mle-sober

Searching,

Are you really saying my suggestion that you get serious help and own up to your alcoholism is the same as having your dad beat you?

No one is beating you here.

In fact, I feel a lot of compassion for you. I feel powerless too. The only one that can truly make a difference in your life is you. But you have to, as you said, step up to the plate. And get help. Even if you don't like the kind of help that is available or if you disdain it or feel uncomfortable or angry or whatever.

Getting sober is not confortable. It is painful and scary. I still think you can do it.

And I can't imagine why it matters what drink you are currently killing yourself with - vodka or beer. What matters is that you humble yourself enough to get help.

Did you drive to the AA meeting further away from you?

searching

No I never drove to any of them, to far for me to drive and Im sorry If I came down hard on anyone its been a back week and is prob only going to get worse before it gets better, the whole darkness before the light thing..

SlvrMag

No problem, searching. Just hang on tight!! We are here for you.

mle-sober

Searching,

I'm just glad you're still here. Are you drinking? Have you made an appointment with a doctor?

We want to support you in all the ways we can. I'm worried about you detoxing and about your bloodpressure and I really hope you can see a doctor. When you do, be completely honest with them. Completely. Maybe that's one way you can get the ball rolling instead of AA since AA seems inaccessible for you....

Please keep us posted!
- mle

searching

I havent talked to my docter about it yet, there is a therapy here that works on how much you make so maybe I can do that, still sucks though, like I said I swear Ive had at least 3 freaking therapist quit in me in mid therapy, or one that just didnt come back from vacation. I mean who the hell wants to make $20000 when they have a freaking masters degree... Ive cut back today, cant just stop and cant afford the rehab unit at the hospital, did get some BP pills so its back under control some and some xanax to help with the withdrawl symptoms... thanks again for all your support, I think my wives has just about ran out.. cant blame her, Ive put her thru so much

searching

not ran out as in ran out of the house but ran out of of pationice with me, still cant blame here either way, its my son Im going to miss if things get so bad I have to move out but at the same time I dont want to hurt him anymore either. He loves me and Im always passed out, not good, may dad was the same way, like father like son I guess they say... oh well thanks for letting me bend your ear today, see where this goes... beyond is a great adventure, you just have to look..not sure what movie thats from but I like the saying.. how bout, may the force be with you, I know that one, or from one of my fav movies, my name is inigo montaya, you killed my father prepair to dye...

searching

damn I need to learn how to spell but Im 40 so **** it, you all know what I mean

LosingmyMisery

Don't give up hope, there is a solution. Keep focusing on getting well and you can get through this. Please be careful, things can get pretty hairy.

mle-sober

Searching,

Okay, let's try this: How committed are you to finding long-lasting sobriety?

Would you say, 100%? 80%? 75%? 50%?

Have you ever tried to quit before and what tools did you use to try?

Hevyn

Searching, I was just like Bolero with the beer-to-vodka thing. You're accelerating your drinking in a very dangerous way, just like I did. The first time I drank I got buzzed on 2 beers. In the end, I had graduated to 100 proof vodka. I would sip it 24/7 - would have some in the morning getting dressed for work, hide it at work and sip all day. When it was time to go home, I was in great shape to drive.....that's when I got my DUI's. I wouldn't intentionally hurt a soul, yet I could easily have ended up in jail doing life for vehicular homicide. I am worried for you and hope you will keep posting so we can help. There can be a whole new life, but it is strange in the beginning - I promise, you will have fun again - but in a different way. No more hangovers, blackouts, remorse, guilt, health issues. Congatulations for wanting to make your life better (even though reluctantly). I know just how you feel. I was scared in the beginning too, but I was being driven insane, I was going to die - I had to quit. Sounds like it's time, Searching.

Ago

I did

I drove 1 hour up and one hour back with a one hour meeting twice a week (3+ hours total) , 20 minutes south once a week (2 hours total) and two hours south once or twice a week.

I wanted to live, I wanted to quit drinking, I was prepared to "go to any lengths"

I did this for 6 months until I moved to an area with more meetings and a better fellowship, I picked up and moved with no money, no job, no nothing.

I'm "here" and in AA to save my life, and "I will do what it takes no matter what to get this thing", that's my attitude.

searching

Ok, well Im going to give this a try again, today is day one, I think the single worse day for anyone that has a problem with drinking. The emotional toll of what Ive put my wife and son thru and almost worst than the physical stuff Im going thru right now.

mle-sober

Awesome! I know it's hard right now. Is your doctor ok with you detoxing on your own like this?

How committed do you feel this time? You sound like you really want to heal the wounds with your wife and son.

And what did you do in the past to try to quit drinking?