Mattcake

If you have mixed feelings/danger signs about having taken the painkillers, maybe you could acknowledge the potential for a problem, make a mental note to avoid doing it again, and move on. I mean, there's not much you can do about it now. Whether you should reset your "counter" or not, well.. that's up to you, of course

getr345

Let's keep the honesty train a rollin' here, does anyone else think that my admitted consumption of the occasional non-alcoholic beer (O'Doul's) constitutes a relapse? The pills maybe, ya, I'm willing to consider that but I'm actually very surprised anyone would think of the O'Doul's that way (I was expecting some to say be careful with that near beer stuff, or suggest that it's not smart etc..but a relapse?) and I wonder if maybe others do think of it as a relapse on my part as well...

keithj

K, make that a twenty foot needle.

getr345

LOL!! Oh come on, tell me what you think...maybe I need to hear it?

joedris

Is taking some else's possibly addictive pain meds a relapse? Naw, I personally don't think so. Is it a good idea? Again, Naw. Don't ever take a possibly addictive medication unless it's prescribed by a doctor who knows about your alcoholism. Taking just two pills is like taking just two sips of bourbon. You unlock a door that you don't want opened.
And, come on! It wasn't open heart surgery, it was just a tatoo! Next time, just suck it up.

As to the O'Douls you'll get varying opinions as top whether or not that a good idea. Again I spweak only for myself, but I drank O'Douls for a couple of years after getting sober. I finally stopped drinking it on a regular basis as it was too filling for me. I will, however, have one every once in a while.

Mark75

Well, the O'douls thing is certainly apt to get differing opinions. Put me down for not a relapse... but it may put you in the line of fire for one... Some will count it as alcohol because it can have up to 0.5%...

But really, keep it simple.... your question was about the vicoden...

Mark

CarolD

Thanks for the positive update....
Congratulations on your continious sober time.

marty888

Hey Mate, nice tat, aking someone else tablets, not a good idea, but as you did not take to them to get a buzz, I wouldnt stress about. Also a sip of beer unintentionally I feel doesnt constitute breaking your sobriety.
My only advice is toughen up dude lol, tats only hurt for the first couple of minutes then the adrenalin kicks in and its all good

getr345

I know that now! I just had no idea how much it was gonna hurt, it was my first...no frame of reference for what I was about to experience or anything. But I guess now that it's over and I've hashed it out here, it was somewhat of a mistake and I can learn from it.

keithj

Ha! I'm glad you took that with the sense of humor that was intended. We sometimes, myself included, tend to be a little thin skinned around here.

You know, I don't think it matters one bit about re-starting the clock or not. What will eat your soul is walking around feeling like you have this dishonest secret. If you feel that way, be open about it. If not, don't worry. One of the great freedoms of recovery is not being a slave to other people's opinions of me.

What struck me about your post was the casual attitude with which you popped the pills and drink the near beer. Not the acts themselves, but the casualness you display. You don't seem to give it any more thought than say, ordering a ginger ale (for you Big Book folks).

The BB uses the terms casual, trivial, and careless when relating the stories of people who drank again for no seemingly good reason. That's how they approached it in a mental blank spot of not seeing the possible ramifications.

You know what the worst thing that can happen to an alcoholic who drinks again? It's not starting a long bender or crashing a car. The worst thing that can happen is nothing. No bad consequences. That seed gets planted in the mind that I can get away with this. That, somehow, this time will be different.

If I see the horror of what I did or nearly did, that stays with me. If I think it's no big deal, then that stays with me. Just something to think about.

Freedom1990

What matters at the end of the day, in regards to a relapse or not, is when I look at myself in the mirror. I'm the one who has to live with my decisions/actions/thinking.

I have no outside opinion on someone else's relapse/non-relapse.

Tazman53

As my sobriety is mine, so is yours Get. I would not have even considered the vicodin, but I have gotten a tat before, the Odoul's, beer was my DOC, the only reason I would drink one is to pretend and I darn sure have no desire to fantasize that I am having one. The last 5 years I drank it was not about the tates any how, I bought it cheap and in quanity, I drank for the effect and the main reason I drank beer was to where I could slowly slide off into oblivion, the hard stuff took me to oblivion to quickly.

Do you feel you slipped? If not all is well, if deep inside you feel you did, then you did, your call, I can not even tell you if you are an alcoholic or not.

huntsober

I to am not going to touch this one. CUNNING BAFFELING POWERFUL

Get a chip!

getr345

With regard to the pills, perhaps, yes.

With regard to the O'Doul's, absolutely not because I do not in any way drink it as an intoxicant or as a mood altering drink. It's simply a flavorful beverage that I enjoy at appropriate times, nothing less, nothing more. There is no buzz with an O'Doul's or two. I do not "crave" it, particularly look forward to it, or otherwise obsess about it, I simply drink it from time to time because it tastes nice and goes with certain things like pizza for example or a BBQ. And by no means does it make me "miss" or yearn for real beer, or make me think I could go back and try to moderate my drinking, I have ZERO interest in those mental gymnastics. I gave up drinking for life and plan to adhere to my decision. I am quite satisfied and happy with an O'Douls's every now and again. If I was looking for an excuse to drink, I'd have chugged my friend's beer to "test" it to see if it was mine, instead of doing what I did, and I think it's interesting that I could not tell if it was real beer or O'Doul's from the smell...

