AA Too much drama?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: RI
Posts: 31
AA Too much drama?
I've been rolling this around in my head for some time now and just thought I would put it out there.
Here is some background...I'm almost sixty, been a heavy drinker for more than forty years (though I quit once for ten years). I've never been arrested, no car crashes, no fights, been married for 33 years, good job for 22 years, house is paid for, and no bad habits other than drinking every night. I haven't hurt another person, plant, or thing, and I'm a happy drunk when I drink. However, I know I'm an alcoholic.
I've been going to AA meetings since last summer and quit drinking just a month ago. I generally just sit there and listen and I'm reluctant to tell my story because it will seem so undramatic. I listen to stories of guys who just got out of prison, people who have lost their families, DUI's, deadly car crashes, even one guy who killed someone in a bar fight. I've tried other meetings but I find the same thing. Must be a rough place around here. Then there are the other people with many years of sobriety so I don't seem to fit in with either crowd.
Anyway, I'm wondering how long I can continue to go to these meetings and just sit there without "sharing". I look forward to going to the meetings but I don't want the others to begin to resent me.
Thanks for listening,
Sportster
Here is some background...I'm almost sixty, been a heavy drinker for more than forty years (though I quit once for ten years). I've never been arrested, no car crashes, no fights, been married for 33 years, good job for 22 years, house is paid for, and no bad habits other than drinking every night. I haven't hurt another person, plant, or thing, and I'm a happy drunk when I drink. However, I know I'm an alcoholic.
I've been going to AA meetings since last summer and quit drinking just a month ago. I generally just sit there and listen and I'm reluctant to tell my story because it will seem so undramatic. I listen to stories of guys who just got out of prison, people who have lost their families, DUI's, deadly car crashes, even one guy who killed someone in a bar fight. I've tried other meetings but I find the same thing. Must be a rough place around here. Then there are the other people with many years of sobriety so I don't seem to fit in with either crowd.
Anyway, I'm wondering how long I can continue to go to these meetings and just sit there without "sharing". I look forward to going to the meetings but I don't want the others to begin to resent me.
Thanks for listening,
Sportster
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
I think there might be people who will be glad that you did not go through alot of drama while drinking. I think it should be more about recovery than horror stories. But that is the way I see it.
When I went to my first AA meetings years ago, that is most of what I heard was horror stories. Sometimes Drama gets to much attention.
When I went to my first AA meetings years ago, that is most of what I heard was horror stories. Sometimes Drama gets to much attention.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi!
I found the same thing to be true when I was going to a lot of speaker meetings. I found a wonderful BB meeting, which is were everyone takes turns reading parts of the Big Book, and this keeps the sharing focused on what we've read, and solutions that worked for folks. You might want to hit one of those meetings up and see if there's less drama.
Do you have a sponsor? Might be time to get one and get to work on the Steps..
Good luck to you!
Karen
I found the same thing to be true when I was going to a lot of speaker meetings. I found a wonderful BB meeting, which is were everyone takes turns reading parts of the Big Book, and this keeps the sharing focused on what we've read, and solutions that worked for folks. You might want to hit one of those meetings up and see if there's less drama.
Do you have a sponsor? Might be time to get one and get to work on the Steps..
Good luck to you!
Karen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi there 
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If you have that desire, and it sounds like you do, you are in the right place.
It's difficult not to compare ourselves and our stories with others, especially in early sobriety, but it's imperative that we do our best to identify only - with the feelings and perhaps the insanity of alcoholic drinking that is shared.
When I first went to AA, I too heard the stories of pain and suffering, and the tragedy. I thought perhaps I didn't belong either. I hadn't hit that sort of bottom, and I know today that I don't need to.
I hope this helps. I also hope that you continue to attend meetings, and that you begin reaching out to others.
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If you have that desire, and it sounds like you do, you are in the right place.
It's difficult not to compare ourselves and our stories with others, especially in early sobriety, but it's imperative that we do our best to identify only - with the feelings and perhaps the insanity of alcoholic drinking that is shared.
When I first went to AA, I too heard the stories of pain and suffering, and the tragedy. I thought perhaps I didn't belong either. I hadn't hit that sort of bottom, and I know today that I don't need to.
I hope this helps. I also hope that you continue to attend meetings, and that you begin reaching out to others.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I never got a DUI, never crashed a car, and never lost a job.
I've found that the more I focus on the differences in meetings, the less I get out of them.
People aren't there to judge you or resent you. They are there to get help and to reach out to others.
I also found that just sitting in meetings didn't do much for my sobriety. Eventually I had to become active in my own recovery, and that included getting a sponsor, working the steps, and working with others
There's always the option of getting back out there full force with your drinking till you do experience some of those things.
