where's all my money going??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
aldo I dont know what to say matey just we can relate here what you are going through but like me have to step up and take responsibility on our actions. Prehaps start small? fix a problem one at a time. Ill be thinking of ya and would love to see how you are going
take care
Ang
take care
Ang
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
I used to work at a gambling place as a sidejob when I was in college, and i've been tempated sometimes too. Seeing people walk out with thousands of euro's etc.
Then I started calculating. Waldo, as a gambler ur a calculater right??
calculate ur odds at actually making money in places like that...
bingo jackpot 1 in 250 000000
3 diamond or watever 1 in 300000000
etc. etc.
Its almost inmpossible!
Another tought to think about? How come casino's and gambing places exist???? Were do they get the money to hire personell???
that's right....
UR MONEY. Next time u go to the bar, look at all the faces of the personell but also ur gambling friends, and realise u are paying them!
I also tend to agree with the earlier advice about the stockmarket. Now that is gambling were u can actually win if u play it smart. However u are a gambler, a quick-fixer so you'll go for the fast cash, and even in stocks ur chanses to loose will skyrocket if u do that. Try for some good stabile bonds (do homework first!!!) for a change. They'll pay u some cash each and every year, without any major risks.
I don't make a lot of money. But each month or so I'll try to buy one or two bonds for about a total of maximum 50,- euro's. (70/80 dollars i think). That means that each month i'm making sure that each year i'll get one or two euro's more.
this is not a short-term thinking project. But this can grow into a '' healthy'' addiction, that actually starts paying off after a while. I've been doing this for about two years now. And this year i'll be getting about 100,- euro's for free. Still not much but i'm starting to get hooked haha. sometimes í won't buy a new videogame or a book, and buy some more bonds....
Do this for about 30 years or so and you'll be a milionaire...
this kind of free money is the best...
however, do your homework about it, read, compare, ask advice but keep on thinking for yourself, they (banks and brokers) want u to fall into their hands...
maybe this helps, it can be done!
if not, stay away from the bars...maybe u'll feel lonely for a few weeks, but that will get better!
Then I started calculating. Waldo, as a gambler ur a calculater right??
calculate ur odds at actually making money in places like that...
bingo jackpot 1 in 250 000000
3 diamond or watever 1 in 300000000
etc. etc.
Its almost inmpossible!
Another tought to think about? How come casino's and gambing places exist???? Were do they get the money to hire personell???
that's right....
UR MONEY. Next time u go to the bar, look at all the faces of the personell but also ur gambling friends, and realise u are paying them!
I also tend to agree with the earlier advice about the stockmarket. Now that is gambling were u can actually win if u play it smart. However u are a gambler, a quick-fixer so you'll go for the fast cash, and even in stocks ur chanses to loose will skyrocket if u do that. Try for some good stabile bonds (do homework first!!!) for a change. They'll pay u some cash each and every year, without any major risks.
I don't make a lot of money. But each month or so I'll try to buy one or two bonds for about a total of maximum 50,- euro's. (70/80 dollars i think). That means that each month i'm making sure that each year i'll get one or two euro's more.
this is not a short-term thinking project. But this can grow into a '' healthy'' addiction, that actually starts paying off after a while. I've been doing this for about two years now. And this year i'll be getting about 100,- euro's for free. Still not much but i'm starting to get hooked haha. sometimes í won't buy a new videogame or a book, and buy some more bonds....
Do this for about 30 years or so and you'll be a milionaire...
this kind of free money is the best...
however, do your homework about it, read, compare, ask advice but keep on thinking for yourself, they (banks and brokers) want u to fall into their hands...
maybe this helps, it can be done!
if not, stay away from the bars...maybe u'll feel lonely for a few weeks, but that will get better!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
hi friends,
just checking in. Day 2. it's 4pm and i'm not gambling today.
i had a terrible night. i couldn't sleep. i wasn't feeling well. i was so worried i was having a heart faliuer or something.
