AAFreeportPA

That's what I want to do so I've been making more calls tonight. I don't know if this will work out or not but as long as I keep my Higher Power in focus then I'll be alright. It's like I'm stepping into an unknown.

As I said, it's been a long time since I've really been in Recovery. I've been around it talking to people but I want to get more on the inside.

I moved back with my parents to regroup plus to help them out. It sounds weird but I need to help someone to help myself. And with the hot summer I can't bear to have my dad, for example, doing the yardwork by himself. But it's just like one thing is piling itself upon another.

At least I can write here for now. And yes, in the case of opening up, I believe that this is the first part in me doing so. I don't really believe I did this part before.

Not quitting. Still persevering....

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Rowan

I could identify with wanting to help your Dad, Mark. I feel the same way about mine, especially with the heat. I help my folks out with the physical stuff whenever I can. And it helps me too.

It's good to see you reaching out - and to put a face to the name! Thanks!!

AAFreeportPA

Hello Rowan.

The heat was absolutely brutal once I stepped out of the office for the day. In Pittsburgh it was very humid. Add the hot sun baking the asphalt parking lot and you can cook some serious meat out there.

I've also went through my things and rediscovered my old Grapevines. I still have a subscription to that but I have been hesitant to open the envelopes to read them. I guess it's about time for me to put another tool to good use.

I should thank you. You take a very good picture yourself. Mine was a rush job so it came out yellowish (have have a beige-background wallpaper that the flash picked up). I didn't have time to color correct it but I got the caption on it at least.

I didn't want to hide behind a name. I'd rather at least have some sort of F2F going on here. I want to be as open and honest as possible. I'm sure I'll reveal more when I get more comfortable with some real Recovery.

All I know is that I just wanted to see what it was like on the outside. After some time I realized that I would like to have the same things most people have. It's that my own fears and my addiction kept me out of life itself. And I really want to change that.

I don't want to rush into this too fast and get swept away. But every day since my last drink a truth revealed itself: Every day is a gift and a Miracle unto itself. And it was maybe around this time last year that I found myself surrendering to that Consciousness. I found myself dropping to my knees and for once feeling as if my eyes opened up just a little. I saw something and I knew that it was something I needed.

If anything I now realize I need to do a whole lot of housefixing, so to speak. I've decided to just be totally honest with myself with others. For if I can't do that how can others trust me in life's affairs?

I'd like to have more friends. I'd especially like to have a family of my own. For that I need to grow emotionally and spiritually. And that';s why I'm here.

Thanks for inspiring me to post my own photo, Rowan.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Astro

That's part of the magic of recovery and AA, Mark. Giving it away to keep it, always practicing the 12th Step and carrying the message. Sometimes I find it hard to find a balance in helping people from the program and also friends and family, sometimes it's draining, but I'm always able to find the time and energy if I focus on living one day at a time.

Hang in there, Mark. It sounds like you're doing very well.

AAFreeportPA

I'm back from work, finished eating dinner and answered a message on my answering machine. Things are happening and I'm going to make sure that I make them happen. Only for the grace of God can these these things happen.

I have more numbers that I'm going to call and see what happens. Thanks to people such as yourselves I'm seeing that I'm not alone here. While I can't see you F2F at least it's a start.

Right now the weather is icky outside. It's stormy outside. It reminds me of how I feel. But those storms eventually go away.

There are some others things I want to do tonight. One of those things which I won't be doing is drinking. I'm a nice guy and an alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.

Thank you all for the support, prayers and love. I'll be posting more.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Astro

Well, it's 112 and sunny here, but even in the heat I know that when I make it to my meeting tonight being alone will be the last thing on my mind when I'm surrounded by my friends in recovery. I can't wait to leave work!

AAFreeportPA

There's other things I want to do. Like say buying a cheap cell phone. I don't like feeding coins into payphones when I need to make an important call. And the irony is that I never did like cell phones because I was afraid that I would wind up being tied to one like a leash.

Now that I think about it some more, that's how I justified my isolation. And also thought it was cool to be rebellious and not fit in. "Yeah man. Cell phones are way uncool. I'll never have one of those."

Uh huh. Riiiiiiiight.

So the next time I get a chance I'm getting a cheap cell phone. It will not be a cell phone to me, though. It will be one of my links to Recovery. So if anyone wants the number to it here and wants to say "Sup?" let me know via a PM.

I like reading your messages here. And since I'm making the calls I'd really like ton hear from you all just to have a few voices to go along with the stuff I read here.

