Would you go?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Not at all, Scoob.
My post was just me thinking out loud too. I'm very sorry if it came across as abrupt. That was certainly not my intention.
Deciding to do certain things when I was newly sober was really, really difficult. I didn't know what would work and what wouldn't. It was all new to me.
My post was just me thinking out loud too. I'm very sorry if it came across as abrupt. That was certainly not my intention.
Deciding to do certain things when I was newly sober was really, really difficult. I didn't know what would work and what wouldn't. It was all new to me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
The above is exactly what I mean, scoob.
Anna isn't annoyed by you, she's just telling you it's OK to say No.
To me, to your sister, to anyone you need to say it to.
As addicts and alkies, all the common wisdom in our programs says that we tend to be oversensitive people. That's what I mean. Those folks aren't prolly even thinking about how much you talked at a party that happened weeks ago. Even if they are (they aren't), once you are doing a bit better, it won't drive you as nuts as it does in very early recovery. You'll start to feel better about yourself, and as you work the steps, you'll realize that it isn't usually about you. Other people are so worried about what the crowd is thinking about them, about how they look, that they barely notice us and how we act unless we do something like put our fist through a wall or dance naked on the table top (hi sis...lol). And even if we did that stuff, once we start working the steps, we let it go.
It gets a lot better. More is yet to be revealed. You're gonna be just fine if you get out of your own head and into a meeting. And do whatever you want about the party. We're just giving you ideas of what we would do. If we didn't like you, or you were annoying, we wouldn't be trying to help you. We all like you. Love from:
KJ
Anna isn't annoyed by you, she's just telling you it's OK to say No.
To me, to your sister, to anyone you need to say it to.
As addicts and alkies, all the common wisdom in our programs says that we tend to be oversensitive people. That's what I mean. Those folks aren't prolly even thinking about how much you talked at a party that happened weeks ago. Even if they are (they aren't), once you are doing a bit better, it won't drive you as nuts as it does in very early recovery. You'll start to feel better about yourself, and as you work the steps, you'll realize that it isn't usually about you. Other people are so worried about what the crowd is thinking about them, about how they look, that they barely notice us and how we act unless we do something like put our fist through a wall or dance naked on the table top (hi sis...lol). And even if we did that stuff, once we start working the steps, we let it go.
It gets a lot better. More is yet to be revealed. You're gonna be just fine if you get out of your own head and into a meeting. And do whatever you want about the party. We're just giving you ideas of what we would do. If we didn't like you, or you were annoying, we wouldn't be trying to help you. We all like you. Love from:
KJ
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
I can totally relate to what you are saying on many levels. First of all, having your family members talking about you behind your back is hurtful. It makes you feel left out when you are the only being criticized. I didn't see your post as being whiny or unwilling to take responsibility for your actions; I perceived the hurt you felt. I also understand that it is a burden to know that people are "worried" about you. I lived at home for a while during some of my worst drinking days and it really annoyed me when my Dad said he was always "worried" about me. Worried that I would die from alcohol I guess. He had every reason to worry about me, as I ended up in the hospital 2 times in 6 months from overdosing on alcohol. Anyway, I didn't want to face the problem at the time and I also didn't want to feel like people were not sleeping well or enjoying their lives because of me. My biggest motivation to get and stay sober is so that the people I love will see me as a fully developed, responsible adult and not someone they have to look after. Alcoholic benders do turn us into other people's responsibility and make us very vulnerable. I want to recover for myself so that I can take responsibility for my own life and actions and avoid putting myself at other people's mercy.
So if I were you, I would not go to the party either. It would probably stress both you and your sister out. When you are further along the recovery road, and she doesn't feel worried about you anymore, there will be plenty of time for these social events. Good luck
Katie
So if I were you, I would not go to the party either. It would probably stress both you and your sister out. When you are further along the recovery road, and she doesn't feel worried about you anymore, there will be plenty of time for these social events. Good luck
Katie
Seriously Fun!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California coast
Posts: 415
Welcome Scoob,
I'm an extra sensitive type too. And my family was very involved in my recovery, and it helped some, but it also made it a bigger battle. I went to a wedding and didn't drink, but I felt like I was watched like a hawk by my kids. At this point I was secure enough, and had no desire to sneak a drink, and so that all went well. But I had been sober a year before attempting to be at a social event with drinking.
Prior to this wedding I had gone to a wedding, while I was still in the struggling to get sober phase, and began sneaking drinks at the bar..and then getting glasses full of wine and going outside to drink harder and faster. It did turn out to be an embarrassment to my Mom and the bride's parents...who really loved me and were very concerned.
I think that at two weeks out I would skip it all. Even the ceremony since there is wine and bread as a part of it, right? Although you can drink the grape juice instead. Anyway...think all this out, and discuss it with your husband. It is up to you to decide what you are willing to do honestly for this very important event.
And when I drank at that wedding...I had gone with every intention of NOT DRINKING....but didn't make it.
Beleive me, once you get sober, and are very comfortable in your own body and mind...going to celebrations where others drink is lots and lots of fun. I feel such freedom when I go to special events and don't touch a drop. I can have a BLAST being sober. I laugh with other people who are sober, or I tease/mess with the ones who are getting drunk...(I know...My bad).
I'm an extra sensitive type too. And my family was very involved in my recovery, and it helped some, but it also made it a bigger battle. I went to a wedding and didn't drink, but I felt like I was watched like a hawk by my kids. At this point I was secure enough, and had no desire to sneak a drink, and so that all went well. But I had been sober a year before attempting to be at a social event with drinking.
Prior to this wedding I had gone to a wedding, while I was still in the struggling to get sober phase, and began sneaking drinks at the bar..and then getting glasses full of wine and going outside to drink harder and faster. It did turn out to be an embarrassment to my Mom and the bride's parents...who really loved me and were very concerned.
I think that at two weeks out I would skip it all. Even the ceremony since there is wine and bread as a part of it, right? Although you can drink the grape juice instead. Anyway...think all this out, and discuss it with your husband. It is up to you to decide what you are willing to do honestly for this very important event.
And when I drank at that wedding...I had gone with every intention of NOT DRINKING....but didn't make it.
Beleive me, once you get sober, and are very comfortable in your own body and mind...going to celebrations where others drink is lots and lots of fun. I feel such freedom when I go to special events and don't touch a drop. I can have a BLAST being sober. I laugh with other people who are sober, or I tease/mess with the ones who are getting drunk...(I know...My bad).
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
