a fallen man

i honest to god did not think i would ever make 1 day sober. i would like to thank everyone on this board. you showed me it could be done.

some background.....i used to be a casual drinker. around 5 years ago, my best friend died and i went through some other issues i would rather not go into. i started drinking to dull the pain. not every day but too often.

for the last 4 years there has not been one day that i haven't drank at least 16-20 ounces of 90 proof vodka. it usually ended up with me passed out on the sofa and waking up and going to bed around 2 in the morning and feeling like crap the next day.

i was what you would call a functional drunk. i never missed work....i just felt like **** the first half of the day.

a little over 2 weeks ago i could tell my blood pressure was high so i used the machine at work and it was 160 over 110. i was experiencing a little chest pain and my hypocondriac secretary insisted i go to the emergency room.

my ekg was fine but they ended up finding a blood clot in my right leg and a tiny one in my right lung. they decided to keep me overnight because of the one in the lung.

that was the first night in 4 years i didn't have a drink. i didn't let it stop me from drinking a pint of vodka on thur. night. friday i was able to resist.

the first doctor said, the clot is serious but your drinking will kill you in the next 10 years.....i'm 48. they gave me blood thinner prescriptions and blood pressure medicine but when i got my prescriptions filled there was an odd one so i looked it up in the pdr. it was librium, the book said it was for acute alcohol withdrawal symptoms.

the doc had said nothing about this. he was leaving it up to me. i slipped up again on sat. but have had nothing to drink for the last 15 days.

i can eat breakfast now......i get so much more work done it's amazing. i am truly feeling great.

again, i want to thank you folks for showing me that it can be done. i respect and love every one of you. once i get clean for 6 weeks i am going on chantix to get rid of the smokes. hell.....i might be able to go off the b.p. meds eventually.

my two sons and wife are thrilled.

i know that most of you are 12 steppers and don't hate me but i am not going that route. i hate to speak in front of people no matter how anonymous it is. you folks can be my support group.

i had actually been reading this site for the last 3 months wanting to one day be able to say i haven't had a drink today. thank you for what you do.

sincerely,

david.

best

Hello David

Welcome to SR. Congratulations on the days collected.

As far as AA meetings go... You never have to say a word at them if you don't want to. The things we can learn by working through the 12 steps can help us so we deal with life better and lessen the chance of a return to the bottle.
Thing about the steps though.... I find they help me in all areas of life.
I had been alcohol free for a few years before even knowing there were steps. After finding out about them and having worked through them in my own way... I would recommend that all people...alcoholic or not...give the steps a try. You can even pick up a Big Book for a few bucks and learn much from that.
Sure worth a try.

nogard

Hi David, welcome to SR

mle-sober

Hi David,

Your post moved me very much. I know there are others out there like you - reading but not posting. Watching sobriety. I'm so glad you're here. And I'm so glad that you took that enormous leap to help yourself.

And I think the addiction of nicotine is as bad as alcohol or any other drug if not worse. I really, really struggled for years with that. And then I took Welbutrin which was the antidepressant that ended up helping people quit smoking. And I quit immediatly with absolutely no pain over it. So, good for you for doing that one too. It is a gift to your loved ones for sure.

I'm glad you're here.

- Emilie

CarolD

AA? what a pleasure it is for me....
I see miracles in every meeting.

Way to go on your sober days
Welcome and Blessings to you and your family

mxchaos

keep up the good work

a fallen man

thank you emilie. i tried wellbutrin and it gave me the most bizarre nightmares i've ever experienced. i used nicotine gum to get of the the smokes and dip. i was off for 2 years when my friend died.

i know it was just another crutch as the alcohol was but it helped....in a harmful way to my body but it helped my mind.

i've watched 2 folks that were CHAIN SMOKERS get off the smokes with the chantix. i'm headed to louisville for a budget staff meeting. woo-hoo. day 16 begins.

thank everybody for your support.

david.

indigo

Welcome to SR I hope that you'll continue posting and we can get to know you better.

22NGONE

David,

Hello and congrats on your sobriety. Hey if you go to a Lead meeting at AA you don't even have to introduce yourself but you can still get a lot out of the lead's story and the comments afterwards Just a thought, I've found the wisdom in the rooms to be invaluable.

"The important thing is not that I have it (Sobriety) but what I do with it now that I have it."

John

Mcribb

damn good job!

Tazman53

Why in the world would I/we hate you? AA, SMART, WFS, I really do not think there is any good program that would ever dream of bashing someone way of getting and staying sober!

Another thing I will suggest though is if you find your self struggling that you be open and willing to try a program, trying a program, AA or what ever is a whole lot better then drinking again.

I do not remember who it is, but someone here at SR had like 2 or 3 years sober on his own and then came into AA because he was struggling with life and possibly thinking of drinking again, I wish I could remember who it was. Just keep in mind that the doors of AA or any other program are open to any and all.

