where's all my money going??
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
today i recieved a few handouts: €70 from my grandmother; €90 from my grandfather and €200 from my dad. they told me to go and pay some of my bills.
so what did i do:
€10 credit on my cel phone
€10 petrol/gas for my car
€8 cigarettes
€10 bar (coffees and cola colas)
€270 machines
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Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
it's the instant gratification thing. i want to pay all my bills at once 
what am i going to do. i'm so sick.
i'ce been on the machines all day today and now tonight i have gambling withdrawl (i'm all shaking, as if i were cold) and i'm already counting down till 8am when the bank opens because i know i'll have some money my mom sent me in the bank available tomorrow - but i wat to pay some bills with that, otherwise the debt collector will come (i was given time till monday, and it's now already going to be friday. 4 days too late. tomorrow) and take away my guitars or some possestion i'm attatched too.
i'm in trouble. not even when i was taking so many benzos i couldn't get out of bed, or not even when i was drinking and on my hands and kness every day was my life so ****ed up. their's something seriously wrong with me. the alcoholism and the benzo abuse and the gambling must all juyst be symptoms of my illness/insanity. i was talking to my dad about it yesterday and he said i'm the way i am because my will is weak, but that's not so. he won't accept that alcoholism and addicition and compulsive gambling and such issues are a real and true illness. i asked him to get me locked up in rehab or something, but he won't do that if he refuses to belive i'm sick. i also went to talk to my doc yesterday and all he said he can refer me to is a hospital for alcoholics, but i'm not alcoholic. like i said my alcoholism is jst a symptom of my condition. what's wrong with me??
what am i going to do. i'm so sick.
i'ce been on the machines all day today and now tonight i have gambling withdrawl (i'm all shaking, as if i were cold) and i'm already counting down till 8am when the bank opens because i know i'll have some money my mom sent me in the bank available tomorrow - but i wat to pay some bills with that, otherwise the debt collector will come (i was given time till monday, and it's now already going to be friday. 4 days too late. tomorrow) and take away my guitars or some possestion i'm attatched too.
i'm in trouble. not even when i was taking so many benzos i couldn't get out of bed, or not even when i was drinking and on my hands and kness every day was my life so ****ed up. their's something seriously wrong with me. the alcoholism and the benzo abuse and the gambling must all juyst be symptoms of my illness/insanity. i was talking to my dad about it yesterday and he said i'm the way i am because my will is weak, but that's not so. he won't accept that alcoholism and addicition and compulsive gambling and such issues are a real and true illness. i asked him to get me locked up in rehab or something, but he won't do that if he refuses to belive i'm sick. i also went to talk to my doc yesterday and all he said he can refer me to is a hospital for alcoholics, but i'm not alcoholic. like i said my alcoholism is jst a symptom of my condition. what's wrong with me??
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
updated
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
€76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by money the debt collector would be coming to visit me.
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
another €21 which arrived today for my ex's phone contract.
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
€76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by money the debt collector would be coming to visit me.
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
another €21 which arrived today for my ex's phone contract.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by felly79 
aldo, damnit, clean your act up!!!!
i know i have to but i don't know how.
i don't even want to gamble. it's just that it's stronger then me. i go to the bar to drink coffee and talk with my friends and i see the machine their and i'm thinking "i'm not going to play it" then i gte my change from my coffee and it's like the machine calls to me and says (i don't hear voices) "their's no harm in putting the loose coins you [me, that is] have in your pocket in" and then i immeadiatly get hooked.
i've conisdered not going to the bars anymore. but if i don't hang out in the bars i won't have anybody to talk to or i won't have the opportunity to meet new girls and stuff (not that i'm having a very successfull time with the ladys at the moment anyway. damn. i couldn't even buy a lady dinner as i am right now!). it's a weird place where i live. people just congreagte and hang out in the bars. it's the only means of being socialable they have. i don't know what i can do. just saying "i'm not going to play" isn't enough, it's not working.
i'm not looking for excuses to get off the wagon, but at this point i'm begining to seriously wonder if it would be better if i were to pass my days drunk or benzo'd out of my mind.
what am i going to do?
i appriciate, and thank you for, your concearn :ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by felly79
One time when I lost my job I had to give up a lot to survive:
...I cancelled the landline phone and only used my cellphone...<3
...I cancelled the landline phone and only used my cellphone...<3
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Aldo,
You are more than welcome here, always and you have nothing to apologize for. You are not alone.
