Ananda

I relate to all of this thread! I had money to pay bills, but never got around to paying them. I'm still struggling with that. Don't know why, except I still have that fear of economic insecurity which manifests itself in my life by hoarding money.

And the sugar is a real problem for me. At 8 mos with a 20lb weight gain in the last 2-3 months.....time to get serious about that.

I'm so glad I'm sober today...struggling a little over the "good" moments" of drinking I had, but they were always followed by the nightmare of suffering and misery of getting too drunk.

The crazy feelings, thoughts, etc. pass fairly quickly if I don't drink, talk to others, get the focus off me while still recognizing that I'm struggling.

Hang in there everyone!

a fallen man

it's getting late sunday night. i just finished day 22. my doctor gave me some medicine called campral. it's supposed to stop the craving for alcohol. it says to take 2 tablets 3 times a day but he also told me he has patients that only take it when they have a craving.

i've used it rarely but this afternoon i had a craving and took two of them. it really helped. i read up on them and they are non-addictive. my personal experience vows that out as i have only used them like 3 times in 22 days.

the weekends are the hardest because i used to start as soon as i got up and picked up the sat. morning paper.

i spent all day cleaning out an attic. it kept me busy but i still had that one craving. it's not as bad on work days as i did not drink at work ever. of course i started as soon as i got home or even took a big swig as soon as i turned on my street.

the attic that i cleaned is spotless. it hadn't been cleaned in 20 years. i still have 2 more to do. my garbage man is gonna hate me as i am trying to streamline. i live with 3 pack rats and my fantasy is to have a dumpster delivered to my house and just start throwing things away and live off of a minimum.

don't tell them but i threw a bunch of their stuff away today that they will never miss....hahahahaha.

i appreciate every single one of you on here. i especially want to address resentful wife. darling, i lost my brother to cancer 12 years ago. i then lost my best friend of 20 years around 5 years ago. it gets better over time but you never forget them. i find myself thinking of something that only they would think funny.

i could tell you the story and you would think i'm ******** but both of them would have died laughing. i designed a tattoo to remember them by. every time i look in the mirror while shaving and see the tat on my right shoulder i think of them and miss them and love them at the same time.

i don't know if God listens to the prayers of a fallen man but my prayers go out to you tonight.

again, i thank everyone of you for your support. i had been reading this site for around 3 months and dreamed of the day i could post on it.

later,

david.