Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 3
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Hi everyone,
Happy belated birthday Alissa!!!
Hi to all of the new moms joining this great thread.
Ouch, Jane! How did you do that? Sounds painful!!
Ruby, I have carpal tunnel too and the same "fashionable" brace
LOL
((((Beezy)))) How are you doing sweet? I've been thinking of you.
Well over here in my world there is another maelstrom brewing. Speaking in hypothetical terms: Let's say I know a married couple with older kids. He is in recovery, sporadically attends AA meetings, is a wonderful man who does most of the stuff around the house and other innocuous past-times. He used to drink A LOT and manages to remain sober now for about a month or two before he slips for a few days. Then the cycle repeats. He's also a long-time smoker and his health is deteriorating.
His wife is a very controlling co-dependent who thinks she can micromanage every aspect of life and all of the people in it. She also is from an alcoholic family, but doesn't drink herself. She is verbally abusive to her husband and never appreciative of the things he does for her and for the family. Every time he slips she throws him out of the house, only to beg for his return a few days later. She is a good person, but these controlling aspects of her personality make her really ugly at times.
The kids are obviously suffering by all of this and now that their dad is showing signs of illness, the family stress level is extremely high.
So THEN, the wife starts calling all of the husband's relatives and demanding that they DO something to stop his drinking. She may be frightened that he will die, but again, she comes across as rude and mean in her demands, and blames and accuses all those around her for the husband's issues. She makes statements intimating that if he dies, those that haven't attempted to "save" him will be to blame. Her idea of saving him is to read him the riot act, to give him ultimatums and to threaten and humiliate him in all sorts of nasty ways.
UGH. This situation is even more dreadful because people are being hurt all over the place, especially those unable to stand up to her accusations, including the addicted husband. She can talk circles around anyone and always has to have the last word.
This is a real family and one I love. I am one of the relatives. I spent the whole morning crying over this situation because she made me feel so badly. What do you guys think? I mean, if I knew what to do, I would, but I'm just as bewildered by addiction as the next person. I don't have any answers and don't propose to be God. I just don't know how I am supposed to handle this.
Thanks for listening. I always feel as if I'm in crisis-mode lately.
Happy belated birthday Alissa!!!
Hi to all of the new moms joining this great thread.
Ouch, Jane! How did you do that? Sounds painful!!
Ruby, I have carpal tunnel too and the same "fashionable" brace
LOL ((((Beezy)))) How are you doing sweet? I've been thinking of you.
Well over here in my world there is another maelstrom brewing. Speaking in hypothetical terms: Let's say I know a married couple with older kids. He is in recovery, sporadically attends AA meetings, is a wonderful man who does most of the stuff around the house and other innocuous past-times. He used to drink A LOT and manages to remain sober now for about a month or two before he slips for a few days. Then the cycle repeats. He's also a long-time smoker and his health is deteriorating.
His wife is a very controlling co-dependent who thinks she can micromanage every aspect of life and all of the people in it. She also is from an alcoholic family, but doesn't drink herself. She is verbally abusive to her husband and never appreciative of the things he does for her and for the family. Every time he slips she throws him out of the house, only to beg for his return a few days later. She is a good person, but these controlling aspects of her personality make her really ugly at times.
The kids are obviously suffering by all of this and now that their dad is showing signs of illness, the family stress level is extremely high.
So THEN, the wife starts calling all of the husband's relatives and demanding that they DO something to stop his drinking. She may be frightened that he will die, but again, she comes across as rude and mean in her demands, and blames and accuses all those around her for the husband's issues. She makes statements intimating that if he dies, those that haven't attempted to "save" him will be to blame. Her idea of saving him is to read him the riot act, to give him ultimatums and to threaten and humiliate him in all sorts of nasty ways.
UGH. This situation is even more dreadful because people are being hurt all over the place, especially those unable to stand up to her accusations, including the addicted husband. She can talk circles around anyone and always has to have the last word.
This is a real family and one I love. I am one of the relatives. I spent the whole morning crying over this situation because she made me feel so badly. What do you guys think? I mean, if I knew what to do, I would, but I'm just as bewildered by addiction as the next person. I don't have any answers and don't propose to be God. I just don't know how I am supposed to handle this.
Thanks for listening. I always feel as if I'm in crisis-mode lately.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
Candy..if there is one thing I have learned in the last couple of days it is that we are never in control of anything...we can micromanage our lives till we are blue in the face but we are never in control.
Unless this family is willing to seek professional help and work together as a family then it will just progress...I hope that all involved can find some peace and realize how precious life really is, and how quickly it can all be turned around..both positively and negatively...
Love and hugs to you all....
~Beezy
Unless this family is willing to seek professional help and work together as a family then it will just progress...I hope that all involved can find some peace and realize how precious life really is, and how quickly it can all be turned around..both positively and negatively...
