So, I'm going to a local A.A meeting tonight
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 984
WOW! Jules. what a description of events.
I just now watched you walking past those people smoking and I could see your head hanging down. You looked so sad. Then I asw you walk into the hall and give a look of confusion as if to say, " why are they all laughing ". I heard you speak and I saw you leave, almost in a hurry. I'll bet everyone who just read that saw the same thing.
You descibed that so well.
You should write a book. I know someone has told you that before.
You truly have a gift.
Jules I am so proud of you. You took the bull by the horns and dove in head first. I want to weep for you that makes me so happy.
Go back and I bet you see the same people there wanting to talk and share more.
Be proud of yourself and keep it up.
I just now watched you walking past those people smoking and I could see your head hanging down. You looked so sad. Then I asw you walk into the hall and give a look of confusion as if to say, " why are they all laughing ". I heard you speak and I saw you leave, almost in a hurry. I'll bet everyone who just read that saw the same thing.
You descibed that so well.
You should write a book. I know someone has told you that before.
You truly have a gift.
Jules I am so proud of you. You took the bull by the horns and dove in head first. I want to weep for you that makes me so happy.
Go back and I bet you see the same people there wanting to talk and share more.
Be proud of yourself and keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Ok......I got teary eyed too. I even shared the part about the moment of silence to my husband.
Yes, we have been praying for you. Just as they were praying for me before I got there. What an awesome deal recovery is. There is so much more to it than not drinking.
You wrote your experiences and your feelings beautifully.
Yes, we have been praying for you. Just as they were praying for me before I got there. What an awesome deal recovery is. There is so much more to it than not drinking.
You wrote your experiences and your feelings beautifully.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,415
Teary-eyed here too - that's a lovely piece of writing, and it took me back to my first meeting too. And you summarised it exactly the same way I did -
As I was reading you Jules it struck me - anything that can take away that feeling of being alone, that feeling that was so fundamental to us for so long- well, that's a Higher Power right there.
Thanks for sharing.
I didn't feel so alone anymore and their stories were something I could relate to so well.
Thanks for sharing.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
It's a step meeting and for some reason I think God planned it this way-they were back to doing Step 1.
The reason for the quote Jules was to let you know that the whole meeting was just for you!!!!
In a step meeting no matter what step the group had planned on working that meeting, if a newcomer comes in the whole meeting starts off right where the newcomer is....... STEP ONE! Each meeting will progress through the steps all the way through step 12........ unless a newcomer comes into the room, then every one knows that the purpose of the meeting has changed, the meeting is the newcomers meeting and once again we return to STEP ONE!
Jules newcomers are the life blood of AA, without the newcomer AA would slowly die and a lot of us would get drunk again, you see I/we need you, we need to keep green in our minds exactly how we felt when we first walked in those doors, for me I need to remember just how messed up I really was before alcohol forced me into detox and then detox said go to AA if you want to stay sober! You help me remember all of the pain that alcohol brought to me, the shame, the guilt, the hopelessness...... the utter feeling of being lost and alone! If I/we forget how it felt we are walking on thin ice!
Jules thank you for bringing that all back to me so vividly, thanks for helping me and many others to stay sober today! Thank you for bringing me to tears as the old memories & feelings of just over a year ago flood back! I shed tears of joy for you as well, keep in mind that sobriety is not a destination, it is a journey that we take hand in hand with each other and our Higher Powers one simple day at a time. We simply have today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is out of reach.
I really loved your post, thanks again.
BTW My name is Martin and I am an alcoholic. :-)
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I didn't have the same feeling of foreboding you did walking into my first AA meeting...I had already been to some meetings with my nephew who was in recovery...and, they were all Open Speaker, so there wasn't the same atmosphere of face to face. By the time I quit drinking and went to my first "official" AA meeting, I was already broken in.
But, how fortunate for you that this was a closed meeting where the members were the kind of people to rally 'round, make you feel comfortable, and leave you wanting to come back!
"Thank you, God, for teaching me to laugh again; but, don't ever let me forget how I cried."
But, how fortunate for you that this was a closed meeting where the members were the kind of people to rally 'round, make you feel comfortable, and leave you wanting to come back!
I get into the hallway and can hear people talking in the room.They're laughing.WTF?I thought this was serious business.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Damn, I just applied this mascara....