I do hope you continue to come back and post about your issues.
I was pulled under by alcohol and no one could reason with me, so I do understand how you feel.
Please continue to try to get help for yourself.
You are more than welcome here, always and you have nothing to apologize for. You are not alone.
I do hope you continue to come back and post about your issues.
I was pulled under by alcohol and no one could reason with me, so I do understand how you feel.
Please continue to try to get help for yourself.
ang:)~
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: columbia, tn
Posts: 12
new location maybe? it's either that or lose everything if nothing seems to be working. You have a big problem and you HAVE to do something. Get someone to manage and hold your money. dont let your grand mother give you money until you pull up at the water dept...etc...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
updated
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
PAID €76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by monday the debt collector would be coming to visit me. PAID
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
another €21 which arrived today for my ex's phone contract.
i'm broke again today. i paid the above highlighted item, bought a packet of cigarettes (€4) bought a coffee and put the remianing money (€230) in the machine.
i won't be having any money untill wensday now. i don't have anything to eat either - maybe I should have thought about that first.
i don't even have a big stock of benzo's so i could put myself to sleep for a few days. the ones i have (nighttime ones, but i've reccently started taking them during the day again) will just be enough to put me out for this afternoon (4pm here now) and tonight. then tomorrow what am i supposed to do?? it's even the weekend and their are a couple of girls who seem to be interested in me who might have wanted to go out with me. maybe, if they call, i may as well be honest with them and tell them i've now become a compulsive gambler too.
my situations never been as bad as this. oh, i'm ssooo sick.
p-s: i've just called the satilite people and asked them to unsubscribe me. i don't watch that much tv unless i'm lying on the sofa drunk anyway
Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:
€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.
€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.
PAID €76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by monday the debt collector would be coming to visit me. PAID
€193 gas. expiered Jan 13
€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14
€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13
€276 gas. expired March 16
€40 tap water. expieres march 31
another €21 which arrived today for my ex's phone contract.
i'm broke again today. i paid the above highlighted item, bought a packet of cigarettes (€4) bought a coffee and put the remianing money (€230) in the machine.
i won't be having any money untill wensday now. i don't have anything to eat either - maybe I should have thought about that first.
i don't even have a big stock of benzo's so i could put myself to sleep for a few days. the ones i have (nighttime ones, but i've reccently started taking them during the day again) will just be enough to put me out for this afternoon (4pm here now) and tonight. then tomorrow what am i supposed to do?? it's even the weekend and their are a couple of girls who seem to be interested in me who might have wanted to go out with me. maybe, if they call, i may as well be honest with them and tell them i've now become a compulsive gambler too.
my situations never been as bad as this. oh, i'm ssooo sick.
p-s: i've just called the satilite people and asked them to unsubscribe me. i don't watch that much tv unless i'm lying on the sofa drunk anyway
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Aldo
I don't have "bill problems" because I'm rich. I'm certainly not that.
But I never have to "pay" a bill.
My check goes into my checking account. Automatically. My checking account is linked to a debit card.
Nearly all my bills are payable online. I don't even know where the stamps are in my house.
Almost all my bills are set up so they are "automatic pay."
What that means is that all the companies (phone, electric, satellite, internet, insurance, Yadda, yadda) have my debit # and simply "pay themselves." I don't even have to think about what time of the month it is.
Of course, the only way I can do this is by having more money in my account than I will need for bills in case "something comes up." That was my goal shortly after my divorce and it took me two years to accomplish it.
Now, I write maybe one check/month. I rarely look at the statement. I don't have to. I cannot tell you how much stress and anxiety that relieves. I still have money worries, like most in this expensive world. But the worries aren't about paying bills, they are about saving enough.
If you do not "see" your money (as in cash in hand), and your bills are paid first automatically, you will never be faced with that painful choice that seems to get you every time. You will be able to gamble only what is left over.
It would take some time to accomplish something like this. Perhaps one bill at a time. I'll bet that each time you do it, however, one brick will be removed from your stress backpack. It is the stress of addiction that kills, my friend. It insures that we will need to "use" again and again. That is a casino with NO payouts. Ever. Think about it.
friend warrens
I don't have "bill problems" because I'm rich. I'm certainly not that.
But I never have to "pay" a bill.
My check goes into my checking account. Automatically. My checking account is linked to a debit card.