Jomey

This one is all up to you Get....I think if your conscience is clear and you're happy, then you are ok. If you feel something eating your guts because of the pills, then honesty, mostly to yourself, would be a great healer. Nobody else's opinion really counts when it comes right down to it, does it? Just as we were never identical in our addictive habits, none of us will be identical in recovery.

Only you know in your heart what your original goals were when you set out on this journey, and no one knows if you stayed true to them but you.

Love the tat - I chickened out on my first one and still have a half finished anklet of barbed wire - LMAO!! - when I see these teenage girls walking around with tats, I realize I gotta toughen up! LOL

Take care! Jomey

getr345

I really really appreciate all the responses and I'm grateful to have a place such as this where I can put my situation out there and have it looked over and tossed around a bit. It's really what I need and what always brings me back after time away. I want to address some of the things that have been said by a few people in this thread and do so with as much honesty as I feel I have always shown here, which is to say a lot.

First Tazman53 who said "I can not even tell you if you are an alcoholic or not."

Neither can I tell myself because I honestly don't know. I don't wrestle with it too much either, I really don't. I don't even know if for me, that it matters too much. What matters is that I do not drink or do addictive drugs, or any drugs for that matter. All I know is that I drank way too much and needed to stop and thankfully, I have. The pride I feel in overcoming what seemed at the time like a hopeless situation is immense, but if pushed to say one way or another, I'd have to say I'm probably not an alcoholic as defined by the BB or by AA. But that does not mean I have any interest in drinking again, or think that I can, or should. I KNOW I cannot (and don't want to) because I know where that will lead me, which is right back to where I was (...and beyond) and I can never let that happen. It's not worth the risk and I am very well aware of that. I believe that I was definitely on the road to becoming a true alcoholic as it would be defined by AA or the BB but that I got off the road before that happened, before that line was crossed. Somebody once told me I was a high bottom drunk, and even though my bottom seemed pretty bad to me at the time, and even now, I can see what they meant.

keithj, you mentioned something about this all seeming very casual for me, the pills and the O'Douls's and with regard to the pills, yes I agree it was a very casual decision that I made and I've discussed it casually here but I've also acknowledged (through the much needed feedback of others) that it was a mistake and one that I can and will learn from. And hopefully not repeat. As for the O'Doul's, I did not even consider that I would ever touch one until like three months into not drinking, and then it was on a very special night (Metallica concert, not my first but my first sober) that I decided to have one. I'm actually very proud of my ability to keep that casual and not turn O'Doul's into an obsession about drinking again. From where I was 8 months ago, to be able to enjoy the occasional O'Doul's is a big deal for me and a big change (and one that I am happy with and can live with) and while I remain vigilant and determined to never drink-drink again, I am comfortable with my decision on this matter.

You also said: "If I see the horror of what I did or nearly did, that stays with me. If I think it's no big deal, then that stays with me. Just something to think about."

I see the horror of what I nearly did (and what I DID) EVERY SINGLE DAY, and that horror is that I almost ruined my life and my health permanently while putting innocent people at risk all the time by driving under the influence as a way of life. That IS a big deal to me and that stays with me. Trust me it does. I have no illusions about drinking again, casually, or moderately. I was lucky to escape with all that I still have and I'm so grateful for all those who helped me to persevere and to those who continue to help me.

And finally, Jomey, you said: Only you know in your heart what your original goals were when you set out on this journey, and no one knows if you stayed true to them but you.

This is so true. My stated goals here in my 1st post were to quit drinking, break the nicotine addiction, quit smoking pot, consume less caffeine, and lay off the pain pills if not in pain. I can honestly say that I have met these goals and that I am so PROUD of how far I have come. I do NOT drink anymore. I broke the nicotine addiction, I quit smoking pot, I drink WAY less caffeine, and while I now think those tat vikes were a mistake, pain was involved so they were not purely recreational, if at all. Now I just have to maintain and be wary of slip ups or the type of thinking that will lead me back. I really think I'm doing good. I don't have it beat for good, never will, but I can look in that mirror and be PROUD of who I am now.

Wolfchild

Everytime i rationalize or justify my actions, i cause harm to myself. i go against what i know to be right and suffer the spiritual consequences of that. Then, i'm back on an emotional rollercoaster that is far more horrifying than anything found at the amusement park. Personaly, i have way too much experience with putting my life at risk with 'instantly gratifying' actions. i'd much rather continue to live & learn how to be clean, free, and at peace with myself.

i hope you continue to find what works and what does not work for you in this lifetime.

Aysha

I just have to say that I really liked these two paragraphs.
ALOT!!
Made alot of sense to me.

I still say whatever you feel is what it is.
If I had a glass of champagne or something like that at an event or whatever. I wouldnt believe for me that my clean time was broken.
I am not a drinker. I am not an alcoholic. Never have been and never will be.
My addictions are drugs..Mainly cocaine.
I am sure alot of people would disagree. But like stated. It would be my call as far as I see it.
I dont think you did.
But like keith said.
I think just letting it be known can be such a burden lifted from our own minds.

gerryP

I don't think I am an alcoholic as defined by AA or the Big book, but what I do *know* for sure...is that I AM an alcoholic and *can not* ever have another drink, or anything that has any alcohol in it, because I am that serious about my sobriety.

Jomey

Amen, brother! You are on the right track...thanks for a great thread...and the courage to go get this tat finished- LOL!

jomey