House full of alcohol - I don't think I'm going to make it
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
House full of alcohol - I don't think I'm going to make it
Hi everyone,
I'm relatively new, my first post was a few weeks ago and I was completely drunk when I wrote it. It took me a few days to even read what I wrote let alone look at the responses, but everyone was so incredibly kind (THANK YOU ALL). I quit about a week later - going on 11 days now - but there is a case of beer in the fridge, a bottle of wine and a 5th of scotch on the counter. I can see the scotch from here where I'm typing.
I'm not going to be able to do this. It's like one of those crazy diets where you eat nothing but grapefruit; yeah you lose weight but who can maintain it such a thing??
The last time I quit it lasted 8 weeks. No one said "great!", instead it was, "what's wrong with you?" I felt better, but I guess I was different... I spent a lot of time walking/jogging (exercise helps me) and it took away from my normal routine. I feel like I'm in some wierd backwards place. Usually, your family WANTS you to quit, maybe even throws some ultimatums out there. My husband absolutely does not want me to quit, because he doesn't want to. My family doesn't know (and NONE of them drink), but apparently they too like the buzzed me better.
I've made it this long because of so many people out there taking their time to be nice to a stranger. I'm still too scaired to go to a meeting or a doctor. At first, I was just concentrating on not dying from withdrawals and so grateful that by some stroke of luck they weren't so bad this time except for the insomnia. Now, I'm not sure anymore. I haven't slept and it's getting really hard to think.
Hevyn posted something in another thread (thank you so much Hevyn for sharing something so painfull) and I keep re-reading it when I get desperate - like now.
Anyway, it's 1:30am, I can't sleep and I'm not going to make it. The drunk me is a fun, helpfull ass kisser, the sober me not so much.
One of the big signs you have a problem is when it disrupts your life, and when people close to you bring up your drinking, right? How about when being sober disrupts your life, and nobody likes you this way?
Also, can I reasonably expect to stay sober with a shot and a beer 12ft away??
Sorry this is so long and rambling. It's late, I want a drink, and I guess I'm being a selfish ass feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for listening,
Kristy
I'm relatively new, my first post was a few weeks ago and I was completely drunk when I wrote it. It took me a few days to even read what I wrote let alone look at the responses, but everyone was so incredibly kind (THANK YOU ALL). I quit about a week later - going on 11 days now - but there is a case of beer in the fridge, a bottle of wine and a 5th of scotch on the counter. I can see the scotch from here where I'm typing.
I'm not going to be able to do this. It's like one of those crazy diets where you eat nothing but grapefruit; yeah you lose weight but who can maintain it such a thing??
The last time I quit it lasted 8 weeks. No one said "great!", instead it was, "what's wrong with you?" I felt better, but I guess I was different... I spent a lot of time walking/jogging (exercise helps me) and it took away from my normal routine. I feel like I'm in some wierd backwards place. Usually, your family WANTS you to quit, maybe even throws some ultimatums out there. My husband absolutely does not want me to quit, because he doesn't want to. My family doesn't know (and NONE of them drink), but apparently they too like the buzzed me better.
I've made it this long because of so many people out there taking their time to be nice to a stranger. I'm still too scaired to go to a meeting or a doctor. At first, I was just concentrating on not dying from withdrawals and so grateful that by some stroke of luck they weren't so bad this time except for the insomnia. Now, I'm not sure anymore. I haven't slept and it's getting really hard to think.
Hevyn posted something in another thread (thank you so much Hevyn for sharing something so painfull) and I keep re-reading it when I get desperate - like now.
Anyway, it's 1:30am, I can't sleep and I'm not going to make it. The drunk me is a fun, helpfull ass kisser, the sober me not so much.
One of the big signs you have a problem is when it disrupts your life, and when people close to you bring up your drinking, right? How about when being sober disrupts your life, and nobody likes you this way?
Also, can I reasonably expect to stay sober with a shot and a beer 12ft away??
Sorry this is so long and rambling. It's late, I want a drink, and I guess I'm being a selfish ass feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for listening,
Kristy
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Kristy -
What a lovely wit you have. IT's the gift of humor that keeps so many of us going when all others fail. The ability to realize the ridiculous will always serve. Always.
One idea - put the stuff away? Go to another room? Call someone sober?
ok - I lied. That's three ideas. Or - one idea from each of my personalities...
When WE make a change... those people around us, who NEED us to remain the same - are scandalized. Sounds crazy doesn't it?
See, the people around us ... depend on us ... not to be who WE are, but to be who THEY need to see us as being.... inorder to stay the same to themselves.
