Impurrfect

((Pamm))

Sorry I had to hang up when I was talking to you...I have to wait until Tue. to see if the bank can find my money the ATM "ate".

Okay, I thought you guys were getting food stamps, so why don't you have any food?

Get to the dr. if you're still bleeding. No excuses...just go.

I know you're stressed but you're going to have to get through this. Using and drinking are NOT options, so don't even think about them. Really. When you're brain goes to "if I wasn't pregnant, I'd be drunk as he!!", distract yourself and think of something else. Close your eyes, and picture something that calms you. For me, it's a beach and the ocean. Take slow, deep breaths.

And if you need a laugh, imagine me beating the crap out of an ATM machine that took my money but didn't credit my account, while I was talking to you on the phone! No, I didn't do it, but I sure WANTED to!!!

Luv ya!!!

Amy

WLDKATZ

Thanks guys, I have been to the drs.....I am trying to do my superwoman cape thingy again.....I didnt even tell Edward I just went I was terrified, he upped my xanax and put me in bed pretty much........................if I could only quit worrying so much, yeah they got us on food stamps sis......basturds only give us 142 a month for us to eat on....that isnt enough for me alone let alone me edward and the babies but we sure have been trying.we both have been going on inteerviews but nothingthus why I had to start up durfees delights.

drs have increaded xanax to 5 mgs a day twice a day with a mixture of zoloft and buspar I keep having really bad anxioty attacks in my sleep even and we are just not sure why.......when I sleep I have been having horrific nightmeres.........

like I told you earlier Amy if it wasnt for the fact I was carrying these babies I would be under the table so to speak....as bad as I dont want too I know me worrying about court on the 27th of march is my biggest trigger that and the fact that there is no money comming in........I am terrified that I wont have the money by the 27th and mom and dad are no longer in a position to help so I just dont know what to do............lord it has been forever since I unloaded like this! I love you guys as for the bleeding when I fell down I hurt myself and on the 23rd I am having a proceedure to tie my cervix closed so I can keep holding on to the girls......right now they are fine. it is just their momma who is going nuts again




I love you guys and amy sorry about the money situation!

parentrecovers

follow your doctor's orders, and when you go to court on the 27th, be prepared to calmly tell the judge your situation. there are churches and local organizations i am sure that can help you with food and necessities, so ask around. what about wic? i think they can provide some pre natal service, or i am sure a call to your local wic office could get you some leads on places for food etc. you just gotta keep your head about ya and ask for help, katz...

be strong. you can do this! hugs, k

Rusty Zipper

keep reaching out katz'y

there is a tremendous amount of help available, we just have to find it...

and when we do, we have to play by the rules to get it... ugh

hugs!

WLDKATZ

Unk I just can't get over the fact I want it......this craving is for pure booze not my coke or weed I just want to be drunk I have never wanted it this bad, the otherday we were at walmart and you know they have the can return place there at the frount right? I walked in the frount door and all I could smell was stale beer and it smelled so damn good I started shaking I wanted even a beer, which I happen to hate the taste, I want to be free of these wants and needs again but I am so close to saying **** it that i could scream, Edward just laughs it off he thinks I am joking as do my parents , I sware I haven't but I want too so badly and again the meetings are out I am flat in bed my drs are even comming to the house again................I just feel trapped by eveything......and I am so damn depressed about it all that is what is making it worse...........thanks for letting me spill.....I love you guys

Rusty Zipper

dont give in katz'y...

go kick a cop if ya need to!

j/k of course

and stale beer gives ya the runs!

love you katz'y

WLDKATZ

thanks unk

Dee74

at least if you're flat in bed you're safe from going out and getting stuff Pamm
Stay calm - keep breathing

Just do tomorrow what you've done for 500+ days

D

All About Love

hang in there beautiful!!
everything is real amplified when were pregnant with one babe let alone two + bleeding an complications, you are bound to be feeling uptight an its ok to feel that way, just keep trying to be calm & being in bed will be good for you even though it dont feel like it right now....

your so much in my thought.

xo

Rusty Zipper

try to listen to your aunt dee and unc'a rust katz'y! lol

and cousin niks...

parentrecovers

hugs to katz!

:ghug3

WLDKATZ

you guys are the absolute best I promise these are sentimental tears!!!!!!!!!!!! Going back to bed now!