I have no doubt all those things I haven't experienced are in my 'yet' (You are Eligible Too) bag should I choose to drink again!
I've found that the more I focus on the differences in meetings, the less I get out of them.
People aren't there to judge you or resent you. They are there to get help and to reach out to others.
I also found that just sitting in meetings didn't do much for my sobriety. Eventually I had to become active in my own recovery, and that included getting a sponsor, working the steps, and working with others
There's always the option of getting back out there full force with your drinking till you do experience some of those things.
I have no doubt all those things I haven't experienced are in my 'yet' (You are Eligible Too) bag should I choose to drink again!
Anxiety King
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 403
Sportster, I understand where you're coming from. Many times at speaker meetings I'll catch myself thinking "Whoa! I never got that bad". But even with speakers who I really don't have anything in common with, I almost always take something away from their talk that helps me in my sobriety.
Other than the desire to quit drinking, the other common thread I've noticed in alcoholics (whether they were in jail, or just drank at home) is that they're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can relate to that. Remembering that keeps me from worrying what other think when I share, and I figure that there's probably at least one other person there that can relate to my situation. So don't get to hung up on sharing. Just do it when it feels right for you.
Other than the desire to quit drinking, the other common thread I've noticed in alcoholics (whether they were in jail, or just drank at home) is that they're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can relate to that. Remembering that keeps me from worrying what other think when I share, and I figure that there's probably at least one other person there that can relate to my situation. So don't get to hung up on sharing. Just do it when it feels right for you.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Must be a rough place around here. Then there are the other people with many years of sobriety so I don't seem to fit in with either crowd.
Anyway, I'm wondering how long I can continue to go to these meetings and just sit there without "sharing". I look forward to going to the meetings but I don't want the others to begin to resent me.
Anyway, I'm wondering how long I can continue to go to these meetings and just sit there without "sharing". I look forward to going to the meetings but I don't want the others to begin to resent me.
I remember once when I was on a speaking commitment, someone came up to me afterwards and said, "What a horror story." I was taken aback, because I thought it was pretty tame compared to others I had heard.
You know, there just might be someone out there who is just hankering to hear a dull story with which to identify! You owe it to yourself and all those other "dull alcoholics" to share your own story of recovery: how it was, what happened, and how it is today.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
There will always be people with more drama as well as people with less drama. What brings us all together is our inability to stop drinking. You have been drinking heavy for more then 40 years. You have earned your seat in AA.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Sportster, thank you for this thread. I've yet to attend a meeting, and this is one of my concerns. I'm young and -at a glance- supposedly have plenty going for me, so I'm nervous of simply not fitting in. However, thanks to this community, I've found that's not the case at all. It's a relief and a responsibility to know that "we are all needed here, including you" as someone told me recently. I'm still mulling AA, but think I'm a step closer to actually going thanks to you guys.
Matt
Matt
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmm...
I share my experiences
in the hope someone will be helped.
Just like on SR...
some people will connect
some will not identify.
I share for me too...
.to keep my forward movement
and refresh my program.
Good to see you again Sportster!
I share my experiences
in the hope someone will be helped.
Just like on SR...
some people will connect
some will not identify.
I share for me too....to keep my forward movement
and refresh my program.
Good to see you again Sportster!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
My experience is that meetings are about sharing experience, strength, and hope. Your story is an example of that. There are many people who are able to find AA before the things like DUI's, bankruptcy, car wrecks, jail, etc.... You are one of the fortunate ones. That shows there is hope that it can be done. You are staying sober right now. That means that you have something worth sharing. Share on how you stay sober each day. What do you do to maintain your spiritual connection? How did you deal with frustrations, or challenges this past week? What are you grateful for? What brought you to AA, even though you had not lost everything (I am sure there is a story there worth hearing)?
Hang in there. You never know who's life you are touching by sharing. Don't worry about what others think, share from you heart. That is when sharing is truly worth hearing. Don't sit there and plan what you are going to say. I have found that what works best for me is when I am called on to say a simple and quick prayer of "God, help me to say what you would have me say" or "God, help me do your will" then I just open my mouth and share what is in my heart. I do the same thing when I share here at SR. It works for me. I encourage you to give it a try.
Take care. Stay sober and keep coming back
Hang in there. You never know who's life you are touching by sharing. Don't worry about what others think, share from you heart. That is when sharing is truly worth hearing. Don't sit there and plan what you are going to say. I have found that what works best for me is when I am called on to say a simple and quick prayer of "God, help me to say what you would have me say" or "God, help me do your will" then I just open my mouth and share what is in my heart. I do the same thing when I share here at SR. It works for me. I encourage you to give it a try.