You've got insomnia ... you've got time to think that one over. Maybe while on a walk or something.
It's not an evil plot or anything .. it's just human nature, or learned nature, I haven't had time to figure that one out yet. But these people need us to be what they've made us to be - I'm talking family here - whether that 'image' is 'the smart one' the troublemaker' the 'misfit' the 'wierdo' or the 'rebel' in the worst case 'the princess' ... doesn't matter.
It's NOT ... who we came here to be.
It's who we got made into.
By them (family)
And by others.
But mostly by them.
So yeah - you're in a drinking family, they all drink - you stop ... a vital component is changed. They might have to take a look at their own drinking, or worse - their own mental health, or their inner connectedness as a functioning family.
yikes.
so ... how dare you?
That's them, not me saying that.
Ultimately, it's YOU ... you have to make the choice for.
THEY ... won't be doing your jail time if you get nailed with a DUI.
THEY ... don't have to make your parole and all the other lovelies that go along with drinking and institutionalization and finally death.
THEY ... won't wake up wondering what happened.
THEY ... may not be actual alcoholics. You seem pretty sure you are.
You can call someone to talk to right now - just look in the phone book.
The hardest part of quitting - is quitting alone.
You are not alone.
I'm here all night - others will be along soon.
barb
What a lovely wit you have. IT's the gift of humor that keeps so many of us going when all others fail. The ability to realize the ridiculous will always serve. Always.
One idea - put the stuff away? Go to another room? Call someone sober?
ok - I lied. That's three ideas. Or - one idea from each of my personalities...
When WE make a change... those people around us, who NEED us to remain the same - are scandalized. Sounds crazy doesn't it?
See, the people around us ... depend on us ... not to be who WE are, but to be who THEY need to see us as being.... inorder to stay the same to themselves.
You've got insomnia ... you've got time to think that one over. Maybe while on a walk or something.
It's not an evil plot or anything .. it's just human nature, or learned nature, I haven't had time to figure that one out yet. But these people need us to be what they've made us to be - I'm talking family here - whether that 'image' is 'the smart one' the troublemaker' the 'misfit' the 'wierdo' or the 'rebel' in the worst case 'the princess' ... doesn't matter.
It's NOT ... who we came here to be.
It's who we got made into.
By them (family)
And by others.
But mostly by them.
So yeah - you're in a drinking family, they all drink - you stop ... a vital component is changed. They might have to take a look at their own drinking, or worse - their own mental health, or their inner connectedness as a functioning family.
yikes.
so ... how dare you?
That's them, not me saying that.
Ultimately, it's YOU ... you have to make the choice for.
THEY ... won't be doing your jail time if you get nailed with a DUI.
THEY ... don't have to make your parole and all the other lovelies that go along with drinking and institutionalization and finally death.
THEY ... won't wake up wondering what happened.
THEY ... may not be actual alcoholics. You seem pretty sure you are.
You can call someone to talk to right now - just look in the phone book.
The hardest part of quitting - is quitting alone.
You are not alone.
I'm here all night - others will be along soon.
barb
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
Barb,
Thank you so much... JUST what I needed. I guess I know they aren't out to get me, it just feels like it sometimes. Yes, I'm an alcoholic, I can drink an amazing amount of alcohol, and what has allowed me to get away with it is I don't get drunk-drunk; I'm one of those who likes to maintain a 'buzz' - from noon untill 2 or 3 in the morning.
By 'get away with it' I'm mostly just lying to myself, it's just that outside my husband, my family never drinks, never has. They are a very strange kind of phony people. Put it this way, if I told them I had a drinking problem, they would pretend they didn't hear me and change the subject. God, I could pass out on the floor and they would just step over me. Literally! There has never been a divorce in my family -including cousins, 2nd cousins, etc., (except me : ))... we don't even have booze at our weddings, which means I have to REALLY drink up before I leave the house.
My husband is an amazing guy who just isn't ready to deal with his own drinking problems - you hit that one on the head Barb - and the rest of them are 'nice' people who actually aren't that nice at all. Unfortunately, they rely on me for a lot of things which are much easier to swallow with sedation.
I know this isn't the place for this, but it's hard to explain without mentioning that I was sexually abused as a child, and when it was found out, it was never mentioned again... no one even asked me what happened, let alone press charges, therapy etc. The solution was to have the male relative arrive at family functions after I left. Or, if he was there, we would just pretend we didn't see eachother. I was 7 when it happened, so I guess I have some, or a lot, of leftover resentment. It's very VERY embarrasing and completely off-subject to mention that but I don't want anyone to think that I am just being mean towards my own family out of nowhere.