i'm not feeling good today either. i wanted to go see the doctor (i have pains in my chest. i thought it may be wise to have an electrocardiogram) but i won't be able to see him untill 5pm. so in the meantime i went to the pharmacy and got some Xanax (i abused them for a few years. but i havn't touched them for exactly a year now). the pharmacist didn't tell me how much to take, all he said was "don't exagerate otherwise you know what will happen". so i suppose 0.5mg in the morning and 1mg at night would be a safe dose to start on. i hope i don't get addicted to them again.
i'm probably not having a heart attack or heart faliuer, it's probally just stress and/or withdrawl.
i was a compulsive gambler when i was a teenager too. when i quit then i was ill for 2 months. i was so stressed not gambling that the muscles in my neck and arm got stuck and i couldn't really move for a couple of months. i really wouldn't want that to happen now.
just checking in. Day 2. it's 4pm and i'm not gambling today.
i had a terrible night. i couldn't sleep. i wasn't feeling well. i was so worried i was having a heart faliuer or something.
i'm not feeling good today either. i wanted to go see the doctor (i have pains in my chest. i thought it may be wise to have an electrocardiogram) but i won't be able to see him untill 5pm. so in the meantime i went to the pharmacy and got some Xanax (i abused them for a few years. but i havn't touched them for exactly a year now). the pharmacist didn't tell me how much to take, all he said was "don't exagerate otherwise you know what will happen". so i suppose 0.5mg in the morning and 1mg at night would be a safe dose to start on. i hope i don't get addicted to them again.
i'm probably not having a heart attack or heart faliuer, it's probally just stress and/or withdrawl.
i was a compulsive gambler when i was a teenager too. when i quit then i was ill for 2 months. i was so stressed not gambling that the muscles in my neck and arm got stuck and i couldn't really move for a couple of months. i really wouldn't want that to happen now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Aldo, I really think you should hold off on the benzos, and wait until you can see your doc first. You might be replacing one addiction with another. You know what the benzos can and will do to you. I've been there too. Took me forever to get off them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Aldo
I agree with Rowan. Watch out for those Xanax.
Anxiety is a killer. It feeds on itself. I know this demon well. It is a major player in the cycle of abouse we get ourselves into. Our addiction causes anxiety, the anxiety fuels our addiciton; unchecked it spirals out of control.
I take Xanax. I am very, very careful with it however. It is the one thing that can interrupt a full blown panic. I monitor my usage, however. Making certain that I do not take it every day. I try my best to go weeks without it.
when I do take it, I take but .25 or .50mg in a 24 hour period. .50 puts me right out. I cannot imagine taking 1.0. I would be completely non functional.
Rowan's suggestion is good. I would also consult with a physician! Be honest about your past use and problems. Here in the states, Xanax is rather strictly monitored and for good reason, I think. It can be a lifesaver, but it is a powerful substance that should not be self prescribed and monitored.
warrens
I agree with Rowan. Watch out for those Xanax.
Anxiety is a killer. It feeds on itself. I know this demon well. It is a major player in the cycle of abouse we get ourselves into. Our addiction causes anxiety, the anxiety fuels our addiciton; unchecked it spirals out of control.
I take Xanax. I am very, very careful with it however. It is the one thing that can interrupt a full blown panic. I monitor my usage, however. Making certain that I do not take it every day. I try my best to go weeks without it.
when I do take it, I take but .25 or .50mg in a 24 hour period. .50 puts me right out. I cannot imagine taking 1.0. I would be completely non functional.
Rowan's suggestion is good. I would also consult with a physician! Be honest about your past use and problems. Here in the states, Xanax is rather strictly monitored and for good reason, I think. It can be a lifesaver, but it is a powerful substance that should not be self prescribed and monitored.
warrens
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
I’m feeling much better already. I didn't see the doc.
i know the dangers of Xanax. I know it's only a temporary solution and I don't intend to rely on it for me to get better. I’ll only take it for a few days. I guess it's better to take a few pills rather then to have a heart attack.
I’m feeling great already though. I picked up all the rubbish lying around my apartment; I did 2 weeks of accumulated dishes; cleaned the kitchen; made my bed; sorted out the laundry. i went out for a coffee (didn't play the machines); I went to the supermarket and bought just a few essential things.
