Something disturbing happened
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: chicago
Posts: 148
omg.... thats really, really scary, especially because you have children... i dont even know what to say 
you could put a front door lock on your bedroom door maybe, thats what i did because i am paranoid :| . that way, its really hard for anyone to get in your bedroom and will at least eliminate some paranoia.... yeah i am weird but i did that after someone tried to break into our house, and i feel a LOT safer
you could put a front door lock on your bedroom door maybe, thats what i did because i am paranoid :| . that way, its really hard for anyone to get in your bedroom and will at least eliminate some paranoia.... yeah i am weird but i did that after someone tried to break into our house, and i feel a LOT safer
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
Wow! I certainly did get a lot of feedback; thank you. I'm glad everyone has been speaking the truth and not trying to sugar coat their words.
I am going to keep on my husband about this and see what happens.
Up until now I have felt respected here - after this post I know I have lost a lot of respect. I will however keep posting with honesty; to come here and not be truthful to me would be of no use.
I am going to keep on my husband about this and see what happens.
Up until now I have felt respected here - after this post I know I have lost a lot of respect. I will however keep posting with honesty; to come here and not be truthful to me would be of no use.
You haven't lost respect, I think maybe you are shocked at peoples reactions to waht you thought was semi-normal?
My reaction is coming from the UK were no-one has guns at all, unless you're a fairly hard-core criminal.
If someone broke into my house I am fairly sure a big stick would deter them.
If I lived in America were guns are more available I might want a gun because the burglar might have one.
My impression is that a lot of Americans take their gun rights seriously, I dunno why, the 2nd amendment was meant for a peoples militia to stop an overbearing Government, that is all. Not so everyone could feel scared all the time.
Anyway, Suzette, we aren't judging you. People just see "gun" and it is very easy to react.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Toomuch,
You're the only one here who really understands and knows your husband, children and the dynamic of your house and neighborhood. Just do what you think is right.
As for the husband, the very least he should do is apologize to his daughter for referring to her actions as being stupid. Safety was not the first thing on her mind, it was a little dog. She knew she posed no threat to the family so she had no reason to think about her fathers' firearm.
Ken
You're the only one here who really understands and knows your husband, children and the dynamic of your house and neighborhood. Just do what you think is right.
As for the husband, the very least he should do is apologize to his daughter for referring to her actions as being stupid. Safety was not the first thing on her mind, it was a little dog. She knew she posed no threat to the family so she had no reason to think about her fathers' firearm.
Ken
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
No loss of respect here either! I just think it's a scary situation for you, and your kids and everyone has reacted with a bit of that fear as well. I hope you keep posting ANYthing you want..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Phaleron
I really think a halfway point would be to have individual lock boxes for the pistols he keeps around the house. It would be a compromise on his part, but I think that it's your best chance to get those loaded weapons into safe places.
I have 2 kids, I have an alarm system, I have a Bouvier and a Lab, I have baseball bats in 3 different closets and the garage, I have a pump shotgun in the corner by my bed unloaded, but there is a fingerprint reader fire safe right next to it that opens in seconds and thats where the shells are.
The sound of a racking (loading a shotgun) the first shell in is the most feared sound a burglar ever wants to hear....well, after a dog barking of course.
Burglars are opportunists on the easy quick hits, or they plan for when you are away. The smart ones usually carry no weapons as the prison time is greatly magnified if they are caught.
Looks like you live in a pretty safe place. Littleton Crime Statistics (CO) - CityRating.com
Don't back down on your stance.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi TooMuch!
I'm not sure if you've got one or even thought about it, but how about a dog? We live in a rural area and have had German Shepherds for decades. Not only do they make wonderful companions, but they are very protective of their "pack". I'm petrified of guns, but I'd bet money that someone would sooner face someone with a gun than a snarling large dog. Just a thought.
I'm not sure if you've got one or even thought about it, but how about a dog? We live in a rural area and have had German Shepherds for decades. Not only do they make wonderful companions, but they are very protective of their "pack". I'm petrified of guns, but I'd bet money that someone would sooner face someone with a gun than a snarling large dog. Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
A dog sounds like a really good idea!
You haven't lost anyones respect Toomuch I'm glad you brought this subject up, and you seem to me to be a strong woman dealing as well as she can with a very difficult situation.
You haven't lost anyones respect Toomuch I'm glad you brought this subject up, and you seem to me to be a strong woman dealing as well as she can with a very difficult situation.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
A dog is why all this came up I think. Your daughter was coming in your room to get the dog in the middle of the night.
Yes!! Compromise Suzette. I am sorry. But it sounds like your husband doesnt want to do that with any situation.
Thats not fair to you or your kids.
Bounderies! Set em and stand by them. You had him listening back when you were talking about marriage couseling. Put that same force into everything that you did with that. Because it seemed whatever you did then really got his attention. Even if he isnt goin now. It sparked something under his ass.
Yes!! Compromise Suzette. I am sorry. But it sounds like your husband doesnt want to do that with any situation.