Thanks again Barb, you made a lot of sense and it was very helpfull. Also, sorry for mentioning the above, just wanted to explain why dealing with these people (unavoidable) is sort of a constant stressor for me.
Thank you - going to bed now, delirious from lack of sleep but sober.
Kristy
Thank you so much... JUST what I needed. I guess I know they aren't out to get me, it just feels like it sometimes. Yes, I'm an alcoholic, I can drink an amazing amount of alcohol, and what has allowed me to get away with it is I don't get drunk-drunk; I'm one of those who likes to maintain a 'buzz' - from noon untill 2 or 3 in the morning.
By 'get away with it' I'm mostly just lying to myself, it's just that outside my husband, my family never drinks, never has. They are a very strange kind of phony people. Put it this way, if I told them I had a drinking problem, they would pretend they didn't hear me and change the subject. God, I could pass out on the floor and they would just step over me. Literally! There has never been a divorce in my family -including cousins, 2nd cousins, etc., (except me : ))... we don't even have booze at our weddings, which means I have to REALLY drink up before I leave the house.
My husband is an amazing guy who just isn't ready to deal with his own drinking problems - you hit that one on the head Barb - and the rest of them are 'nice' people who actually aren't that nice at all. Unfortunately, they rely on me for a lot of things which are much easier to swallow with sedation.
I know this isn't the place for this, but it's hard to explain without mentioning that I was sexually abused as a child, and when it was found out, it was never mentioned again... no one even asked me what happened, let alone press charges, therapy etc. The solution was to have the male relative arrive at family functions after I left. Or, if he was there, we would just pretend we didn't see eachother. I was 7 when it happened, so I guess I have some, or a lot, of leftover resentment. It's very VERY embarrasing and completely off-subject to mention that but I don't want anyone to think that I am just being mean towards my own family out of nowhere.
Thanks again Barb, you made a lot of sense and it was very helpfull. Also, sorry for mentioning the above, just wanted to explain why dealing with these people (unavoidable) is sort of a constant stressor for me.
Thank you - going to bed now, delirious from lack of sleep but sober.
Kristy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Good job on not giving into temptation, I was in a similar situation the other day when a friend who I used to drink with came over and brought drink with her, it makes it alot harder when the drink is in sight. I feel for you having to live with it in the house, I only have 10 days myself so can't really give you any advice, but I am sure it will get easier if we just keep saying no.
I kind of understand about your family as well, for years my dad told me to cut down on my drinking, then when I finally asked him for help he told me that I didn't have that much of a problem :/
I think we just have to find people that do understand and unfortunatly for me and it seems you too, that it isn't are family and friends, which is why this site is so helpfull.
take care
sax
I kind of understand about your family as well, for years my dad told me to cut down on my drinking, then when I finally asked him for help he told me that I didn't have that much of a problem :/
I think we just have to find people that do understand and unfortunatly for me and it seems you too, that it isn't are family and friends, which is why this site is so helpfull.
take care
sax
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 81
Ok, if you get a chance watch the film "Postcards From The Edge." Or read the book! You have a lot of the same wit and humor Carrie Fischer has and I think you will enjoy the film.
The film and book both made me laugh when I REALLY needed it! They also have a very good message.
Regardless of whether you were sober at the time, at least you found this board and I hope you keep coming back!
Daisy
The film and book both made me laugh when I REALLY needed it! They also have a very good message.
Regardless of whether you were sober at the time, at least you found this board and I hope you keep coming back!
Daisy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to see you agai
Congratulations on your recent victories!
Please see if this link helps with your sleeping
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
Take very good care of yourself...Hugs
Congratulations on your recent victories!
Please see if this link helps with your sleeping
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
Take very good care of yourself...Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
Kristy - you said you were going to bed ! LOL
I saw the movie - LOL " My skirt TWIRLED up" ... LOL
I saw the movie - LOL " My skirt TWIRLED up" ... LOL
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
when that movie came out - one of my 'friends' took me to see it - she said *I* was in that movie ... and that's the part she thought was me.
oh well, got to see it for free, anyhow...
oh well, got to see it for free, anyhow...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
kristy, for me, what i found...
at the end of my drinking carrer, i couldnt get drunk.. it was buzzed to blackouts...
and exausting keeping up the pace to maintaine...
keeping the focus on my recovery, and not the externals (not easy).. it slowly got better...
good wishes to you kristy...
xoo, rz
at the end of my drinking carrer, i couldnt get drunk.. it was buzzed to blackouts...
and exausting keeping up the pace to maintaine...
keeping the focus on my recovery, and not the externals (not easy).. it slowly got better...
good wishes to you kristy...
xoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Kristy,
Thank you for all your honesty and openness. The part about being abused is very relevant and helps explain your family's reaction to you not drinking any more.