Love and hugs to you all....
~Beezy
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
(((Candy))), what a situation! I can see why you'd be upset--I know I'd be a wreck. It's just awful to see something like this going on with people you love, especially when kids are in the picture. It sounds like there's nothing you, or anyone besides the husband & wife themselves, can do--it's up to them. Like Beezy said, they really need to seek professional help together. I pray they do. Do you know if anyone has suggested that to them?
Funny!
When we got into bed last night my husband (jokingly) said he'd better stay waaaaaaay over on his side of the bed so I didn't accidentally whack him with the lovely, club-like bandage thing on the end of my arm.
The way I hurt myself? Gracefully slinging a heavy bag of birdseed into the van--somehow, my thumb remained attached to the bag's handle when I went to let go, and SCREEEEAAAAK! Birdseed momentum is a dangerous force.
Originally posted by RubyT:
I'm having some major wrist issues, too, Jane. Only mine is carpal tunnel. I've had to resort to my ultra sexy brace at night...oh boy! Nothing says seductive like a black and gray brace with a metal splint!!
I'm having some major wrist issues, too, Jane. Only mine is carpal tunnel. I've had to resort to my ultra sexy brace at night...oh boy! Nothing says seductive like a black and gray brace with a metal splint!!
When we got into bed last night my husband (jokingly) said he'd better stay waaaaaaay over on his side of the bed so I didn't accidentally whack him with the lovely, club-like bandage thing on the end of my arm.
The way I hurt myself? Gracefully slinging a heavy bag of birdseed into the van--somehow, my thumb remained attached to the bag's handle when I went to let go, and SCREEEEAAAAK! Birdseed momentum is a dangerous force.
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
hi ladies...i popped the horrible balloon from hell...but if anyone asks you never heard of any balloon....i'm pretty sure it's a crime to pop the balloons of cute children...(i'm not sure about rotten, screaming brats...that might be a loophole)
candy, if i were you i would let your family member know that you love her but you will not listen to her if she is going to act that way...and that you don't want to argue with her...then hang up...you can do nothing to help her or her husband, sadly it is something they need to work out for themselves...
i think that you really should stand up for yourself...and stay calm...because when someone is acting irrationally it is always better to remain calm...she is probably afraid, and this is how she is reacting to that fear...i hope you figure it out...
beezy...i'm glad you are posting...are you getting any sleep? are you taking care of yourself? don't forget that that is very important...i hope you and your family are doing ok...
jane...i type one-handed all of the time, i always have someone on my lap...and i takes me forever to post...like 20 minutes because i'm always stopping to deal with my kids...i hope your hand feels better soon...
i have two of those sexy wrist braces...old war wounds from my waitressing years...
i hope you had a wonderful birthday, alissa...i used to always be depressed on my birthday for some reason...but this year you guys made me smile!!!
ruby...i would do anything to have a drama-free night...unfortunately i create most of the drama so i would need to find a way to get away from myself...hehe
jane...watch out for the dangers of birdseed...there are way too many unfortunate birdseed accidents that go unreported...
candy, if i were you i would let your family member know that you love her but you will not listen to her if she is going to act that way...and that you don't want to argue with her...then hang up...you can do nothing to help her or her husband, sadly it is something they need to work out for themselves...
i think that you really should stand up for yourself...and stay calm...because when someone is acting irrationally it is always better to remain calm...she is probably afraid, and this is how she is reacting to that fear...i hope you figure it out...
beezy...i'm glad you are posting...are you getting any sleep? are you taking care of yourself? don't forget that that is very important...i hope you and your family are doing ok...
jane...i type one-handed all of the time, i always have someone on my lap...and i takes me forever to post...like 20 minutes because i'm always stopping to deal with my kids...i hope your hand feels better soon...
i have two of those sexy wrist braces...old war wounds from my waitressing years...
i hope you had a wonderful birthday, alissa...i used to always be depressed on my birthday for some reason...but this year you guys made me smile!!!
ruby...i would do anything to have a drama-free night...unfortunately i create most of the drama so i would need to find a way to get away from myself...hehe
jane...watch out for the dangers of birdseed...there are way too many unfortunate birdseed accidents that go unreported...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Thanks ladies,
Yeah, they have gone to counselling and it always seems to end up a game of he-said-she-said and they don't get anywhere. As I said, she can talk circles around anyone and he isn't very articulate. Can you see where that ends up?
Sigh. You're right, though, I have to remain calm and not let her get to ME so much. I can't stop the man from drinking. Heck, I'm having a hard enough time myself -- all I can do is offer him my support and urge him to keep going to AA. I refuse to be bullied by her.
Gosh, it's amazing how you girls help me regain my strength when I'm flagging.
