SoosieQ

Bizarre, really, when meetings are like that (people in clicks). My first sponsor wouldn't even talk to or sit by me in meetings. Afterward, when we had agreed to meet for coffee, she would make me stand outside her social group, never introducing me to anyone, waiting for her to finish small talk. Glad that she didn't stay my sponsor for long.

I think that the meetings often reflect the larger culture they are based in. I have seen people be friendly and welcoming, stand-offish, even downright petty. I went to one group where people called on each other (instead of having a leader do so). I raised my hand for over a month (and I am shy, don't really feel comfortable sharing, but needed so badly to talk) and never got called on.

AA/ NA are established groups, but they are all made up of the people who go to them. Keep trying other groups if you feel like the structure works for you. But don't beat yourselves up if it just doesn't work. There are lots of ways to find and be in sobriety!

Klynn33

wow. That's insane, really. A sponsor wouldn't introduce you? everyone's there for the same reason, and you think they would be sensitive to everyone, especially the new one starting.

too bad people have to have those experiences, especially when you feel that vulnerable.

whiskerkissed

I've made every scheduled meeting so far. It's been only 4 since last Wed., and tonight was even easier. I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable. I sat and listened this time. I talked outside afterwards. I like the afterwards a lot better than the during...but even the during is ok. There's only one woman though who can be a sponsor and she already has a sponsee. Not sure how this is going to work. I really don't want to try AA to find a sponsor.

I'll just keep going back.

SoosieQ

Yes, it was hard, especially since I am socially illiterate. The best part is that I was standing there shaking, detoxing, etc. as well as feeling humiliated and craving support, and I managed to find some inner strength to endure it all. I stayed sober for 2.5 years after that experience. Many paths, one journey, eh?

angie916

yes it was hard soosieq I am still in w/d . great for you 2.5 years and having the courage to stand in the room .. I felt that way last night. the best part for me was just listening and then stood outside talking to the few that came up to me. no way can i speak up in a room !! I cant even think about that right now. But tomorrow I am going to a different one. I drove by the one that I went to last night saw the same people and decided that I want to explore other meetings. I dont know. the trusting issue is big for me.... I didnt let anyone discourage me because the truth is that not everyone is nice and I dont need people like that in my life anyway.

SoosieQ

angie~ hi and welcome. I feel a little bad about AA bashing. I'm not doing that as much as just getting a painful experience off my chest. I found that after some time I was much better at speaking when I needed to (tho' it was never that easy). Good for you for trying different meetings. I think it is good to question boundaries and guard your trust. People in AA are people after all, a lot of them (us) with some emotional wounding. Sounds like you are strong!

BUTTERFLY-7