where's all my money going??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: corpus christi, tx
Posts: 211
It seems to me that you set yourself up to fail.You know that you need the roof over your head and gas,lights, food. And I have to ask, why are you paying car insurance if your car is not working? Why isn't your ex paying her own phone bill? or if you have to pay it make arrangements to settle with the company for a reduced charge. If you have a bank account and internet you don't have to look into it you can do it. Most all companys have a site to pay bills, you could go online and pay them first before you even leave your home. Maybe find a place to have your coffee that doesn't have machines so your not tempted. Get a job, it doesn't take a lot to bus dishes or wash them. You could wait tables, sweep floors. Put gambling last on your list of things to do instead of first. Wishing you all the best and I hope you find a way that works for you.
Linda
Linda
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Aw, Aldo. 
Couple things. First: I really like Kurt's suggestion to find volunteer work. For me, at least, the busier I make myself the better I do. Maybe make it so you don't have as much time to gamble? Second... Just personally, as a girl roughly your age, a perfect bloke with a shiny expensive car would scare the bejeezus out of me! Sometimes we're not as shallow as all that.
Try asking one of those girls out, and be honest--I bet you'd be surprised at the reception you get.
I realize this is all pot-to-kettle. Hang in there.
Couple things. First: I really like Kurt's suggestion to find volunteer work. For me, at least, the busier I make myself the better I do. Maybe make it so you don't have as much time to gamble? Second... Just personally, as a girl roughly your age, a perfect bloke with a shiny expensive car would scare the bejeezus out of me! Sometimes we're not as shallow as all that.
Try asking one of those girls out, and be honest--I bet you'd be surprised at the reception you get.I realize this is all pot-to-kettle. Hang in there.
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
hey Aldo, I haven't really 'met' you, but I started posting about the same time as you.
I just wanted to say... I've never driven a car (I'm 31), I don't even know how to... and I've met lots of girls in my time who still talked to me. You'll be alright, bro
You know what to do, and all I would say is... maybe you should listen to that little voice in your head that says "Don't do it!" when you're about to put your money in the machine. I wish I'd listened to it when i was walking to buy cigarettes the other day *sigh*
I'd be angry as hell at those machines, they keep taking your cash!
I just wanted to say... I've never driven a car (I'm 31), I don't even know how to... and I've met lots of girls in my time who still talked to me. You'll be alright, bro
You know what to do, and all I would say is... maybe you should listen to that little voice in your head that says "Don't do it!" when you're about to put your money in the machine. I wish I'd listened to it when i was walking to buy cigarettes the other day *sigh*
I'd be angry as hell at those machines, they keep taking your cash!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
€220 lost today :chatter
i have no cigarettes and no money to buy any cigareets with either.
tomorrow i am not gambling. i hate being stuck like this. i was so controlled by the insanity of the machines this evening that my friends wanted to play pool (not for money) with me but i couldn't leavethe machine to be with them. i must stop being so selfish.
i wasn't even feeling well tonight while i was playing the machine (i thought maybe i was having a heart attack) but i'm so far gone that i was thinking like "my heart attack can wait. i'll just finish playing these coins then i'll go in search of medical treatment if i really need it, but first i'll finish playing". ggggrrrrr. i am sick.
tomorrow i'm not gambling.
i have no cigarettes and no money to buy any cigareets with either.
tomorrow i am not gambling. i hate being stuck like this. i was so controlled by the insanity of the machines this evening that my friends wanted to play pool (not for money) with me but i couldn't leavethe machine to be with them. i must stop being so selfish.
i wasn't even feeling well tonight while i was playing the machine (i thought maybe i was having a heart attack) but i'm so far gone that i was thinking like "my heart attack can wait. i'll just finish playing these coins then i'll go in search of medical treatment if i really need it, but first i'll finish playing". ggggrrrrr. i am sick.
tomorrow i'm not gambling.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by resentful wife 
It seems to me that you set yourself up to fail
i even started an argument with my neighbours last night, but it was an issue i should have argued about months ago, not last night just because i was angry i'd lost all my money.
i don't know why but maybe i want to dystroy and lose everything i have.
i'm real sick
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Aldo
You use the term "gambling." Are you sure that is what it is? Most of us "gamble" in many facets of our lives. Relationships, taking a new job, the stock market, even getting in a car. When we do this "gambling, " most of us have tried to take the measures necessary to make the odds favorable to us.
