Questions about recovery/AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Questions about recovery/AA
Hi my name is Clayton and I'm an alcoholic. I'm 24 and I've probably been one since longer than I'm willing to admit. Alcohol has made my depression worse leading to cutting, violent behavior and suicidal thoughts. Yet I cannot control the urges to drink or find a suitable replacement. I want to be able to moderate my drinking but I fear that won't be possible. Seventy percent of me wants to quit drinking, but the 30 percent is dominating my life.
I have a therapist who specializes in addiction, but I've not really made much progress there and I'm told one-on-one therapy is not as effective for addiction as group therapy. I know I should join AA but I'm skeptical. First, I don't believe in God so I'm not sure how it would work for me. I'm told that in place of God I can use "higher self" but some of the 12 steps seem so specific to God. What should I do? I'm also skeptical of how telling a group of strangers my problems with alcohol will help other than let me share and hear glory stories. Also should I not even go to AA if I'm not fully dedicated to being sober, or does it not matter? I suppose I'm also afraid that if I go to AA I'll be compelled to stop drinking completely, which I'm not ready to give up, and the self-destructive streak in me doesn't want help for me. Yet I'm afraid that self-destructive streak, furthered by the alcohol, will lead me to a very final and permanent decision about my life.
I guess I'm a little loss and looking for some advice.
Thank you,
Clayton
in Denver
P.S. I've also heard of LifeRing as an alternative to AA for non-religious or spiritual addicts. Any opinions on them?
I have a therapist who specializes in addiction, but I've not really made much progress there and I'm told one-on-one therapy is not as effective for addiction as group therapy. I know I should join AA but I'm skeptical. First, I don't believe in God so I'm not sure how it would work for me. I'm told that in place of God I can use "higher self" but some of the 12 steps seem so specific to God. What should I do? I'm also skeptical of how telling a group of strangers my problems with alcohol will help other than let me share and hear glory stories. Also should I not even go to AA if I'm not fully dedicated to being sober, or does it not matter? I suppose I'm also afraid that if I go to AA I'll be compelled to stop drinking completely, which I'm not ready to give up, and the self-destructive streak in me doesn't want help for me. Yet I'm afraid that self-destructive streak, furthered by the alcohol, will lead me to a very final and permanent decision about my life.
I guess I'm a little loss and looking for some advice.
Thank you,
Clayton
in Denver
P.S. I've also heard of LifeRing as an alternative to AA for non-religious or spiritual addicts. Any opinions on them?
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
You don't *have* to go to AA to get or stay sober, but a lot of people do. It's probably better than what you're doing now, right?
I don't use AA in my recovery, so I can't answer the specific questions you have about it, but a bunch of people will come around and give you some good insight and opinion. I do know that the only requirment for membership to AA is the desire to quit drinking. You wrote that you don't want to quit, so honestly I'm not sure why you'd go to AA???
You're right, there's lots of alternatives for recovery, if and when you want to, luckily.. as we're all so very different.
I'm in Denver too..
Welcome!
I don't use AA in my recovery, so I can't answer the specific questions you have about it, but a bunch of people will come around and give you some good insight and opinion. I do know that the only requirment for membership to AA is the desire to quit drinking. You wrote that you don't want to quit, so honestly I'm not sure why you'd go to AA???
You're right, there's lots of alternatives for recovery, if and when you want to, luckily.. as we're all so very different.
I'm in Denver too..
Welcome!
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
I don't understand why you are here and asking for help in your recovery if you say you are not ready to give up alcohol? Recovery is quitting drinking, not drinking in moderation. There is no drinking moderately if you have a drinking problem.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Clayton, welcome!!!!!!!!!
You pose some great questions, all answered in AA's Big Book.
Perhaps you would consider reading the first 164 pages to get the answers & see what the next step is for you.
If you decide to go to a meeting, you don't have to say one word. Ever. If anyone asks you to speak, let them know you are there to listen for now.
Oh, I really didn't believe in God either, at least I WAS totally confused on the issue, the bewildered one......no longer.
Search & research again & again, always with an open mind.
Not sure I can get my hands around the idea of me getting sober at 24, I WISH!!!!!!! I was not ready, maybe you are. What a gift!! (there IS a life w/o drinking & drugging, a very very good one indeed!)