Congrats on the 16 days sober.

dave47

Welcome David to SR.
Work with whatever you feel comfortable with and
as Best suggests, it won't do you any harm to purchase a copy of the Big Book.

a fallen man

update......just made it through day 16. and if you can sit through the budget meeting i sat through and not drink when you get home.......hahahahaha.

my brother is also an alcoholic. he's been clean since last september. he's really helping me. he does attend meetings on occasion.

both grandfathers were alcoholics and my father is one too.

i have a 21 year old son that is a junior in college. he has never had a drink and all of his friends do. i asked him one time why he never has tried it. he told me "i don't want to end up like you or my uncle or my grandfather".

did that make me stop. nope. made me feel terrible. both sons are thrilled that i've made it through 16 days. i can honestly say i am not having any urges. i have been doing projects that i've neglected the past 4 years.

i just went through last years bank statements and put them in in an excel spreadsheet. i spent $1900.97 on vodka alone. that does not include any drinks i had when i was on business travel where the drinks are super expensive.

i believe i'll find a better way to spend that money this year than try to destroy my liver. it worked out to an average of $158.41 per month. mother of god what a waste of money.

again, i thank every person on this website whether you've been clean for 20 years or just made it through the weekend. my body feels better than it has in years.

on weekends i'd start drinking by 8 in the morning. be passed out on the sofa by 4 and wake up by 7 and start over. the last two weekends i have done massive amounts of work on the house i've neglected.

sorry so long.....i get wordy.

david.

serenityqueen

David, David, David, I AM the wordy one! lol

I just read through your thread and wanted to say Welcome!

Please do yourself another favor, just go to a few AA meetings and then, if it's not for you, fine.

Like you said in your first post, you never thought you would be able to go 1 day without drinking. Hey, why not shock the h*ll out of yourself and do two good things in the same month!!

Seriously, you do not have to speak at all at any meetings. If someone would ask you for your thoughts, opinions, any of that, all you have to do is say, I'll pass. No one will think twice about it. On occassion, me, Ms. never at a loss for words has been known to pass! Very few meetings ask anyone to speak unless they choose to anyway.

Glad you decided to join in with us. Keep Coming Back!

God Bless,
Judy

mle-sober

David,

Hooray for day16! And the end of budget mtgs! I don't know what Chantix is - but whatever works is the way to go.

Wordy isn't bad. I'm glad for the update. Keep up the good work and kudos to that smart son of yours. Wow!

- Emilie

least

Congratulations on your sober days!:ghug3

adore79

way to go!! please keep up the good work.

a fallen man

welcome brothers. i was able to put check mark number 20 on the calendar last night.

i mentioned earlier that i am taking care of projects that i had neglected. i have always paid the bills in the house. i used to be very anal about it. pay everything on time. file folders for each bill.

every afternoon, i'd say "i'm gonna work on the bills today" then i'd have my first shot of vodka and tell myself i'll start on it in a little while. by the third shot it would be "oh hell, i'll do it tomorrow.

but, i would do the same thing every day. there is no telling how many late fees i've paid when i had the money in the bank. just too lit and too lazy to take care of it.

i would finally pay them and just put them in my roll top desk, wouldn't bother to file them. i had bills from '01 in that desk. since i've been sober, i have shredded every bill except for the '07 ones.

i've also updated all my files and made binders for my bank statements and all medical papers, i.e. bills and eob's. the study looks quite nice now. i vow not to fall behind now that i am not drinking.

in the past my 15 year old would want to go to the movies or mall and i would tell him the only way he could go is if he had a ride home as i was not going to risk the dui and it would have been inevitable i would be drunk by the time he needed to come home.

i have now been able to pick him and his friends up since my short period of sobriety. i know that sounds like something trivial but it had to be embarrassing for him to always ask for a ride home. his friends knew it was because his dad was a drunk and didn't go driving at 9:00 at night. i know it's just a baby step but it is just another wonderful aspect of sobriety.

as always, thank you for your encouragement and for being my role models that YES, one can choose not to drink.

a long time ago my mother told me drunks don't eat much sweets since they get sugar in their alcohol. i don't know if this is true or not but i drink way too much kool-aid now. lol.

later,

david.

1963comet

Want to say Hi and just love reading your progress.

Got on a cookie kick myself. But making some changes with that also. Put on a few pounds. So, I started eating oranges two nights ago. Does feel good to make positive changes in my life.

It keeps getting better.

mle-sober

Hey Fallen,

Love your updates. I understand completely about the bills thing. I was in a similar situation one time. My sister had to come and bail me out. She sorted and paid all the bilss while I sat loco on the couch - this was due to my bipolar not my alcoholism but I still was ashamed and embarrased. I just couldn't get a handle on it all. So I understand the relief. Good job!!!

I also get it about your 15 year old - so good for you. Being able to be a good parent again is probably the biggest benefit of being sober, for me. It's huge. And it is shown in all those little gestures like being able to pick him up in the evening.

Great job. Keep it up!!
- MLE