Eclipse, I've got to go along with Keith. You need to go to AA, and you need to go now. Whatever you have to do to make the time for a meeting, do it. You are in desperate need of help. If your schedule is tight, do what's necessary to adjust it. And don't ever feel that you don't deserve anything. You deserve at least the love of your family and you certainly have the love and concern of all of us at SR. So please, somehow arrange to get to AA.