Thats not fair to you or your kids.
Bounderies! Set em and stand by them. You had him listening back when you were talking about marriage couseling. Put that same force into everything that you did with that. Because it seemed whatever you did then really got his attention. Even if he isnt goin now. It sparked something under his ass.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
While on the subject of firearms on a recovery board, let me just say...
I've had my CC permit and a weapon for many many years, now. I'm a Veteran and feel comfortable handling guns the way most people feel handling a screwdriver, it's just a tool as far as I'm concerned. Rarely would I ever carry concealed outside the home though because drinking and carrying a gun just does not mix and since I was pretty much always drinking or under the influence of alcohol in some form or fashion, carrying my gun on my person was just out of the question for me most of the time. The last thing I wanted was to be involved in a self-defense~fatal shooting where I then have to explain to the police, a prosecutor, and a jury that while mine was a good legal shooting in defense of my life or the life of my wife, I was under the influence of alcohol when it happened.
So now that I have quit drinking, I feel much more confident carrying my weapon, safe in the knowledge that alcohol is not in the mix anymore and if I do have to ever use my gun, explaining why I killed a person while intoxicated (even if just mildly) is not something I'll have to worry about.
I've had my CC permit and a weapon for many many years, now. I'm a Veteran and feel comfortable handling guns the way most people feel handling a screwdriver, it's just a tool as far as I'm concerned. Rarely would I ever carry concealed outside the home though because drinking and carrying a gun just does not mix and since I was pretty much always drinking or under the influence of alcohol in some form or fashion, carrying my gun on my person was just out of the question for me most of the time. The last thing I wanted was to be involved in a self-defense~fatal shooting where I then have to explain to the police, a prosecutor, and a jury that while mine was a good legal shooting in defense of my life or the life of my wife, I was under the influence of alcohol when it happened.
So now that I have quit drinking, I feel much more confident carrying my weapon, safe in the knowledge that alcohol is not in the mix anymore and if I do have to ever use my gun, explaining why I killed a person while intoxicated (even if just mildly) is not something I'll have to worry about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
That's one good thing in this scenerio... my husband doesn't drink. He carries his gun on his person almost everywhere he goes as he has a license to carry.
That is all fine and dandy... I just worry about all the loaded guns in the house.
That is all fine and dandy... I just worry about all the loaded guns in the house.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I don't know how young your child is but I would say there ought not ever be a loaded gun within reach of a minor who has no gun training.
I understand the kind of paranoia your H is feeling. I feel like something is gonna blow too and so do a lot of people.
Still I know I have to be well and I know it is not healthy for me to make choices about my life based on fear. I believe in being prepared for anything. I do not own a gun and I don't want one either.
I think I would like to suggest you gently talk to your H about his fears and ask him how the fear is affecting his life. Gently express your concern for his mental health.
Until something does happen we still need to live our life with peace and calm. Someone who is upset and anxious is more likely to make a deadly mistake...
Maybe he could take a first aid, martial arts, or survivalist course and it would help him feel more prepared.....
I understand the kind of paranoia your H is feeling. I feel like something is gonna blow too and so do a lot of people.
Still I know I have to be well and I know it is not healthy for me to make choices about my life based on fear. I believe in being prepared for anything. I do not own a gun and I don't want one either.
I think I would like to suggest you gently talk to your H about his fears and ask him how the fear is affecting his life. Gently express your concern for his mental health.
Until something does happen we still need to live our life with peace and calm. Someone who is upset and anxious is more likely to make a deadly mistake...
Maybe he could take a first aid, martial arts, or survivalist course and it would help him feel more prepared.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
There is a time and aplace for a gun. Nightstand drawers aren't one of them.
I would take a stand with him and lay down some rules. Your daughter has every right to come into the bedroom to get the dog. Your daughters right to come into your room outweigh his right to sleep with his ironclad teddy bear. That is exactly what it is. Nothing more. It's a grown mans night light.
Don't ask him, tell him. You will not allow your children to live under the imtimidation and the reality that they will not visit mommy and daddys room when they need to.
Besides, the best home protection you can ask for is that beagle. Perhaps daughter knows best.
I have my fair share of guns and even more. This is not a biased opinion.
I would take a stand with him and lay down some rules. Your daughter has every right to come into the bedroom to get the dog. Your daughters right to come into your room outweigh his right to sleep with his ironclad teddy bear. That is exactly what it is. Nothing more. It's a grown mans night light.
Don't ask him, tell him. You will not allow your children to live under the imtimidation and the reality that they will not visit mommy and daddys room when they need to.
Besides, the best home protection you can ask for is that beagle. Perhaps daughter knows best.
I have my fair share of guns and even more. This is not a biased opinion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Pink - my children are all teens, the 3 boys and I have training, my daughter is getting hers this spring.
You are absolutely right... The gun should not be loaded by the bed. The kids have come into are room freely, never an episode. This completely scared the **** out of me that he said that to my daughter.
