Eclipse

I am having a horrible time. My husband berating me for drinking as he pops open another beer. I don't drink wine, I guzzle it. Faster for the buzz. But does that really make things better? Maybe for a couple minutes. I don't understand the draw, am I so depressed that I just can't function? I looked up AA meetings, but I have a very tight schedule with four kids and just can't get there. My husband just says "just dont go to the store" but who does the grocery shopping and in the mean time he has at least a 12 pack in his car. He actually took my keys yesterday so I couldn't get to the store as he mows the lawn with a beer in his hand. No mother's day present, just a card that says "you family needs you." I don't deserve anything and I know it, but it just makes me more depressed and wanting to drink. How can I make this end, I am desperate.

flutter

I don't have answers for you, I honestly don't know how I would have gotten sober without the full support of my hubby. However, I do know that it still comes down to your own personal choice to drink. That has to be (and obviously is) horribly difficult. Maybe you could call the AA hotline.. or plan a time that you can go when your hubby can father the kids for an evening. I had to change stores I went to, but here in Colorado, liquor isn't sold in grocery stores so it's easy to avoid. It sounds like you could really use some extra support around you, have you sat down and talked to your husband about your needs? Could he stop drinking around you/in the home (get that liquor out of there!?), watch the kids so you can get to a meeting, maybe you could see a counselor 1 on 1?

I feel for you.. I hope you get some support soon. Stay close to here, if anything else, you'll get it here!!!

TTOSBT

Oh eclipse. I am so sorry.
That makes it very hard!
Sounds like you are going to have to seek out support outside of your home.
You need to find some outside support to support your not drinking.
Do you have a support circle like AA??

keithj

Eclipse,

I've read you post about your struggle since I joined this site a couple months ago. What you are doing for your sobriety and recovery is obviously not working. Not tomorrow, not later, but now, find an AA meeting. Find somebody in that meeting who has a book with them and speaks of a spiritual solution through the 12 steps. Be honest with them and ask for help.

Yeah, I know, I'm telling you what to do. Against the rules and all that. But I have been where you have been and I have found a way out.

You can follow this suggestion or not. It's up to you.

Anna

Eclipse,

I am sorry that you don't have family support.

In my opinion, you need to focus on you and your recovery and let go of your husband's behaviour. Whether or not he is drinking, does not need to affect your recovery. Focus on yourself and stay motivated.

A lot of us come here for support, because we do understand.

Eclipse

THanks Flutter, TTOSBT and Keith and anna

My husband has no intention of stopping or stopping drinking around me. He tells me iot is pretty much my problem not his.

I think he would actually laugh if I told him I was going to an AA meeting. The other day he told me to just leave, So I started packing my clothes then he begged me not to leave.

I am just such a mess now I don't know what to do.

flutter

Sounds like you might have a lot of soul searching to do, to make some decisions about your life. I hope you find a way to just focus on yourself, and your health (mental and physical!), and think about how you want the rest of your life to go. Some of it we can't control, but a lot of it we can.

adore79

hi eclipse,

sorry you are still struggling so much. really, try to get to an aa meeting, just one, hire a baby sitter or something. this is your life we are talking about, you deserve to get healthy. big hugs

joedris

Eclipse, I've got to go along with Keith. You need to go to AA, and you need to go now. Whatever you have to do to make the time for a meeting, do it. You are in desperate need of help. If your schedule is tight, do what's necessary to adjust it. And don't ever feel that you don't deserve anything. You deserve at least the love of your family and you certainly have the love and concern of all of us at SR. So please, somehow arrange to get to AA.

colagirl

Eclipse, I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time! I wish we lived closer so we could be sober buddies...please do whatever you have to to get to AA. ((((Hugs))))

Horselover

Hi Eclipse. Sorry to read about your struggle and lack of family support. I KNOW it would have been much harder if there was still alcohol in our house when I stopped and I know SR would not have kept me sober if that were the case. You definitely need some people that don't drink and that can support you during the times that you know will arise. I speak of the times you crave it. You and I have pm'd a few times and I told you how I would switch up my routine in the beginning and that worked for me, BUT I always told my husband and it still stands that if I feel my sobriety slipping I will have to find another means of support. You have to do whatever it takes to get yourself sober and to stay sober. Forget about the man walking around with the beer in his hand. I also would tell him that there are better ways to support you and if he wants to continue to drink let him do it outside the home. If he doesn't have a problem with alcohol then this shouldn't be an issue. That's to say if you are the only one in the home with a drinking problem and he wants you to stop then you tell him how to help you.

My pm still works if you ever need to talk Eclipse, but you must find some f2f support and someone that you can be held accountable to that won't degrade you but tell you how to do it. I think its important myself. Hugs to you.