I don't consider casino's, etc to be "gambling." There is a casino in my town with perhaps 1,000 machines. I've put a total of $2 in those machines. I didn't win, so I left. I've bought one lottery ticket in my life. I didn't win so I never bought another.
I see putting money in machines and the lottery the same as I would see throwing that money into the Mediterranean. Would you do that? When you play against the house, you lose. You lose! Get it? One person in 500 MIGHT walk out of there with more than they came with. It probably took 100 losing visits for that to happen.
If you were to take the money you spend in machines, and throw darts at the stock exchange pages, and buy those stocks, you would never lose everything and you would enjoy a 1,000 times better chance of making some real money. Plus, it would give you something to do every day-follow your stocks. The richest men in the world got there by "gambling." By investing wisely. They have lost millions but made billions.
I suggest again that you are not "gambling." It is a pretty word for taking money and throwing it into the nearest body of water. You are assuring yourself utter poverty and buying the machine owners another Lamborghini. A one way transfer of wealth.
warrens
You use the term "gambling." Are you sure that is what it is? Most of us "gamble" in many facets of our lives. Relationships, taking a new job, the stock market, even getting in a car. When we do this "gambling, " most of us have tried to take the measures necessary to make the odds favorable to us.
I don't consider casino's, etc to be "gambling." There is a casino in my town with perhaps 1,000 machines. I've put a total of $2 in those machines. I didn't win, so I left. I've bought one lottery ticket in my life. I didn't win so I never bought another.
I see putting money in machines and the lottery the same as I would see throwing that money into the Mediterranean. Would you do that? When you play against the house, you lose. You lose! Get it? One person in 500 MIGHT walk out of there with more than they came with. It probably took 100 losing visits for that to happen.
If you were to take the money you spend in machines, and throw darts at the stock exchange pages, and buy those stocks, you would never lose everything and you would enjoy a 1,000 times better chance of making some real money. Plus, it would give you something to do every day-follow your stocks. The richest men in the world got there by "gambling." By investing wisely. They have lost millions but made billions.
I suggest again that you are not "gambling." It is a pretty word for taking money and throwing it into the nearest body of water. You are assuring yourself utter poverty and buying the machine owners another Lamborghini. A one way transfer of wealth.
warrens
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Aldo
there been a few opinions expressed here I don't entirely agree with...I think it's important you get a cross section of views
yes gambling might be throwing your money away - its true - but, to me, saying that is about as useful as telling an alcoholic he's drinking poison and it'll kill him - I didn't listen when I was drinking, I don't really expect you to listen now.
What you have is an addiction - it's not rational and it doesn't necessarily respond to logic. Doesn't mean you can't do anything about it but you need to treat the addiction: if you can't get to a Gambler's Anonymous meeting, and there's nothing online - do it yourself seems to be the only other option.
It's tougher, especially if any part of you still wants to gamble - but it is possible if you really want to stop, and if you accept that the chances of you winning consistently enough to stay ahead are negligible.
One day at a time - no gambling today - is a good way to try and get this under control if you have nothing else IMO.
as for the stock market - I consider that every bit as much gambling as anything else. Nothing is foolproof and I find the suggestion rather silly, especially here.
Similarly, automatic paying of bills is great, but only if you can be sure you have enough in your account to cover things and, at the moment, that's not the case. Dunno what it's like in Italy but if it anything like Australia, you might find yourself slugged with a load of bank fees, if your account hasn't got enough in it to meet your bills.
You're in a hole but you can get out. St Kurt was right - with what you've expended recently you could have been in the black by now.
