Sugah

How old are your kids? If one is old enough to drive, how about asking for babysitting as a belated mother's day gift? Then use the time to get to a meeting.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

serenityqueen

I learned from experience that the longer I sat around focusing on what others were doing, my pitiful life and finding a lot of excuses for not going to Meetings, I just got sicker and sicker and drunker and drunker.

I have to agree with what Taz said, are you willing to go to any length? If the answer is yes, then you'll find time to get to Meetings. I don't know how old your kids are, but just tell that thoughtful, caring Husband of yours that you're going to a Meeting and just walk out the door and go! Let him laugh! How many times have we been laughed out or degraded for drinking? I'd much rather be laughed at and made fun of for going to a Meeting than for falling down drunk, passing out at the table or not remembering anything that happened the night before.

Not to sound harsh, but I'm telling it like I see it, I think you're making up a lot of excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. Ok, you made some mistakes in the past, we all have. That doesn't meant that you aren't worthy of being loved, respected and appreciated. If your H can't respect you enough to not bring beer into the home, tell him to drink elsewhere. It's just as much your home as it is his, isn't it? Keep pouring it down the drain, he'll get the message loud and clear after he's lost enough of his beers.

Now, when are you going to a Meeting?

One Day at A Time Hon,
Judy

littlefish

I bought a cabinet to put the hard liquor in, and a combo lock for it. My husband likes to keep whiskey, vodka, rum, etc in the house, and all of that went into the cabinet. It took a while for my husband to use the system. I did this before I quit drinking. It was one of my attempts to "cut back".

We still have the locked cabinet but now it is not for me to "cut back" but never use anything in there again.

When he takes a drink he locks it, or I do when he is finished. There is still wine and beer in the house on weekends, but he has agreed to buy only what he will drink the same day.
In my early stage of sobriety, it has to be this way for me. Of course I would prefer no alcohol at all in the house, but I had to come up with a system when that was not an option.

It didn't happen overnight that we reached this level of support. It took many attempts to convince him to support me. I felt frustrated too. But I didn't give up. I had after all, only two options: one, make my recovery work in the situation I had, and the challenges it presented. Or option two: killing myself and possibly someone else in a car accident while drunk driving or destroying my liver.

You must be honest with yourself regarding AA: is your schedule so tight you can't attend an early morning, lunch time or evening AA meeting? There are also weekend meetings.

Neither one of you at this point truly understand alcoholism. It wasn't until I started with an addiction therapist, went to AA and started reading the literature that my eyes were opened to my own situation.

And, keep in mind that many of your feelings of being overwhelmed, not supported, not understood and not loved are a product of your drinking. Many of these feelings will disappear when you quit.

resacup

I understand what is like to try and quit drinking when you are married to someone who does not support you. I am now separated from him. If he doesn't support you, he doesn't respect you. You need to think about yourself first in order to take care of you kids. If he isn't willing to do this with you then he shouldn't be married to you. Be strong.

Eclipse

So tonite out of despiration, I called the local AA number and talked with a women named Sharon. We talked for about an hour and she gave me her number and even agreed to meet with me at my office tomorrow. I have hope in my heart...she was so nice!!!

Dee74

good news (((Eclipse)))

D

marty888

Hi Eclipse,
Sorry you having a tough time, Luckily my wife is not a drinker. She begged me for years to go to AA but i just thought whatever and cracked open another beer. I had to want to do it for myself, no one else just myself.
The only way I could do it was through AA. I hope your meeting with AA goes well, just try and put yourself first and let your husband deal with his own problems.
YOU have be your number 1 priority.
Good luck my thoughts are with you.

CarolD

I know that call was really difficult for you.....
Let's hope it will be the beginning of finding your way.

Tazman53

Thank you Eclipse, you have made my day!!! You think you have hope now, just wait until you meet Sharon! Meeting a recovering alcoholic face to face gives real HOPE to a still suffering alcoholic!

In my first AA meeting I attended sober I could not believe that these people who were smiling, laughing, and had a twinkle in their eye could possibly have been like I was! I was miserable, hopeless and angry, these people were exactly the opposite. Then these same people shared thier own stories, I related to every one of thier stories in one way or another. Some of them had taken thier drinking much further then me, others not as far, but the smile on their faces, the self confidence they had, they gave me HOPE!

These people reached out to me, the men gave me thier phone number and told me to feel free to call them any time. They asked nothing in return, they loved me when I was incapable of lovig myself, they let me know I was worth something when I felt I was worthless.

Please let us know how things went Eclipse.

Horselover

I am so very happy to hear this Eclipse. You rock! I am really glad you reached out and you were taken in. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

:ghug3

Bamboozle

Hope all is well, Eclipse. I'm glad you reached out.

lovinmenow

Where does your husband get HIS beer? You are the one that grocery shops so that must mean he goes to the store and buys it himself. I would go to the fridge and pour all his beer down the sink. If he is going to berate you for drinking why not do it back.
Sorry for being so vindictive but I am sick of "normal" drinkers who act holier than thou.
Tell him how bad you realize booze is to his body and you are just doing him a favor. You can be holier than thou too.

Who know? Maybe he thinks he has a problem and berating you helps him think he doesnt.

keithj

Eclipse,

That is fantastic. It's so difficult to pick up that phone. I have been thinking about your situation. You've now got an opportunity to dramatically change your life, to alter it in ways you can't foresee. I'm not much of a cheerleader on this forum, but way to go. Get a little direction and take a small step.

resacup

I agree with lovinmenow but I would be careful. I don't know if he has any history of abuse verbal or physical but I have been around people with drinking problems and if I had poured their "drink" down the drain they would have torn me inside and out. Use your judgment but he really needs a swift kick in the rear. He is not helping you at all and he is disrespecting you.

Toomutch

Eclipse, I just found this thread and I think it is wonderful that you are meeting with the woman from AA today.
I'm sorry however for the way that your husband is acting. You are in my prayers.

Tazman53

You know I am going to be perfectly honest here and say that if my wife threw out my beer when I was drinking I would have had an absolute hissy fit, I would not have got physical with her, but she would have caught holy hell for that, but then again I am an alcoholic who had to drink, if I was not an alcoholic I may have said something, but that would have been the end of it.

Eclipse

I am going to work on myself right now. He keeps the beer in the frig out in the garage. I will just stay away from it. He would blow a cork if I starting pouring it out. And I just don't need the added stress right now. I have enough going on so...

I also went out and bought a journal and am going to start writing. I worry about the affect this has had on my kids for the last 6 months and my husband told me "time heals all wounds" and wouldn't you know I got a fortune out of a fortune cookie a few weeks later that said "time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up" So I taped it to the inside cover of the journal.

Thanks again for all your support. I am really nervous right now.

littlefish

That's wonderful news eclipse! You took the first step. And, a journal is a great idea! You made my day today. I have been wondering how you are doing, and this is good news...

Anna

Eclipse,

I think a journal is a great idea.

I kept a journal when I was trying to deal with my guilt over drinking. I had a very hard time coming to terms with my addict self, and it really helped to write and write and write some more. Somehow, putting the words down on paper, was a release.

joedris

Eclipse, You made the right decision when you said that you're going to work on yourself right now. You've got enough to do with your own problems w/o taking on his. Let him take care of himself. I think it's great that you've hooked up with AA and I know that it's going to help a lot. It saved my life and my buddy Taz feels the same way. I wish you nothing but the best. It won't be easy, but good things never are.