Short Version
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by smacked 
Um.. yikes.
And if time doesn't matter to you, why did you ask me how much sober time I have? I'm confused.
I don't count days either, but I know when my last drink was, and I know that I'm a non drinker, and that I have a mostly blissful complete and honest life... much more so than when alcohol was in it.
Not quit sure what the mini tantrum here was about, but a nerve was hit, and you're reactive to whatever it was. Keep drinking if you want.. the only person it really should matter to is you.. you asked for our opinions.. and you got them.
It always interests me that when people want opinion, they don't really want it.
I hope that you found something here that's helpful. It sounds like you dont' want to quit drinking, so don't. We'll be here either way.
And if time doesn't matter to you, why did you ask me how much sober time I have? I'm confused.
I don't count days either, but I know when my last drink was, and I know that I'm a non drinker, and that I have a mostly blissful complete and honest life... much more so than when alcohol was in it.
Not quit sure what the mini tantrum here was about, but a nerve was hit, and you're reactive to whatever it was. Keep drinking if you want.. the only person it really should matter to is you.. you asked for our opinions.. and you got them.
It always interests me that when people want opinion, they don't really want it.
I hope that you found something here that's helpful. It sounds like you dont' want to quit drinking, so don't. We'll be here either way.
A nerve was hit, but it wasn't because someone gave me an opinion. It was more of a judgment that didn't have any substance whatsoever. It was more "was it worth it and look at what you did, now you have to start over again. How is that an opinion? I have found many things in the responses to this and the other thread that have been helpful, including your responses. Thanks.
Also, I have said several times that I don't plan on drinking again in the near future. I think that I will wait another 30 or so days and have another three beers with my lunch. We will see.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Benjamin33
I will continue going to AA and take from the program what I wish and leave the rest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by keithj
I have found that this statement applies very well when someone is spouting off BS opinion at a meeting of AA. Applied to the actual program of AA (the 12 steps), however, is an almost sure way to stay drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
For what its worth - I'm not AA and I have over two years sobriety and, to me, 39 days does count.
But it only counts if you learn from those 39 days. I think if you're planning to drink again in 30 days time, that you're really fooling yourself Benjamin.
I've been there - did a little controlled drinking, got the warm glow of knowing I wasn't an alcoholic after all - didn't plan to drink with any more frequency - but I did....I woke up a year later realising most of the last 12 months was a mystery to me.
And that was not my bottom. I had several years to go.
This may not be your story - you may be one of those who have reportedly able to resume controlled drinking after serious problems with alcohol - but based upon your first posts here - sorry, I doubt it.
D
But it only counts if you learn from those 39 days. I think if you're planning to drink again in 30 days time, that you're really fooling yourself Benjamin.
I've been there - did a little controlled drinking, got the warm glow of knowing I wasn't an alcoholic after all - didn't plan to drink with any more frequency - but I did....I woke up a year later realising most of the last 12 months was a mystery to me.
And that was not my bottom. I had several years to go.
This may not be your story - you may be one of those who have reportedly able to resume controlled drinking after serious problems with alcohol - but based upon your first posts here - sorry, I doubt it.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Dee74
For what its worth - I'm not AA and I have over two years sobriety and, to me, 39 days does count.
But it only counts if you learn from those 39 days. I think if you're planning to drink again in 30 days time, that you're really fooling yourself Benjamin.
I've been there - did a little controlled drinking, got the warm glow of knowing I wasn't an alcoholic after all - didn't plan to drink with any more frequency - but I did....I woke up a year later realising most of the last 12 months was a mystery to me.
And that was not my bottom. I had several years to go.
This may not be your story - you may be one of those who have reportedly able to resume controlled drinking after serious problems with alcohol - but based upon your first posts here - sorry, I doubt it.
D
But it only counts if you learn from those 39 days. I think if you're planning to drink again in 30 days time, that you're really fooling yourself Benjamin.
I've been there - did a little controlled drinking, got the warm glow of knowing I wasn't an alcoholic after all - didn't plan to drink with any more frequency - but I did....I woke up a year later realising most of the last 12 months was a mystery to me.