The pain in my chest has vanished and I seem to be able to breath normally. even my thoughts aren't so self-focused. but as we know we mustn’t substitute one addiction for another. hopefully in a day or two I won't need the Xanax. I’m feeling great!
I’m going to cook myself a meal and watch a movie and go to bed early tonight.
It’s just an issue of breaking the vicious cycle. It’s 2 days now I haven’t gambled. I’m not going to go back to it now. I don't know how I would of been able to do it without all the help and support and advice yous have all given me. thanks. you're all wonderful people!:ghug:praying
i know the dangers of Xanax. I know it's only a temporary solution and I don't intend to rely on it for me to get better. I’ll only take it for a few days. I guess it's better to take a few pills rather then to have a heart attack.
I’m feeling great already though. I picked up all the rubbish lying around my apartment; I did 2 weeks of accumulated dishes; cleaned the kitchen; made my bed; sorted out the laundry. i went out for a coffee (didn't play the machines); I went to the supermarket and bought just a few essential things.
The pain in my chest has vanished and I seem to be able to breath normally. even my thoughts aren't so self-focused. but as we know we mustn’t substitute one addiction for another. hopefully in a day or two I won't need the Xanax. I’m feeling great!
I’m going to cook myself a meal and watch a movie and go to bed early tonight.
It’s just an issue of breaking the vicious cycle. It’s 2 days now I haven’t gambled. I’m not going to go back to it now. I don't know how I would of been able to do it without all the help and support and advice yous have all given me. thanks. you're all wonderful people!:ghug:praying
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
That is some great news that you are feeling better. Yes there is some very nice and smart people on this sight. Seems like I learn something everyday here.
Let us know how your dinner turns out and if you found a good movie.
Let us know how your dinner turns out and if you found a good movie.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'll add my voice to the chorus, Aldo. Xanax is dangerous, esp without medical supervision.
We're addicts Aldo. That's not cool. But I see you know that
If you really must use it, please try and make it the shortest time possible, and the smallest doses, ok ?
D
We're addicts Aldo. That's not cool. But I see you know that
If you really must use it, please try and make it the shortest time possible, and the smallest doses, ok ?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by tellus 
as a girl roughly your age, a perfect bloke with a shiny expensive car would scare the bejeezus out of me! Sometimes we're not as shallow as all that. 
Thunder Road, Bruce Springsteen: "All the redemption I can offer girl's beneath this dirty hood.
With a chance to make it good somehow hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back our hair.
The night's busting open. These two lanes will take us anywhere"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Hi friends!
Day 5 no gambling today And I'm feeling great!
8
My Xanax consumption is ok. I've only consumed a total of 2.5mg (not all at once!) in the past 4 days.
I've just been reading through this thread again. I want to thank you all. You're great people and without your help and support I wouldn't have been able to stop playing the machines. THANKS EVERYBODY
Day 5 no gambling today
And I'm feeling great!8My Xanax consumption is ok. I've only consumed a total of 2.5mg (not all at once!) in the past 4 days.
I've just been reading through this thread again. I want to thank you all. You're great people and without your help and support I wouldn't have been able to stop playing the machines. THANKS EVERYBODY
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Excellente Aldo!
Way to go! Hope you are keeping a ledger of how much "richer" you are by the day. It should give you a good feeling.
Is the anxiety tapering at all?
Best to you and keep us informed of your progress!
warrens
Way to go! Hope you are keeping a ledger of how much "richer" you are by the day. It should give you a good feeling.
Is the anxiety tapering at all?
Best to you and keep us informed of your progress!
warrens
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: A state of insanity
Posts: 37
I haven't read all the posts. I apologize if some of this has been repeated.
Get rid of your Cable TV. If you don't want to work then it has to go. Stop paying your ex's cell phone. Cancel it or change it over to her name. You don't need a landline & a cell phone. How are you connecting to the internet? You probably can't afford that either.
Congratulations on not gambling! Now start looking for a job. Everyone can do something.
Get rid of your Cable TV. If you don't want to work then it has to go. Stop paying your ex's cell phone. Cancel it or change it over to her name. You don't need a landline & a cell phone. How are you connecting to the internet? You probably can't afford that either.