WLDKATZ

I slept........without my xanax or anything else I got off of here last night and slept till about 45 mins ago...........I feel a little bit better, sugar isnt as high as it was yesterday ( it was 565 right now it is 230) but it is still high.....think I am heading back to sleep for a bit more think the girls are done moving around for a bit!!!!!

Rusty Zipper

thats better news katz'y...

look into my eyes, your get'n sleepy, sleepy, sleeeepy!

WLDKATZ

how about Kill Kill Kill?!?!?!?

I want to be trashed.............badly
I want one whole day of forgetting...forgetting that I saw the puppies playing tug of war with the babies blankets ( all 6 of them mind you not just one) forgetting that with the broken shoulder I cant make no moreforgetting about court in a few weeks forgetting about no money
forgetting about babies on the way and the fact I may get to spend the next ten years without being their mother, forgetting the house has sprung a new leak forgetting that I just cant deal with it all...............WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER? WHEN DOES MY SUPERWOMAN COMPLEX GET OVER? WHY CAN'T I GET OFF THIS RIDE IT ISNT FUN ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry had to spill

Iam so damn tired of trying to figure everything out and not getting ANY help with the matter just dont know what to do!

parentrecovers

katzy, just try to take care of TODAY, ok?

:ghug3

Impurrfect

alright, Pamm, a gentle getting on to you here...you said you would get tax money back, but haven't filed taxes in how many years? I know I don't really know all about your finances, but I've heard you talk about all the tools you bought Edward at one time, or lots and lots of plants you bought, and honey, those are not priorities...not when neither of you are working.

I also know this was done in the past, but this court thing has been hanging over your head for a while. I may be totally out of line, and if I am, I'm sorry, and just ignore me If I'm right, then these are consequences...sell the damn tools, and pay the court.

All this worrying is just going to set you up for another miscarriage so KNOCK IT OFF, DAMMIT!!! I am dead serious. Stop awfulizing about what may happen in the future. Stay in today, read a book, watch a funny movie or do something that will distract your mind. Stop sending the girls all those stress hormones. They aren't doing you OR the girls any good.

luv ya!

Amy

WLDKATZ

thank you sis and yes I know, we sold all of that after he lost his job to pay for utilities and stuff wish I could of dug up the plants, we had everything covoered until he lost his job and I got pg again......starting tomarrow I go to give blood for money....... the avon thing isnt working out at all and I am so serious about stopping it. I try to talk to Edward about it, just read your post to him his next words floored me.......oh my god so and so is going to st louis...........some flipping football coach.........I just wanted to scream this isnt the gd NFL no more your knees gave out remember?!?!?!?!

I have the absolute need to be nasty and horrid right now I want to lash out so badly and he is the closest, but then again he is the one who isnt paying attention to what the hell I am trying to say.......i guess because he in some way is ok with the fact that I am going to prison and he is cool with it.


Is this just me losing my mind???? I mean he doesnt seem to be doing anything but reading about how to run a telephone line threw the flipping computer......I am trying to figure out how to patch the hole in the ceiling and how to get the washer to quit leaking and get food in the house and to do all the things that THE MAN is suppose to do and all I am doing is setting here feeling waves of depression and pity rolling over me and I just fu@&ing hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate trying to be dependent on someone who is being dependant.........it doesnt work......

Impurrfect

okay, I didn't want to sound harsh, so I'm glad you explained it. I just remember you talking about being broke, then talking about spending hundreds of dollars on tools and I was thinking "WTF?"

I know it has to be hard, especially where you live. I was talking to a guy who is from your area, and he said "there aren't hardly any jobs up there". Obviously, YOU are in no condition to be out working, but Edward needs a smack of reality.

Stop worrying about prison, hon. They haven't sentenced you, yet, and they may not. I know it's hard not thinking about it, but it's not doing you, or the babies, any good and is actually doing the 3 of you physical harm. The stress will make your blood sugar go up, and that harms you AND the girls. There is just as much a chance they WON'T send you to prison as there is they will, so just stop thinking about it. Stay in today. Heck, stay in the next 5 minutes, if you have to.

I've got to get to work.

I luv ya!!

Amy

WLDKATZ

I am trying...............I love ya and be safe yahos out tonight babe