I urge you to look again - seriously look - at any other avenues of support around. Doing it alone is tough.
But, if no other help is available, try the one day at a time thing. Every day aim for 'no gambling today'. If you accept, and tell yourself, that winning is near impossible, and take it day by day, like any of us do with out addictions, I believe you can beat this thing.
Good luck
D
there been a few opinions expressed here I don't entirely agree with...I think it's important you get a cross section of views
yes gambling might be throwing your money away - its true - but, to me, saying that is about as useful as telling an alcoholic he's drinking poison and it'll kill him - I didn't listen when I was drinking, I don't really expect you to listen now.
What you have is an addiction - it's not rational and it doesn't necessarily respond to logic. Doesn't mean you can't do anything about it but you need to treat the addiction: if you can't get to a Gambler's Anonymous meeting, and there's nothing online - do it yourself seems to be the only other option.
It's tougher, especially if any part of you still wants to gamble - but it is possible if you really want to stop, and if you accept that the chances of you winning consistently enough to stay ahead are negligible.
One day at a time - no gambling today - is a good way to try and get this under control if you have nothing else IMO.
as for the stock market - I consider that every bit as much gambling as anything else. Nothing is foolproof and I find the suggestion rather silly, especially here.
Similarly, automatic paying of bills is great, but only if you can be sure you have enough in your account to cover things and, at the moment, that's not the case. Dunno what it's like in Italy but if it anything like Australia, you might find yourself slugged with a load of bank fees, if your account hasn't got enough in it to meet your bills.
You're in a hole but you can get out. St Kurt was right - with what you've expended recently you could have been in the black by now.
I urge you to look again - seriously look - at any other avenues of support around. Doing it alone is tough.
But, if no other help is available, try the one day at a time thing. Every day aim for 'no gambling today'. If you accept, and tell yourself, that winning is near impossible, and take it day by day, like any of us do with out addictions, I believe you can beat this thing.
Good luck
D
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
That was a great post Dee74.
warrens - I think Aldo's machines are your bottle, friend. He cannot stop doing this alone. It's the same demon, whether it's whiskey or wine, or smack or coke, or machines.
Telling him to walk away is like my fiance telling me to stop drinking, it doesn't work that way.
Aldo, I don't know if you need to really hit rock bottom with this, but I would urge you to seek out meetings and get some help. This behaviour is insane.
I would approach it like alcoholism - you CANNOT be anywhere near those f**king machines. Don't risk it, don't meet with people who will be in places with machines. Get help. Find people who have beaten this, and listen to their stories.
Stay at home, and deal with your life. Get someone to manage your cash, and hibernate for a few weeks. DON'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE MACHINES, YOU WILL PUT ALL YOUR MONEY INTO THEM. It's like putting an alcoholic in a bar and just waiting.. I'm sure there are a rare few that would be ok, but most people just wouldn't do it. Or sitting a crack addict down with a bunch of people using.
This addiction could leave you homeless, friendless and just as badly off as the next homeless person. Think about it.
warrens - I think Aldo's machines are your bottle, friend. He cannot stop doing this alone. It's the same demon, whether it's whiskey or wine, or smack or coke, or machines.
Telling him to walk away is like my fiance telling me to stop drinking, it doesn't work that way.
Aldo, I don't know if you need to really hit rock bottom with this, but I would urge you to seek out meetings and get some help. This behaviour is insane.
I would approach it like alcoholism - you CANNOT be anywhere near those f**king machines. Don't risk it, don't meet with people who will be in places with machines. Get help. Find people who have beaten this, and listen to their stories.
Stay at home, and deal with your life. Get someone to manage your cash, and hibernate for a few weeks. DON'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE MACHINES, YOU WILL PUT ALL YOUR MONEY INTO THEM. It's like putting an alcoholic in a bar and just waiting.. I'm sure there are a rare few that would be ok, but most people just wouldn't do it. Or sitting a crack addict down with a bunch of people using.
This addiction could leave you homeless, friendless and just as badly off as the next homeless person. Think about it.