And that was not my bottom. I had several years to go.
This may not be your story - you may be one of those who have reportedly able to resume controlled drinking after serious problems with alcohol - but based upon your first posts here - sorry, I doubt it.
D
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,958
I'm not going to put a 'zinger' in for my personal enjoyment at your expense other to say than: good going on the 38 days you chose not to drink. Keep working out what you want to do regarding your alcohol use. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Sorry to have struck a nerve, but you asked a question and I answered it. There's no definitive time for one to say they've reached sobriety. AA considers one to be successful if they stay sober for 5 years. That doesnt mean, however, that they'll never drink again. But 34 days would'nt be considered reaching sobriety in any group I've been associated with.
And to answer some of your questions, I know a lot of people who've gone a year or more without a drink. I have 17 honest years, others have 35 to 40 years of sobriety. It would take a tremendous leap of logic to say that the rest of those AA members are drunk. It just means that they haven't gone a year yet. They haven't drank so it's unfair to call them drunks. And 90% of the population who drink alcohol aren't acoholics, so we surely can't call them drunks either.
I gave you my opinions because you asked for them. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. At no time did I pass judgement. If you want to pick and choose parts of AA that you like and ignore the rest, go ahead. That's certainly your prerogative. But if you weren't considering the three beers a relapse, why did you ask for our opinion on it? If you want to wait a while and drink three more beers, then go ahead. And if you want to have 12 beers in a years time and then claim that you reached a full year w/o drinking (which it what sobriety is). you're free to do that. Just stop claiming that you're working AA. All you're doing is going to meetings. Working the steps in AA involves not drinking. Ever. It doesn't mean having a few beers when the mood strikes you and not thinking it doesn't count.
And to answer some of your questions, I know a lot of people who've gone a year or more without a drink. I have 17 honest years, others have 35 to 40 years of sobriety. It would take a tremendous leap of logic to say that the rest of those AA members are drunk. It just means that they haven't gone a year yet. They haven't drank so it's unfair to call them drunks. And 90% of the population who drink alcohol aren't acoholics, so we surely can't call them drunks either.
I gave you my opinions because you asked for them. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. At no time did I pass judgement. If you want to pick and choose parts of AA that you like and ignore the rest, go ahead. That's certainly your prerogative. But if you weren't considering the three beers a relapse, why did you ask for our opinion on it? If you want to wait a while and drink three more beers, then go ahead. And if you want to have 12 beers in a years time and then claim that you reached a full year w/o drinking (which it what sobriety is). you're free to do that. Just stop claiming that you're working AA. All you're doing is going to meetings. Working the steps in AA involves not drinking. Ever. It doesn't mean having a few beers when the mood strikes you and not thinking it doesn't count.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
AA considers one to be successful if they stay sober for 5 years.
I've never heard that before
I googled - there was a Harvard study in the 90s - is this your source?
just curious.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by joedris
Sorry to have struck a nerve, but you asked a question and I answered it. There's no definitive time for one to say they've reached sobriety. AA considers one to be successful if they stay sober for 5 years. That doesnt mean, however, that they'll never drink again. But 34 days would'nt be considered reaching sobriety in any group I've been associated with.
And to answer some of your questions, I know a lot of people who've gone a year or more without a drink. I have 17 honest years, others have 35 to 40 years of sobriety. It would take a tremendous leap of logic to say that the rest of those AA members are drunk. It just means that they haven't gone a year yet. They haven't drank so it's unfair to call them drunks. And 90% of the population who drink alcohol aren't acoholics, so we surely can't call them drunks either.
I gave you my opinions because you asked for them. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. At no time did I pass judgement. If you want to pick and choose parts of AA that you like and ignore the rest, go ahead. That's certainly your prerogative. But if you weren't considering the three beers a relapse, why did you ask for our opinion on it? If you want to wait a while and drink three more beers, then go ahead. And if you want to have 12 beers in a years time and then claim that you reached a full year w/o drinking (which it what sobriety is). you're free to do that. Just stop claiming that you're working AA. All you're doing is going to meetings. Working the steps in AA involves not drinking. Ever. It doesn't mean having a few beers when the mood strikes you and not thinking it doesn't count.
