The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
Justoday:
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The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
Just one today gang. This one sure keeps my thinking in-line with what matters.
1. AVOID COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS:
Simply put, comparing yourself to others usually leads you to feel better than others or lesser than others. The results is either pride and arrogance or envy and self-pity. As you know, these things are stepping stones to relapse and using.
The only useful comparison you can make is to compare yourself TODAY with how you were yesterday. You will either see progress or a need for change. Bottom line...our "eyes" stay where they need to be...on ourselves.
Why waste your time comparing yourself with others when it can be so misleading and full of incorrect assumptions? Chew on this thought...Don't we tend to compare our own "insides" with only what we can presume is on another persons' "outside"?
Hmmm.
1. AVOID COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS:
Simply put, comparing yourself to others usually leads you to feel better than others or lesser than others. The results is either pride and arrogance or envy and self-pity. As you know, these things are stepping stones to relapse and using.
The only useful comparison you can make is to compare yourself TODAY with how you were yesterday. You will either see progress or a need for change. Bottom line...our "eyes" stay where they need to be...on ourselves.
Why waste your time comparing yourself with others when it can be so misleading and full of incorrect assumptions? Chew on this thought...Don't we tend to compare our own "insides" with only what we can presume is on another persons' "outside"?
Hmmm.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
BE CAUTIOUS OF CELEBRATIONS
The reality is that we are, at some point, going to find ourselves obligated to attend gatherings where alcohol and possibility drugs can be present. Weddings, funerals, holiday parties with family or co-workers for example. At these times, you need to be very careful. BEFORE you even go, IF you are feeling that you will tempted too much to use...DON'T second guess yourself! ("Oh, maybe I can handle it..." has been regrettable thinking for me in the past) DON'T GO...if at all possible. If for some reason, you must, protect your recovery. For example, bring someone supportive of your recovery with you. Another thing I have personally done when I am maybe feeling somewhat vulnerable or uncomfortable with a situation is to call my sponsor before I go into a situation and I call him right when I leave (or once I called while I was still at a gathering). PLEASE... just don't rely on "winging-it" to get you through.
Now, for some of us, not going to some of these things can hurt your reputation or your relationship with your family or friends. If i can speak forcefully for a moment...WHO CARES! There is NOTHING more important than your on-going recovery. I have heard some say, "But I'm being so selfish." and to that I have to say, "Absolutely!". But its a two sided coin...this selfishness in recovery. Selfishly, keep your recovery first and you will be a better person, co-worker, husband/wife, parent, and friend. Here's some good solid TRUTH to EMBRACE: As you and I keep our recovery #1 there are so many awesome transformations that take place in us as a person. Here's another cool TRUTH: The "fruit" of this apparent "selfishness" in our recovery is we become the very opposite of selfish. As we become healthier and healthier we naturally start to become a REAL person of character to our children, our family and friends. They will thank you and respect you for it more than you know (even if many of them wont ever say it
)
I hope that all made sense and helps someone as it did me writing it.
The reality is that we are, at some point, going to find ourselves obligated to attend gatherings where alcohol and possibility drugs can be present. Weddings, funerals, holiday parties with family or co-workers for example. At these times, you need to be very careful. BEFORE you even go, IF you are feeling that you will tempted too much to use...DON'T second guess yourself! ("Oh, maybe I can handle it..." has been regrettable thinking for me in the past) DON'T GO...if at all possible. If for some reason, you must, protect your recovery. For example, bring someone supportive of your recovery with you. Another thing I have personally done when I am maybe feeling somewhat vulnerable or uncomfortable with a situation is to call my sponsor before I go into a situation and I call him right when I leave (or once I called while I was still at a gathering). PLEASE... just don't rely on "winging-it" to get you through.
Now, for some of us, not going to some of these things can hurt your reputation or your relationship with your family or friends. If i can speak forcefully for a moment...WHO CARES! There is NOTHING more important than your on-going recovery. I have heard some say, "But I'm being so selfish." and to that I have to say, "Absolutely!". But its a two sided coin...this selfishness in recovery. Selfishly, keep your recovery first and you will be a better person, co-worker, husband/wife, parent, and friend. Here's some good solid TRUTH to EMBRACE: As you and I keep our recovery #1 there are so many awesome transformations that take place in us as a person. Here's another cool TRUTH: The "fruit" of this apparent "selfishness" in our recovery is we become the very opposite of selfish. As we become healthier and healthier we naturally start to become a REAL person of character to our children, our family and friends. They will thank you and respect you for it more than you know (even if many of them wont ever say it
)I hope that all made sense and helps someone as it did me writing it.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
10. BE CAUTIOUS OF CELEBRATIONS (Continued)
After thinking about the whole topic of "celebrations" I started to see another area in my life that this something I deal with in my recovery. It has to do with the cautions of the mental/emotional side of celebrating. In other words, there have been times (and continue to) that I am having a good day or that I did have come through a temptation to relapse and use victorious. It is good to enjoy and remember any good day or difficult urge we came through unscathed. But it's in those times of celebrating that I have also caught myself also lowering my "guard" so to speak. Sort of relaxing a bit and the urge to reward one's self or celebrate a bit can lead me to actually put me right back in a dangerous place. Not to make this confusing, but I have found it an important thing to keep in mind for at least myself.