....and now it's rolling down my cheeks. Jules, such courage to go to the meeting, and courage to tell us how you truly felt afterwards. So easy it would have been to cop out of both things. You had the courage to say you were an alcholic in the meeting, and you didn't just get through it, you actually got something out of it and plan to go back! These are things I didn't do - and you make me feel like I should try again. Everyone else has already said it better, but we commend you and are so proud of you. I do believe drinking sucks the life out of us and takes our personality away - but yours will come back and then you'll share with these people when you are ready! Sounds like you found a really good group of the "in person" variety & you'll always have the cyber meetings too! Love, Joanie
P.S. It was the prayer for the other alcoholics thing that made the maybelline run....
P.S. It was the prayer for the other alcoholics thing that made the maybelline run....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thank you all, again, for your responses to my post.Sharing with you helps me so much and I hope in some way helps you also.The power of that meeting experience is still with me, the most important part being I no longer feel so alone.This is huge for me.I feel such an immense sense of relief-to have be out in the open about who I am in front of people and I take such a comfort in knowing I belong, that people really do understand, that I am not the failure I thought I was.
I don't know if you're interested, but I have loved this song since I first heard it a few years ago-and I listened to it again this morning and just cried because it is so appropriate to recovery.I've shared it with a few people here before via e mail-but wanted to at least post the lyrics because it was so true of my experience at the meeting.If you can manage to find it on iTunes do have a listen-it's worth it or pm me. I couldn't sum it up better myself.
Thank you all so much for being here and listening to me.You have my love,
Julesxox
'Out in the open' - Amy Grant
They were the sweetest words I'd ever heard
My heart could barely take it in
Like water offered to the lips
Of a tired and thirsty man
Cos it's a tangled web of woven
I don't know all the reasons
But it amazes me to wake up
To your mercy every morning
So I'm standing here and spinning around
In the fields of freedom
And I'm still alive and reaching out
And I can feel the healing
Cos you say
Come on out
Come on out
Out in the open
Come on out
Come on out
Into the light
There is no jury
There is no judge
Ready and waiting
Are the steady arms of love
For the sake of never making waves
I kept my secrets to myself
And no one ever really knew the
Darker shadows of my heart
But I will be a witness that
There's nothing in me dark enough
The power of forgiveness
Cannot resuce from the deep
So I'm standing here spinning around
In the fields of freedom
And I'm still alive and reaching out
And I can feel the healing
And you say
Come on out
Come on out
Out in the open
Come on out
Come on out
Into the light
There is no jury
There is no judge
Ready and waiting
Are a steady arms of love
I don't know if you're interested, but I have loved this song since I first heard it a few years ago-and I listened to it again this morning and just cried because it is so appropriate to recovery.I've shared it with a few people here before via e mail-but wanted to at least post the lyrics because it was so true of my experience at the meeting.If you can manage to find it on iTunes do have a listen-it's worth it or pm me. I couldn't sum it up better myself.
Thank you all so much for being here and listening to me.You have my love,
Julesxox
'Out in the open' - Amy Grant
They were the sweetest words I'd ever heard
My heart could barely take it in
Like water offered to the lips
Of a tired and thirsty man
Cos it's a tangled web of woven
I don't know all the reasons
But it amazes me to wake up
To your mercy every morning
So I'm standing here and spinning around
In the fields of freedom
And I'm still alive and reaching out
And I can feel the healing
Cos you say
Come on out
Come on out
Out in the open
Come on out
Come on out
Into the light
There is no jury
There is no judge
Ready and waiting
Are the steady arms of love
For the sake of never making waves
I kept my secrets to myself
And no one ever really knew the
Darker shadows of my heart
But I will be a witness that
There's nothing in me dark enough
The power of forgiveness
Cannot resuce from the deep
So I'm standing here spinning around
In the fields of freedom
And I'm still alive and reaching out
And I can feel the healing
And you say
Come on out
Come on out
Out in the open
Come on out
Come on out
Into the light
There is no jury
There is no judge
Ready and waiting
Are a steady arms of love
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Jules. I was going to tell you what Taz said about how they did Step 1 just for you. I remember realising that they did that for me too when a newer newcomer came in and - yes - back to Step 1 we went.
Taz explained it so well. I was afraid I might put it wrong and spoil the surprise.
I was so grateful when I realised.
Taz explained it so well. I was afraid I might put it wrong and spoil the surprise.
I was so grateful when I realised.
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