winwin

I hope to join you soon (12 days). I am going to pray that the days go fast. I wish I could sleep them away and wake up on Day 15. Congratulations dancinggirl. Good Job!! You will be my inspiration to move down this sober path.

colagirl

Morning everyone,
I didn't sleep well at all last night, so I am exhausted this morning but so far still sober and on my way to work. Hope everyone has a great day!

WishIWasNormal

Good Bye Dancinggirl! Congratulations.

This is my Day 7. Haven't been this far in 13 months. Before that it was years. Hope to see you in a week.

adore79

Congrats on your graduation Least

Rhino Gal

Day 9 here!

I had a craving yesterday when my car broke down at the gas station. It was pretty stressful since I was on my way to a performance (I hate being late!) and my car just refused to go. It has done this before and if I let it sit for 30 minutes to an hour it seems to correct itself. I was thinking "I could just run into the gas station and get a tall beer to kill the time while I wait, that would sure make me feel less stressed". I immediately recognized it as my Addictive Voice (AV) and quickly laughed at how opportunistic "the Beast" really is! As soon as I recognized the AV it retreated and my craving was gone.

My car decided to get me to the show on time, too- so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal after all. It seems like anything can be made into a reason to drink if we let it.

Hugs to all!

HideorSeek

Hi all! Congrats to everyone who is making such great progress. And a big hug to all who have graduated!!!

I have to confess that I slipped last night. Stupid, stupid, me. As usual, I am po'd at myself beyond belief, but I like to cultivate that anger because it will keep me from drinking.

I am back on track today (remorseful but determined). Will let you know how it goes. Once agin, thank you for being there for me. Now if I can just be there for myself, I could move forward.

adore79

Oops I missed that dancinggirl has also graduated, great job!

Thanks for coming back HOS, keep plugging away at it, and you WILL get there. I'm pulling for ya.

winwin

HideorSeek- Keep going. I know you can do it. Don't you hate that feeling that you messed up. That is what is keeping me on track today because I don't want to feel the regrets again. Just for today DO NOT DRINK.

PupMum

This thread title must have got into my head...On Sat night (day 0) was being violently ill (ah, no...not food poisoning!) and had a massive deja vu feeling...remembering so many times I had done same...only difference was the toilet I was in (much cleaner than most!) And then Sun morning lying in bed and remembering all the morning afters (well, not literally as drank many of those away!) and the same deja vu feeling. Decided it was time to hop off that merryground...And here I am checking in at 7am on day 3 (will be big flashy font this evening!). 70 days since my first "day 1" on here and I actually don't want to drink (much easier than trying not to drink, or looking for motivation to stay sober). Am hoping, praying, crossing fingers etc that this feeling sticks.

Also (and this is NOT recommended without medical supervision) went off anti-deps as was getting manic when sober so by day 2 or 3 was bouncing off walls. My last period of true depression had passed (set off by my father's death) and anti-deps only being used to offset the depressant factor of alcohol . Doh!

Feeling fabulous even though work sucks and off there very soon. Realised that when not hungover, my job is boring and full of political idiocy. So really must get on with life and make my true love my living (writing, art and some part-time geek contracting to pay for pup food (less $ required than to pay for wine!)) Alcohol has always been my pause button and have now pressed play.

Also reading fantastic book by UK author "Cleaning Up (How I gave up drinking and lived)" by Tania Glyde. I don't think I have ever related to anyone so much (and I have a shelf of drinking biographies...right there above the stop drinking books!)

Hugs to all
Pups

winwin

Hey, we're on the same day except I guess you are ahead of me because of the time difference. We can do this together.

mtnmagic

Another day one for me. Goodness am I sick of this.
Chronic yes...I need to learn to want being sober more then
I want to be drunk. The sad thing is I don't want to be drunk,
but haven't learned that being drunk is a habit that I can only
break if I don't drink through all the bad physical, emotional
times. I know you don't know me very well. I really do want
to be better.

PupMum

Hugs to MtnMagic & Winwin
Have a great day everyone (or evening)

winwin

mtnmagic- You can do it. Just keep trying. I am only on Day 3 and I wish I could tell you that it is easy but since we are on the chronic thread, I think we both know that it isn't easy. I am fighting hard today. Anxiety is setting in and every bone in my body is aching. The sad thing is I really don't want to drink. It doesn't really make me feel good anymore. I would just drink to drink and not even get a buzz off of it. I would just pass out and get up tomorrow and be mad at myself.

mtnmagic

Thanks Pupmom and winwin...You know what? I know you both understand.
win...I agree with your post completely. I understand being bone tired. I understand knowing in my mind that drinking will only make things very much worse, yet drinking anyway. It really is for instant gratification and very short term relief. For me that feeling of relief is probably about 8 minutes long. Such a huge price to pay for 8 lousy minutes, yet I do it over and over again. I want to call myself a loser and a fraud but I won't even though I think it and believe it. Will try and get through today staying close to this site. I am shaky and fuzzy and know I have next to nothing to offer. I hope this I can change.

winwin

You have a lot to offer. You need to get over the guilt and take one day at a time. You can change just don't give up trying. Take one day at a time.

smallRaccoon

day one for me as well mtnmagic :O

mtnmagic

Thanks - About now I'm talking about an hour or so at a time. Thanks for the support. I can do it and will do it for today. I know that I haven't drank long enough nor hard enough for medical help, but will go through some withdrawals. That's it. That is all they are. Will park myself here and on my couch. I'm going to try and make a six PM meeting of AA. I know it helps alot. I feel so bad about all my relapses that I'm ashamed to go. That is completely on me. Not the group. I have never been anything more then welcomed.

nayster

I wish I could be more encouraging and upbeat, but I'm fighting hard today too. It's hour by hour for me. In 2 hours I leave for my night cleaning job so just 2 more hours... Then when I get home I will force myself to head straight for bed. Which hopefully won't be a problem b/c I am so exhausted after 2 nights of crappy sleep.

I will not drink today and cling to the hope that tomorrow will be easier. I do not want to repeat Day 3.

mtnmagic

SmallRac - Ok we got each other to get through today. Let's do it, ok? We will see what tomorrow has to bring. For today, no drinking. We will deal with this minute by minute. Take good care of yourself. I know how tough it is as do others on this thread and forum. We will take this shred of hope and move on, ok?

mtnmagic

Hey Nay - we can do this. Just don't pick up for today. It is pretty miserable where we are at. If we don't keep putting ourselves back to square one it will get better. I work the swing shift as a server in a huge casino in Tahoe. How I have kept my job, I really don't know, but I have as you have. Let's get through this together with all on this thread and move out of chronic ok? It is going to take some time, major pain and confusion.

That said, it is better then what we are going through isn't it, even if it is unknown?