We sound like me have the same families.
I had to leave my relationship because I needed an alcohol free home to live in while I was in early recovery. Can you ask for that? No pressure or guilt, just a simple question. It might not go down well at first but the seed of the idea will be sown. If the answer is definitely no - or as in my case - yes and then completely ignored and the alcohol stayed - I am afraid it may be time to ask whether your partner has your best interests at heart.
It is not too much to ask of a loving partner.
I can drink and drink too. From midday to 3 in the morning. Lots and lots. And I didn't appear super drunk. Like RZ, it stopped working for me and I needed to drink just in order to pass out really. My organs started becoming very damaged.
This is your life. In AA, I found a new family who understood me. When I embrace it, I am never alone if I don't want to be.
Thanks again for your honesty. It's the best medicine.
Steph
Thank you for all your honesty and openness. The part about being abused is very relevant and helps explain your family's reaction to you not drinking any more.
We sound like me have the same families.
I had to leave my relationship because I needed an alcohol free home to live in while I was in early recovery. Can you ask for that? No pressure or guilt, just a simple question. It might not go down well at first but the seed of the idea will be sown. If the answer is definitely no - or as in my case - yes and then completely ignored and the alcohol stayed - I am afraid it may be time to ask whether your partner has your best interests at heart.
It is not too much to ask of a loving partner.
I can drink and drink too. From midday to 3 in the morning. Lots and lots. And I didn't appear super drunk. Like RZ, it stopped working for me and I needed to drink just in order to pass out really. My organs started becoming very damaged.
This is your life. In AA, I found a new family who understood me. When I embrace it, I am never alone if I don't want to be.
Thanks again for your honesty. It's the best medicine.
Steph
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by mysoulswornthin
Hi everyone,
I'm not going to be able to do this. It's like one of those crazy diets where you eat nothing but grapefruit; yeah you lose weight but who can maintain it such a thing??
Kristy
I'm not going to be able to do this. It's like one of those crazy diets where you eat nothing but grapefruit; yeah you lose weight but who can maintain it such a thing??
Kristy
Maintaining sobriety can be achieved, as countless people have great years of sobriety.However, active alcoholism cannot be maintained...It is cut short by jails, institutions and death...
Keep posting, we are happy you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
Thanks everyone,
I truly appreciate the help. Feeling a little desperate last night I guess! I've had problems with insomnia forever, but when I'm sober, it's different. My mind goes crazy going over everything I've ever done or said that was wrong or just plain stupid. I guess thats why I mentioned the abuse thing too - it's in the past, I feel like it's something I've delt with, but come 1, 2, 3 am all that goes out the window.
Thanks for the insomnia link, and I'm going to pick up 'Postcards' from the library. Definately need something for nightime. Saxony and Pilgrim, thanks. Although I'm sorry you've had similar situations with people not wanting you to quit, it still helps to know other people have the same stuff to deal with.
My plan so far with my husband has been to act really happy and fine from the time he gets home till he goes to bed - a huge relief! Pretending to be happy is much harder than pretending to be sober (more practice with the later I guess). Although I'm not being honest, if he sees me miserable he'll definately be on me for quitting. Plus if he thinks I feel so great, he might give it a shot himself. He has cut down some since he has no one to drink with (unless he starts hitting the bars, but I can't see that - at least not yet). He did say he's going to take a break, but not till after our vaca, so we'll see.
Pilgrim, drinking tons without appearing 'super drunk' - wow, I thought that was my trick! lol In a way, I guess it's worse keeping that constant buzz because people assume it's just part of your personality and not a problem. Rusty, I believe you about the progression, because I can see it. Every now and then - especially now that I'm not drinking - when I think about how much I REALLY drink, it's a huge shock.
I never thought this would be me. I'm a very boring person. I like to read and watch the history channel. I garden, for gods' sake. Damn, you'd think if you have to go through this whole alcoholism thing you'd at least have a wild lifestyle (joke). Just seems crazy that I've been killing myself to spend my nights reading drunk... oops, I forgot about when I play Text Twist. Oh well, I may be miserable, but haven't had to re-read anything lately.
