dgreatone1

I am 39 years old. I have been drinking basically since Jr. High... but really got serious in high school and college. I guess I was a functioning drunk.. because I have managed to graduate college and start my own business... and I have never had any legal problems.

However, I started going to bars every other day... drinking more and more! We all know the story! I think I started drinking becuase it made me feel stronger, better looking, smarter, etc....

Now I am fed up with living my life on a roller coaster of ups and downs... hangovers and trying to recuperate and then drinking again!

I stopped drinking one time previously about 5 years ago for a year. I did that by sheer will power... but in the end I caved and I have been drinking ever since up until 12 days ago.

I went to my doctor and got involved in a program. I am taking Campral which seems to take away the cravings and I am also taking Antabuse which basically forces me not to drink or I will become extremely ill. I have also begun going to meetings where I learn about addiction and meet with other people that are in recovery.

My questions would be:

1. Will the night sweats stop eventually? I sweat so much at night around the back of my neck it feels as though I have a hose just pouring water!

2. Why when I listen to other people talk about their drinking problems... it actually makes me want to drink! That doesn't sound right...

3. Will I ever be able to truly go sober for the rest of my life? It seems like such a huge mountain. I realize they say "one day at a time"... but I still look down the road.. and trying to envision my life without my good friend (alcohol).... it seems rather daunting! Even though my intellect tells me that alcohol is not really my friend but rather the devil in disguise trying to destroy me and leave me in a numb, unfeeling and unthinking cocoon where he can continue to use me for his destruction and plague on mankind!!!

AAAAHHHHH.... this alcohol B.S. is really a zinger! I just fear that I am going to get on the wagon for a few months or even a year like before and then cave in one day!

4. Also, alcoholism is a lifelong battle right? So will I need to take meds my whole life? Will I need to go to therapy my whole life? I think when I look at the long term consequences of sobrierty, the devil creeps up on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "Do you really have a problem"?

5. Does anybody have a nice top secret weapon to kill my devil??

Bamboozle

Sorry, greatone, but I'm looking for a top secret weapon, too. Don't think I'll ever find it, though...


Welcome to SR! In regards to #3:

My first serious attempt (many starts and stops) I can remember how scared I was to quit. I was afraid to stop and didn't know how I was going to feel after a while. This fear kept pushing back my attempts to quit.

Now, (most of the time) the longer I'm sober the easier it becomes to live and look forward to continuing living without alcohol. Instead of looking down the road with dread and fear, I'm looking down the road in hopes that I can improve my situation and realize my dreams. This would be impossible if I was still drinking.

One thing that's kept me going is the ability to laugh and joke around. Every day I find something to laugh about, even if it's only about myself. I don't care if no one gets my jokes. As long as I'm laughing, it's good.

I don’t have any answers for you specifically. I’m not an expert on quitting. Sobriety isn’t always puppies and kittens. Every day I keep my fingers crossed and hope that I don’t drink. I am well aware that I could relapse at any moment. It’s certainly happened before. In spite of the self-doubt, the important thing for me is to never give up. Don’t give up.

Horselover

First of all welcome to SR and congratulations on your 12 days sober. You did those one day at a time and probably even one hour at a time some days. You can remain sober, but it will take a plan. Read, read, read and post whenever you feel you might start to drink again. You will get so much support and help from people that have been there. Your posts also help those with time under their belts remember what it was like in the beginning and why we can't ever return. I'm not an old timer, by any means and don't have the knowledge to answer all your questions. You will get answers and there is a link that one of the Moderators or someone can point you to that is about what to expect while detoxing.

I did have night sweats, but I don't recall for how long. I no longer have them. Physically things will turn around for you and you don't ever have to repeat this uncomfortable time or feeling again.

You will have times when you will think you can go back to drinking because you've gone x number of days, months, or even years and that's when its dire you reach out for help. I am somewhere around 4 months and the "you know what has hit the fan" with me lately. I have posted and more importantly pm'd an extremely helpful woman (won't name any names - Jules) and she has literally held my hand and helped me not slip off the edge. The irrational thinking is what can you do you in and that's when you need to talk with a rational being. Good luck and welcome once again. Sorry for the ramble. Hope something here may help.

Aysha

1963comet

Hi and Welcome to SR

I'm sure the night sweats will go away. You can ask your doc about it. By the way, glad you went to a doctor.

As for me, by the time I quit drinking it was not fun anymore. So I just have bad memories when I see alcohol. But I know everyne is different.

