Steely

Would your husband agree to #2, Peke?

Would he see it as a good idea?

venuscat

Peke, maybe let him go and spend time with his family without the horrendous stress it causes you when you are there, have some "you" time and also book a trip away, just the two of you. ❤️

Pekelover2

Yes, absolutely. He would agree to us going out there for a visit. And then us booking a separate trip for a real vacation.
So #2 is a viable option. Still I’d have to really dig deep to go out there again. It’s not impossible. It’s just a lot of me feeling like I’m waiting around. I don’t have my friends to hang out with. I love my MIL.
I what to say, when the roles were reversed my husband didn’t see my father nearly as much I see his family. That sounds trite I know. But it’s true. Can’t hold a grudge tho

Pekelover2

That might be best Venus. I have never felt like I needed a change of scenery more than of late. We don’t need to spend a lot of $ on a trip. Thank you. XO

venuscat

Well, I am not in the same situation as you (as far as my husband working night shift), but I am married, and while I adore my husband, but I do like my 'me time'. ❤️
I also love the idea of a few-day trip away together; where I am, in Ohio, it would be to Hocking Hills in a cabin on the lake.

Dee74

Just a little bit of housekeeping...

We'll move this thread at the end of the month so that the new monthly thread (February 2024) can take its place here in Newcomers forum.

This thread stays intact, but moves to the Daily Support forum.

Some members may prefer to move to the new thread, but there's no rule about that at all.

Stay here, move, or post in both - it's really up to you and what you feel brings you the most support.

I wanted to let everyone know you're all very welcome to keep posting in this thread.

It will keep going

Dee
Administrator
SR

Dee74

Congrats Lily, FF, and RunnerF on your milestones.
Peke only you know the players and the situations involved but I also gravitate to #2 as the preferred choice.

D

Pekelover2

I understand what you’re saying. I kind of feel like I have too much “me” time. I am alone a lot. I don’t mind that! But I would like it if we could spend a block of time together instead of carving out a night here and there.
One of my best friends just moved from Akron to Medina! Funny.

RAL

Morning all

Oh Peke, I feel for you. I remember your trip in the summer. So, I'm with Suze on this, send your husband alone to see his family with good wishes and pleasant thoughts and utter relief you aren't going. Then book a holiday for the 2 of you for later in the year. Something to look forward to too

Jr RAL eats horrendously, god knows what they buy at school and the shops I try and ensure he eats well at home which he does. Outside the home, he's 14 I can't control him, As you cannot with Dr Peke Re the exercise, it must be frustrating for you and I know that you only care for his health.

On both counts I think, and it's just my opinion here but it's all that expectation thing about other people which never materialise which then build into resentment and we then drink. Playing devils advocate here, but as an ER Dr on his feet all day maybe he does just want to flop out on his days off. I do and my days are nowhere near as busy or stressful. I also understand it must be frustrating on his hols you want to be together yet he wants to see his family back east sometimes too. You CAN do both Let him go east alone and book separate hols together Best of luck Peke.

p.s. And if you want a change of scenery Peke book yourself a trip alone to a health spa or exercise weekend thing or anything you like. Recharge and relax. I love my husband and son but same as Suze, I need me time, and go away once a year alone, even just for 2 or 3 nights.

Day 6. Day 4 off codeine. I'm more shocked I've not had a codeine since Friday than I am being n day 6 alcohol free. SLept poorly but on with the day

Steely

Lily, no one can tell you how many meetings you can, or can't go to. That's bs.

If he cannot concede to 3 months/90 days he's not being very supportive imo, Lily.

Those first 3 months are important, and one would think he'd be pleased to see you being proactive.

He can't choose your sobriety Lily. ☀️

Pekelover2

You bring up a lot of good points. I understand that my husband wants to relax when he’s home. I think I am just longing for when we were younger and he had more energy. He’s is burning out. I feel like his gray has become so pronounced in the last several years.
I will take your advice along with Venus and let him go on his own. And then I will try to book a trip for us separately.
I miss my cousins back east. I might book a small trip for myself just to see them. One of my cousins lives in Arizona and she lost her husband suddenly two years ago. I am overdue to visit with her.

I know you understand it when I say that I just worry about his eating and exercise. He’s naturally a very skinny guy. In America we have this canned food called Chef Boyardee. I could spend hours cooking for my husband, but at the end of the day, he loves this stuff! They have different varieties like beefaroni and these little things called SpaghettiOs. It’s all salt and fat really. I think that he stress eats a lot. When I wake up in the morning, they’re just dishes in the sink and in the garbage empty bags of potato chips, etc. It’s like living with a teenager. I have struggled with an eating disorder for many years. And I also eat one I’m stressed. But it’s more like I go to the drive-through at McDonald’s and order large fries. And that will last me for like a few days I won’t eat poorly after that I’ve sort of gotten it out of my system. Kind of like drinking!

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to reply so thoroughly.

I’m proud of you for not taking the codeine. That is huge. It reminds me a little bit of when I broke free from laxatives. I had take them every day for years and years. And then early last year I just forced myself to quit. I guess it’s not exactly the same but I guess in a small way I can relate

I’m concerned about your sleep. I know it will be difficult. I think tomorrow is day 18 and my sleep has been really poor. But we’re going to get through this.

Pekelover2

Steely…
Two bags of clothing for goodwill. You’ve inspired me. As I mentioned, I don’t buy a lot of new clothes. But since I have not changed shape in a very long time, I tend to save everything. It felt good to go through my closet Saturday night and then again tonight. I also found some books to donate to the library, etc.

Pekelover2

Where is Deplorable Dog?

Steely

I don't know where Deplorable Dog is, Peke. He's usually around.

Shout out to DD! You ok?

I've rearranged my entire flat and created so much more space.

I bought a trestle table, and 2 smaller trestle tables. Tubular steel legs. Collapsible. Designed in Australia, 1950's. Fantastic design.

Chucked out an ugly lounge.

The tubular legs open space further. See through. No, bulky heavy furniture. This place is too small. It seems to be working. Repositioned my bed.

The trestles are moss green, and white. Orange chairs. Italian. Lol

I've dubbed it Swedish Industrial

Realised i had some really good clothes, that I never wear. I usually wear a duffel coat . I've hung them to wear.

I think the break from my friend acted as a real catalyst for change in me. Change in the way I saw myself. If I keep up the good work, I should be just fine.

At least that's the plan.

Dee74

Ddog is posting in the July23 thread and other places

time for a new thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-3-a.html

D