Love y'all.
Yeah, they have gone to counselling and it always seems to end up a game of he-said-she-said and they don't get anywhere. As I said, she can talk circles around anyone and he isn't very articulate. Can you see where that ends up?
Sigh. You're right, though, I have to remain calm and not let her get to ME so much. I can't stop the man from drinking. Heck, I'm having a hard enough time myself -- all I can do is offer him my support and urge him to keep going to AA. I refuse to be bullied by her.
Gosh, it's amazing how you girls help me regain my strength when I'm flagging.
Love y'all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
we are hanging in there...I am not sleeping real well but I have been taking benadryl and trying to eat some....the kids are adjusting Lucas keeps thinking I am leaving him everytime I leave the room...he gets upset if I am gone too long.
take care and hugs....B
take care and hugs....B
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
beezy i'm glad you're doing your best to take care of yourself...and i am really glad you are still turning to us for support...
candy...i really hope things work out...and you are right...you can do nothing...the only way to win with a person who argues really well like you say she does is to not argue...and you can't allow her to bully you and make you feel bad for something that you have no control over...
candy...i really hope things work out...and you are right...you can do nothing...the only way to win with a person who argues really well like you say she does is to not argue...and you can't allow her to bully you and make you feel bad for something that you have no control over...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
hi all--have very little time, need to make dinner blahblahblah, so lurking to check in!
i thought it might be good to add a little reminder to everyone including me to take care of yourself and your sobriety first. love yourself and keep looking inside.
other people are OTHER people. i tend to rush in to take care of things--neglecting everything else. this tendency is not unlike the same one that led me to a bottle to escape myself and my present. getting lost in other problems is still getting lost...
i need that reminder with all the stuff going on in my life! thanks for letting me post!
my little one is crawling all over me with a really big stinky diap...better go!
hugs to all!
so as
i thought it might be good to add a little reminder to everyone including me to take care of yourself and your sobriety first. love yourself and keep looking inside.
other people are OTHER people. i tend to rush in to take care of things--neglecting everything else. this tendency is not unlike the same one that led me to a bottle to escape myself and my present. getting lost in other problems is still getting lost...
i need that reminder with all the stuff going on in my life! thanks for letting me post!
my little one is crawling all over me with a really big stinky diap...better go!
hugs to all!
so as
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
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crap, i just wrote this long, incredibly witty post about screaming, hormones, whiny husbands, and duct tape...and as i clicked to post, my 'puter went offline...and poof!!! gone!!! i hate that!!!
oh, well, have a great night ladies, i love you all...thank you for being here to listen to my pointless rambling every day!!!
ayla
oh, well, have a great night ladies, i love you all...thank you for being here to listen to my pointless rambling every day!!!
ayla
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Join Date: Aug 2006
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my friend jess and i were doing a little rough math...and with all three of my kids, plus babysitting, family, etc....i have changed more than 10,000 diapers!!!! do you know how much $ that is? do you know how much poop that is? eeewwwww...
kids are still fighting...now it's over the markers i got out to keep them occupied...i don't know how to keep them happy and quiet...it is so stressful sometimes i literally want to pull my hair out...(maybe it's time to get out the duct tape)...and aidan is sooo wwhhhhiiiinnnneeeyyyy...and sophie has a scream that breaks glass...and chase does everything he can to make aidan whine and sophie scream...my hubbie is working nights now, no help there...but to be honest, sometimes he seems to aggrevate the situation...or i feel like i have another kid in the house to cook for and clean up after...he is a 39 year old teenager most of the time, a graying, balding, short little teenager...maybe i should duct tape him, too...my luck he would like it...
has anyone seen codi????or liss? i miss my buds!
kids are still fighting...now it's over the markers i got out to keep them occupied...i don't know how to keep them happy and quiet...it is so stressful sometimes i literally want to pull my hair out...(maybe it's time to get out the duct tape)...and aidan is sooo wwhhhhiiiinnnneeeyyyy...and sophie has a scream that breaks glass...and chase does everything he can to make aidan whine and sophie scream...my hubbie is working nights now, no help there...but to be honest, sometimes he seems to aggrevate the situation...or i feel like i have another kid in the house to cook for and clean up after...he is a 39 year old teenager most of the time, a graying, balding, short little teenager...maybe i should duct tape him, too...my luck he would like it...
has anyone seen codi????or liss? i miss my buds!
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: on a journey to nirvana
Posts: 142
A belated song for Alissa.......
ahem, me me me me!
"Hippo, birdie, two ewes.
Hippo, birdie, two ewes!
Hippo biirr..deeee, dear 'Liss,
Hippo birdie, two ewes!!!!
.....and many more......a cha cha cha."
ahem, me me me me!