Dee74

yeah they go...mine went in a couple of weeks

makes sense to me - it's stressful it's painful and it's scary giving up - all things we used to drink for....


it is daunting. That's why it's really helpful to think about today - 'I will not drink today'. Bite size pieces.

Nope.

You have to want to quit - absolutely, for one - and you have to be prepared to work damn hard at it, facing up to all the stuff we used to drink away.

It's not easy but it's worth it - I used to drink all day everyday - the last 18 months of my life are the best I've ever lived.

Nothing much tangible has changed - but *I* have. You have to really.

I've gone periods just not drinking too. It never lasts because you're still living the same life you were when you were drinking.

You have to change your life - you have to accept you're an alcoholic and accept that you can never drink normally - but there's no point in thinking of next week or next month or next year - it gets frightening and overwhelming and the alcoholic's programmed response to that stimuli is inevitable....

just use the 'I will not drink today' thing. That's enough to start with

Find a support - whether that be counselling, SR, AA, some other recovery problem or a mix.

From what I hear the drugs are great at stopping you drinking but, as I've tried to suggest here, I reckon that's just the first step.

Good luck!~
D

nogard

hi dgreateone, welcome to SR

You made me laugh with your line .. it made me better looking. A great friend of mine in recovery often says that his first drink made him feel taller, stronger wtittier, wiser and good looking

There is no magic wand and the withdrawals will subside, best to ask teh doc here is what to expect:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

The way I apoproach recover is one day at a time and not the next week or the rest of my life, just stay clean today and be the best I can be today.

Counselling varies from person to person, I go now when ever I need to been once in 6 months and I rely on my program which is meetings, other addicts in recovery and teh 12 steps to get me well and to keep me well.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Kevin

Hevyn

Welcome Greatone - you've found yourself at a crossroads - do you keep on trying to moderate or do you give it up? Since you sought out SR you're obviously unhappy with the way things are going. Trust me, if you continue at the rate you were alcohol will take over your life and bring you to your knees. At 39 I was still having a great time being a social drinker, but all the warning signs were there. I refused to see what I was doing to myself - it took many more years for my life to fall apart. DUI's, lost relationships, failing health, financial disaster, are right around the corner if you continue on your old path. Be proud of yourself for having the sense to see what needs to be done. It's good you're under a doctor's care to be sure you're safe. For me the nightsweats stopped after about a week. I haven't ever been on medication, so I know it's possible to stay sober without it. The further along you go, the more you'll realize you don't need your "friend" as much as you thought. If your life has become unpredictable & uncertain, it's time to lay down. Welcome to a wonderful place where you'll feel so good knowing you're not alone - all the things you're feeling, we've all felt too.

dgreatone1

Thank you everybody so much for your words and encouragement! I will follow your words and work on my sobriety day by day! I have huge respect for everybody here working on their sobriety. After searching for so long to find that one thing that was missing in my life... I am beginning to discover that I was actually searching for myself. The booze had obscured me and now I am coming into the light. I'm not that bad afterall... and now I belong to a new club... the "cool club" the "sober club".... A club I pray to god I never leave...

least

When I finally followed CarolD's advice I could stay sober. Still sober today - 62 days. She said "you have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink". I think you will find the help that you need, we can share our experience strength and hope, but we can't give medical advice.

I too had night sweats, day sweats too. Felt like I was right back in menopause!

Many of us seem to have the worst time in the first 3 or 4 days during the physical withdrawal from alcohol. I'm still have trouble sleeping or relaxing, but it is getting a lot better.

I took campral too. I was told my the doctor that besides helping with cravings, it's supposed to restore the brain's natural chemical balance. I found it helped me a lot, but reaching out to my friends here has been so very helpful in staying sober! (you know who you are!)

Welcome to the site! It's a great place. Drop in anytime, there's always someone home!

:ghug3

You can do this! We'll be here to help you and cheer you on as you travel Recovery Road.

Isaiah

I had a similar problem with wanting to drink when people talked about their problems with alcohol. I think it was just the word "alcohol" that echoed in my head and all the bad things mentioned in regards to it were forgotten too quickly. That was one reason why I stopped going to AA months ago I'd leave meetings and experience a craving. I think I was just going sober back in hopes of making a transition back to moderation.

Since then I've just come to hate alcohol. Even my last drinks were nothing but an unpleasant experience from start to finish. I went to AA tonight and there were no cravings afterward.

I'm only just learning how to beat my problems, so I could hardly give you perfect advice on how to beat yours. It seems to me that you either have to have some experience that shocks the reality of alcohol's problems into you, or you have to let the habit fade away with time.