Hope you will stick around & see.
You pose some great questions, all answered in AA's Big Book.
Perhaps you would consider reading the first 164 pages to get the answers & see what the next step is for you.
If you decide to go to a meeting, you don't have to say one word. Ever. If anyone asks you to speak, let them know you are there to listen for now.
Oh, I really didn't believe in God either, at least I WAS totally confused on the issue, the bewildered one......no longer.
Search & research again & again, always with an open mind.
Not sure I can get my hands around the idea of me getting sober at 24, I WISH!!!!!!! I was not ready, maybe you are. What a gift!! (there IS a life w/o drinking & drugging, a very very good one indeed!)
Hope you will stick around & see.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by smacked 
You don't *have* to go to AA to get or stay sober, but a lot of people do. It's probably better than what you're doing now, right?
I don't use AA in my recovery, so I can't answer the specific questions you have about it, but a bunch of people will come around and give you some good insight and opinion. I do know that the only requirment for membership to AA is the desire to quit drinking. You wrote that you don't want to quit, so honestly I'm not sure why you'd go to AA???
You're right, there's lots of alternatives for recovery, if and when you want to, luckily.. as we're all so very different.
I'm in Denver too..
Welcome!
I don't use AA in my recovery, so I can't answer the specific questions you have about it, but a bunch of people will come around and give you some good insight and opinion. I do know that the only requirment for membership to AA is the desire to quit drinking. You wrote that you don't want to quit, so honestly I'm not sure why you'd go to AA???
You're right, there's lots of alternatives for recovery, if and when you want to, luckily.. as we're all so very different.
I'm in Denver too..
Welcome!
And, 1_day@_a_time, I'm not looking to be converted to believing in God again, I'm past that in my life. I am spiritual so how do I get AA to work for me?
:sorry
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I don't think any program or "way" can get or keep you sober.. it's you that has to do all the work. It's more like a toolbox.
I used individual therapy, 2x a week for about 6 months. I've been sober for over 9.
I couldn't get or stay sober until I wanted it more than I wanted to ever drink again, that sounds cliche', but it's true!!
I used individual therapy, 2x a week for about 6 months. I've been sober for over 9.
I couldn't get or stay sober until I wanted it more than I wanted to ever drink again, that sounds cliche', but it's true!!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Welcome Clayton.
If you understand the need for Good Orderly Direction, then AA might be the place for you.
A spiritual, not religious program, AA is comprised of a group of people just like me, who each believe in their own version of a 'higher power'.
AA = people... good people, great people.
Keep coming back.
If you understand the need for Good Orderly Direction, then AA might be the place for you.
A spiritual, not religious program, AA is comprised of a group of people just like me, who each believe in their own version of a 'higher power'.
AA = people... good people, great people.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Oooh, a kindred spirit. Hi Clayton. I came to AA as a devout atheist who believed that the idea of a higher power was only good for weak minded people who needed a fantasy in order to make their lives bearable.
I just took the 12 steps as outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book mentioned here. Nothing less and nothing more. My long held beliefs did not get in the way of recovering by a spiritual awakening. I had to be fearlessly honest, and do some things I didn't want to do, and lay aside some beliefs about sobriety and recovery and spiritual terms, but all I had to do was take the 12 steps.
It's normal to have some reservations about quitting drinking for good and all. Practical experience has shown that alcoholics fail at moderating or controlling drinking. So abstinence is the only answer for a real alcoholic. The Dr.'s Opinion and the 1st 3 chapters of the Big Book describe the practical, observable experience with this from the recovered alcoholic's point of view.
Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe
I am spiritual so how do I get AA to work for me?
It's normal to have some reservations about quitting drinking for good and all. Practical experience has shown that alcoholics fail at moderating or controlling drinking. So abstinence is the only answer for a real alcoholic. The Dr.'s Opinion and the 1st 3 chapters of the Big Book describe the practical, observable experience with this from the recovered alcoholic's point of view.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Lots of good comments here.........I would say, it's not necessary to worry about the God thing now, being spiritual is all you need.
Contemplate the following:
Who cares to admit complete defeat?
Practically no one, of course.
Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness.
It is truly awful to admit that glass in hand, I have warped my mind into such an obsession for destructive drinking/thinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from me.
What has helped me greatly is to look for the spiritual principles in recovery.
My experience has been, to learn APPLICATION OF THESE PRINCIPLES in the moment I'm in.
BTW, what unmanageable means to me: MY THOUGHT LIFE, SOBER.
Contemplate the following:
Who cares to admit complete defeat?
Practically no one, of course.
Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness.
It is truly awful to admit that glass in hand, I have warped my mind into such an obsession for destructive drinking/thinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from me.
What has helped me greatly is to look for the spiritual principles in recovery.
My experience has been, to learn APPLICATION OF THESE PRINCIPLES in the moment I'm in.
BTW, what unmanageable means to me: MY THOUGHT LIFE, SOBER.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Clay...I agree with keith...abstinence is the only way to get the monkey off your back and as it has been said before aa is just one way some people utilize. You have to want to quit for good...that's a decision only you can make.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I mostly just wanted to welcome you. This a great place to start to find answers to many of the questions you have. You will get a variety of opinions, and keep in mind that they are just the opinions of others trying to share with you what has worked and does work for them.
As someone has already pointed out, there is no "program" that is going to "fix" you. You have to do the work. The program is just there to provide structure and help you, much as a theripist should. Though some believe we are chemically disposed to drink or use uncontrolably, I personally believe there is usually an something underling in our lives that triggers the urge to use to excess. Again, just my opinion. AA addresses this through "working the steps". It basically provides a framework to get your life back, and do so without drinking. It provides face to face support in the form of meetings. But once again, it is not a cure. I would strongly urge you to attend some meetings, to see what you think. Make it several, because you really can't judge the program from just attending one meeting, as they are all quite different from each other.
You also asked about Lifering. It is a secular program based more on cognative behavorial therapy methods. SMART Recovery is another similar program. You can find more information about these programs on the Secular Connections portion of the forum. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Once again, welcome, I hope you find some answers to your questions and the support you need. Take care.
As someone has already pointed out, there is no "program" that is going to "fix" you. You have to do the work. The program is just there to provide structure and help you, much as a theripist should. Though some believe we are chemically disposed to drink or use uncontrolably, I personally believe there is usually an something underling in our lives that triggers the urge to use to excess. Again, just my opinion. AA addresses this through "working the steps". It basically provides a framework to get your life back, and do so without drinking. It provides face to face support in the form of meetings. But once again, it is not a cure. I would strongly urge you to attend some meetings, to see what you think. Make it several, because you really can't judge the program from just attending one meeting, as they are all quite different from each other.
You also asked about Lifering. It is a secular program based more on cognative behavorial therapy methods. SMART Recovery is another similar program. You can find more information about these programs on the Secular Connections portion of the forum. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Once again, welcome, I hope you find some answers to your questions and the support you need. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Keith has once again pretty much said it all. I love it when he does that as it saves me a lot of typing. Give AA a shot and a lot of your questions will be answered. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, and the primary purpose is to help other alcoholics to stop drinking. It's that simple. Don't get hung up on hypotheticals questions. Thinking too much is harmful to recovery. Just do it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to SR Clay! There are many 'programs' out there to help in staying sober, but none of them will work unless you want to be sober more than you want to drink. There are also many people here who are staying sober all by themselves with the help of SR and the experience, strength, and hope we find here.
I sometimes go to my home group AA meeting, and also have an addiction counselor who has been very helpful in staying sober and living a healthier life. But for the most part I come here every day to read and post and vent if I'm having troubles. I find people like myself and people very different from myself. I find hope and strength from everyone here. I hope you will too.
I sometimes go to my home group AA meeting, and also have an addiction counselor who has been very helpful in staying sober and living a healthier life. But for the most part I come here every day to read and post and vent if I'm having troubles. I find people like myself and people very different from myself. I find hope and strength from everyone here. I hope you will too.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi Clay and Welcome,
I'm not an AA person either, and have stayed sober for quite awhile with the help of books on spirituality and SR and the wonderful people I have met here. This place is full of inspiration and information. I hope you take a look around and decide to stay.