In boxing, a small strike with the lead hand to the opponent is typically called a jab and you will see boxers use it alot. What his opponent has to do is to keep two things in mind about that jab: (1) Keep your guard up. A smart striker knows too keep both of his hand up near their head to guard his head and not low to their waist. (2) He has to keep in mind that this lead jab he is succesfully dodging at the moment has another sneaky and dangerous purpose. A jab is, often times, used to actually help set the opponents attention away from the much more powerful and painful cross punch (Sorry for the illustration for you non-boxing fans, its just what came to mind for me).
In the same way, on a number of occasions in the past, I have been that guy successfully dodging the jabs coming at me. I also tend to find myself feeling pretty good about that as well, while still cautious of those big cross punches that can come. Every once in awhile though, I have caught myself feeling pretty good that I have been dodging the jabs of life and addiction and then "POW!" I get hit by a right cross that just hurts. Why'd this happen? Because I lowered my guard and didn't stay alert anymore.
With that in mind, you do have a lot to be proud of for sticking it out with the "fight for your recovery". If you have been clean and sober for 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months, it takes an unbelievable amount of strength and courage to do what you do. You are a hero in my book. BUT, always keep a guarded stance with how you're doing, even when you are doing well.
After thinking about the whole topic of "celebrations" I started to see another area in my life that this something I deal with in my recovery. It has to do with the cautions of the mental/emotional side of celebrating. In other words, there have been times (and continue to) that I am having a good day or that I did have come through a temptation to relapse and use victorious. It is good to enjoy and remember any good day or difficult urge we came through unscathed. But it's in those times of celebrating that I have also caught myself also lowering my "guard" so to speak. Sort of relaxing a bit and the urge to reward one's self or celebrate a bit can lead me to actually put me right back in a dangerous place. Not to make this confusing, but I have found it an important thing to keep in mind for at least myself.
In boxing, a small strike with the lead hand to the opponent is typically called a jab and you will see boxers use it alot. What his opponent has to do is to keep two things in mind about that jab: (1) Keep your guard up. A smart striker knows too keep both of his hand up near their head to guard his head and not low to their waist. (2) He has to keep in mind that this lead jab he is succesfully dodging at the moment has another sneaky and dangerous purpose. A jab is, often times, used to actually help set the opponents attention away from the much more powerful and painful cross punch (Sorry for the illustration for you non-boxing fans, its just what came to mind for me).
In the same way, on a number of occasions in the past, I have been that guy successfully dodging the jabs coming at me. I also tend to find myself feeling pretty good about that as well, while still cautious of those big cross punches that can come. Every once in awhile though, I have caught myself feeling pretty good that I have been dodging the jabs of life and addiction and then "POW!" I get hit by a right cross that just hurts. Why'd this happen? Because I lowered my guard and didn't stay alert anymore.
With that in mind, you do have a lot to be proud of for sticking it out with the "fight for your recovery". If you have been clean and sober for 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months, it takes an unbelievable amount of strength and courage to do what you do. You are a hero in my book. BUT, always keep a guarded stance with how you're doing, even when you are doing well.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
Gonna revisit one I stated with months ago, but with a bit of additional thoughts. Its also probably one of the most powerful tools in all of my recovery.
USE THE 24 HOUR PLAN:
Stay clean and sober just for today. Don't worry about staying sober for the rest of you life. Don't burden yourself with the discouraging task of never using again. At times it may be focusing on just one hour at a time or even a each minute at a time, but keep your focus on the NOW. You can't stay clean for tomorrow or next week, but YOU CAN stay clean and sober for just for TODAY. This truth brings something that those of us in recovery often are short on...HOPE. To start with and apply this truth to our recovery on a daily basis will make things much more manageable. As a matter of fact we can apply this truth to just about any difficulty or challenge in our lives and it can make a big difference as well.