Using Art
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: a happy state of mind
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by aldo1980
I wasn't sure about posting this, so I asked the mods and they said it should be alrite. Howver if anybody has any onjections let me know and I'll delete everyting. I'd just like to make clear from the begining that I'm not boasting. This isn't a situation to boast about. Shame on me.
I intend to update this thread everyday. Please feel free to add comments of the kind "did you really need to buy ---" and "was it really neccesary" etc ect because i'm begining to understand I'm not capable of managing my finances anymore.
I've been having a few gambling problems recctnly. I can't stop. When I pay I'm secrative about how much I loose (frequently) and how much I win (rarly). So me and the mods have agreed that maybe it could be a good idea for me to publically publish my expenses here, so maybe I'll feel some shame and hopefully stop gambling. It's runing my life at the moment.
As many of you know I'm unemployed at the moment and I'm living off of handouts from my grandpartns. I get about €1200 a month, but not all together. They give me a bit every few days (they treat me like a child. They think I'm irrresponsable).
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
€76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by money the debt collector would be coming to visit me.
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
what am i going to do. i've got no food in my appartment. i've got no money. not just 've got no money in my pocket. i've got no money in the bank. my mom has confiscated my credit card. i have no job and no income.
last week i went all week with no money at all. fortunatly i had some cigarettes stocked up for a rainy day.
yesterday and today i recieved a €150 handout from my grandparents. with that i bought one packet of cigarettes (€5), two or three coffees in the bar (€5). €10 of petrol/gas for my car. €10 credit for my cel phone. And the rest (about €120) all went into the machines.
I hope this excersize will enable me to feel some shame and remorse. I've got to stop gambling. It's runing me.
At least tomottorows my grandmothers pention day and because she's old and doesn't drive she always gives me a bonus when i take her to the bank to get her pension.
I intend to update this thread everyday. Please feel free to add comments of the kind "did you really need to buy ---" and "was it really neccesary" etc ect because i'm begining to understand I'm not capable of managing my finances anymore.
I've been having a few gambling problems recctnly. I can't stop. When I pay I'm secrative about how much I loose (frequently) and how much I win (rarly). So me and the mods have agreed that maybe it could be a good idea for me to publically publish my expenses here, so maybe I'll feel some shame and hopefully stop gambling. It's runing my life at the moment.
As many of you know I'm unemployed at the moment and I'm living off of handouts from my grandpartns. I get about €1200 a month, but not all together. They give me a bit every few days (they treat me like a child. They think I'm irrresponsable).
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
€76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by money the debt collector would be coming to visit me.
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
what am i going to do. i've got no food in my appartment. i've got no money. not just 've got no money in my pocket. i've got no money in the bank. my mom has confiscated my credit card. i have no job and no income.
last week i went all week with no money at all. fortunatly i had some cigarettes stocked up for a rainy day.
yesterday and today i recieved a €150 handout from my grandparents. with that i bought one packet of cigarettes (€5), two or three coffees in the bar (€5). €10 of petrol/gas for my car. €10 credit for my cel phone. And the rest (about €120) all went into the machines.
I hope this excersize will enable me to feel some shame and remorse. I've got to stop gambling. It's runing me.
At least tomottorows my grandmothers pention day and because she's old and doesn't drive she always gives me a bonus when i take her to the bank to get her pension.
for starters, i've been there. so don't think i'm judging you when i say your g-ps are doling out your money in increments because you ARE irresponsible. sorry. the truth sucks. i've been trying to hide from it for a decade because i know this fun fact first-hand. i would usually take a pretty lie over the truth anyday, but this way of thinking is going to land me in a hot mess of ugly truth if i keep it up,.
also, i'm not trying to be harsh when i say that relying on others means you are subject to their rules. so, if you are relyig on the gps, then you gotta accept their cash flow allotments.
my advice: start working. it does wonders for self-esteem, and it's good for the soul.
the only reason i'm even trying this recovery thing out is because i started working and because of it, began putting my life into perspective. being a professional has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. i can't emphasize that enough.