And to answer some of your questions, I know a lot of people who've gone a year or more without a drink. I have 17 honest years, others have 35 to 40 years of sobriety. It would take a tremendous leap of logic to say that the rest of those AA members are drunk. It just means that they haven't gone a year yet. They haven't drank so it's unfair to call them drunks. And 90% of the population who drink alcohol aren't acoholics, so we surely can't call them drunks either.
I gave you my opinions because you asked for them. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. At no time did I pass judgement. If you want to pick and choose parts of AA that you like and ignore the rest, go ahead. That's certainly your prerogative. But if you weren't considering the three beers a relapse, why did you ask for our opinion on it? If you want to wait a while and drink three more beers, then go ahead. And if you want to have 12 beers in a years time and then claim that you reached a full year w/o drinking (which it what sobriety is). you're free to do that. Just stop claiming that you're working AA. All you're doing is going to meetings. Working the steps in AA involves not drinking. Ever. It doesn't mean having a few beers when the mood strikes you and not thinking it doesn't count.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
_deleting most of what I said because it's pointless_
It scares me when I see people defending drinking/alcohol like this.. only goes to show how twisted it all makes us. I hope you find a way to be happier, healthier and safe.
Like Wolf, I also want to thank you for reminding me where I never want to be again, and how much I truly love my sobriety.
It scares me when I see people defending drinking/alcohol like this.. only goes to show how twisted it all makes us. I hope you find a way to be happier, healthier and safe.
Like Wolf, I also want to thank you for reminding me where I never want to be again, and how much I truly love my sobriety.
Sobriety in technicolor
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 98
What a great thread! It really makes me see first hand where I have been, and I can completely relate to your feelings Benjamin33. I have 52 honest days today, and the best part is I don't have to worry or hide or lie or justify anything that has happened in those 52 days.
I "had" almost one year (with 2 or 3 brief intervals of what I called slips). By the time everyone around me was about to pat me on the back for a year sober, I felt terrible. I had decided that my program was between me and God and no one need know about my slips. However I had forgotten about the numerous people who had so selflessly given me thier time and hope and were gunning for me to recover. I left the rooms to avoid facing that lie. I stayed drunk for a while, unable to put the drink down for more that a few weeks at a time. Was my life in shambles? Not completely. But the fear and insanity of the thoughts: "were they right? Am I an alcoholic?" coupled with the fierce desire to prove myself otherwise nearly destroyed me inside.
For me, I had to look at my history (read: REALITY), and realize that denial is PART OF THE DISEASE. If I am denying it, chances are it is real. Normal people don't come on to sober chat forums trying to convince themselves and others that they can drink normally. You won't be ready until you're ready, but no one could tell me that either. When you are ready... no matter where you've been or what you've done, the loving hand of AA will be held out to you. What a gift. What a miracle for this alcoholic.
Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing!
I "had" almost one year (with 2 or 3 brief intervals of what I called slips). By the time everyone around me was about to pat me on the back for a year sober, I felt terrible. I had decided that my program was between me and God and no one need know about my slips. However I had forgotten about the numerous people who had so selflessly given me thier time and hope and were gunning for me to recover. I left the rooms to avoid facing that lie. I stayed drunk for a while, unable to put the drink down for more that a few weeks at a time. Was my life in shambles? Not completely. But the fear and insanity of the thoughts: "were they right? Am I an alcoholic?" coupled with the fierce desire to prove myself otherwise nearly destroyed me inside.
For me, I had to look at my history (read: REALITY), and realize that denial is PART OF THE DISEASE. If I am denying it, chances are it is real. Normal people don't come on to sober chat forums trying to convince themselves and others that they can drink normally. You won't be ready until you're ready, but no one could tell me that either. When you are ready... no matter where you've been or what you've done, the loving hand of AA will be held out to you. What a gift. What a miracle for this alcoholic.
Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Quse56
What a great thread! It really makes me see first hand where I have been, and I can completely relate to your feelings Benjamin33. I have 52 honest days today, and the best part is I don't have to worry or hide or lie or justify anything that has happened in those 52 days.
I "had" almost one year (with 2 or 3 brief intervals of what I called slips). By the time everyone around me was about to pat me on the back for a year sober, I felt terrible. I had decided that my program was between me and God and no one need know about my slips. However I had forgotten about the numerous people who had so selflessly given me thier time and hope and were gunning for me to recover. I left the rooms to avoid facing that lie. I stayed drunk for a while, unable to put the drink down for more that a few weeks at a time. Was my life in shambles? Not completely. But the fear and insanity of the thoughts: "were they right? Am I an alcoholic?" coupled with the fierce desire to prove myself otherwise nearly destroyed me inside.
For me, I had to look at my history (read: REALITY), and realize that denial is PART OF THE DISEASE. If I am denying it, chances are it is real. Normal people don't come on to sober chat forums trying to convince themselves and others that they can drink normally. You won't be ready until you're ready, but no one could tell me that either. When you are ready... no matter where you've been or what you've done, the loving hand of AA will be held out to you. What a gift. What a miracle for this alcoholic.
Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing!
I "had" almost one year (with 2 or 3 brief intervals of what I called slips). By the time everyone around me was about to pat me on the back for a year sober, I felt terrible. I had decided that my program was between me and God and no one need know about my slips. However I had forgotten about the numerous people who had so selflessly given me thier time and hope and were gunning for me to recover. I left the rooms to avoid facing that lie. I stayed drunk for a while, unable to put the drink down for more that a few weeks at a time. Was my life in shambles? Not completely. But the fear and insanity of the thoughts: "were they right? Am I an alcoholic?" coupled with the fierce desire to prove myself otherwise nearly destroyed me inside.
For me, I had to look at my history (read: REALITY), and realize that denial is PART OF THE DISEASE. If I am denying it, chances are it is real. Normal people don't come on to sober chat forums trying to convince themselves and others that they can drink normally. You won't be ready until you're ready, but no one could tell me that either. When you are ready... no matter where you've been or what you've done, the loving hand of AA will be held out to you. What a gift. What a miracle for this alcoholic.
Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing!
I am going to keep posting here. A lot of you folks irritate me with the approach some of you have towards the whole thing. We will see how it ends up. I might get drunk. Then again, that's a liability that everyone in this thread has. I guess we will just have to wait and see how this ends up. Thanks again for your feedback.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by smacked
_deleting most of what I said because it's pointless_
It scares me when I see people defending drinking/alcohol like this.. only goes to show how twisted it all makes us. I hope you find a way to be happier, healthier and safe.
Like Wolf, I also want to thank you for reminding me where I never want to be again, and how much I truly love my sobriety.
It scares me when I see people defending drinking/alcohol like this.. only goes to show how twisted it all makes us. I hope you find a way to be happier, healthier and safe.
Like Wolf, I also want to thank you for reminding me where I never want to be again, and how much I truly love my sobriety.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Well I said happIER, healthIER, and safe as I always hope for safety for people, as well as health and happiness. Good grief LOL
It doesn't matter to me if you had three beers, or if you decide you never want to be sober..or if you get drunk every day.. that's totally your business (which you threw out here for everyone to read and comment on), and will continue to be totally up to you.
I don't wish you less than what I already have, but I suppose even words of grace can be twisted and turned.
I'm done with this thread, I don't think anything I ever try to type here will be given objectivity at this point. Take care.
It doesn't matter to me if you had three beers, or if you decide you never want to be sober..or if you get drunk every day.. that's totally your business (which you threw out here for everyone to read and comment on), and will continue to be totally up to you.
I don't wish you less than what I already have, but I suppose even words of grace can be twisted and turned.