Elamentri

Hi and welcome - Still looking for my top secret weapon but I have been successful in bluffing my devil into thinking I have actually got one! One day at a time, try not to look too far down that road, good luck!

CarolD

All my fun bottles were empty when I began AA recovery.

Glad you are making a decision to quit.

Killing the drinking devil?
God took away my drinking obcession
years ago. This can happen for you too.

Keep postings...we do understand
Welcome to our recovery community

NoelleR

Hey dgreatone1 ----

First off congrats on your 12 (13 today, yes?); WTG!!! 39 is a great age to get sober; I got clean/sober @ 39 and I'm still going strong @ 62.....so it can be done..... (o:

You had a number of questions, some I may not be able to answer, but I will give you my best experience, strength, and HOPE with those questions I know.

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"...2. Why when I listen to other people talk about their drinking problems... it actually makes me want to drink! That doesn't sound right..." ----

Actually, it makes quite a bit of sense.....like Isaiah said, sometimes it's just the word 'alcohol' that triggers memories (so fast, we may not even notice them), and the 'wanting to drink' becomes forefront in our mind.....

....a wee bit off topic here, but Isaiah....? when you said, "...I had a similar problem with wanting to drink when people talked about their problems with alcohol...That was one reason why I stopped going to AA months ago I'd leave meetings and experience a craving..." ---- now, I'm not pushing AA (although I did get sober in the rooms of AA, I'm a believer that a person can get sober wherever/however, as long as they REALLY want to, and I found that having sober friends made socializing easier, and also having someone to call when the 'crazies/cravings' come upon us), but perhaps you might want to check out some other meetings....? or at least other folks....? I'm a firm believer in that meetings should be about RECOVERY, the SOLUTION, and only minimally about alcohol itself. I feel that if a meeting is getting off the solutions, as it appears yours were, then it's up to the oldtimers to steer them back to where they belong.....I'm really sorry you had this experience; I'd have quit meetings then too.... (o:

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"...3. Will I ever be able to truly go sober for the rest of my life? It seems like such a huge mountain. I realize they say "one day at a time"... but I still look down the road.. and trying to envision my life without my good friend (alcohol).... it seems rather daunting! Even though my intellect tells me that alcohol is not really my friend but rather the devil in disguise trying to destroy me and leave me in a numb, unfeeling and unthinking cocoon where he can continue to use me for his destruction and plague on mankind!!!

AAAAHHHHH.... this alcohol B.S. is really a zinger! I just fear that I am going to get on the wagon for a few months or even a year like before and then cave in one day!..." [I'll get to this last part specifically in my answer (ES&H) to #5] ----

...will you be able to...? ABSOLUTELY! When I first went to AA, I had already decided (for myself) that......that was it! no more booze for me! I'll never drink again...for the rest of my life, no more booze.....Well, let me tell you; you shoulda heard the roar....! Everybody talkin' at once...."never say never" "we only have today" etc., etc., etc. ...and I realized that the 'one day at a time/just for today' sayings came out of some folks who couldn't see themselves without alcohol for the rest of their lives...and at that time they were in the minority. Well, of course, I know that I can only live right in this moment, but I've always felt that saying things like 'one day at a time' or 'just for today' was kinda like only giving myself permission to stay sober for today; maybe like only limiting myself to today. I've heard some folks who ask how come they only seem to be able to get 30 days, or a couple of weeks, or a few months, or a year, or, or, or.....and I've heard oldtimers (older than I) ask them if they had only given themselves permission for that amount of time.....hmmmmm

I've been called self-righteous, and arrogant, and a relapse waiting to happen for saying these things, and having these ideas/thoughts/beliefs (still am, even at times, today), but ya know....? It has worked for me, and still is working for me all these years later [and by the by....? those folks who called me a relapse waiting to happen...? while I'm still waiting (NOT!!), never had a relapse (...and I don't do 'yets' cause I find them way too negative; almost like looking forward to something), those folks....? they did have relapses - I believe most, if not all of them, and some never made it back]. My thinking is.....I'll keep doing what works for me, and whatever works for someone else....? righton!

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"...4. Also, alcoholism is a lifelong battle right? So will I need to take meds my whole life? Will I need to go to therapy my whole life? I think when I look at the long term consequences of sobrierty, the devil creeps up on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "Do you really have a problem"?..."

