Bamboozle

I've been feeling really anxious lately, so I just now went down a few streets to the store to get some caffeine-free diet Pepsi (yeah, I know...exciting!).

Well, while walking up to the checkout, I witnessed a rather loud guy purchasing a bottle of booze (I knew he was blowed). The cashier sold it to him anyways. After he walked away, I walked up to the counter to pay for my pop (the fumes from his body were lingering in the air) and asked the cashier some questions, like: "Don't you have the right to refuse to sell?" She said, "Yeah, but we're about to close anyway. That's the third time he's been in tonight to buy booze." She seemed pretty indifferent.

I left the store shaking my head...Now I'm kicking myself. I don't know if he was planning on driving. It didn't even occur to me to hang out by the store and see if he got behind the wheel. I didn't have my phone with me because for once I left it at home--not that it would have mattered because I wasn’t thinking clearly anyways. I got absorbed into my own thoughts about alcohol and drunkenness. I don't know if he even got into a car. I don't know if he's behind the wheel now. I really hope he doesn't kill anyone.

Jules62

God bless the still suffering alcoholic.....I know it's hard to witness Bam-but we cannot be responsible for others sobriety.Neither can the cashier(although over here they won't serve anyone obvioulsy trashed as a rule)

Whenever I see people like that I just keep thinking it could've been me and I hope they get help one day too. There's a woman who lives near me and I've seen her desperately dumping bottles on the side of the road in between recycling days, thinking no ones really watching-or maybe hoping someone is and she'll get caught?I don't know.But it breaks my heart whenever I see her.I don't think she'd take kindly to me offering any kind of help, I know I wouldn't have if someone had seen me doing the same thing, but it's hard to witness all the same.

I hope this man gets help one day.

Jules.

Dee74

It's a hard one - what's help and what's intrusion?
where's the line?
and what is the line for a drunk dude?

We can't save the world - and I'm pretty sure most ppl on their 3rd bottle don't want to saved at that moment.

All we can do is hope he wasn't driving.

D

tennis71

I can relate from the opposite end of that. I was the drunk guy at the convenience store buying the booze for the second time in a day. It was close enough to where I was living that I didn't have to drive and almost felt proud of myself for getting the exercise.

It's amazing how bad denial and alcoholism get and how incredibly short my memory can be because I have fallen into that pattern before. You would think that my shaking hands would clue me in that I needed to stop immediately but it didn't.

I am attempting sobriety again and instead of walking to buy booze I am driving to meetings. My head finally cleared up enough to ask for help and I am so glad I did. I am using my tools again such as my support network from AA and Sober Recovery and I am starting to reappear.

I never want to be "that drunk guy" again and I pray that your guy finds sobriety as well!

Thanks for the post.

Bamboozle

I'm pretty cold...I don't give a crap about him...but I do care if he hurts someone else.


...I know I can't save the world...


...I did call the cops on one person before for driving completely wasted...I like to think I saved someone's life that night. I felt obligated at that time to call...I hope I didn't screw up this time by doing nothing.

I know I can't control what people do, nor do I have the desire to control anyone...I just can't help but think this: "What if everyone he runs into tonight has a chance to do the right thing and choses not to, and as a result, someone dies?"

I know I'm probably being ridiculous right now. I've been incredibly anxious lately. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'll calm down soon enough...I just wanted to put this out there. Thank you, everyone. Peace.

butterfly19

God bless you Bam!!

What a big heart you must have! Think about it though, if that were you and someone came up to you even with the best of intentions, what would you have done? I know what I would have done back in the days of my using. I prolly would have given the person hell. But, sweetie, you're heart is definitely in the right place. At least you were sober, and had the clarity to look at the situation in a different light than you might have ever looked before!

Keep him in your thoughts. Maybe someday the time will be right to gently intervene. . . If not necessarily that particular individual, perhaps someone else who will benefit from your kindness!

Love,

butterfly19
:ghug3

Bamboozle

I've walked to the store plenty of times after drinking a few to get some more and hoping that the cashier couldn't tell...

Luckily I've never owned a car or I'd probably be dead now or in jail...

Dee74

you're not responsible for anyone else, Bam.

D

Bamboozle

Exactly. I am responsible for myself...see what I mean? I still think I screwed up.

Bamboozle

Good to hear from you, butters! How are you doing?



Yeah...I probably would have told them in the nicest possible way to truck off. I know I'm not perfect...I'm not trying to judge...I'm just a little upset right now.


Sorry, people. I'll get over it eventually...

Toomutch

I think that it is awesome that you care about what might have happened with the drunk dude if he got into a car and drove.

Try not to let the possibilities of what might have happend occupy your thoughts. I know that is easier said than done. Just Breath...

Rest Well

Horselover

Well Bam - you care and that's great. I don't know if you believe in turning it over, but it might be good for you if you can try it. I had something pretty big happen (at least to me) and I am praying every morning for the ability to turn it over. In my opinion, this is one of those things that is very difficult about being sober. We suddenly open our eyes and we see stuff. This "stuff" can rock our world and we have to find a way to coexist with it. I am a work in progress on this issue, but I have come to realize I can't control others or situations. I wish you better luck then I.

Pinkcuda

Be very careful with the lives of other people. If that Clerk had denied that man a drink do you think it would have stopped him? He may have been hit by a car walking across the street to another store. She may have saved his life.
That's Gods job to deal with that kind of Shituff, not ours.
Besides, he may be one of our Sponsors someday. You just never know.

