LouLou629

Okay so the few people in my life that have witnessed me try AA and getting sober know that I like most used alchohol as a serious social crutch and it gave me my spark and personality when I would go out ( at least for a while)..anyways I started a new job a month ago and have even had after work wine with a few co workers...I forgot about a social outing planned ( partly by me with serious enthusiasm) to go to a winery with a bunch of girls from work...obviously this was planned before my third and current attempt to stay clean and now I am feeling really akward..I want the anonymous aspect of AA to be present for me but I dont know how I can suddenly pull out of this booze oriented outing that I was SOOOOO Excited for two weeks ago....I am feeling really weak ...any advice friends?

Anna

Hi,

I couldn't be around alcohol at all, when I first stopped drinking. I tried going to a neighborhood party and thought I could get through it. Well, I was absolutely miserable all evening, but I didn't drink. However, the next day I went out and bought wine. After that, I decided to stay away from anything like that. I had to give myself time to gain confidence and it took quite awhile.

If it was me, I'd tell them something unexpected (being sober!) had come up and I couldn't make it.

Dee74

I'm with Anna - a winery is about the last place you need to be.

It's one of those thing we all have to face at some time Lou Lou - what's most important - sobriety or what ppl might think ?

It's not easy - I fell at this hurdle more times than I should have over the years, but I finally got it right - I have to do what's best for me, and if ppl don't like it? Tough.

D

Mattcake

I agree with D and Anna.. Hanging out in a booze-laden environment might NOT be conductive to sobriety. At least at first, anyway. Maybe you could bow out altogether for a while and use the time to work on recovery?

I can't really relate as most of my friends don't drink very often, if at all.. But when they do drink and offer me a bottle or two, I turn them down politely. If they ask why I'm not drinking, I simply say "I quit booze, feel so much better now". That seems to be a good enough explanation for most of them.. There is no need to launch into a detailed explanation of alcoholism and your struggles if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Maybe you could try meeting up in coffee houses instead? Just a suggestion. Hope you work it out

ForeverDecember

I have learnt that Icannot be around aclohol at this early stage. My work team traditionally has social drinks on Fridays after work. Not going to these social outings means I become a bit of an outcast. The unsocial one. And it means I don't see a lot of my co-workers (I work in a different building to them all, except one). So I went on Friday and was talking to my partner (who's a bartender) and another bartender came up and asked if I wanted a beer. I said No. (See I can say no). I sat outside with everyone and survived twice when people said to me "My shout - what you drinking" "Nothing for me thanks". Someone said "Are you not drinking tonight" I said "I dunno, not yet". A little bit later they asked "Have you warmed up to that drink yet?" I said "OH yeah go on, what the hell". Then I had another. Then everyone either went to have dinner or went home and it was just me - so I went to another bar to drink. Can't rememebr getting home. Same sort of thing last night - I was obligated to attend a committee meeting at the local RSL (I'm a member of the committee) and was there where the beer lives and caved. Thankfully the entire committee is up for re-election at the end of this month - I won't be standing again. I put two years with the committee but last night was my last meeting.

Maybe tell them you're not feeling well?

sailorjohn

Myself, I would tend to skip those type of social gatherings, things like the Rum Party, the Wine and Cheese Tasting, events where the premise is consuming alcohol. Nothing for me there. And you can tell them anything you feel comfortable with.

LouLou629

I was thinking about faking sick even calling in that day of work just to make it seem more real...but its like wait is that ok...like I cant win for loosing -either I call out sick( hungover) or I call out sick (staying sober) lol...weird...thanks for all the great advice as always

winwin

Forever- Just jump right back and start again. There are too many of us who have replased over and over again. The important thing is that you do not give up.

Jules62

I cannot imagine-at so early a stage in recovery-going to a winery-LOL.I'm sorry to laugh but it just seems like such an impossible situation/set-up.I'm laughing because I know I would be utterly useless at a place like that-it's alkie heaven for me!

I've been trying to get sober for a year-and have clocked up some months of sobriety during that year but even now?There's no way in hell I could stand being in a winery.It's just too hard.

Don't go.Whatever excuse you use-you're just asking for trouble really.Sorry if I seem blunt-but I see it that way.A bit like this pic(which always amuses me-because it's so true of how I used to be)



You and your sobriety are way more important than any social obligation.

Julesxox

bostonluv

Ha..I have that picture on my blog. I love that.

Pinkcuda

May I refer you to pg. 101 of the Big Book
"In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to fail"
It goes on,
"If the Alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed".
pg 146-147, "He will appreciate you are not bothering your head about him, that you are not suspicious nor are you trying to run his life so he will be shielded from temptation to drink".
It goes on;
"If he is conscientiously following the program he can go anywhere your business may call him".

To me that means that you can go if you take God with you.

Quotes are from the First Edition of the book
Alcoholics Anonymous

Pinkcuda

By the way, when I quit I still had half a keg, a 12 pack and a bottle of Bourbon and some wine.
Over the course of a month or two I had given it away here and there.
That's because I quit. I wasn't trying to quit or wanting to quit when it was gone. I quit and I was serious about it.

Dee74

With due respect, you're speaking utter crap, Cuda.
We drank ourselves into a corner - it's not that we suddenly learned, or were blessed with, willpower - we were hardly given a choice.

advice like yours is dangerous. You should know better.

D

Jules62

What on earth?

Does He come in a six pack?

That has to be possibly the most ridiculous piece of advice I've ever read here.Sorry, but for heavens sake.Do you even remember how vunerable you were in early recovery?

Two words you may understand-Barber-Haircut.

Have some compassion.

whatlight

If you don't think you can handle going (I know I couldn't) then don't go. It may seem like a big deal now to break your plans but I'm sure in a couple weeks everyone will have forgotten about it and you will still be sober.

Pinkcuda

I'm just quoting the book. Call it what you want.

CarolD

Please give all posts the respect
that you would like to have when you share.

We are a diverse group and who knows
what is going to aid another in their life?

Thank You

Dee74

I feel like Rod Serling is going to tap me on the shoulder any minute...

I don't want to hijack this thread or close it down, but if the original poster wants to do all 12 steps before she goes to the winery, then I concur - she may have a fighting chance

oy vey.
D

Pinkcuda

It doesn't say "any attempt as long as step 1,2,3 etc is completed". It doesn't say "Any attempt as long as you're comfortable". It doesn't say "any attempt after 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc.. It says "Any Attempt" Period.

least

For me it would be a matter of whether or not I could trust myself. But at this early stage of recovery I don't think I'd want to be in such a tempting place. But that's just my take on it.