Another miracle of not drinking One Day At A Time: I finally paid off the loan I took out for my legal bills. One day I saw how much money I had in the bank from not spending it on beer and looked at how much I owed on my loan. So I called the loan office and asked them to give me a payoff figure. Ten minutes later I cut and mailed the check.

I just got the paperwork back from the office. I forgot how many forms I filled out just to get the loan. And, since I payed off the loan, my credit score improved.

There are indeed miracles out there. Run yourself ragged and you'll not have time to take a pause to look around. If only for a second.

Anyhow, I'll post more later. Thank you all for reading.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

TryingisDying

I have a hard time getting to meetings due to kids and hubby's issues....HOWEVER....I try to read something related to recovery, write in a journal, I download recovery stuff into my Ipod free with podcasts on I tunes....I run, bike, swim....I went to a meeting tonight for the first time in 2 months.....Man did it feel awesome....I talk to people in the program everyday.....

barb dwyer

Hi Mark -

I liked the part about the cheap cell phone.
I went three (or four - don't remember - was drunk at the time) without a phone.

Got back into the program - and a girl is mgr at 'cheap-o phone' here in town.
So I went.
Got one.
now there's forty #'s, only three of which aren't AA or SR related.
Amazing.

I did, however, accuse them of climbing the repeater tower here in town and putting in some kind of splice just for AA people.
Everyone (almost) in the group has this carrier ... LOL

I started calling it 'Welfare Cell'
Now ... everyone at the club calls it that.

Astro

I had that problem on nights I had custody of my kids, so I started taking them to meetings. For the last two years they've attended at least two meetings a week with me. They've made some good friends in the room, and they enjoy helping out with my service work. Hmmm, maybe I'm leading by example?;-)

Mark and Barb, I love your cell phone stories. In early sobriety I was so wrapped up in self-pity that I gave mine back to my boss because I didn't have any friends left to call. When I finally opened up to the Fellowship I realized what a lifeline a cell phone could be, and of course I got it back right away. Funny, but that darn thing rings exactly when I need it to, and I love using it to reach out to my friends in recovery.

AAFreeportPA

Hello TryingisDying.

I have an MP3 player and I have downloaded some shares into it to listen to. So my options for improving my Recovery chances are greater. And I've been posting much more here in regards to my well being and sanity in general.

I finally broke down and called the Pittsburgh Central Office this morning and left my number. I was anxious all day just thinking about what messages would be left on my machine. But I turned it over and kept it together.

I am right now sitting down eating some chicken and returned a couple of calls so far. I may be able to make a meeting either tomorrow or Saturday, God willing. It's short notice to those I've called regarding a meeting tonight. But I'll pray and post here.

I've been walking lately in regards to my exercise. Instead of eating lunch I spend my lunch break walking a mile near work. The street that the company I work at turns out to be about a mile when walked both ways. So I walk downhill, reach the cul de sac and walk back up the hill. It builds up my energy. I'm sure that when I get my cell phone I'll probably take the time making some calls too.

As always I'll be posting more here in this thread. I want to keep everything about me in as least one thread to keep things simple.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Rowan

Hey Mark,

Proud of you for calling the Central Office today - continuing to reach out. Keep it up!

Exercise is absolutely huge - the walking you are doing on your lunch hour inspires me to do the same.

And I'm glad you'll be going to meetings, and look forward to hearing how they go.

Rowan

AAFreeportPA

Hello again, Row.

While I won't get to a meeting either tonight or tomorrow I am at least calling, keeping in touch and making things happen. It's a start on such short notice but it's either now or never.

I enjoy walking with my DRM-free MP3 player filled with some nice ear candy. Some good walking musioc that I listened to recently: Donald Fagen's "Kamakiriad" album. I really love the songwriting and music on that album. Very underrated. Highly recommended if you like a nice fusion of rock and jazz.

Speaking of music, ever since I developed my MP3 hobby I've taught myself how to remaster my older CDs for the best sound. The CD's from the '80's to me are the worst offenders with the typical tape hiss and low EQ. Now I've become my own sound engineer making these old real discs in this large collection of mine sound much better. The benefit is that I don't need to buy the studio-authorized "remasters".

That's what I like about my computer hobby: It's improved my other hobbies and talents as well. Technology rules. But I admit that it took me a few decades to master it all one part at a time.

I won't name-drop my favorite software for listening to and even remastering and archiving audio here. This isn't the place for that. But it is just one of my many hobbies.