Nearly all my bills are payable online. I don't even know where the stamps are in my house.
Almost all my bills are set up so they are "automatic pay."
What that means is that all the companies (phone, electric, satellite, internet, insurance, Yadda, yadda) have my debit # and simply "pay themselves." I don't even have to think about what time of the month it is.
Of course, the only way I can do this is by having more money in my account than I will need for bills in case "something comes up." That was my goal shortly after my divorce and it took me two years to accomplish it.
Now, I write maybe one check/month. I rarely look at the statement. I don't have to. I cannot tell you how much stress and anxiety that relieves. I still have money worries, like most in this expensive world. But the worries aren't about paying bills, they are about saving enough.
If you do not "see" your money (as in cash in hand), and your bills are paid first automatically, you will never be faced with that painful choice that seems to get you every time. You will be able to gamble only what is left over.
It would take some time to accomplish something like this. Perhaps one bill at a time. I'll bet that each time you do it, however, one brick will be removed from your stress backpack. It is the stress of addiction that kills, my friend. It insures that we will need to "use" again and again. That is a casino with NO payouts. Ever. Think about it.
friend warrens
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by warrens
Aldo
I don't have "bill problems" because I'm rich. I'm certainly not that.
But I never have to "pay" a bill.
My check goes into my checking account. Automatically. My checking account is linked to a debit card.
Nearly all my bills are payable online. I don't even know where the stamps are in my house.
Almost all my bills are set up so they are "automatic pay."
What that means is that all the companies (phone, electric, satellite, internet, insurance, Yadda, yadda) have my debit # and simply "pay themselves." I don't even have to think about what time of the month it is.
Of course, the only way I can do this is by having more money in my account than I will need for bills in case "something comes up." That was my goal shortly after my divorce and it took me two years to accomplish it.
Now, I write maybe one check/month. I rarely look at the statement. I don't have to. I cannot tell you how much stress and anxiety that relieves. I still have money worries, like most in this expensive world. But the worries aren't about paying bills, they are about saving enough.
If you do not "see" your money (as in cash in hand), and your bills are paid first automatically, you will never be faced with that painful choice that seems to get you every time. You will be able to gamble only what is left over.
It would take some time to accomplish something like this. Perhaps one bill at a time. I'll bet that each time you do it, however, one brick will be removed from your stress backpack. It is the stress of addiction that kills, my friend. It insures that we will need to "use" again and again. That is a casino with NO payouts. Ever. Think about it.
friend warrens
I don't have "bill problems" because I'm rich. I'm certainly not that.
But I never have to "pay" a bill.
My check goes into my checking account. Automatically. My checking account is linked to a debit card.
Nearly all my bills are payable online. I don't even know where the stamps are in my house.
Almost all my bills are set up so they are "automatic pay."
What that means is that all the companies (phone, electric, satellite, internet, insurance, Yadda, yadda) have my debit # and simply "pay themselves." I don't even have to think about what time of the month it is.
Of course, the only way I can do this is by having more money in my account than I will need for bills in case "something comes up." That was my goal shortly after my divorce and it took me two years to accomplish it.
Now, I write maybe one check/month. I rarely look at the statement. I don't have to. I cannot tell you how much stress and anxiety that relieves. I still have money worries, like most in this expensive world. But the worries aren't about paying bills, they are about saving enough.
If you do not "see" your money (as in cash in hand), and your bills are paid first automatically, you will never be faced with that painful choice that seems to get you every time. You will be able to gamble only what is left over.
It would take some time to accomplish something like this. Perhaps one bill at a time. I'll bet that each time you do it, however, one brick will be removed from your stress backpack. It is the stress of addiction that kills, my friend. It insures that we will need to "use" again and again. That is a casino with NO payouts. Ever. Think about it.
friend warrens
Thanks for the suggestion and advice. It sounds like a good idea. i'll have to look into it.
Friends, Aldo.:ghug
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
You could try to think in through before you gamble. How many times have you walked out of there broke?
Five years ago we were hooked on slot machines. One time I won $700 and I bought my Boxer. On her papers her name is Coco's Double Diamond.
But most of the time walked out of there broke. Even would go there with bill money thinking we would win. NOT
Those Casinos are paying there bills with your money.
Five years ago we were hooked on slot machines. One time I won $700 and I bought my Boxer. On her papers her name is Coco's Double Diamond.