Congratulations on not gambling! Now start looking for a job. Everyone can do something.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
OK friend Aldo-
Do you know something now that you didn't know before? That's the key, I think. 90 in someone else's pocket and not yours. Nothing gained, something lost. Unless you gain knowledge and strength from it.
I hope your recent success opens your rational brain a bit. Screw those toxic emotions (shame, guilt, despair). Acknowledge your success, learn from your failure. Be steps ahead, not behind. Are you not glad it wasn't 90/day for the last week? You CAN do it. Your ledger sheet is actually on the "plus" side.
You have started to contribute to other's threads, Aldo. I think that is a huge step forward. It used to bother me that the only place I "saw" you was on your own thread. Very healthy.
So, give ME some advice. Today I have 30 days. Let's say I'm thinking of "celebrating," with just one more six pack. Start over tomorrow. What's your advice to me, Aldo? As a friend?
Let's say that I write you tonight and tell you that "I did it, Aldo!" "I went out and used." "30 days down the drain!"
What would you tell me, Aldo. What would you say to your friend?
I need that help, Aldo. And by giving it, then ye shall receive. Get it? By helping others, we help ourselves immensely. The only win/win casino I know of...
Head up and peace to you!
warrens
Do you know something now that you didn't know before? That's the key, I think. 90 in someone else's pocket and not yours. Nothing gained, something lost. Unless you gain knowledge and strength from it.
I hope your recent success opens your rational brain a bit. Screw those toxic emotions (shame, guilt, despair). Acknowledge your success, learn from your failure. Be steps ahead, not behind. Are you not glad it wasn't 90/day for the last week? You CAN do it. Your ledger sheet is actually on the "plus" side.
You have started to contribute to other's threads, Aldo. I think that is a huge step forward. It used to bother me that the only place I "saw" you was on your own thread. Very healthy.
So, give ME some advice. Today I have 30 days. Let's say I'm thinking of "celebrating," with just one more six pack. Start over tomorrow. What's your advice to me, Aldo? As a friend?
Let's say that I write you tonight and tell you that "I did it, Aldo!" "I went out and used." "30 days down the drain!"
What would you tell me, Aldo. What would you say to your friend?
I need that help, Aldo. And by giving it, then ye shall receive. Get it? By helping others, we help ourselves immensely. The only win/win casino I know of...
Head up and peace to you!
warrens
Using Art
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a happy state of mind
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by aldo1980
i feal bad. i can't breath properly. i thought maybe i was having heart faliuer or something. i was thinking of going to the emergency room but i looked it up on the internet first. maybe i'm just having delerium tremens or panic attack.
i feal just like i felt when i quit benzos a year ago (cold turkey) except when i quit benzos i was shaking and i was emotionally disturbed and i cried for servral days and nights.
now i just have a head ache and i can't breath and i can feel my heart beating. my chest kinda hurts too, but maybe that's just because i'v been sitting infront of the machines for too long during the past weeks.
the next few days are going to be tough, both psyically and psychologically.
i've got to try and sleep. maybe sleep will allow my body (and especially my heart) to have a rest.
:ghug
i feal just like i felt when i quit benzos a year ago (cold turkey) except when i quit benzos i was shaking and i was emotionally disturbed and i cried for servral days and nights.
now i just have a head ache and i can't breath and i can feel my heart beating. my chest kinda hurts too, but maybe that's just because i'v been sitting infront of the machines for too long during the past weeks.
the next few days are going to be tough, both psyically and psychologically.
i've got to try and sleep. maybe sleep will allow my body (and especially my heart) to have a rest.
:ghug
Could you see a doctor? There are non-addictive drugs out there to help us combat anxiety in the early days. I've been checking them out myself - Zoloft and the like.
I'm going to try to stay sober without pharmeceutical aids (because it almost seems like just another crutch), but lord knows I've made my brain chemicals all wonkified by now - we'll see.
I hope you're well today.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Xanax relapse (8mg + a couple of mg of Lendormin) yesterday 
I had €50 today. They went into the machine. So i won't be able to go to the pharmacy to stock up for the weekend.
