So, I'm going to a local A.A meeting tonight
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Jules,
I'm glad that you are trying it out...I know that you'll feel welcomed. I didn't want to go to any old AA meetings either, but, darn it, nothing else was working. I'm really glad that I did, cause it's working!
Tell us how it goes..
Karen
I'm glad that you are trying it out...I know that you'll feel welcomed. I didn't want to go to any old AA meetings either, but, darn it, nothing else was working. I'm really glad that I did, cause it's working!
Tell us how it goes..
Karen
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
*picking self up off floor now*. Jules.. I just saw this now. WOWZA!!! I went and thanked ever one of your posts in this thread. Do you know why? I don't know either lol. All I can say is I am very pleased for you hun. I'm thrilled, proud and hopeful 
.
?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
God you're an impatient bunch-LOL.I was just writing it up! Here ya go (try to stay awake-it's long-because-it's ALL about me-LOL)
So..I arrived in the parking lot outside where the meeting took place and sat in my car for a good 10 minutes unable to believe I was actually there.I get out of my car and walk towards the huge clouds of smoke emmanating form the smokers hanging around outside.I'm too scared to look at any of them but I know I have to walk through them in order to get through the door.
I am walking head down feeling-well-sheer terror by this point.As I walk past them several people say 'Hi' . I mumble back hi and want to run back to my car.I'm feeling appalled at my shyness.Anyone who has known me knows I am usually 'out there-happy go lucky- talk to anyone Jules.What has this disease done to me?
I get into the hallway and can hear people talking in the room.They're laughing.WTF?I thought this was serious business.I stop in my tracks and suddenly think-I can't do it.Once I walk into that room I'll die(crazy thinking-but true) I feel so socially backward and want to slap myself.I'm just plain terrified-rooted to the spot.Fight or flight..A woman walks past the doorway and sees me standing there like a stunned mullet-and says cheerily 'Hi!You here for the meeting?' I go quietly-'Yes' she walks towards me and reaches out her hand to shake mine and introduces herself saying she is so glad I came and tells me to come on in.She offers me coffee-introduces me to 3 other women and they ask me if I have been before.I tell them no-this is my first meeting.
I then wonder if AAers have a secret form of communication type ESP because I was then literally surrounded by people welcoming me-telling me how brave I was to have come and how AA had saved their lives and that it could do the same for me. I feel encouraged and overwhelmed with sadness at their understanding at the same time but I will NOT cry.Oh no.Not me.I take my coffee and stare at the floor while they chat with me.I feel like a social ****** but they just keep reaching out.
It's a step meeting and for some reason I think God planned it this way-they were back to doing Step 1.You have to laugh don't you?How appropriate.We all sit in a circle and the meeting starts.I know most of you know the usual way meetings start but I have to say-I had no idea about some of it.
I was fine and holding it together until the chairperson said 'And now we will have a minutes silence for all the alcoholics out there still suffering' and this huge bubble of sadness in me rose up unexpectedly and I started to cry(but stopped myself really quickly-I NEVER cry in public) It was just the thought that-for the past year while I was drinking myself towards death-in meetings all over the place-someone had actually thought of me-a suffering alcoholic-with kindness and compassion while all I've done is hate myself for being so weak.It was a touching, unexpected moment.It still touches me this morning.I have felt so alone.
I didn't share except when they asked if there were any newcomers(almost moot really-given they all knew each other and I was so obviously the newbie-LOL) and I managed to say 'Hi I'm Jules-this is my first meeting-and I'm an alcoholic' while staring at the floor. I don't know if it takes a while to get used to-but did any of you almost jump out of your seat when you get the resounding cheery 'HI JULES!' in response?LOL Maybe it's just me?
Anyway-we each had a step book and we went round the circle-each reading a paragraph.My turn came and (of course) it was the bit about how the suffering alcoholic has a rapacious disease that will not let them go unless they surrender to a Higher Power.Not at all apt for me.Oh no.Not at all....LOL
After that-people were called on to share.What I found heartwarming was so many of them spoke directly to me-because it was my first meeting-but they also said that seeing someone new reminded them of their first step and they wanted to give me hope that I never have to drink again and I can get through this.I was both touched yet embarassed.I can't believe how shy I was.But it meant so much to be addressed.I didn't feel so alone anymore and their stories were something I could relate to so well.