You guys are great,
Kristy
I truly appreciate the help. Feeling a little desperate last night I guess! I've had problems with insomnia forever, but when I'm sober, it's different. My mind goes crazy going over everything I've ever done or said that was wrong or just plain stupid. I guess thats why I mentioned the abuse thing too - it's in the past, I feel like it's something I've delt with, but come 1, 2, 3 am all that goes out the window.
Thanks for the insomnia link, and I'm going to pick up 'Postcards' from the library. Definately need something for nightime. Saxony and Pilgrim, thanks. Although I'm sorry you've had similar situations with people not wanting you to quit, it still helps to know other people have the same stuff to deal with.
My plan so far with my husband has been to act really happy and fine from the time he gets home till he goes to bed - a huge relief! Pretending to be happy is much harder than pretending to be sober (more practice with the later I guess). Although I'm not being honest, if he sees me miserable he'll definately be on me for quitting. Plus if he thinks I feel so great, he might give it a shot himself. He has cut down some since he has no one to drink with (unless he starts hitting the bars, but I can't see that - at least not yet). He did say he's going to take a break, but not till after our vaca, so we'll see.
Pilgrim, drinking tons without appearing 'super drunk' - wow, I thought that was my trick! lol In a way, I guess it's worse keeping that constant buzz because people assume it's just part of your personality and not a problem. Rusty, I believe you about the progression, because I can see it. Every now and then - especially now that I'm not drinking - when I think about how much I REALLY drink, it's a huge shock.
I never thought this would be me. I'm a very boring person. I like to read and watch the history channel. I garden, for gods' sake. Damn, you'd think if you have to go through this whole alcoholism thing you'd at least have a wild lifestyle (joke). Just seems crazy that I've been killing myself to spend my nights reading drunk... oops, I forgot about when I play Text Twist. Oh well, I may be miserable, but haven't had to re-read anything lately.
You guys are great,
Kristy
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi Kristy,
Reading your first post made me think about myself when I was drinking. I was more relaxed in social situations, for sure. I was more outgoing and people liked me better. And, you know what, I no longer care about that. I don't go out so much anymore, don't want to. I have a lot of other things that interest me. I'm not comfortable with people I don't know and I don't pretend to me.
I grew up in a family similar to yours where everything was fake and all that mattered was what the neighbors thought. I learned to please people and I had the 'disease to please'. And, it is a disease because it makes you sick. Getting sober meant freedom to me, freedom to be me for the first time in my life. It no longer matters to me if people don't like me. I am trying to be kind to myself.
I do understand how it is hard to stop drinking without the push from your family and with alcohol in the house. But, you can do it.
Reading your first post made me think about myself when I was drinking. I was more relaxed in social situations, for sure. I was more outgoing and people liked me better. And, you know what, I no longer care about that. I don't go out so much anymore, don't want to. I have a lot of other things that interest me. I'm not comfortable with people I don't know and I don't pretend to me.
I grew up in a family similar to yours where everything was fake and all that mattered was what the neighbors thought. I learned to please people and I had the 'disease to please'. And, it is a disease because it makes you sick. Getting sober meant freedom to me, freedom to be me for the first time in my life. It no longer matters to me if people don't like me. I am trying to be kind to myself.
I do understand how it is hard to stop drinking without the push from your family and with alcohol in the house. But, you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by 51anna
Hi Kristy,
I grew up in a family similar to yours where everything was fake and all that mattered was what the neighbors thought. I learned to please people and I had the 'disease to please'. And, it is a disease because it makes you sick. Getting sober meant freedom to me, freedom to be me for the first time in my life. It no longer matters to me if people don't like me. I am trying to be kind to myself...
I grew up in a family similar to yours where everything was fake and all that mattered was what the neighbors thought. I learned to please people and I had the 'disease to please'. And, it is a disease because it makes you sick. Getting sober meant freedom to me, freedom to be me for the first time in my life. It no longer matters to me if people don't like me. I am trying to be kind to myself...
Anna - You described what I was trying to say better than I could. "...all that mattered was what the neighbors thought" - thats it EXACTLY. Thank you : ) Now if I can figure out why I care whether a bunch of people I have nothing in common wth like me, I'll be making progress...lol
Thanks,
Kristy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 31
Please try not to give in to temptation. I also was molested as a child by my father and it is the most devastating thing that can happen to a young girl. I had to deal with that issure first and foremost before ever being able to face the situation with my AH. My sister who was in NA at the time recommended AL-ANON and it saved my life from god knows what. I'm sure I was self medicating sexually and should be dead of some dreadful disease by now if my drug addicted sister didn't help me. I will pray for you today.
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