I'm giving this whole recovery thing a break for a while. Trying to recover is not gaining me anything. I'm anxious all the time; my financial situation has only gotten worse in recovery; even if i were ever to recover it's unlikly I'll ever be able to afford another Porsche again; i can't get a job even if i were to pay them to employ me (yet i'm not a bad guy. i'm well presented and well manered and i believe i'm honest and trustable); even if i'm off alcohol/benzos/machines/whatever i still can't make any significant connections with any girls and most painful of all my friends and family don't give a ***k. As long as i keep them out of my financial problems and as long as i don't get caught up in legal problems they're happy with me.
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life as i knew it will never come back. so for what it's worth i may as well go about killing my spare time (and i got lots of that!) sitting infront of a machine with a bottle in my hand and a pocketfull of pills
I had €50 today. They went into the machine. So i won't be able to go to the pharmacy to stock up for the weekend.
I'm giving this whole recovery thing a break for a while. Trying to recover is not gaining me anything. I'm anxious all the time; my financial situation has only gotten worse in recovery; even if i were ever to recover it's unlikly I'll ever be able to afford another Porsche again; i can't get a job even if i were to pay them to employ me (yet i'm not a bad guy. i'm well presented and well manered and i believe i'm honest and trustable); even if i'm off alcohol/benzos/machines/whatever i still can't make any significant connections with any girls and most painful of all my friends and family don't give a ***k. As long as i keep them out of my financial problems and as long as i don't get caught up in legal problems they're happy with me.
<a href="http://www.imagehosting.com"><img src="http://www.imagehosting.com/out.php/i1631738_131Largeemailview.jpg" a>
life as i knew it will never come back. so for what it's worth i may as well go about killing my spare time (and i got lots of that!) sitting infront of a machine with a bottle in my hand and a pocketfull of pills
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Aldo
I really don't know what to say...
8mg of xanax! Sounds very, very dangerous to me. If I had that much in a week, I think I'd be comatose. Please see a doctor!
Your post is full of external validation. Porsche, women, family, friends, job, etc. I think recovery is a process of INTERNAL validation.
becoming at peace with ourselves and becoming our own measuring stick. All of these other things are nice, but in the end, we have only ourselves to answer to.
When you say they don't care, perhaps it is just that they are busy leading their own lives and taking care of business. That takes a lot of energy for most people. Thus, people tend to seek out others who CONTRIBUTE energy, rather than sap it. We are the center of no one else's universe, only ours. To others it's not all about Aldo, it's all about them.
I've wanted a Porsche for 40 years. Holy smoke, what a beautiful machine. But I can't justify it internally. Internally, it doesn't mean as much to me as does being financially secure. The lack of financial security causes me great anxiety, so I focus on that. I need to eliminate that which makes me feel insecure, vulnerable, and anxious. Otherwise I am at the demon's mercy. And that is a place where I never wish to go.
I'm certainly no doctor, but I am rather sure that with 8mg of xanax in one's system, no one can function in this life effectively. Please see a doctor.
warren
I really don't know what to say...
8mg of xanax! Sounds very, very dangerous to me. If I had that much in a week, I think I'd be comatose. Please see a doctor!
Your post is full of external validation. Porsche, women, family, friends, job, etc. I think recovery is a process of INTERNAL validation.
becoming at peace with ourselves and becoming our own measuring stick. All of these other things are nice, but in the end, we have only ourselves to answer to.
When you say they don't care, perhaps it is just that they are busy leading their own lives and taking care of business. That takes a lot of energy for most people. Thus, people tend to seek out others who CONTRIBUTE energy, rather than sap it. We are the center of no one else's universe, only ours. To others it's not all about Aldo, it's all about them.
I've wanted a Porsche for 40 years. Holy smoke, what a beautiful machine. But I can't justify it internally. Internally, it doesn't mean as much to me as does being financially secure. The lack of financial security causes me great anxiety, so I focus on that. I need to eliminate that which makes me feel insecure, vulnerable, and anxious. Otherwise I am at the demon's mercy. And that is a place where I never wish to go.
I'm certainly no doctor, but I am rather sure that with 8mg of xanax in one's system, no one can function in this life effectively. Please see a doctor.
warren
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