Anyhow, try walking instead of eating lunch sometime. At least once. I thought that I would be hungry in the afternoon but I actually got an energy boost from the walking. And, thanks to the walking, I'm slowly losing my beer gut.

I'm also a former smoker and I gave up caffeine recently as well. It's been more than ten years since my last cig and I forget when my last caffeine fix was. To me, the caffeine went straight to my head and made me feel much more nervous and on edge.

One day I simply had enough and gave it up. So I stay away from soda pop, coffee and chocolate. And the funny thing is that I don't miss them.

Hmm.,..so many vices I gave up recently. There has to be a Recovery story in there somewhere.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Rusty Zipper

barb, your post had me in stitches...

mark, i'm good at keeping the booze, and drugs away...

shortcomings and flaws too...

the cigs & coffee... no can do... yet!

did you ever hear that alcoholism is the disease of entitlement?

all good wishes...

rz

ps, your a great recovery story...

barb dwyer

Rusty - I'm there with ya about the smokes and coffee - I gave up my 'ols' ... (pronounced awls) alcohOL, demerOL, and lost it ALL ...

... but I'm keeping my 'eens.

caffiene, nicotine ... to stay serene ...

God, i'm goofy tonight. full moon.

AAFreeportPA

Well, if you need 'em I have a pack of smokes in my locker at work. I don't know how old they are, though. But if I haven't smoked in over a decade...

That's my favorite salsa! Wally World's black bean and corn salsa rules. And it's cheap, too.

They also have a mango and peach salsa which is excellent and a little is broiled on chicken. Ahh, now dat's livin'.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Rowan

Is there really a place in America called Wally World? We have an amusement park here called Canada's Wonderland but locals call it Wally World - too funny.

Mark - I'll check out Donald Fagen thanks for the suggestion - always looking for a new artist. I gave up cigarettes also - nearly 4 years ago, now. I must have a cup of coffee in the morning and if I go to a meeting I'll have a second one, but that's usually all. Still can't give up the sugar. I've found this very difficult. I used to be very active in track and field, weightlifting but it's a real chore these days. I'll be 40 soon and I really feel like I've slowed down. I see myself running marathons in my 50's and 60's though - just going through a lull, I guess.

Barb - you and I have shared some laughs these last months - I think of you and reminisce about my mom making that hot buttered popcorn for my dad. Him flossing his teeth afterwards. Your horse stories (in a bar no less) - you're like a chick version of John Wayne - or Clint Eastwood - without the .357

Zip - love ya!

Rusty Zipper

ol's & eens... we have a winner! rotflm(_r_)o

AAFreeportPA

I did a phrase search for "Wally World" via Google. The first hit was for Wal*Mart and the second one were some Clerks-style reportage from someone who worked as a cashier there. The third one details the "real" Wally World from the National Lampoon's Vacation film.

And I thought I was the only person to call Wal*Mart "Wally World".

Actually he that new. He's the lead singer and co-founder of Steely Dan. Since I also dig Steely Dan albums his solo work is just as stellar.

My favorite Steely Dan album happens to be "The Royal Scam". Highly recommended. I'd share some tracks but I don't want to get busted by the record company gestapo. So I guess you'll have to find 'em yourself.

I occasionally go for a fig cookie or some peanut butter pretzel nuggets. I get a great deal on the nuggets with my employee discount (free shipping and no taxes too). But I don't go junk food crazy. At around 8:00PM I brush my teeth in order to deter me from snacking.

I'm in my mid-30's. I used to weigh a lot more but that was from beer and chicken wings. If anything I'm training my body to do more with less calories. I can tolerate hunger. Oh, and another motivating factor is that my dad and uncle have HUGE beer bellies (actually my uncle's is much larger). I certainly don't want that and wind up winded after walking.

Now I didn't set off to quit the sugar, cigs and caffeine cold turkey. For one reason or another I just felt disenchanted with them. Caffeine goes straight to my head and while the high of a sugar buzz is nice the crash afterwards sucks. And need I not mention that I watch very little television. I do watch DVD's though but television just doesn't do it for me.

Anyhow, I'm winding down my night before my big return to meetings tomorrow morning. I'm backing up some of my FLAC audio remasters that I made from my real CD collection onto DVD-R. Maybe I should looking to moonlighting as an audio engineer and learning more about that trade.

Anyhow, goodnight all. I'll pray for you all tonight before bed and hope you all had a great 24.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Rowan

Will be thinking of you tomorrow morning, Mark. Hope that the meeting goes well for you.