In some ways it felt surreal.I think I was still trying to grasp that I was actually there but I felt so relieved to be in the company of others who knew what it is like-and from whom I didn't have to hide. Alcohol is no respecter of persons is it?In that room was everything from corporate businesspeople to a former gang member yet we all suffer from the same thing.
After the meeting several women offered me their phone numbers and encouraged me to come back.I almost hung around outside with the smokers-I actually wanted to-but I just couldn't process anymore.As I was walking through them-I just said 'Thank you all for sharing tonight.It helped'And they all just said how great it was to meet me and, of course, to keep coming back.I walked towards my car wishing I'd stayed and chatted but I just seem to have lost my ability to do that confidently yet-face to face.It terrifies me and I never thought I'd be this way.But I am-for now.
I'm still processing it all this morning.I was struck by the humility of them all and by their honesty-some of it quite brutal about what this disease has done to them.But mostly, I was struck by the sense of hope they all had.That there is a solution.That it doesn't have to be this way.
I'll be going back.
If you got through all of this and didn't fall asleep?Thank you for listening to me.
Much love to you all,
Julesxox
So..I arrived in the parking lot outside where the meeting took place and sat in my car for a good 10 minutes unable to believe I was actually there.I get out of my car and walk towards the huge clouds of smoke emmanating form the smokers hanging around outside.I'm too scared to look at any of them but I know I have to walk through them in order to get through the door.
I am walking head down feeling-well-sheer terror by this point.As I walk past them several people say 'Hi' . I mumble back hi and want to run back to my car.I'm feeling appalled at my shyness.Anyone who has known me knows I am usually 'out there-happy go lucky- talk to anyone Jules.What has this disease done to me?
I get into the hallway and can hear people talking in the room.They're laughing.WTF?I thought this was serious business.I stop in my tracks and suddenly think-I can't do it.Once I walk into that room I'll die(crazy thinking-but true) I feel so socially backward and want to slap myself.I'm just plain terrified-rooted to the spot.Fight or flight..A woman walks past the doorway and sees me standing there like a stunned mullet-and says cheerily 'Hi!You here for the meeting?' I go quietly-'Yes' she walks towards me and reaches out her hand to shake mine and introduces herself saying she is so glad I came and tells me to come on in.She offers me coffee-introduces me to 3 other women and they ask me if I have been before.I tell them no-this is my first meeting.
I then wonder if AAers have a secret form of communication type ESP because I was then literally surrounded by people welcoming me-telling me how brave I was to have come and how AA had saved their lives and that it could do the same for me. I feel encouraged and overwhelmed with sadness at their understanding at the same time but I will NOT cry.Oh no.Not me.I take my coffee and stare at the floor while they chat with me.I feel like a social ****** but they just keep reaching out.
It's a step meeting and for some reason I think God planned it this way-they were back to doing Step 1.You have to laugh don't you?How appropriate.We all sit in a circle and the meeting starts.I know most of you know the usual way meetings start but I have to say-I had no idea about some of it.
I was fine and holding it together until the chairperson said 'And now we will have a minutes silence for all the alcoholics out there still suffering' and this huge bubble of sadness in me rose up unexpectedly and I started to cry(but stopped myself really quickly-I NEVER cry in public) It was just the thought that-for the past year while I was drinking myself towards death-in meetings all over the place-someone had actually thought of me-a suffering alcoholic-with kindness and compassion while all I've done is hate myself for being so weak.It was a touching, unexpected moment.It still touches me this morning.I have felt so alone.
I didn't share except when they asked if there were any newcomers(almost moot really-given they all knew each other and I was so obviously the newbie-LOL) and I managed to say 'Hi I'm Jules-this is my first meeting-and I'm an alcoholic' while staring at the floor. I don't know if it takes a while to get used to-but did any of you almost jump out of your seat when you get the resounding cheery 'HI JULES!' in response?LOL Maybe it's just me?
Anyway-we each had a step book and we went round the circle-each reading a paragraph.My turn came and (of course) it was the bit about how the suffering alcoholic has a rapacious disease that will not let them go unless they surrender to a Higher Power.Not at all apt for me.Oh no.Not at all....LOL
After that-people were called on to share.What I found heartwarming was so many of them spoke directly to me-because it was my first meeting-but they also said that seeing someone new reminded them of their first step and they wanted to give me hope that I never have to drink again and I can get through this.I was both touched yet embarassed.I can't believe how shy I was.But it meant so much to be addressed.I didn't feel so alone anymore and their stories were something I could relate to so well.