USE THE 24 HOUR PLAN:
Stay clean and sober just for today. Don't worry about staying sober for the rest of you life. Don't burden yourself with the discouraging task of never using again. At times it may be focusing on just one hour at a time or even a each minute at a time, but keep your focus on the NOW. You can't stay clean for tomorrow or next week, but YOU CAN stay clean and sober for just for TODAY. This truth brings something that those of us in recovery often are short on...HOPE. To start with and apply this truth to our recovery on a daily basis will make things much more manageable. As a matter of fact we can apply this truth to just about any difficulty or challenge in our lives and it can make a big difference as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
11. ACCEPT HELP!:
Far too often refusing to ask for help seemed to be the one thing that could of prevented me from relapse. Unfortunately, we seem to come up with 100 reasons why we need to not ask for help when we so often do. The funny and sad thing is when you look at many of our reasons after the fact they seem pretty ridiculous.
From the fear of what people will think of us, procrastination or the ridiculous notion that we can handle it ourselves...they are ways of thinking we must put an end to. "No man is an island" is so true here. And in this case we are NOT each on our own little island. The fact is its an island with a bunch of us addicts and alcoholics on the same island living on it together. END the cycle and temptation in your life to not reach out fight for your recovery by reaching out to those who can help you. You will be pleasantly surprised how things will go for you when you ask someone for HELP.
Far too often refusing to ask for help seemed to be the one thing that could of prevented me from relapse. Unfortunately, we seem to come up with 100 reasons why we need to not ask for help when we so often do. The funny and sad thing is when you look at many of our reasons after the fact they seem pretty ridiculous.
From the fear of what people will think of us, procrastination or the ridiculous notion that we can handle it ourselves...they are ways of thinking we must put an end to. "No man is an island" is so true here. And in this case we are NOT each on our own little island. The fact is its an island with a bunch of us addicts and alcoholics on the same island living on it together. END the cycle and temptation in your life to not reach out fight for your recovery by reaching out to those who can help you. You will be pleasantly surprised how things will go for you when you ask someone for HELP.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
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The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
12. KEEP SOBRIETY YOUR #1 GOAL
When you were drinking and/or using your commitment to getting drunk or high came before anything and anyone else. In recovery, your commitment to sobriety must come first, before anyone or anything else. Those who allow their sobriety to take second place, soon lose sight of it altogether. Many of us doubt (especially early in recovery) that we aren't sure if we have what it takes to be sober, but just isn't true. When you consider how much energy, passion, creativity and commitment we had to our vise...there is no reason to question IF we have it in us. It is a matter of gradually tapping into that as we get healthy.
Think about it in terms of having a life long disease also. For example, if you have diabetes (I am sorry anyone that does have it) you don’t put off or forget to take your insulin, because you know that if you do, things can turn from good to bad very quickly. It is something that you have to integrate as a vital part of your life to enjoy living from now on. The good news is it isn’t burdensome as some may think…it actually becomes a great source for personal growth and enjoying life!
When you were drinking and/or using your commitment to getting drunk or high came before anything and anyone else. In recovery, your commitment to sobriety must come first, before anyone or anything else. Those who allow their sobriety to take second place, soon lose sight of it altogether. Many of us doubt (especially early in recovery) that we aren't sure if we have what it takes to be sober, but just isn't true. When you consider how much energy, passion, creativity and commitment we had to our vise...there is no reason to question IF we have it in us. It is a matter of gradually tapping into that as we get healthy.
Think about it in terms of having a life long disease also. For example, if you have diabetes (I am sorry anyone that does have it) you don’t put off or forget to take your insulin, because you know that if you do, things can turn from good to bad very quickly. It is something that you have to integrate as a vital part of your life to enjoy living from now on. The good news is it isn’t burdensome as some may think…it actually becomes a great source for personal growth and enjoying life!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
13. Use the 12 Steps for Pete's Sake! (Whoever Peter is...sorry)
Now, this one is a controversial one for some, because we can tend to think we can do this "recovery thing" our own way. Yeah...I have always been somewhat of an unorthodox rebel myself, but the truth is when I am sick with a disease like ours doing our own "Step Thing" is pretty ridiculous if you just think it through.
It is like going to my doctor and he informs me that I have a disease, but there are some time tested and well research things that I can do to actually manage it well and live a good long life still. And I respond, by saying, "Well, that's great doc, but for me I might do some of it, but I think I will create my own process to deal with the disease."