"Hippo, birdie, two ewes.
Hippo, birdie, two ewes!
Hippo biirr..deeee, dear 'Liss,
Hippo birdie, two ewes!!!!
.....and many more......a cha cha cha."
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bellevue WA
Posts: 61
Hi All, Just got back from my AA meeting. I am lucky and live in an area where childcare is available at a lot of meeting. SS Congrats on 2 days! Hold onto that feeling. I still wake up thinking how great it is to have avoided that inevitable Mac Truck that came with drinking.
Ayla, My baby is named Aidan too! How old is yours? Mine is 3 months.
Ruby, I am sorry your husband is an &%%$& It must take amazing strength to remain sober while dealing with that. You must be an incredibly strong and brave woman.
LOL Ayla after reading your last post I am cracking up! It is 10pm up here in Seattle and my boys are still awake.
Ayla, My baby is named Aidan too! How old is yours? Mine is 3 months.
Ruby, I am sorry your husband is an &%%$& It must take amazing strength to remain sober while dealing with that. You must be an incredibly strong and brave woman.
LOL Ayla after reading your last post I am cracking up! It is 10pm up here in Seattle and my boys are still awake.
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sbrgrl...my aidan is 4, but you won't believe how fast they go from three months to four years old...my baby is 2 and it freaks me out...don't you love that name??? i love all of my kids names...and ayla is what i would have named chase {my oldest} if he had been a girl...
so my husband really pi$$ed me off tonight...he has started a new shift..and he was telling me how tired he is...and i said..."now you know how i feel" and he says...yeah, whatever, that's different...i don't get to sit at home all day...i actually have to work......arrrrggggg!!!!!! i told him that even when i "sit around" i still cook three meals, do three loads of laundry, pick up constantly, referree between three kids who never stop fighting, vaccuum three times, change 10 diapers, potty train, read countless books, fetch 87 snacks, help with homework, entertain all of chase's friends, wipe tears, take a 3 minute shower, bathe 2 children and argue for 20 minutes to get the other one to shower, watch 26 reruns of dora and prehistoric park, eat while standing up, answer the phone 49 times, dust, scrub floors, counters, toilets, sinks, and walls...i do dishes three times a day, by hand because i don't have a dishwasher, pay bills, and i never leave my house, except to go to the yard or down to the park,{booorrrriiiinnnggggg}...i mean, where does he get off telling me i sit around all day? it hurts me that he thinks my job is easier than his and he doesn't respect all i do...it makes me want to be like that mom a few years ago and go on strike!!!
what do you say ladies...STRIKE!!!STRIKE!!!STRIKE!!!!!
so my husband really pi$$ed me off tonight...he has started a new shift..and he was telling me how tired he is...and i said..."now you know how i feel" and he says...yeah, whatever, that's different...i don't get to sit at home all day...i actually have to work......arrrrggggg!!!!!! i told him that even when i "sit around" i still cook three meals, do three loads of laundry, pick up constantly, referree between three kids who never stop fighting, vaccuum three times, change 10 diapers, potty train, read countless books, fetch 87 snacks, help with homework, entertain all of chase's friends, wipe tears, take a 3 minute shower, bathe 2 children and argue for 20 minutes to get the other one to shower, watch 26 reruns of dora and prehistoric park, eat while standing up, answer the phone 49 times, dust, scrub floors, counters, toilets, sinks, and walls...i do dishes three times a day, by hand because i don't have a dishwasher, pay bills, and i never leave my house, except to go to the yard or down to the park,{booorrrriiiinnnggggg}...i mean, where does he get off telling me i sit around all day? it hurts me that he thinks my job is easier than his and he doesn't respect all i do...it makes me want to be like that mom a few years ago and go on strike!!!
what do you say ladies...STRIKE!!!STRIKE!!!STRIKE!!!!!
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Good morning!
Oh boy, Ayla--the ol' husband needs a SERIOUS reality check. How about you take off on a relaxing vacation for a week and let him be Mr. Mom--I'll bet he'd change his tune real quick....
Hey, you guys are right--where did some of our other mommies go?
...And how are you this morning, Beezy?
THANK YOU, Scoot. 
Gotta run--
Jane
Oh boy, Ayla--the ol' husband needs a SERIOUS reality check. How about you take off on a relaxing vacation for a week and let him be Mr. Mom--I'll bet he'd change his tune real quick....
Hey, you guys are right--where did some of our other mommies go?
...And how are you this morning, Beezy?
Originally posted by scootinbabe:
i thought it might be good to add a little reminder to everyone including me to take care of yourself and your sobriety first. love yourself and keep looking inside.
i thought it might be good to add a little reminder to everyone including me to take care of yourself and your sobriety first. love yourself and keep looking inside.
Gotta run--
Jane
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