Do me one favor and do not buy wine for 24 hours and do not drink for 24 hours. Then we'll talk about repeating that behavior tomorrow.

Mary52

My family says they support me even though they are angry with me. They say they love me and they have NOT left which I am grateful for. But they can say or do or imply such hurtful things sometimes. I don't know if they mean it or not. Maybe it's just my perception of it. But it is still hurtful and I need to try to see MY part in it and go on. Maybe I go to a LOT of meetings to get away from my family....hahaha

Hey.....whatever works! Welcome to SR and good luck.

Bamboozle

Wow...



Forgive me for saying so, but what an as$hat he is. How can he expect you to quit when he keeps waving beers up in your face? It's like saying, "You can't drink, but I can, and I'm going to do it in front of you every chance I get." That's very childish on his part. He needs to grow up.

Perhaps you can lay down the law and tell him how it's going to be--no booze in the house. He doesn't like that and won't listen? Well, maybe you can dump his booze down the drain...and keep doing it until he gets the point.

I know I don’t know how your situation is at home, but you need support and you need it fast. Please take care of yourself, Eclipse.

Eclipse

I know my husband loves me and worries about me. He has called me three times today and I just didn't want to talk because I am hurt that he can let Mother's Day go by and do nothing. I could never do that in a million years to him. I didn't deserve anything although I wash laundry, pay the bills, make dinner, vacuum. fill may daughter's car with gas..etc...etc....etc....dishwasher, toilets...blah blah blah....JUST HURT

Eclipse

I think he has a passive/aggressive side to him. He will be superior to me, even though he is struggling with the same things. I just don't even want to go home to it all. It is so stressful in my house. He is yelling cuz counter is clutter, kids don't have homework done, someone is on the computer!!!!!!!! It just doesn't end. If I have a nice buzz on when I get home...I deal much better...the only problem being....I don't stop drinking and pretty soon I am snooooozing. Such a sad pathetic life I lead.

Eclipse

Thanks Horsey, too late for that...dam* it anyway.

Eclipse

Cola, I could be in Oregon in 5 hours. Wanna meet?

jamdls

Wow I agree with Bam that your husband sounds ike an a$$hat. Obviously I don't know you but it sounds more like he "needs" you than he loves you, that doesn't sound like love to me one bit. You've got to take care of YOU and it doesn't sound like you're getting any support from that one, be strong.

gerryP

Hey Eclipse,

I coasted for a long time, before I was forced to stop drinking. Lots of promises to other people, lots of promises to myself. Lots of thinking. Thinking, I won't go here, won't go there, I'll start doing this, I'll start doing that, I won't drink unless the moon is at a 45 degree angle from my window. I believed it for a long time and so did many of the people I made promises to.....and then one day....the boom lowered and I was on my own. No one cared to hear it anymore, so all I had was myself to make the promises to.

It's great to have support from husbands, wives and families, but that often isn't the case. No one can do this for you. Maybe if loved ones really thought they could, they would, but they can't. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for your husband or children, you not withstanding, but maybe they feel they have to take care of themselves now.

Having been there myself as many have on SR Eclipse, maybe the jig is up and you need to look at the facts and get real help before it is too late.

I'm sure someone else can pick up the the milk and bread from the store, or buy a small fridge to put a weeks worth of milk in, if that's all that needs to be done to keep you from drinking. There is a lid for every pot and I think the time may have come where you need to find some lids.

Wishing you well Eclipse.

Tazman53

Eclipse first I will ask a question.

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

If the answer to that is yes then I will suggest to you what my counselor in detox suggested to me when I was making excuses for not being able to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days.

He asked me if I was willing to commit as much time to AA and recovery as I did to drinking?

Eclipse are you willing to devote as much time and effort to AA & recovery as you are now devoting to drinking?

If you spend half the time you say you do drinking going to AA meetings you could easily make at least 7 or more a week.

How long does it take to get in your car, drive to the store, buy booze, drive home and drink what you bought?

I bet you would spend less time driving to an AA meeting, learning about recovery, making new sober friends and getting the support you want & need.

You do know that alcoholism KILLS!!!! There are no maybes about it, alcoholism KILLS!!!

Heart attacks
Stokes
Cirrosis of the liver.
Pancreatic cancer
Bladder cancer
Wet brain

Just to name a few ways alcohol will kill an alcoholic if they keep drinking.

Did you know that women succumb to death from alcoholism far quicker then men?

Pick up the phone and call the AA hot line, if you have small kids some meetings allow parents to bring their chidren, some even have baby sitting.

The only real excuse for not going to meetings is the desire to continue to drink.