TryingSoHard

Too true!!

Searching, you don't suck... you are in a difficult spot, that's all. Your posts DO sound like you're not ready to quit yet. Your posts actually sound very much like my thoughts this past summer. I knew something wasn't right, I knew my drinking habits were much different than most people's, but the thought of stopping absolutely terrified me. One day I realized that my drunk self terrifies me MORE.

There really is nothing GOOD that we can do drunk that we can't do sober. It's just that the thought of giving up something that is so powerful and such a big part of our lives is downright frightening. Change is scary, anyway.

This change is for the better, though. It really is. Peace.

searching

this isnt fun anymore, my BP is really high and I just dont know what to do anymore, parts of drinking are fun, the normal parts but I do stupid **** when Im drinking, I know I should quite but its so scary to think of my life without it, Ive had it there since I was 16....

Horselover

I also started when I was about 16 Searching and I drank until I was 36 years old. I got pregnant and quit for a bit, but when I returned it was full throttle. I cannot drink as a normal person and it WILL kill me eventually if I continue. Have you ever read "Under the Influence?" You will see it mentioned numerous times here because many people on SR have read it and found it very helpful. It explains that this disease is a disease and you do not have a character defect because you are an alcoholic. You were born with this tendency. I used to wonder why some of my friends in college could drink as I did, but it didn't follow them the rest of their lives. They were not alcoholics and I was. Any ways, it might provide some information you may find helpful. We are always a few keystrokes away and don't think of it as the rest of your life. I find myself doing that and that is a sure way to freak me out into a relapse. I figure I can do it for today and let the rest follow. By the way my blood pressure was up there too and whenever I would start with the first glass my face would flush bright red. It looked like I was out in the sun all day, but it would only appear after that first glass in the evening. Strange, but its another way it effected my body and it wasn't good.

shanman422

Who is the Author... I keep hearing about this book and would really like to purchase... just want to make sure I get the right one

Horselover

"Under the Influence - A guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism" by James R. Milam & Katherine Ketcham

I bought mine used from Amazon and couldn't even tell it was used.

searching

Im glad you guys had your book moment but Im having some serious problems here, my BP is like 140/115 and my pulse its 125, Im looking for some help

dave47

Searching, I drank from a similar age and for years it was what I did best and couldn't see a life without it.
Probably like most I tried changing my drinking, hiding drinks and at times functioning too well with drink inside. Through worrying about my health, what I was putting my family through and financial worries I came on SR and managed to stop. I have never thought it would be forever,but that one day at a time keeps adding up. You will have to make changes to your life, but after a while you will see that you can have just as much fun without alcohol-even at social functions and that the self loathing will be gone.
Keep coming back and never stop trying, get your health sorted out and your relationship back as it should be-theres no time like the present.
PS some of those people at AA might save your life, it's not for everyone but it might be for you.

mle-sober

Searching,

Maybe it's time to look into treatment programs? When someone comes to SR and gives a lot of mixed messages about how ready they are to stop but how much help they need but how much fun they have partying...

(ie: your own words: I got wasted and have been ever since. I know my wife isnt happy, she is just giving me the silent treatment. I just dont understand, I did so well all summer then bam this.. any advice or encouragement would help, Im so bummed... oh and the halloween party was a blast by the way....)

... I can't help thinking that they need more direct and personal help than a website. We are here for you and can listen to you worry and tell your painful story all you need. We know that story ourselves. We all have one.

But if you really want to get well, maybe you need to go to your doctor TODAY and tell him or her the truth of your situation and see what kind of help they can brainstorm up.

Can you do that? Can you take that step? I think you can.

Horselover

Okay Searching - fair enough. Sorry about the off topic book moment. I thought the book may have been of help to you, but like MLE stated I believe you need medical attention. Why not go to a doctor and bite the bullet? I don't believe we can offer you medical answers because we are not doctors. We can offer support and we can offer what helped us, but that's about it. You sound scared and frustrated and I hope you take action.

CarolD

ER time for you....and please be honest about
how much you drink.
Be safe....get medical attention.

Come back and let us know what is happening please

searching

well so far by BP is down today still a little high but thats prob cause Im dehydrated from drinking all well.. its 135/85, not to bad considering all Ive put myself thru this week. Cant really do the ER last time I did that cost my $2000 just for them to tell me there was nothing wrong besides some axiety and dehydration. Thanks all for the talk, it helped but Im still confused about things, not sure what to do, council around here sucks, been to like 3 and they all quit on me cause the pay in this little town is awful for them. I feel like Im torturing myself but its really the ones I love that Im hurting the most, me I could care less what happends, Im about to that point were it would be easier for me if if was over...

mle-sober

Searching,

It's not everyone else's fault that you are an active alcoholic with some serious health issues.

Of course you are confused! You are at a huge turning point in your life. And you can chose to reach deep inside yourself for your real strength - talk to your doctor, detox and get into a program of recovery. Or you could choose to let your anger and resentment lead you further and deeper into despair, blame, denial and confusion.

It is only your choice. No one else can do it for you.

And you can blame the system, the doctors, the ER, the couselors, your wife, the economy and whatever other things you see in your path that make you angry. You can blame them all for getting in your way and making it hard for you and keeping you drinking.

But all of that is a lie to protect yourself from having to face the truth. You say your are confused. But the truth is very, very simple: You need to stop drinking. And nothing is more important than that in your life right now. You need to make sobriety your absolutely number one priority in your life. Even if it means you have to do things your not comfortable doing. Even (and especially) if it makes you angry.

Get help.

searching

thanks mle-sober for the kinda words but that aggressive approach doesnt fly with me, it didnt work when my dad would beat my ass as a kid and it doesnt fly now either. I know I have to step up to the plate and do something about it, I come here for support not more crap like my dad gave me....

Boleo

When 30 packs of Ice Beer failed to give me that feeling of ease and comfort that I was looking for I switched to vodka.

Yes it was easier to hide. I could put it in a flask and sip it all day long...I could drink all night to. Next thing I knew I was up to 2 -3 fifths a day. That is when I could not sober up for work the next day and HAD to drink every two hours just to feel normal.

Don't even think about using Vodka as a way of tapering off. The only thing that will taper off is your sober time.

SlvrMag

Have you given it a chance? Thats what I always used to say..."everybody there is probably court ordered so what good is it really gonna do me..."

I live in a small town too. I pay attention to the people who have quality sobriety, the ones who are working at recovery. People do care.


Excuses.

searching

the girl next to me was throwing up the whole time and the guy on the other side was some homeless war vet talking about the end of the world is just around the courner, hell it made me want to drink, it was crazy... plus all the lords prayer stuff, just isnt my thing.

searching

the small town I live in has one a week and thats the only one, not options, Im driving 2 hours to explore the other AA meetings

ClimbingUP

Sorry if you don't like it, but I'm with Mle-sober on this one. You can come here and ask for support, and that's all we can do. But you have to actually care enough about yourself to make anything happen. It's obvious that you're angry and depressed. There are ways that you can change that--but only you can do it.

LosingmyMisery

It wasn't my thing either, but it did end up saving my life. When the pain outweighs the benefits of dinking, maybe you will be willing to find your thing. Sorry, you may not like what we have to offer. I can only share my experience and what helped for me. Like mentioned before, we can't do it for you and you can't have it both ways. Whats it gonna be? It sounds like you are physically in dire need of help. You have to do something. Weigh you options and choose one.

timzup

The margin between beer and vodka is narrower than the width of a hair.

The consequences, however are...... well you know the answer to that, don't you?