I'm done with this thread, I don't think anything I ever try to type here will be given objectivity at this point. Take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 118
Benjamin, I don't know what kind of sh*t you're trying to stir here, but I need to thank you. The kind of thinking you're exhibiting is a stark reminder of why I can't drink. I spent 13 years moderating my drinking, telling myself that I could just have a few because it wouldn't kill me, rationalizing it, being an arrogant pr*(k about it when my concerned recovering alcoholic friends gently tried to steer me off the path I was on. (I'd had five years of sobriety before my 13-year relapse.) I'm a seventh degree blackbelt ninja expert at what you're doing. You can't sh*t a sh*tter, man.
It's your life, and if you want to spend it kidding yourself until it spirals out of control, go for it. As for me, it's a lot easier to just accept the truth and not f^(k with it -- at all.
Jeez, man, you ended up in the emergency room. You want to end up in the morgue? Don't be stupid. That's the chance you're taking, and booze's hold on you is so powerful that you're willing to be that stupid. Is the thought of life without booze just too much to handle? What if your drug of choice were Dr. Pepper? What if Dr. Pepper had put you in the hospital? I would think you were pretty dang dumb if you couldn't bear the thought of life without Dr. Pepper. Water's pretty refreshing once you get used to it.
(Sorry for the profanity, but this got me kind of upset because it hit very close to home.)
It's your life, and if you want to spend it kidding yourself until it spirals out of control, go for it. As for me, it's a lot easier to just accept the truth and not f^(k with it -- at all.
Jeez, man, you ended up in the emergency room. You want to end up in the morgue? Don't be stupid. That's the chance you're taking, and booze's hold on you is so powerful that you're willing to be that stupid. Is the thought of life without booze just too much to handle? What if your drug of choice were Dr. Pepper? What if Dr. Pepper had put you in the hospital? I would think you were pretty dang dumb if you couldn't bear the thought of life without Dr. Pepper. Water's pretty refreshing once you get used to it.
(Sorry for the profanity, but this got me kind of upset because it hit very close to home.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by SurviveIt
Benjamin, I don't know what kind of sh*t you're trying to stir here, but I need to thank you. The kind of thinking you're exhibiting is a stark reminder of why I can't drink. I spent 13 years moderating my drinking, telling myself that I could just have a few because it wouldn't kill me, rationalizing it, being an arrogant pr*(k about it when my concerned alcoholic friends gently tried to steer me off the path I was on. (I'd had five years of sobriety before my 13-year relapse.) I'm a seventh degree blackbelt ninja expert at what you're doing. You can't sh*t a sh*tter, man.
It's your life, and if you want to spend it kidding yourself until it spirals out of control, go for it. As for me, it's a lot easier to just accept the truth and not f^(k with it -- at all.
Jeez, man, you ended up in the emergency room. You want to end up in the morgue? Don't be stupid. That's the chance you're taking, and booze's hold on you is so powerful that you're willing to be that stupid. Is the thought of life without booze just too much to handle? What if your drug of choice were Dr. Pepper? What if Dr. Pepper had put you in the hospital? I would think you were pretty dang dumb if you couldn't bear the thought of life without Dr. Pepper. Water's pretty refreshing once you get used to it.
(Sorry for the profanity, but this got me kind of upset because it hit very close to home.)
It's your life, and if you want to spend it kidding yourself until it spirals out of control, go for it. As for me, it's a lot easier to just accept the truth and not f^(k with it -- at all.
Jeez, man, you ended up in the emergency room. You want to end up in the morgue? Don't be stupid. That's the chance you're taking, and booze's hold on you is so powerful that you're willing to be that stupid. Is the thought of life without booze just too much to handle? What if your drug of choice were Dr. Pepper? What if Dr. Pepper had put you in the hospital? I would think you were pretty dang dumb if you couldn't bear the thought of life without Dr. Pepper. Water's pretty refreshing once you get used to it.
(Sorry for the profanity, but this got me kind of upset because it hit very close to home.)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by SurviveIt
Benjamin, I don't know what kind of sh*t you're trying to stir here, but I need to thank you.
This is where I trust AA principles and regard the still suffering as sick, not bad. We are not here to cast judgement, but to be useful. Right?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