BeamMeUpScotty

There's a story, I am uncertain of its veracity, of an American soldier who had Hitler at bayonet point in a foxhole in WWI. The American, in an act of mercy, let Hitler go. Obviously, the American can in no way be held accountable for the rest of history, especially considering he exercised mercy and not vengeance.

On a note closer to the issue at hand, I was a bartender for many years. I have no idea if anyone I ever served got in an accident and hurt, or worse, themselves or anyone else. I also only know of one person who got a DUI after I served him (it was after I served him a $99 bottle of beer as well--talk about a buzz kill!). I have cut many people off, but that still doesn't mean someone didn't get killed or hurt as a result of my serving someone. I don't know. I don't go through life thinking about it. In the end each person is responsible for his/her own actions. Maybe this time you weren't ready in that this was a learning experience for you and next time you'll be stronger and more aware to make a call. I truly don't know the answer. I do believe that we do things every day that affect things we will never know about (look at my sig!), for better or worse. Just try to be true to yourself and do your best to be a good person. You have nothing to feel bad about or ashamed of.

Good luck and take care.

BMUS

Aysha

Well.I will be the one to disagree with everyone. As a bartender and a cashier for many years. I do feel it is my responsibility to call the cops if I witness someone wasted getting behind the wheel.
I dont give a $hit. I know too many people who have been killed by drunk drivers and the drunk person left without a scratch.
Makes me mad.

When I bartended. I had zero tolerance for cut off. They would get mad..bribe me..all kinds of stuff. One guy even jumped the bar and tried to fight me. HAHA..Love big bouncers. He didnt get too far. Besides..Dont come at me looking for a fight. Thats a good time to me...LOL.

So sorry guys..Not trying to save the world. But I will do everything in my power to ensure that person doesnt harm anyone else. My business or not. And no I dont feel one bit bad for them if they are going to do something like that. I dont care how bad off they are.

kitteninaboot

It's ok to be mad, but not to feel guilty. You did your part by following up with the clerk. Maybe she'll go home tonight and think about the questions you asked her, and that won't happen again. Just because she acted indifferent doesn't mean she didn't hear you.

BeamMeUpScotty

Let me clarify. I did take it as my responsibility about how much I served someone. And I've experienced the whole gamut of reactions to cutting people off as well, including having one person thrown in jail (even after an off-duty cop asked him to leave the bar without checking if he was driving or not). The key to your post is the phrase "in my power". Eventually, you don't have power over anyone, or you shouldn't serve them one drink, as that can affect their driving. In the end in comes down to judgment calls. Like I said, I've cut many people off but I still don't know if someone I served caused an accident that hurt or killed someone (what if they were on prescription drugs that didn't mix with even one drink--are bartenders responsible?). I'm not going to spend time worrying about it. I guess we just have to do the best we can with what we have.

Eclipse

There's only so much you can do and you aren't responsible for other people and can't be.

I was driving behind a lady one morning taking my kids to school, she was weaving all over the road and almost hit several cars. I called 911 and stopped behind her at a stop sign where she ran into the car in front of her. She got out of her car and was yelling at the elderly lady in front of her...there was no damage to the cars so they got back in. I still had 911 on the line and I told them I was going to get out of my car and grab her keys when she was out of her car and they said DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR CAR!! Well I noticed that there was a kid in the back seat so I continued to follow her. She pulled into the McDonalds drive through and I ran in and told them to stall her cuz the cops were coming and they tried for a bit, but finally gave her the food. (they probably thought I was some kind of whacko) The cops never did come and she drove off with that kid in her car and there was nothing I could do! It was very frustrating for me. I just hope she didn't hit anyone else.

adore79

I would say it was more the responsibility of the cashier not to sell to someone who is obviously drunk. In WA it is illegal to sell to a drunk person. It can be hard to tell if they are drunk though. When I was 18 I was a cashier at a convienience store and a group of women came in. One of them brought a bottle of beer to the counter but was short $1. When I told her she was short, the b**** slapped me! I took the bottle off the counter and she was just there staring at me like she wanted to kill me. Her friends were laughing about it but got her out of there after I told them to leave. I should have called the cops but I didn't.

Jersey Nonny

When I think back now, there are times I wish the bartender had cut me off...my husband, too, for that matter. We both drove under the influence...but, thank God, neither of us ever had an accident. I can imagine how I would have reacted if someone did try to curtail my drinking...I probably would have bitch-slapped him, felly...and, been very ladylike while doing it!

Isn't it something that I never cared how much anyone else drank back then...as long as I got mine!?! Once I got sober, it made me cringe whenever I saw anyone sloppy drunk...I think it probably reminded me of what a non-ladylike drunk I became.

Would I blow the whistle on someone obviously intoxicated, if they were a danger to themselves or others? Probably...especially if I knew I was going to be on the same road at the same time...I'm pretty selfish that way!

Should you have done more, Bam? Who really knows? But, why agonize over something that's over and done with? Perhaps, if you're confronted with a similar situation, you'll have figured out what the right thing for you to do will be. In the meantime, pray that God will intervene and that someday you'll see this fellow sitting next to you at an AA meeting. Stranger things have happened. I know, because I met several of my old drinking buddies in the rooms after we all got sober.