good luck. keep posting, keep reflecting, and keep being honest - and i'll try to do the same. it ain't easy, my friend; this i know.:ghug3
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
lots of good advice being put into this thread today.
i really appriciate all the thoughts and suggestions every one of you are giving me.
today i will not gamble - i owe it to yous.
i really appriciate all the thoughts and suggestions every one of you are giving me.
today i will not gamble - i owe it to yous.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Dee, NDZ, and ,of course, my friend Aldo
Obviously, as I have been told, I'm out of my element here (on this thread). One has to learn when that is the case, I suppose. I've tried to be helpful but apparently I've done the opposite. I'm sorry and have no ill feelings.
I couldn't agree more with "getting help."
To clarify however:
My "stock market and investing" analogy was intended to express my opinion as to what "real gambling is." I clearly stated that it was. Gambling where the brain can make a difference in the odds. I don't consider machines "gambling." Like alcohol, it is a guaranteed lose/lose. Money spent on either is doom.
Second, ideation is an important part of my recovery. One of the tools I am using. When I pass the beer cooler, I see cans of antifreeze. Seriously. Why? Well, dogs and other animals seem to love to drink antifreeze. Apparently it tastes sweet. Certain, painful, slow, excruciating death. They haven't the awareness to know that.
But I do, and I'll not be drinking antifreeze any time soon. Nor will I be drinking beer, as it acts upon me precisely as antifreeze would. Alcohol equals or, is the same as, antifreeze to me. Ideation. I keep that image with me. "Tastes great, less filling?" Not hardly. More like "Tastes great, certain death."
So, I was merely trying to point out to Aldo that if he can ideate that machine as the great Mediterranean, it might be of help.
Surely there is much more to his/our issues. Much more. But I think the more tools in our box, the better our chances.
With regard to my money management and bill paying "system," I clearly offered it as a step by step goal. I indicated that. Perhaps one bill at a time. Recovery is a long term "goal." The elusive rainbow in the distance.
I'm sorry to have been an "iatrogenic" influence. In medicine it refers to pathology that is the result of mal or mispractice. And with Aldo's issues, I have no right to "practice" anything.
warrens
Obviously, as I have been told, I'm out of my element here (on this thread). One has to learn when that is the case, I suppose. I've tried to be helpful but apparently I've done the opposite. I'm sorry and have no ill feelings.
I couldn't agree more with "getting help."
To clarify however:
My "stock market and investing" analogy was intended to express my opinion as to what "real gambling is." I clearly stated that it was. Gambling where the brain can make a difference in the odds. I don't consider machines "gambling." Like alcohol, it is a guaranteed lose/lose. Money spent on either is doom.
Second, ideation is an important part of my recovery. One of the tools I am using. When I pass the beer cooler, I see cans of antifreeze. Seriously. Why? Well, dogs and other animals seem to love to drink antifreeze. Apparently it tastes sweet. Certain, painful, slow, excruciating death. They haven't the awareness to know that.
But I do, and I'll not be drinking antifreeze any time soon. Nor will I be drinking beer, as it acts upon me precisely as antifreeze would. Alcohol equals or, is the same as, antifreeze to me. Ideation. I keep that image with me. "Tastes great, less filling?" Not hardly. More like "Tastes great, certain death."
So, I was merely trying to point out to Aldo that if he can ideate that machine as the great Mediterranean, it might be of help.
Surely there is much more to his/our issues. Much more. But I think the more tools in our box, the better our chances.
With regard to my money management and bill paying "system," I clearly offered it as a step by step goal. I indicated that. Perhaps one bill at a time. Recovery is a long term "goal." The elusive rainbow in the distance.