I'm not an AA person either, and have stayed sober for quite awhile with the help of books on spirituality and SR and the wonderful people I have met here. This place is full of inspiration and information. I hope you take a look around and decide to stay.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Originally Posted by Believe808
I don't understand why you are here and asking for help in your recovery if you say you are not ready to give up alcohol? Recovery is quitting drinking, not drinking in moderation. There is no drinking moderately if you have a drinking problem.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Hi Clay - welcome to SR 
This is a list we have here opf links to various recovery programmes - I hope it leads you to something good
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
I know what it's like not to want to give up alcohol completely - I think any drinker here does...I spent 20 years not wanting to....
There's no requirement to be abstinent to post here - SR is for people who are struggling, who don't know what to do - that's why we're here.
I can tell you from my personal experience tho?
my life got a whole lot better when I stopped trying to control and moderate my drinking.
I was only fighting myself - giving up on the struggle and walking away from alcohol was the best thing I ever did
D
This is a list we have here opf links to various recovery programmes - I hope it leads you to something good
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
I know what it's like not to want to give up alcohol completely - I think any drinker here does...I spent 20 years not wanting to....
There's no requirement to be abstinent to post here - SR is for people who are struggling, who don't know what to do - that's why we're here.
I can tell you from my personal experience tho?
my life got a whole lot better when I stopped trying to control and moderate my drinking.
I was only fighting myself - giving up on the struggle and walking away from alcohol was the best thing I ever did
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by Believe808
I need to apologize to you for posting this earlier. It was very inconsiderate and rude of me. You have admitted you have a problem with alcohol and that you are looking for help and as a recovering alcoholic I should be helping you instead of being rude.
This is all new to me and I'm still incredibly uncomfortable coming to terms with the fact that I'm an addict. I guess I can't imagine as fun a life without alcohol but it has become pretty apparent that's what I need. I just don't know how to get there, or I don't have the courage to stop. All that makes my depression seem worse. I'm going to try to go to an AA meeting although most of the ones for young people in my area are on days I'm working or at night and I have to get up in the morning. But I suppose I'm just making excuses.
How do you all deal with the shame of realizing your an alcoholic?
Thanks,
Clayton
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by tyler
I mostly just wanted to welcome you. This a great place to start to find answers to many of the questions you have. You will get a variety of opinions, and keep in mind that they are just the opinions of others trying to share with you what has worked and does work for them.
As someone has already pointed out, there is no "program" that is going to "fix" you. You have to do the work. The program is just there to provide structure and help you, much as a theripist should. Though some believe we are chemically disposed to drink or use uncontrolably, I personally believe there is usually an something underling in our lives that triggers the urge to use to excess. Again, just my opinion. AA addresses this through "working the steps". It basically provides a framework to get your life back, and do so without drinking. It provides face to face support in the form of meetings. But once again, it is not a cure. I would strongly urge you to attend some meetings, to see what you think. Make it several, because you really can't judge the program from just attending one meeting, as they are all quite different from each other.
You also asked about Lifering. It is a secular program based more on cognative behavorial therapy methods. SMART Recovery is another similar program. You can find more information about these programs on the Secular Connections portion of the forum.
Once again, welcome, I hope you find some answers to your questions and the support you need. Take care.
As someone has already pointed out, there is no "program" that is going to "fix" you. You have to do the work. The program is just there to provide structure and help you, much as a theripist should. Though some believe we are chemically disposed to drink or use uncontrolably, I personally believe there is usually an something underling in our lives that triggers the urge to use to excess. Again, just my opinion. AA addresses this through "working the steps". It basically provides a framework to get your life back, and do so without drinking. It provides face to face support in the form of meetings. But once again, it is not a cure. I would strongly urge you to attend some meetings, to see what you think. Make it several, because you really can't judge the program from just attending one meeting, as they are all quite different from each other.
You also asked about Lifering. It is a secular program based more on cognative behavorial therapy methods. SMART Recovery is another similar program. You can find more information about these programs on the Secular Connections portion of the forum.
Once again, welcome, I hope you find some answers to your questions and the support you need. Take care.
I heard from my Cravings and Addictions instructor that cognitive behavioral therapy is not effective for addicts right after they quit. Is that true?
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