Take care. Stay sober and keep coming back
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
no one will resent you, i can pretty much guarantee that. alcoholics like to hear the sound of their own voice enough not to resent a quiet man. 
kidding, kidding... a little. no, but anyway.
when i read the title of this thread, i was thinking about drama in the fellowship. it never occurs to me to look at others' sharing as 'dramatic'. i look at it as i would a story, and see that they're still there, regardless. there's a guy who goes to a meeting i frequent. he's older, and has quite a bit of time. he doesn't share every meeting, but when he does he makes the point that he IS an alcoholic, and that he loves his life sober, not because terrible tragic things happened to him when he was drinking, but because of all the amazing things that have happened in sobriety. i love him. in fact, i gave him a big hug just last night and thanked him for sharing. there will be folks you'll get close to, even if they seem unlikely. i'm 23. he's gotta be in his late 60s, early 70s. regardless, we're both alcoholics, and that's enough to unite us.
(i'm a bit of an AA cheerleader, in case you didn't notice.)
kidding, kidding... a little. no, but anyway.when i read the title of this thread, i was thinking about drama in the fellowship. it never occurs to me to look at others' sharing as 'dramatic'. i look at it as i would a story, and see that they're still there, regardless. there's a guy who goes to a meeting i frequent. he's older, and has quite a bit of time. he doesn't share every meeting, but when he does he makes the point that he IS an alcoholic, and that he loves his life sober, not because terrible tragic things happened to him when he was drinking, but because of all the amazing things that have happened in sobriety. i love him. in fact, i gave him a big hug just last night and thanked him for sharing. there will be folks you'll get close to, even if they seem unlikely. i'm 23. he's gotta be in his late 60s, early 70s. regardless, we're both alcoholics, and that's enough to unite us.
(i'm a bit of an AA cheerleader, in case you didn't notice.
)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 60
Hi Sportster,
I went to AA a few years ago and had the same reaction as you. However I read somewhere on this site something that has blown my mind and been so helpful....it's not how much you drink or how often, it's what happens after you have taken the first drink that makes you an alcoholic.
It made me realise I was one. Once I have one I need more.
I can't go to AA now as some of my clients go (I'm a therapist) but I have a brilliant therapist and see her individually and in a group.
GG
I went to AA a few years ago and had the same reaction as you. However I read somewhere on this site something that has blown my mind and been so helpful....it's not how much you drink or how often, it's what happens after you have taken the first drink that makes you an alcoholic.
It made me realise I was one. Once I have one I need more.I can't go to AA now as some of my clients go (I'm a therapist) but I have a brilliant therapist and see her individually and in a group.
GG
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi Sportster,
When I first went to AA I found it very easy to convince myself that I didn't fit in. I thought that I was just a bump on a log and my story was not that exciting. An oldtimer asked me if I thought it made sense to go out and try to get a better one. Say a few years in jail, a DUI, maybe an assault or two. I soon realized that being a "garden variety" drunk suited me just fine. My case of terminal uniqueness ended then and there.
Mike
When I first went to AA I found it very easy to convince myself that I didn't fit in. I thought that I was just a bump on a log and my story was not that exciting. An oldtimer asked me if I thought it made sense to go out and try to get a better one. Say a few years in jail, a DUI, maybe an assault or two. I soon realized that being a "garden variety" drunk suited me just fine. My case of terminal uniqueness ended then and there.
Mike
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I can't go to AA now as some of my clients go (I'm a therapist) but I have a brilliant therapist and see her individually and in a group.
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
Right, it's not about who has the bigger, um, bottom. :-)
Mine was fairly tame if I compare outright circumstances to what I have heard in the rooms.
Mine was fairly tame if I compare outright circumstances to what I have heard in the rooms.
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
Sportster, We each have our own story, it's not a compitition of who has the most dramatic story. If you feel your and alcoholic you are an alcoholic.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Looked for the introduction page, couldn't find one, figured this was as good a place as any to enter the discussion.
Sportster, If I could stay sober without AA I would, I tried (30yrs.), I can't.
The fellowship works two ways; giving and recieving...talking and listening....
Listening is probably the most important thing I can do. When people show up with something bothering them somebody has to be there to listen, I owe AA that!!
I have to face the fact that I'm just not that important. People don't stay sober because of anything I do or say. I believe most people that stay sober have the answers inside themselves and just need to sound them out, in a meeting or with a sponsor. I know that's how it works for me....JMO
Sportster, If I could stay sober without AA I would, I tried (30yrs.), I can't.
The fellowship works two ways; giving and recieving...talking and listening....
Listening is probably the most important thing I can do. When people show up with something bothering them somebody has to be there to listen, I owe AA that!!
I have to face the fact that I'm just not that important. People don't stay sober because of anything I do or say. I believe most people that stay sober have the answers inside themselves and just need to sound them out, in a meeting or with a sponsor. I know that's how it works for me....JMO
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