...lifelong 'battle'...? NOPE; least not for me, nor for most of my friends in recovery.....If I had thought I'd have to battle/fight for the rest of my life, I probly wouldn't have quit. I wanted to get sober and get a life, and a good life....and battling for the rest of my life doesn't sould like a good life to me....I know many folks struggle from time to time, especially in early recovery, but I don't believe that it's mandatory.....since I never took meds to aid in my recovery I can't give any personal experience regarding them, but I have known some folks who had used campral and/or antabuse to jumpstart their recovery journey, they did stop them after a time....

...as to that nasty question that we can hear in our heads from time to time...'do I really have a problem?' ...at first I just told it to shut up, or called sober friends....after a time, and now, it's really a non-issue for me. 'do I really have a problem?' it doesn't matter whether I do or don't; I just plain don't want to pick-up...... (o:

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and now to the biggie....LOL
"...5. Does anybody have a nice top secret weapon to kill my devil??..." ----

Actually, I do have, at least what I like to call, a nice top secret weapon to kill this devil.....it's called MY MIND!

Of course, in early recovery, I heard lots of thoughts on this from AA...from 'think think think' and 'think before you drink' to 'don't think so much; look where you're best thinking got you....to this last one, my answer was always.....well, it got me to recovery....lol

In all seriousness tho....again, when I first came to AA, I knew I was not going to pick up any more, but I needed to learn how I went about that; how was I going to live without alcohol, etc. It just came down to....I needed a new way of life.....There may be a lot of things that I cannot change, but I've leaned that I can change the most important thing....: I can change MY MIND....!!!

I heard in AA....something like this....: I needed to act my way to right thinking...This never made sense to me; actions follow thoughts, NOT the other way around. I used to belong to Unity Church of Christianity, and they have a principle that states....: the universe operates according to the law of mind action. The Law of Mind Action states that, "Thoughts held in mind, produce after their kind....as in: as a man thinks in his heart, so is he; as you sow, so shall you reap; what goes around comes around.....I see it like self-fulfilling prophecies, although they seem to all be negative (ie, if I think I'm going to have a bad day, I probably will). I believe in positive thinking, and affirmations....by affirmations I do NOT mean saying things to make them true, BUT saying things that are true, mainly to remind myself.... (o:

Most folks will tell you that to get sober and stay sober a person needs to change.....everything. I don't know about everything, but I know I needed a whole new way of life, and way of thinking....the 12 steps of AA are one way; they provide a new design for living, but obviously there are lots of different, positive, good/kind designs for living, which have nothing to do with alcohol/drugs, but with a new way of life, for me, alcohol/drugs have become a non-issue for me..... (o:

Going back to your fear about getting sober, but then after a year or so, you might fall off the wagon.....? My suggestion would be to STOP THINKING LIKE THAT!.....lol Truly though, try thinking more positively, like I will get and stay sober, and NOT relapse....note, this is not trying to make this true; it is absolutely possible, therefore it's the truth; you're just trying to override your current thinking (fear).

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WHEW!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!! LOL

I guess just to put all this together......change your mind; think positive; get yourself some sober friends....................AND...........

WELCOME to the happy road of destiny....


NoelleR

P.S. Sorry for the errors here.....this is way too long for me to check.....I promise to be better next time......lol

FizzyWater

That sure works for me.

Lovin your attitude Bamboozle.

dgreatone1

You guys are awesome! Great inspiration! I have a destiny! 18 days of sober living and still going strong! Your words have meant so much to me! Pure words of wisdom. I look forward to your future advise and wisdom!

Funny, I started drinking to be "cool". I thought I was so cool back in high school. I was a freshman and hung around the seniors. Weird back then we "drinkers" were in the minority.

How ironic, now many years later.... it seems all the non-drinkers have caught up and now everybody drinks!

I guess to be cool now I have to get in the minority once again of "non-drinkers". I feel like I am in a new minority! The sober minority. Perhaps I have just been around too many drunks lately. In my last meeting, one of the counselors told me that you can equate it to buying a new car... all of a sudden you see that model you just purchased everywhere... now that I am sober, he said, I will begin to notice all the people NOT drinking... yeah, it will be nice to meet new people that do not drink... as opposed to the bitter, grumpy drunks that I have grown accostomed to associate with at the local bar. Not that they are bad people.... only I want to expand my horizons!

For now I stay fairly close to home, my wife and my family... However, I do feel like I am in the "cool" minority once again! The sober minority!

I am making a huge decision to better my life, my health, my family... and breaking the mold of a middle age man sitting around drinking beer and watching sports all weekend.... Now that is "COOL".

Wow... I'm going to have a LOT of free time on my hands!!!

nogard

yep that is very cool

You know when I was out there the times I thought I was cool was when I was totally out of it and drooling.

glad to be cool with you today