I have moved the dog bed, back to my side of the bed, as we are all use to the kids coming to me if they need anything. I am by no means excusing my husbands behavior and I agree it is irrational.
You are absolutely right... The gun should not be loaded by the bed. The kids have come into are room freely, never an episode. This completely scared the **** out of me that he said that to my daughter.
I have moved the dog bed, back to my side of the bed, as we are all use to the kids coming to me if they need anything. I am by no means excusing my husbands behavior and I agree it is irrational.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
At the beginning of your post, you said that this had nothing to do with alcohol. But, in terms of your response to a frightening situation that you cannot control, it has a lot to do with the fact that you are an alcoholic. This kind of situation is exactly the kind of situation that sometimes makes us feel like drinking - one which is scary and out of our control.
I don't know what the right response is in terms of your household and the guns. But I do know that your reaction is healthy and appropriate. You have acknowledged that you don't have complete control and that you are scared. I just want to commend you on that.
I could imagine similar scenarios but where the original poster was using it as an excuse to drink, to judge, to blame, to find fault, to run.... you are doing none of those. You deserve credit here!
I know that doesn't help you solve your household situation. But I suspect that you are thinking this all through and that you will take the appropriate action - whatever that is for you. I'm sorry you have such a stressful situation in your life right now.
I don't know what the right response is in terms of your household and the guns. But I do know that your reaction is healthy and appropriate. You have acknowledged that you don't have complete control and that you are scared. I just want to commend you on that.
I could imagine similar scenarios but where the original poster was using it as an excuse to drink, to judge, to blame, to find fault, to run.... you are doing none of those. You deserve credit here!
I know that doesn't help you solve your household situation. But I suspect that you are thinking this all through and that you will take the appropriate action - whatever that is for you. I'm sorry you have such a stressful situation in your life right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Ive thought about this a bit tonight..........i was thinking about fear and what it does to people...
Whether its unfounded fear or not it still fear to the person that suffers with it.......i might struggle to understand it but......im not feeling it am i.
I was thinking about what i believe at the time was unfounded fear and it involves my wife.
When i met her she was not that far out of a violent marriage of 16 years..
The nice guy threaten this and that.
You know the sort of stuff these low lifes do.....im gonna kill you..etc nonsense.....at the time i had to detach myself a bit..
Early recovery and not known for my gentle understanding nature...!!
She spent alot of time frighten and scared......to me it was overly so.
But i didn't feel the feelings...
I was spending a fair amount of time away from home...and still work nights with the wife at home on her own.
So i bought her a Rhodesian ridgeback....and it was trained to protect her.
Over time and with counseling she moved past the fear....and trauma.
i guess what I'm trying to say is.......even if i dont understand it...its still fear to the person thats feels it......whether its founded or not.
Happily she live a life without fear now.......
As for Jake the ridgeback.......even at nine he keeps an eye on her wherever she is.....
the down side of that is if i chase the wife up the stairs sometimes..(getting rarer at 42)....and Jake catches me.......a get a bitten backside to boot..lol..lol
trucker
Whether its unfounded fear or not it still fear to the person that suffers with it.......i might struggle to understand it but......im not feeling it am i.
I was thinking about what i believe at the time was unfounded fear and it involves my wife.
When i met her she was not that far out of a violent marriage of 16 years..
The nice guy threaten this and that.
You know the sort of stuff these low lifes do.....im gonna kill you..etc nonsense.....at the time i had to detach myself a bit..
Early recovery and not known for my gentle understanding nature...!!
She spent alot of time frighten and scared......to me it was overly so.
But i didn't feel the feelings...
I was spending a fair amount of time away from home...and still work nights with the wife at home on her own.
So i bought her a Rhodesian ridgeback....and it was trained to protect her.
Over time and with counseling she moved past the fear....and trauma.
i guess what I'm trying to say is.......even if i dont understand it...its still fear to the person thats feels it......whether its founded or not.
Happily she live a life without fear now.......
As for Jake the ridgeback.......even at nine he keeps an eye on her wherever she is.....
the down side of that is if i chase the wife up the stairs sometimes..(getting rarer at 42)....and Jake catches me.......a get a bitten backside to boot..lol..lol
trucker
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I agree with mle. The things you have had to deal with for quite some time now is absolutely amazing.
Its like one thing after another with you. I would have killed someone or friggin jump ship long ago.
I know and have full faith that you get to that point as you have so far. To where you will find a solution and stand your ground with what works. You have done it so far. This shoulnt be any different.
You are an amazing person there Suzette. And you still keep on and keep fighting and you are just a perfect example of strength. Like I have said so many times to you before.
I know you will find it in yourself to deal with this as you have everything else.
Its like one thing after another with you. I would have killed someone or friggin jump ship long ago.
I know and have full faith that you get to that point as you have so far. To where you will find a solution and stand your ground with what works. You have done it so far. This shoulnt be any different.
You are an amazing person there Suzette. And you still keep on and keep fighting and you are just a perfect example of strength. Like I have said so many times to you before.
I know you will find it in yourself to deal with this as you have everything else.
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