In some ways it felt surreal.I think I was still trying to grasp that I was actually there but I felt so relieved to be in the company of others who knew what it is like-and from whom I didn't have to hide. Alcohol is no respecter of persons is it?In that room was everything from corporate businesspeople to a former gang member yet we all suffer from the same thing.
After the meeting several women offered me their phone numbers and encouraged me to come back.I almost hung around outside with the smokers-I actually wanted to-but I just couldn't process anymore.As I was walking through them-I just said 'Thank you all for sharing tonight.It helped'And they all just said how great it was to meet me and, of course, to keep coming back.I walked towards my car wishing I'd stayed and chatted but I just seem to have lost my ability to do that confidently yet-face to face.It terrifies me and I never thought I'd be this way.But I am-for now.
I'm still processing it all this morning.I was struck by the humility of them all and by their honesty-some of it quite brutal about what this disease has done to them.But mostly, I was struck by the sense of hope they all had.That there is a solution.That it doesn't have to be this way.
I'll be going back.
If you got through all of this and didn't fall asleep?Thank you for listening to me.
Much love to you all,
Julesxox
!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
but did any of you almost jump out of your seat when you get the resounding cheery 'HI JULES!' in response?LOL Maybe it's just me?
Sounds like a great first meeting to me. Glad youre going back Jules.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Jey Jules Im so proud of you and yes when I went to a meeting all by myself I sat in the car and had a cry. Im off on my own tonight and Im still a bit scared but Im dertimed as I know Im weak and powerless over alcohol and I need people who know ecautly what Im going through to get better.
Thanks for sharing
thinking of you
Ang
Thanks for sharing
thinking of you
Ang
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Oh Jules, humility and honesty are exactly it.
Alcoholism knocks the socks off us and we end up feeling like you did at the meeting tonight - like we're new and unsure and that's what brings us back to the humility and honesty. I used those two things to help me rebuild myself. I'm very happy that you had such a positive experience!
Alcoholism knocks the socks off us and we end up feeling like you did at the meeting tonight - like we're new and unsure and that's what brings us back to the humility and honesty. I used those two things to help me rebuild myself. I'm very happy that you had such a positive experience!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Wow - what a remember when, reading about your experience, Jules.
I'm proud of you for going, despite feeling so awkward and shy. I know what that can be like. And I'm so glad you will be going back.
Way to go - and as my first sponsor said to me (at my first meeting) 'Get ready for a life way beyond your wildest dreams'
She was right.
Much love,
Row xoxo
I'm proud of you for going, despite feeling so awkward and shy. I know what that can be like. And I'm so glad you will be going back.
Way to go - and as my first sponsor said to me (at my first meeting) 'Get ready for a life way beyond your wildest dreams'
She was right.
Much love,
Row xoxo
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Originally Posted by Jules62 
I get into the hallway and can hear people talking in the room.They're laughing.WTF?I thought this was serious business.
That's the great thing about AA, being in a roomful of people and laughing our @sses off about the sick things we did, understanding that we have so much in common.
OMG Jules it was so wonderful to read about your experience, it took me back to my first AA meetings. Heck, I even got a little choked up just reading it.
I'm soooo happy for you, and hope you have a life that's at the very least as rich as the one so many of us have found in sobriety.
Well done Jules!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I've recovered enough to say - this is the best post I've ever seen you write...and there have been brilliant ones. To hear this, to share in it with you, was just...amizing.
It made my day too, Jules
thank you
D
It made my day too, Jules
thank you
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
I am so proud of you!!!!!!
Made me remember my first meeting
I didn't share except when they asked if there were any newcomers(almost moot really-given they all knew each other and I was so obviously the newbie-LOL) and I managed to say 'Hi I'm Jules-this is my first meeting-and I'm an alcoholic' while staring at the floor. I don't know if it takes a while to get used to-but did any of you almost jump out of your seat when you get the resounding cheery 'HI JULES!' in response?LOL Maybe it's just me?
that made me cry at my meeting it scared me so badly!!!!!!!!
Made me remember my first meeting
I didn't share except when they asked if there were any newcomers(almost moot really-given they all knew each other and I was so obviously the newbie-LOL) and I managed to say 'Hi I'm Jules-this is my first meeting-and I'm an alcoholic' while staring at the floor. I don't know if it takes a while to get used to-but did any of you almost jump out of your seat when you get the resounding cheery 'HI JULES!' in response?LOL Maybe it's just me?
that made me cry at my meeting it scared me so badly!!!!!!!!
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