TryingSoHard

Hey, y'all.

So, I'm leaving on Thursday for a weekend trip to Buffalo/Niagara Falls, NY.I'll be there from Thursday evening till Sunday morning, and I'll be with two girl friends.

They don't know that I don't drink any more. They both do drink (like normal people).

I am 97% confident that I will be able to say no when I'm with them. It's the 3% I'm worried about. I would be lying if I didn't say that there is a little voice in my head telling me not to tell either one of them before I get there just so I don't close that door too soon.

God, I feel ashamed just typing this. I've typed and deleted a couple of sentences 3 times now. I think I need to put this out there so that I can deal with it and move on, if that makes sense. But wow... it's harder than I thought it would be.

One of these girls is a very dear friend of mine. I could tell her I simply don't drink anymore, or I could tell her the complete truth about WHY I don't drink anymore. She wouldn't judge me, she would listen, and she would be fine with it. She also wouldn't pressure me (I really don't believe she would) if I just left it at "I quit". The other girl is a friend but not someone I've gotten incredibly close to or comfortable with yet. I would simply tell her that I don't drink anymore and let that be that. I've been thinking about telling them both before I get up there just so they know right off the bat that I won't be drinking with them. Just today I asked if we had any plans for Saturday other than seeing Niagara Falls and one's response was, "Get drunk? " I started an email and then deleted it. Why?

Because part of my brain/addiction wants to cling to the belief that if they don't know and I drink then it doesn't count. I am already giving myself excuses to cheat. I am setting myself up for failure.

I just hit 90 days, and 91 days ago I never would have believed it. Why am I plotting and planning how to sneak around and cheat, and how on earth am I convincing myself that it won't count?!

Again I ask you wonderful people - WTF is WRONG with me!?

CarolD

Remember your visit with your Mom?
Remember when you were attending AA?
Both things you thought were impossible to do.

And...read your sig line....

j0hn0than1964

Hello Trying,

First off there is not a thing wrong with you, you are doing the right thing and thinking ahead for the right reasons. In my past I would not have given any of this a second thought and just got ripped with the group and most likely orchestrated the whole event. I also understand how and why one would have the ideas of hey why say a thing I am not an alcoholic here in Buffalo with these friends. The biggest thing is that you will know and as we are learning that is as important as it gets in this recovery thing. You know these friends and associates so I think you know what to do. Most people are respectful of where we are and what we are doing, and if not well that can be hard to as we all seem to want that certain level of acceptance, DONT FALL INTO THAT!!! You are doing great in your recovery and keep that sobriety as priority number one. I think you will find a way to talk with your closer friend about what you are doing and to a degree why, as far as the other business associate well I agree a simple no thank you or I no longer drink. I have been in business meetings in hotel bars and for me it was ok, but of course that is up to you and where you are.

I really feel you know what to do and how to do it, what I think a lot about is what it has taken me to get to whatever day we are on and let that be a good motivator.

Hang in there!!!
Love,
JT

Lenina

TSH,

In my personal experience, if I leave myself a loophole, being an alcoholic, I'll take it. I hope you have a great trip.

Love,

Lenina

TryingSoHard

You're right, Lenina.

I just emailed my close friend and told her that I don't drink anymore and therefore won't be doing any of the getting drunk this time around.

Small steps, eh?

Lenina

TSH,

Good job! You won't regret it. I learned the hard way, I'm glad you might not have to!

Love,

Lenina

IO Storm

Remember what it was like before..how it is now.

If you know you can't pick it up without laying it down..then, don't!

It is a commitment you make to yourself...moment by moment.

Not right now, for then.

But now for now..and each moment that passes.

Time has a way of taking care of itself as we go along, and we continue to make that

choice..we carry that power within us.

Everywhere we go...

Best of luck..and love to you as well from me.

Dee74

Good work TSH - its not easy is it?
But you will look back on this and know it was the right thing to do.

D

yeahgr8

wow i hope you do not drink! That would suck bigtime to go back to day 1 again just for a ****** up night that will be completely unfulfilling anyway...

best of luck and stay strong:-)

mxchaos

I hope you have fun

LaDita

Thank you so much for posting this TryingSoHard, I relate to so much of what you just said. Good for you for writing your friend and telling her. I hope you will have a good time and you will feel relaxed and safe from beginning to end. Stay strong!

Mark75

From what I've read in your posts, TSH, there is nothing WRONG with you...

But, lets see, uhhhh, yea, thats it... You are an alcoholic!!! and alcohol is very cunning. You are making an excellent decision to tell on your disease. You are a good example for me and others.

Keep your head this weekend. Be good to yourself and when it comes to yourself and your recovery, be selfish! Don't let yourself feel self pity, shame or resentment (all of which I would and have felt in similar situations). If you feel those things, change something, even if it means going home.

Have a great trip!!!

Mark

littlefish

Think of it this way: what will it be like to experience a vacation sober? I've been to some really great vacation destinations in the last 10 years and unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time on those vacations drinking or nursing a hangover.

I would have been able to plan and experience so much more without the alcohol.

Pelican

Good for you!

j0hn0than1964

that is great news and I would hope you feel less stress about his trip already.

Happy New Year ALL

JT

least

You can get thru this trip without giving in to the addict voice. I know you can. Just keep reminding yourself of your ninety days sober and how you don't want to have to start all over again.

Have a safe, sane, and sober New Year!

Anna

I think that recognizing the addict voice for what it is, is a huge step in recovery.

Then, you can make the choice to ignore it, and move on.

By the way, I try to not feel any pressure to tell people I am not drinking alcohol. It's a deeply personal decision.

Philly

TSH-

I think you did the best thing by telling your friend. I had a big ordeal when I quit and went to rehab for 10 days and took 2 months off work (with pay down the seashore in the summer lol) so the whole world seems to know I quit which takes some pressure off people asking me if I want a drink. It also puts pressure on me not to drink which in these early stages seems to be a good thing. Hope you have a good time and keep us posted.

allport

Well done TSH, i hope your friends respect your decision, and support you, I think you did the right thing.

Now forget about it (if you can) and have a great time.

coffeenut

You're okay. Really!

Thinking about things like this are usually harder than actually getting through them. You KNOW you're not going to drink, don't you. You've come to far to throw it away. Go, and have a Great Time. When you come back, you are going to feel so Proud and so Strong!