Sounds silly, but think of it this way...not only do I have little experience and knowledge of how to do this...frankly my state-of-mind (as an addict/alcoholic) is typically not in the healthiest place to even "see" (things can be quite foggy for us especially early on) things properly so they can be dealt with. In other words, it would essentially be like I was a blind 6 year old trying to tell the doc..."I think I can do it my way or with my own steps". Not much of a chance of success eh?
For the love of Yourself and Your Recovery...use the 12 Step program or an existing one that has had a lot of success, but don't believe for a second that you can do it "My way" (sorry Frank, your song does not work well in the world of recovery )
Work the Steps and they will work for you. They are an excellent guide to becoming the New You!
Now, this one is a controversial one for some, because we can tend to think we can do this "recovery thing" our own way. Yeah...I have always been somewhat of an unorthodox rebel myself, but the truth is when I am sick with a disease like ours doing our own "Step Thing" is pretty ridiculous if you just think it through.
It is like going to my doctor and he informs me that I have a disease, but there are some time tested and well research things that I can do to actually manage it well and live a good long life still. And I respond, by saying, "Well, that's great doc, but for me I might do some of it, but I think I will create my own process to deal with the disease."
Sounds silly, but think of it this way...not only do I have little experience and knowledge of how to do this...frankly my state-of-mind (as an addict/alcoholic) is typically not in the healthiest place to even "see" (things can be quite foggy for us especially early on) things properly so they can be dealt with. In other words, it would essentially be like I was a blind 6 year old trying to tell the doc..."I think I can do it my way or with my own steps". Not much of a chance of success eh?
For the love of Yourself and Your Recovery...use the 12 Step program or an existing one that has had a lot of success, but don't believe for a second that you can do it "My way" (sorry Frank, your song does not work well in the world of recovery
)Work the Steps and they will work for you. They are an excellent guide to becoming the New You!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
14. Remember the H.A.L.T. Principles
H = Hungry, A = Angry, L = Lonely, T = Tired. These are states you want to avoid where possible and have the awareness to do something about as soon you feel any of them coming on. Though, these appear to be very simple things to be aware of in your daily life, they are surprisingly connected to so many relapses.
Anger is probably the hardest one to deal with and it's not as obvious what you need to do about it as with the other ones ...The trick to dealing with anger is to forgive and let go. But how do you do that practically ...? Though this may sound a bit corny for some of you, consider responding to your feelings of anger (as hard as it may be) with the very opposite response: like a prayer or blessing for whatever or whoever makes you feel that anger. Wish upon that person all the good things you'd want for yourself ... and you'll be amazed at how your anger dissolves. Then just repeat as needed. Trust me it can work. Its amazing what can happen to you personally when we make a stand against particular unhealthy feelings we have fallen into a habit of just responding the same way with over and over.
All anger does is poison you and your mind. How does that benefit you?
By consciously wishing good things upon someone you don't like - and dare I say it, even hate (because your resentment does nothing to them, it only poisons you) - you stop thinking about them less and less until in your own mind they hardly figure any more.
It doesn't mean you have to like a particular person, but by letting go of your anger and resentment those intense feelings that could very easily see you relapse are dissolved. So the trade-off for you becomes peace of mind (man, I'll take that wherever I can get it!).
Your addiction recovery process is a journey of self discovery. And if you're committed to that journey, the more you work on your personal growth and self-development will ensure that your life continues to evolve and improve beyond what you ever imagined possible.
H = Hungry, A = Angry, L = Lonely, T = Tired. These are states you want to avoid where possible and have the awareness to do something about as soon you feel any of them coming on. Though, these appear to be very simple things to be aware of in your daily life, they are surprisingly connected to so many relapses.
Anger is probably the hardest one to deal with and it's not as obvious what you need to do about it as with the other ones ...The trick to dealing with anger is to forgive and let go. But how do you do that practically ...? Though this may sound a bit corny for some of you, consider responding to your feelings of anger (as hard as it may be) with the very opposite response: like a prayer or blessing for whatever or whoever makes you feel that anger. Wish upon that person all the good things you'd want for yourself ... and you'll be amazed at how your anger dissolves. Then just repeat as needed. Trust me it can work. Its amazing what can happen to you personally when we make a stand against particular unhealthy feelings we have fallen into a habit of just responding the same way with over and over.
All anger does is poison you and your mind. How does that benefit you?
By consciously wishing good things upon someone you don't like - and dare I say it, even hate (because your resentment does nothing to them, it only poisons you) - you stop thinking about them less and less until in your own mind they hardly figure any more.
