

How do you all deal with the shame of realizing your an alcoholic?

It took me some time to understand what I'm about to say:

I'm actually very grateful to be an addict/alcoholic.

I've grown in ways I never dreamed possible in recovery.

I've learned to love myself, be forgiving & compassionate, caring, a better listener, gentler, less judgemental, more flexible, more accepting of others, tolerant & get in excellent physical condition. I could go on & on.

About this time, perhaps you are shaking your head in disbelief wondering what this has to do with being an alcoholic.

By aligning myself with the correct people in recovery, this in fact what has happened to me. I've built an entirely new character.

No shame here........just a great deal of personal growth.

It's unfortunate I didn't even consider recovery until I was in my 40's.

YOU are a lucky man.

Charmie

hello again clay.i loved what one day @ a time just said.my shame was all in my active alcoholism.now i have no shame.i live a quiete life and try to be useful to other folk.ive just joined a befriending service where you visit old folk with no family in their home.i work in the red cross book shop one afternoon a week too,,no shame in that! when i was performing it was a constant nightmare waking up and trying to remember who i had offended,who i had rang drank,and my behaviour when i went out was less than an alley cat.in the end i just stayed behind closed doors.im only new in recovery but my life is less than boring.when i was drinking i always seemed to be running around at a million miles an hour (even behind closed doors my brain never ceased!).apart form the little jobs i do i have found now that i like my own company.i spend a lot of time on sr,it is a great tool in recovery and there is always plenty of great info and perspectives to read.when you get a little sobriety under your belt you will get a sense of peace and it is not boring,quite the opposite! once i made the descision that i could no longer drink and indeed didnt want to,this peace decsended upon me.i have had to work for its continuity but thats ok with me.its alot better than the living h$ll that was active alcoholism for me.i hope you decide which path you are going to take.my experiment for 20 years deciding whether i was alcoholic or not wasnt pretty.i wish you well clay.keep posting.

Tazman53

Clay you say you are looking to "Moderate" your drinking, check out this link to a group called "Moderation Management" Moderation Management

I know for me because I am an alcoholic there is no such thing as "Moderation", when I drink it is all or nothing, but that is me. The program of "Moderation Management" I think is an excellent program for those who are not alcoholic but do tend to have problems due to drinking, but more importantly they also feel that some folks come to them not knowing if they are an alcoholic or not, this program allows them to fairly quickly determine if they are an alcoholic or not.

Check out thier program and see how it works for you, it is a 9 step program. The first step of "Moderation Management" is to attend meetings, the second step is to not have a single drink for for 30 days.

When I finally hit my bottom I could not even go one day without drinking, I had to be medically detoxed, 30 days was out of the question for me.

Check out "Moderation Management", I hope it works for you, but if it does not then check out AA and the other programs of total abstinance.

AA is what worked for me & hundreds of thousands of others, I am far from being religous, but I was able to get spiritual and did find a power greater then myself and alcohol that has given me a daily repreive from my alcoholism based upon me maintaining my spritual fitness.

If you do decide upon AA know that it is a very simple program for very complex people. The steps are the solution, taken one step at a time, in order, with a sponsor, with an open mind, and a willingness to do what ever it took to stay sober, I have been totally releived of the bonds of my alcoholism today.

martha27

claythescribe, you are really smart and insightful for a 24 year old, I still had another 12 years on you of being a dumbass before I got wise. I have really enjoyed reading your posts, even though you have a problem with alcohol you seem to have a good understanding of yourself and control over your own destiny, very admirable.

So were all the beautiful posts you have recieved, I got a lot out of reading them and they are from some of my favourite SR members, so you must have touched a lot of people other than just me. Good luck with your decisions, your life and your journey, keep looking out for yourself and take care of your heart and your spirit (the non godly one!) and keep posting!

keithj

I felt a lot of shame and guilt when I first got sober. Through the inventory process of AA's 4th step, and through changing my behaviors as part of becoming entirely ready to have my defects removed, I've been able to turn my past bad deeds into an asset that has been useful to others working that 4th step. My past is an asset because it's my experience that may benefit someone else.

That's ahead of where you are in recovery, but I promise you it awaits. Or, you can look at it rationally. I remember sitting at work one morning after crashing a car and bailing out of jail in the wee hours. Just sitting there shaking, trying to fake like everything was OK, and in a panic over how I was going to get out of this mess. A friend and coworker called me on the phone and asked what the hell was going on. I played dumb and he asked if I had seen the news.

Long story short, a picture of me in handcuffs next to a smoking car on the front page of the paper, live video on the nightly news. Not pretty. I didn't think that shame would ever be lifted. That particular experience did not keep me sober. And the shame stayed with me. But when I got sober, I was able to look at my actions and responsibility, and able to make amends to those harmed. The shame left and I never have to feel it again.

Today, I look those co-workers in the eye and about all they think of me is what a remarkable change has taken place. They can rely and depend on me, and I'm even pretty fun to be around. This is one of the miracles of true sobriety.

Tazman53

Speaking of the shame, well I had a great deal of shame I carried with me for many years being a drunk alcoholic, the shame left me after takinig the steps and becoming a recovering alcoholic.

ClayTheScribe

I asked this of one user but I guess I'll ask it here too.

When in AA how do you go about finding a sponsor and how does that process work? How soon should I find a sponsor? I ask because I can be shy and have a hard time approaching strangers.

Believe808

Hi Clay, at the meetings I attend, newcomers raise their hand in the beginning of the meeting and say they are new or coming back and need a sponsor. There are many who will probably offer after meeting. Also at some meetings they ask the temp sponsors to raise Their hands and for anyone who needs a temp sponsor to see them after meeting. Everyone has been where you are right now, it does get easier. Hope that helps

tyler

Most meetings have a section where literature is available. There is one on sponsorship and how to get a sponsor. Most recommend getting one as soon as possible. As Believe mentioned many meetings will have newcommers identify themselves, not to single you out or to embarass you, but so people can approach you if you are shy.

My advice would be to try to get to know some people. Talk to them, before and/or after the meeting. See who seems to click with you. Generally it is recommended that your sponsor have at least a year of sober time under his belt, have a sponsor himself and be the same sex as you. I think it is also important to make sure that he's not sponsoring so many people he doesn't have time to work with you.

Some of it hard, getting over shyness, I suffer from it myself. Generally you will find folks at the meetings very open and eager to share with you how they got sober and whatever help they can give you. Oftentimes you will be given a list of phone numbers of various members you can call if you need to talk before you take that first drink.

I'd say just give it a shot. Try it on, you've got nothing to lose, it doesn't cost anything and you can be pretty sure it is an hour of your day you won't spend drinking!! Best of luck, take care.