I'm sorry to have been an "iatrogenic" influence. In medicine it refers to pathology that is the result of mal or mispractice. And with Aldo's issues, I have no right to "practice" anything.
warrens
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
hi friends!
it's 6pm and i'm just checking in.
i havn't gamblled yet
i was on my way to the machines before but as i was going their i was thinking about what's been said on here. so i turned around, came home, trimmed my bread, took a shower. i'm going to try to learn something new on my guitar now. no machines today. no machines today. no machines today.
it's 6pm and i'm just checking in.
i havn't gamblled yet
i was on my way to the machines before but as i was going their i was thinking about what's been said on here. so i turned around, came home, trimmed my bread, took a shower. i'm going to try to learn something new on my guitar now. no machines today. no machines today. no machines today.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
I noticed this on a website that I frequent. Metafilter.com.
A woman who has suffered real consequences from gambling addiction. I don't know how "therapeutic" it is, Aldo. But it serves to inform that it, like alcohol is an "equal opportunity" disease."
Arelia Margarita Taveras “made a name for herself representing the families of victims of American Airlines Flight 587, which crashed in New York City's borough of Queens in November 2001, killing 265 people.#+ Her practice had 400 clients and earned her $500,000 a year.” She claims that she sought to relieve the pressures of her work by gambling in Atlantic City and Las Vegas over the past few years. She lost $1 million and was disbarred as a result of stealing money from clients [PDF] in order to support her gambling addiction. Taveras also lost her own home and that of her parents (who mortgaged it to support her debt). Taveras owes the IRS $58,000. In response she has filed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, “claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off.”
posted by ericb at 12:13 PM - 23 comments (23 new) +
Whew!
warrens
A woman who has suffered real consequences from gambling addiction. I don't know how "therapeutic" it is, Aldo. But it serves to inform that it, like alcohol is an "equal opportunity" disease."
Arelia Margarita Taveras “made a name for herself representing the families of victims of American Airlines Flight 587, which crashed in New York City's borough of Queens in November 2001, killing 265 people.#+ Her practice had 400 clients and earned her $500,000 a year.” She claims that she sought to relieve the pressures of her work by gambling in Atlantic City and Las Vegas over the past few years. She lost $1 million and was disbarred as a result of stealing money from clients [PDF] in order to support her gambling addiction. Taveras also lost her own home and that of her parents (who mortgaged it to support her debt). Taveras owes the IRS $58,000. In response she has filed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, “claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off.”
posted by ericb at 12:13 PM - 23 comments (23 new) +
Whew!
warrens
one day at a time.Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 149
Hi Aldo
I drank, used blow,x and meth. I also gambled with dice, cards, and slots.
Each roll of the dice, flip of the card, or slots stop spining is like a shot, rail, hit, with its rush of aderanline. Thre is no difference between gambeling and drugging.
I have three sugesstions : any one of which will definetly be of help.
1) Go to a GA meeting
2) Go to a NA meeting
3) Go to a AA meeting.
Anyone will work.
I know of which I speak, becasue there was hardly a drinker that avoided meetings as much as me.
Now, I know that I can never do it alone. (To really comprehned this, you must go to a meeting).
Take care of your self
Each roll of the dice, flip of the card, or slots stop spining is like a shot, rail, hit, with its rush of aderanline. Thre is no difference between gambeling and drugging.
I have three sugesstions : any one of which will definetly be of help.
1) Go to a GA meeting
2) Go to a NA meeting
3) Go to a AA meeting.
Anyone will work.
I know of which I speak, becasue there was hardly a drinker that avoided meetings as much as me.
Now, I know that I can never do it alone. (To really comprehned this, you must go to a meeting).
Take care of your self
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by Dee74
Originally Posted by aldo1980
i'm so anxious.
D
i feal just like i felt when i quit benzos a year ago (cold turkey) except when i quit benzos i was shaking and i was emotionally disturbed and i cried for servral days and nights.
now i just have a head ache and i can't breath and i can feel my heart beating. my chest kinda hurts too, but maybe that's just because i'v been sitting infront of the machines for too long during the past weeks.
the next few days are going to be tough, both psyically and psychologically.
i've got to try and sleep. maybe sleep will allow my body (and especially my heart) to have a rest.
:ghug
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