It doesn't mean you have to like a particular person, but by letting go of your anger and resentment those intense feelings that could very easily see you relapse are dissolved. So the trade-off for you becomes peace of mind (man, I'll take that wherever I can get it!).
Your addiction recovery process is a journey of self discovery. And if you're committed to that journey, the more you work on your personal growth and self-development will ensure that your life continues to evolve and improve beyond what you ever imagined possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
The Relapse Prevention Tool Box
15. BE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTH FOR YOUR RECOVERY
When we were drinking or using, we got to the point that we willing to do whatever it took to get our "fix". Things we never thought we would do, say or think, we ended up being willing to do. I was a "fool" for my addiction, fearless and willing to do things without much concern about what others thought or the consequences. Now we have to have that same commitment to our recovery. To be "Fools for Recovery". I like the sound of that!
We need to be willing to stand up for our recovery with purpose and confidence. Why? Because of what's at stake here. What is at stake? YOU (and those in your life) and the fact that you do have value and purpose (still). This is your personal battle and you need to stand up and fight for it (and its a fight for your life).
So, if you find yourself in a bad situation and you can't get a hold of your sponsor...RUN! Be willing to get out of there and don't think about what how others will react or think. If you are staring at a bunch of pills you shouldn't be using...STOP STARING at them and dump them in the toilet! If you are threatened at gun point to use and the only way to not have to go through with it is to put a chicken suit on and run around making chicken sounds...DO IT!
Now I may be being a bit over dramatic, but I hope you get the "heart" of what I am saying. Until next time...
When we were drinking or using, we got to the point that we willing to do whatever it took to get our "fix". Things we never thought we would do, say or think, we ended up being willing to do. I was a "fool" for my addiction, fearless and willing to do things without much concern about what others thought or the consequences. Now we have to have that same commitment to our recovery. To be "Fools for Recovery". I like the sound of that!
We need to be willing to stand up for our recovery with purpose and confidence. Why? Because of what's at stake here. What is at stake? YOU (and those in your life) and the fact that you do have value and purpose (still). This is your personal battle and you need to stand up and fight for it (and its a fight for your life).
So, if you find yourself in a bad situation and you can't get a hold of your sponsor...RUN! Be willing to get out of there and don't think about what how others will react or think. If you are staring at a bunch of pills you shouldn't be using...STOP STARING at them and dump them in the toilet! If you are threatened at gun point to use and the only way to not have to go through with it is to put a chicken suit on and run around making chicken sounds...DO IT!
Now I may be being a bit over dramatic, but I hope you get the "heart" of what I am saying. Until next time...
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Originally Posted by lovinmenow 
Thank you for this excellent thread. It is really helping today. I have cravings real bad right now. Keep it up.!!! Let's not let this thread drop too low!
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16. Have Smart Feet.
This is something a friend told me early on in sobriety: I personally don't have a smart brain/head, but I can have smart feet. My smart feet take me to meetings, and they keep me out of bars and liquor stores. My smart feet take me over to my friends' houses who care about my sobriety. My smart feet keep me away from the 24-hour-party-people's houses.
If I walk to the right places, I stay sober. I don't even need a smart brain to do this. All I need is smart feet.
Hope this is helpful!
This is something a friend told me early on in sobriety: I personally don't have a smart brain/head, but I can have smart feet. My smart feet take me to meetings, and they keep me out of bars and liquor stores. My smart feet take me over to my friends' houses who care about my sobriety. My smart feet keep me away from the 24-hour-party-people's houses.
If I walk to the right places, I stay sober. I don't even need a smart brain to do this. All I need is smart feet.
Hope this is helpful!
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
[QUOTE=JusToday;1982969
[B]2. USE THE 24 HOUR PLAN: [/B]
Stay clean and sober just for today. Don't worry about staying sober for the rest of you life. Don't burden yourself with the discouraging task of never using again. At times it may be focusing on just one hour at a time or even a each minute at a time, but keep your focus on the NOW. You can't stay clean for tomorrow or next week, but YOU CAN stay clean and sober for just for TODAY.
QUOTE]
This is what I'm trying to do now...I can't even think about tonight, just the next few hours. That's good advice.
[B]2. USE THE 24 HOUR PLAN: [/B]
Stay clean and sober just for today. Don't worry about staying sober for the rest of you life. Don't burden yourself with the discouraging task of never using again. At times it may be focusing on just one hour at a time or even a each minute at a time, but keep your focus on the NOW. You can't stay clean for tomorrow or next week, but YOU CAN stay clean and sober for just for TODAY.
QUOTE]
This is what I'm trying to do now...I can't even think about tonight, just the next few hours. That's good advice.
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