But most of the time walked out of there broke. Even would go there with bill money thinking we would win. NOT
Those Casinos are paying there bills with your money.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Originally Posted by aldo1980
i don't even have a big stock of benzo's so i could put myself to sleep for a few days. the ones i have (nighttime ones, but i've reccently started taking them during the day again) will just be enough to put me out for this afternoon (4pm here now) and tonight (...)girls...
There's no need to spell out your grief to everyone you meet, maybe just hanging out with people would do you some good. Hope this helps.Ciao,
Matt
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by mattcake79
Why not go out with one of those girls? Being broke doesn't mean you can't have fun anyway
I don't even have a car (that's neccesary where I live because their's nothing within walking distance) what girl is going to want to hang out with a addict, alcoholic, gambler, who hasn't even got €5 to buy her a drink with or a car to drive her around in.
I used to have a Porsche Carrera!
I used to have lots of girls 
I used to have money I could spend nd do just about everything I wanted to do (with in reason, of course).Now it's all over. No girls. No money. No nice car.
I don't understand how my paents can be so stupid (i told me mom today i'm never going to talk to her ever again) if it's just a silly car that's causing me and them all these problems why can't they just loan me the money to get it fixed??
My sisters car broke (mechanical faliuer) a couple of years ago because she hadn't had it serviced and got the cam-belt changed. 3 days latter her mom had already bought her a new car!
They're just so unfair.
I'm never going to ride my Porsche again. Nobody's every going to have enough trust in me to lend me their Ferrari's again. I'm never going to have beautiful women again. If i have to turn into a sad lonly old man I way as well get off the wagon. Bukowski's life didn't seem all that bad.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Stop beating yourself up and forget the car and all the other stuff and focus on getting sober and getting well and staying alive and becoming sane again. A new fantastic life awaits you without bondage and self obession. To get it you need to ask for help and mountains will be moved, be sure to take your shovel along though.
Kevin
Kevin
cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
I got curious.
From what you've posted here Aldo, you owe a total of 971 euros.
All the gambling expenses you've listed came out to 670 euros. (717 if you add in the non-essential coffee and cigarette expenses.)
You said you put this here to help you take ownership of your gambling issue. Well, in 3 days you would have nearly been paid up (only 254 euros to go).
Since you're unwilling to get a job, have you thought about volunteer work? At least that way you could get some bankable skills to get a job with.
~SK~
From what you've posted here Aldo, you owe a total of 971 euros.
All the gambling expenses you've listed came out to 670 euros. (717 if you add in the non-essential coffee and cigarette expenses.)
You said you put this here to help you take ownership of your gambling issue. Well, in 3 days you would have nearly been paid up (only 254 euros to go).
Since you're unwilling to get a job, have you thought about volunteer work? At least that way you could get some bankable skills to get a job with.
~SK~
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Aldo, several people have let you know about what they had to give up while they were either using drugs or recovering. I'm sad to admit that my lack of experience in gambling problems has led me to post something that has obviously made it worse for you. My suggestion was more along the lines of making coffee in a thermos flask and spending the day out with someone; you don't need a Ferrari to accomplish that. I think I'll bow out for now, hoping it'll get better for you
Take care,
Matt
Take care,
Matt
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Aldo,
Finances have been a huge strain for me these last 7 months since my bf moved out. I work, but make enough to scarcely cover the bills. I'm still sober and clean, though. If I go back out and drink or use, I'll dig myself into even deeper financial misery. I try my hardest not to get caught up in it though, as worry won't pay the bills. I'll just keep paying things off, a little at a time.
I agree with Matt, you don't need money or fast cars to take a girl out. Spending time together doesn't need to cost anything. If the girl(s) thinks differently, then I wouldn't be spending time with them anyway!
Good thoughts going out to you, Aldo.
Finances have been a huge strain for me these last 7 months since my bf moved out. I work, but make enough to scarcely cover the bills. I'm still sober and clean, though. If I go back out and drink or use, I'll dig myself into even deeper financial misery. I try my hardest not to get caught up in it though, as worry won't pay the bills. I'll just keep paying things off, a little at a time.
I agree with Matt, you don't need money or fast cars to take a girl out. Spending time together doesn't need to cost anything. If the girl(s) thinks differently, then I wouldn't be spending time with them anyway!
Good thoughts going out to you, Aldo.
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